Ok. I’m gonna take you on a tour to try and experience what mania feels like. I’m writing about my traits mostly, and a few small stories along the way with added visual effects. So come on in…..
So What does a manic episode feel like? Lets begin. The fun part:
(if there is such a thing) it’s like your on cocaine. So if you’ve ever done coke then that’s a good platform to grasp exactly how the early stages of mania feels like for me. Ten feet tall & bullet proof.
But what’s is the catalyst? For me
It starts subtly, but there is always a trigger. My trigger is extreme external stress from specific conditions around me. So far this is what ignites the mania.
This stress will then manifest itself in Creative ways. First my interest in music increases. So much so that every song is speaking to me and was most likely written for me, and has special meaning that I’m obviously the only one able to receive the special message, the only one able to hear the encrypted meaning. I’ll think of a song I want to hear, I’ll shuffle my entire list of songs on my iPhone(740 songs) and about 9 times out of 10 the song I wanted to hear will be selected . “Wow that’s a connection” I’ll think. So now the universe is speaking to me through the songs as they play.
Next I’ll begin to have a pattern to my speech. Not only will I begin to speak faster but I’ll speak in riddles, rhymes and beats. I become the Dr Seuss of bipolar rhyming. And every word is profound and perfect. Why? “But of course” because its coming from me. I think to myself “it’s the nuggets of wisdom that fall from my mind, it’s the words that escape you that somehow I find” kinda stuff.
Then my sense of good judgement starts to breakdown and fail me. I’ll spend money on stuff that I normally would never do under sound mind.
Then I continue to fall faster into the rabbit hole.
Finally numbers come into play. I’m a 0101 baby, born January 1st! Alas I’m binary! And that ignites the magic around me. Things come to life and meaning can be found anywhere I look especially in numbers. Meaning to what? Meaning to life! How I can save the world! Wait I can’t even save myself.
I put it back outside later. Now I’m the queen of the bees! Or at least for the time being this seems to be the case.
So I’m in Tampa(alone)Mania full swing. What’s next you say?Next lets take life on a dangerous dare! I get into my car, decide at 7:00 am to go back home 2 hours away. But I’m gonna make it there in 1 hour & 15 minutes. Why? Well I can drive with such precision and ease when I’m super human. So much so that speeds of 100 miles an hour is achievable once my mind, my body and the road, adapt to my driving style. Which I proceed to drive the entire way home at speeds between 90 to 100 miles an hour. Can’t let that speedometer not be on my lucky number!! 0101 my birthday, the encrypted magical message. thinks to myself “Must keep achieving speed of 101! I can do it!” And I did. Thank God I’m alive to recall this to you, and that no one was killed
Oh I forgot to mention I’ve not really slept the last 48 hours. 
Then comes the low. I just want it all to stop. I literally wear myself out to a point that my mind plays tricks on me. I lose concept of time frames. Hours turn into days, days into weeks it seems.
And then darkness… Sadness. The gaping whole of humanity’s injustice sucks me into deep despair. So much injustice in the world, it takes me to dark cold places. “What’s the point” I think , I may or may not plan to exit existence… Where is that exit door? It’s just one action away.
Then I sit down and look around and the destruction of my actions lay at my feet all around me, I dare not try to list them, for there are many. 
Slowly I begin to gather the pieces of my puzzle and try to put it together again.
After weeks sometimes months of seclusion, I slowly allow myself to go experience the external environment outside my front door.
The awe of Gods creation inspires me, and my Son… My beautiful son. He does not deserve this, I fall to my knees and begin to pray.
Yes there is so much more, more stories to tell, jaw dropping accounts of my madness and how it unfolded differently each time, and the different circumstances surrounding each event. But my Son.. He does not deserve this and neither do I. So I press onward .. And remember there is never a dull or bored moment. Ever! That’s what it feels like.
Pingback: ~What Does A Bipolar Manic Episode Feel Like~Bipolar Mania~ – Daryan Eliese
Thank you
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beautifully written. I am Bipolar with episodes after the high or triggered, I understand!
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Yep that’s sums it up. 157%.
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Thank you
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Thank you for sharing
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Hang on there. I think you who struggle with bipolar disorders are heroes. And you and your son deserve each other. It’s the desease thats hurting you two. Not you.
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Powerful and I understand so many aspects of your world. That roller coaster ride is vicious. I’ve had driving issues because of anxiety but when a manic moment arises I’m Wonder Woman in my car too. My energy level is on clouds 5,000 until later it drops to subzero. That balance is difficult and unfortunately for me I don’t react well to certain medications. Thank you for sharing. It helps me very much.
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Thank you.
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I love how you incorporated so many pictures into this post. Very effective!
I’ve had many full blown manias during my life, particularly between 34-42 years old. I’ll be honest that some of my recollections are just dreamy glimpses. I experienced a lot of memory issues during mania. I also had a lot of extreme anger outbursts (to put it mildly) during many of my manias. The while in the hospital, dragged into isolation rooms by numerous men and given injections. Some of it really does get ugly.
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Oh I’ve been whisked away before too I knoe
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Thanks for reading it
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this is amazing! you’re a great soul!
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This was a great explanation of the highs- I don’t get depressive lows, but rather spin into a heightened paranoia.
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Another great description of bipolar symptoms!!
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“my Son… My beautiful son. He does not deserve this, I fall to my knees and begin to pray”
How many times I thought of that…
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So you relate very well I’m glad to feel less alone, yet saddened that both of us are afflicted with a mental illness for which we have no cure.
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I see some of myself here…
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Anyone Manic should. I wanted the reader to feel how I feel.
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I’ve never been diagnosed, but I have always wondered if I am or might be…it runs in my family, though.
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Go, go see at least 3 to make sure it’s true. It takes that to truly know and convince you
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Hellop
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The most influential country is Japan who has been a spotlight market
for LCD TV growth in year 2010, with LCD TV shipments forecast at 22.
In big TVs, the connection options are pretty much similar.
If you cannot obtain the part, you may need to replace the entire LCD panel.
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Ok
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Great post and perhaps others may see the connections in people they know who are not medciated or diagnosed.
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Reblogged this on Bipolar Tapestry~Poetic Thoughts.
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