Routine is a mundane thing which can dull the grandest thing~
Places of pain
Stake through my heart
My love inside me ripped apart
It’s always the hurt that places the blame
Always some egotistical reasons to name
In times of loss and silence
Sitting in the shadows
Embracing the dark
Faith twisted torn eaten with the devils fork
Uprooted will…..not able to contain, all of this torment
This place of pain~
My Eulogy, My epitaph
Can’t be written
All the bullshit that Will remain
You know not about silence you have no clue~
You think art a weapon
Used by you?
That is funny!
Think your self special my darling My honey~
I can spit out words faster than you think~
Faster than the bottle from ,Which you drink~
Don’t announce yourself to me
Tell me your ~I’m back”~
You’re the fire the lightening, Really is that a fact?
Or more bullshit you concote, Damn what a shock~
Not really your predictable you see?
If I want to see then I will, Otherwise should’ve let it be
Hacking my blog!
Think it’s cool?
All that college all that school, And to think I think you nothing more than a fool~
So you crack a code, Mix a spell,All that shit go to hell~
The jewel you found, Fascinated were you~
But you did see, That I can view, Things unseen, Feel you too~
I have a gift given at birth, Some say a blessing ,I often think it a curse~
So trend your words ,Algorithm and stride ,Get ready my Darling,For your big ride~
I could write and write, Forever you see especially,When it’s about you And me~
I’m lyrically gifted as well its seems, I take one simple word make it a dream……
Or a nightmare to frighten to scare To remind all who know me, Best beware~
There is not another you Know like me, but I know others exist….
I live in the know, Just as the tides ebb and flow~
Some say I’m a Cather of Catherism, no protest! But they do nonetheless~
My Tribe are the shaman, oracles of old.. Catherism….lights shine through the glass of a church like a prism~
Make others wonder how this is so, Art is no weapon!
It’s a beautiful dance, It is what I am, What I will always be~
I’m living,You see~
I forgot you know not, Blinded by ego~
A hurt that is fake, You go crawl the earth now, You scorpion snake~
Hollow space where my heart did beat~
Memories flood but are mopped up quickly as to not leave a mess in the mind~
Words spoken can never be taken back, but can be twisted and sticky like taffy~
Relentless offense of a person she helped, held up in times of his need even married, but he kicks her as to crush her, to beat into submission~
Yet again she rises out of nothing higher, stronger, determined~
Battles fought given up to bigger things of God and men~
She often sits procrastinating, negating, this experience surreal almost fascinating~
Those thoughts that hang in the corners of the mind are chipping and torn like old wall paper that needs to be removed~
A longing, so long, that the word closure can not touch that which has been sought from long ago not just one closure but many, many doors need shutting~
Forever to be locked~
A love, one she would die for is the love of her son~
Yet another love she has lived with silently that can’t come undone… She often wonders is he the one? Was she hunted by him in a cyber like game, somehow it seems she was then his to claim~
Boldness, brazen and fearless yet
quickly brought to her knees when faced by each day~
Leaving no room to reflect and pray~
Nasty dirty towels seem to cover her path~
Her feet swollen bloodied by all the broken glass~
A single word, to describe all the pain, the word that causes tears to fall like rain~
Abandonment thats how it feels~
That’s the one word that always yields the fear and rejection of loves long dead, only memories now that live in her head~
It’s description so hollow and missing so much, the love, support, the long for a touch, that hand to hold onto, arms that are strong, she wonders each day just how long~
Will abandonment leave?
It hasn’t thus far, as far back as she thinks its the thickest of scar
She wears it like a badge~
Covers her soul~
Others quick to judge her know not of the truth, because abandonment started long ago in her youth~
I want someone to love, to love me as I love them.I want someone passionate for me forever,now and way beyond the end. I want to breath the air they breath. I want someone who’s touch sends electricity through my body and up my spine, gives me goose bumps from the thoughts of what we do alone behind closed doors, Is it asking to much for them to feel the same maybe even more? I am not up for anymore games…..
I want to feel the adrenaline rush, I’m sure they do too…especially when the adrenaline rush is made by me and hopefully you(whoever you are)
I want a key you see made exactly to fit into you and you into me. Lacking in nothing complete oh so sweet, so cunning yet Devine the love we can make for the rest of time. I want someone to be like rolling thunder and crashing waves against me and my skin ….their skin….Us between the sheets,outside the sheets, I want to roll and crash and ride the waves with them. I want to experience something beautiful and unknown together. Shared with no other.I want someone to make me feel safe in their arms to feel safe from all harm.
I want them to feel safe with me and know I would walk to hell and back if I had too just for them to see.
I want someone who will not lie to me or hide things from me and Who will not be a drunk.
I don’t want to lie to them either don’t want no reason too. All emotional drama and junk be gone from my life, don’t need the discord don’t need the strife.
I want someone to hold my hand. I want to hold their hand too…….. until we are old until we leave this earth.
I want someone who won’t leave me,to believe in me, believe in my worth, as I will do for them.I want someone who will honor and respect me till the end. An ever burning fire, I want a relationship that won’t expire…..
I won’t ever leave them. Even in the after life and beyond we will dance that cosmic dance…..with my best friend my lover my heart.
This is what I want. This is where it starts….Now the standard I’ve set perhaps makes it a possible fact that you don’t exist that’s why we never met, maybe I’ve said all this because I don’t believe you exist, if you don’t exist then I can’t get hurt, and to me that’s smart, I’ll live trying to hold on to what’s left of my heart.
However………. the fact of the matter is not settling for nothing less , nothing less than best. To be clear without fear I often wonder if you are very near…. or perhaps you’re so far away and today is not the day it may be another….. well
I want someone that’s the total package too, as I’m sure you want that as well.
Tell me Is that someone you?
If it is I have waited my whole life for you as you have for me.
May our love be forever may we always be, happy, healthy, prosperous loving and free. Never wanting , always fulfilled.
To bad you can’t get this in a pill.
Not For Reproduction ~
Images do not play out as you expected in your mind
You search and no longer find
Look at the photo stare
But you’re a coward
You wouldn’t dare
Take the chance
Trying to steal another glance
Into what do you look each day?
Do you ever pray?
Your alter’s sacrifice needs another offering
Perhaps next time think twice
Before you roll the dice
Stealing away thoughts
Just images is all that is left of me
I am a still shot in your mind
You look through your window
Two windows you see
But you can no longer see me
Only a thought
No longer sold
Can not be bought
Not For Reproduction~
His beautiful tactics always full of wonderment
Able to take my tears from falling
Able to remove my mind from crawling into corners of darkness
Pillow fight mom!
Smack upside the corner of my head
His laughter as it echoes
Throughout the house
Saying angelic words only heard in times of despair
Mom, why are you crying?
No baby don’t worry I’m just sad.
Echoes from a past I’ll never recapture
Hopes of another time when I’ll be able to claim his fellowship as mine with me
His laughter as it echoes
Love you Mom
Love you too son….
No one likes rejection. After so many times it’s hard to take. Then you finally say enough~
No one wants to be made fun of because they love. Laughed at because they’re different.
No one likes to be teased makes the other person leave~
No one wants to really say goodbye sometimes though you have to try~
No one wants to fool themselves they don’t want to play the fool for the entertainment of those who just hurt~
Love me, or Don’t but stop dragging my heart around~
This was indeed a mystery….