Look at history, Mans inhumanity to man proves the very nature of mankind is defective~NJM~
My Son life is gift and You are a gift to life~
My Son take care of yourself love yourself respect yourself and others will respect you
My Son you will grow up and become a man never lose your inner child~
My Son you will win some and lose some don’t let the loss make you bitter but instead let it make you stronger~
My Son there is a God, we come from something bigger than us, give thanks and know God and angels watch over you~
My Son there will come a day that someone will let you down don’t lose your faith~
My Son there will be those who will lie about you, always do your best to tell the truth~
My Son you will fall in love one day remember love takes time to grow don’t jump in head first learn to understand each other to grow together~
My Son people say there is one great love in everyone’s life but remember that true love is immeasurable and to love alone is great~
My Son you will have many acquaintances and meet many people however you likely will have one true friend care for that friend and be there for them as I pray they will be there for you~
My Son you will meet many who are in need throughout your life do your best to be charitable learn to give~
My Son you will see many things in life that are unfair but do your best to not judge and know life eventually evens the score~
My Son you will come across others who are miserable and rude learn to be kind don’t take it personal be and example~
My Son don’t let other’s influence your thoughts learn to think for yourself~
My Son there will come a day where you will be afraid be brave and overcome~
My Son there will be those who will tell you are not good enough, know your value never sell yourself short~
My Son you will face the impossible in life don’t let it stop you , every dream can become a reality strive and press on and always do your best make your dreams come true I have faith in you~
My Son be different don’t conform stand out from the rest, stand tall, stand proud~
My Son there will be times in life to be humble, learn from this, understand this, grow from this~
My Son you can not save the world but you can make your area of the world a better place, care for mother earth the beautiful animals and those who have less than you, respect what you have been given take care of what is given you and greater things will come your way~
My Son not everyone is afforded the opportunity to understand and be educated learn to have patience learn to teach~
My Son you will grow older and people will die, we all die, still live life to the fullest~
My Son when I die and you need me after I’m gone know that a part of me is always there in your heart and in your mind that energy never dies it only changes form and I will see you again one day~
My Son you’re the greatest gift in my life I’m sorry for the times I’ve fallen short know I did the best I knew how that I love you always you are my heart, you are my reason, You are my Son~
Not for Reproduction~NJM~
~Without faith life events are a random occurrence. With faith there is less occurrence replaced with direct action~Stay grounded~NJM~
Hebrews 11:1 For faith is the substance of things hoped for, the evidence of things not seen~The bible~
In bowels of deceit you were born
As dynamics fluctuate
Blood runs through
Veins yet…. no heart
A strange life
Life not meant for here
Life force with out life
Abandoned me, it’s ‘s what you do~
My voice will haunt you because I loved you~
Out the window stare
Trees leaves glistening
Sunlight dances upon them
Love has forsaken me
But Angels prevail
Breathing and whispering
Weeping for my numb
Trying to ignite my flame of life
To save me all the strife
The flames falls….. falling over
The precipice….in my heart has a steep drop
Flames burn out as they fall downward into the body, the shell of who I was
I am no longer
My life half there
Can kiss my ass
I’ll chose when or if
I decide to leave or stay
Best get on knees
Memories don’t dissipate
What have you done
Because! …love no more
John Keats” there is no happy love
More happy happy love”
Nazareth” Love hurts
Love wounds and marks
Any heart not tough or strong enough
To take a lot of pain, take a lot of pain
Love is like a cloud, it holds a lot of rain
You had the the truth in the lyrics
Music can express
Art can express
But you’ll never again have Enough to impress
What does it take?
What it takes you don’t have,or was it Me, I didn’t …..all so complicated you see~
The accountability collector called, said its time to pay your bill it’s long past due~
What does it feel like?
Like any illness in general it sucks.
Why? There is no cure.
When I first received my diagnosis I stayed in denial for about 2 years.
I mean who wants that stigma right?
Both my parents suffered enough with the illness, so early on I swore “not me” “I’m not gonna get it”
Majored in Psychology to gain a better understanding , while earning my degree , I had my first bout. It was after finishing statistics in psychology.
I’ve been up and down all my life. Looking back I most likely lived with it for the better half of my life. The traits that others found endearing, such as boundless energy, the life of the party, ideas that were radical, spontaneous, whimsical, rhyming, the abuse of drugs, Was all cool and fun.
As I got older those traits turned from endearing to dark, and bold, and brutal.
Believing yourself to be a superhuman of sorts is not realistic. But I did believe this. I also believed many other non truths while in mania.
The low, the depression, it was real bad. So much so that suicide was a close friend of mine that I romanced often. Attempted twice. Hospitalized against my will because of it. Even wrote a large essay about suicide and how it is actually courageous and in no way selfish. I rationalized this by turning the selfish element on to those who would miss me, as being the selfish ones. And truly I still see it that way.
The only reason anyone wants you around them, although some may claim love, it’s that they need you, they want you. In that alone arises their selfish desire of needing you to stay here. I realize that this is a polluted thought , but it rings true to me.
Bi polar disorder skews reality, it blurs the lines, and we don’t always use nor have the same filter as those not afflicted with this disease of the mind.
But I always remind those who will listen that some of the greatest minds were afflicted with this disorder this disease.
Here is a link to see for yourself the list of many famous minds:
In short it’s a slippery slope, full of wonderment, energy, lows, depression, delusional thoughts. Sometime more creative, other times completely destructive. That’s what it’s like.
And so it was, this day
Unlike the other, I wake to find
The fowl stench of my mind
Stale and putrid
This place is familiar
A swamp of murky water
Thoughts are draped like Spanish moss suffocating an Oak tree
It Takes hold clutching my thriving soul
Pulling me , pressing
Sinking further, downward
Acutely aware of my condition
But gambling with my life
I throw the dice
Lacking all conviction
Unable to achieve the desired outcome
I will awake between this world
Hinged on each realm
by only one dimension
It’s cold, veiny hand
Will caress my brow
While quietly I resign
Only to awaken yet again
To this polluted state of mind.
~You point out all the reasons to not be depressed. I see clearly the things you so readily direct my attention to.
What you can not see is for all the positives you see, there are negatives waiting to consume the positives you point out to me.
Awaiting the circumstance to sneak my way in, and you’ll question the link of genetics again. But regardless you will not win, and I’ll not give a clue, because its to easy to get within you.
Invisibility to me can not be acquired , nor obtained. The seeds are well planted and I’ll make you feel that all is for granted.
I prefer to romance you, woo as you will. Tinker and tangle the web I can weave, and the beauty of all, is I’ll never leave. Not for long at least, but when I’m away, you might enjoy life for more than a day.~