It Takes One to Know One Bishop Jay Lambert~A strong Character in one of my upcoming book~

I was recently told that an Episcopalian Bishop said I had demons on me. Hmmm…….I think we all have demons to deal with, personal ones. Including not limited to Bishop Jay Lambert. In fact usually in life when people accuse you of such, it’s because they’re reflecting there crap 💩 onto you.

I used to live across the street from him that is how I came to know him and his family. Ole Gibson and Cypress…on those corners.

 I also interviewed him for a college class that needed me to contrast two religions.

Now I try …… Let me stress TRY to be what I call a non tradional Christian.

I thought awhile about the comment. It was repeated to me  from a person trying to make a mends to me.

Then I remembered all the parts both the Bishop and his son have played in my life…. Not positive in anyway might I add.

In life we reflect. We all have also heard the saying “it takes one to know one”.

This is a true statement.
So my dear bishop touche’.

You too have demons on you, as do we all. Probably touched William when he was young, sexually for all I know… you strike me as someone who could sexually abuse their child, just my thoughts…..

I’m still floored that a man of the cloth a Bishop would speak such.

There is no love in that statement only judgement,disdain and entitlement, makes sense why your son is how he is.

So Bishop L)&)@t I believe the bible states to cast not the first stone, it also says if you reject the least of my brother/sisters that I do unto you. 
God simply is Love, by rejecting me or any other human being you reject yourself.
Being a Bishop you ought to uphold what Jesus taught”love thy neighbor as thyself. You Bishop of all should be an example of that. However YOU ARE NOT. God have mercy on your soul.

So to be clear Bishop Lambear or Lambert it’s all a French name, think you may need to face a few of your demons, as we all.
I suggest that the confused sexuality you exude makes you inferior considering the time you were born. 
Having your beard protects you to some, but not to me, why you say? It takes one to know one, that’s how see.
Retour à l’Eau Claire nous roturiers n’ont pas besoin de plus jusdgement d’amd de rejet aux mains d’un usurpateur et un tyran !
P.S. I know longer concern myself with things that no longer are of my concern.

Oh, one more thing, God didn’t speak to me in the shower as per your experience …God just speaks everywhere…
scandaleuse vous ne pensez pas ? Oui, je crois que ça pourrait être…

Go figure.

~Senseless~

I don’t sense him anymore

Suppose it’s ok 

I don’t know….. should I wish him well

Or wish him hell

He was senseless

Without perceptive instinct

Without skill

Just schooled

By an example

Of a senseless clergyman 

Who happened to be his father

His pastor

His terror 

His personal hell

His pride will never let him tell

I tell myself it’s ok

But it’s really not

It’s a place

It’s a space

Dear Darlin

With your empty white face

Dark raven hair

I’ll watch turn white

I always will keep you in sight

Empty deep inside 

I tell myself it’s ok all is well

Suppose part of me wishes him hell

He sure hurt

Cutting me

Spinning a spell 

Sexuality can transfer at great distance it’s the law of Ra

Feeling them….touching them

On a astronomical 

Astral projection

Yet we don’t meet there

Not now been awhile

All the feeling captivated me

I had to find protection

From the powerful energy

Crossing the distance 

Telepathy

esotericism 

Lights glow inside you

Prisms that reach

You don’t explore this 

Unless you can teach

Yet here in this new place

There is a separation

The connection broken

Yet I know he watches me 

But I don’t sense him 

He acted senselessly 

This was the slight

The wrong that can never be right

I don’t sense him

Not as I used to do

Not like I once took comfort in

Knowing that we loved

But the timing was so far off

So far apart

But we carried each other in our heart

I used to feel that 

The holding on the never to part 

He is quiet or is it me

My vision clouded 

So uncertain 

So much change

So much my life I rearranged 

I feel a numbness inexplicable 

Loss 

He thinks I pop up and in

Then I exit out

But truly we both do

It’s what keeps us alive

What has kept us true 

I dreamt of him last night

Actually the two

One was you

The other far over the sea

In a desert

Where Knights in white Satin

And Sheiks and Sultans reign 

In the dream A man almost insane 

Mouth of madness now made sense A man from the desert finally 

Took claim and spoke the truth

Of your ruthless youth

Finally told me of his part

That you played 

That he allowed

Before exiting and leaving me nailed to a cross

Judas Iscariot he said was he, as he handed me over to you 

You see

Last words to spill from his lips that I can still hear

Last time I heard A man like him

In my ear in my heart

Yet he handed me over to you

Last night he came to the dream
To let me know 

Why he stayed watching

After the huge demise

My crash my fall

You wanted it to hurt

To see me crawl

Then your regret set in

And the Desert man watched

Trying to see if I truly was as strong as he was told

He got on the bus with his daughter in the dream 
I didn’t want him to leave 

It had been so long ago he deceived 

Yet I waved goodbye

Evermore a cousin in devious disguise 

Why was it he always wanted my demise? Wanted to be me, sorry dear you’re a man can’t you see?

Where are you? 

Don’t ever think you are beyond my reach

My voice loudly ringing 

Long into your eternity

On air ways

On realms

On dimensions

hill tops

Heavens

Hells

I stand tall now

But I don’t sense him

Yet he is there subdued

Watching 

Wondering 

What my renegade personality

Will yield

On a battle field

A front line where I stand

Where I fight a cause

Where I’ll will always feel the loss

That you caused 

I don’t sense you

So

What

Now? 

This was all senseless?

Just a joke?

I dare not entertain

That your that dumb 

Even in the senseless game 

Now callout to me say my name

My words carry weight 

And repercussions too

So I snapped of the tip of my tongue

It is no longer there

Better stay quiet

Better beware

Don’t take the dare

Using dark arts I was taught 

Oh dear Mom

If you only knew

You would act with swift spell

Casting them down straight 

To their hell

So senseless 

This tragic story

I tell

I don’t sense him

So senseless……

In my enchanted garden I will play

I’ll find him there some sunny day

Long from now and he will stay

To lay next to me under the stars under the witness tree may we ever be

But I long to remind him to never be unkind

So senseless …. never again

~Premise of my one of my Books~1017 Cypress St~{it’s a thriller}~re-worded~a must read! Catalyst to my first manic attack~

There once was a boy he lived cross the street, his father walked over for a meet and great.
His father was an Episcopalian pastor relentlessly the pastor offered his son William help with anything, to say the least……to help fix things around my home.

I finally allowed him to help on a few things, one was networking my computers. I did not know his father also was military and also had special clearance of where weapons of mass destruction are strategically placed around the United States. Hmmm
This boy named William was 16 years old, privileged yet alienated from life, board he lived on his computer and played games like on 4chan….. which is a very mean hurtful site made to belittle and place nude pics of ex’s of the users. So out of fascination and being bored 😐 his sight was set dead on me. However the Bible states Pastor Lambert to train up a child in the way they should go when they are older they Will not depart from it~I lay fault in your hands, due to that scripture. But William is old enough to know better, so really it’s on both y’all

William became fascinated with me. He also networked his computer to mine without me knowing. I also didn’t know I became a target for an online game that guys with treacherous intentions play on unsuspecting women such as me.

I kept getting weird friend request back when myspace was the gig. Then Facebook came along knocked MySpace out. I had an account on both. Still getting request from people I don’t really know.He even tweets in other languages (very easy) here is the profile on twitter, I only use my blog and twitter I don’t Facebook …..I felt I was being fished trolled, that they were looking for the right kinda guy to distract me, and begin an online relationship with. After several attempts they found Ayman 


Facebook>ayman.chaer.77


I fell head over heals, we would talk for hours and hours so much so I denied my son his needed Mommytime. I was simply in love. He looked a lot like Johnny Depp…  to me…. maybe not so much to you, or even me now… after seeing this recent photo….I mean who doesn’t want that? Especially one who can relate and talk for hours. 
However I always felt there was something not right. I would lay flat on floor face down and pray before each session with Ayman. I felt I was being pulled by a lifeboat that I couldn’t get into, and the beach calling to me to get out of the water.
Eventually Ayman and I entered into a sexual online experience. I couldn’t wait even more, not only can we talk and talk but we can enjoy online sex too! Ayman lived in Dubai so face to face sex wasn’t gonna happen until we could meet.

Little did I know ……well I kind of felt others were watching us, that during our online sex session..(which William was the instigator of most all of this) he and Ayman would take screen shots of me.
One morning on October 1st 2009 I awoke to me in Sexual action on photos that were tagged to over 500 people on Facebook.

This might help bi polar peeps btw. Why? Because of the incident I went over board it was the trigger that sent my genetics into action and I had a mental break. 

Oh did I mention that my cousin who molested me when I was young was also playing in the game with William and many others? Yeah it’s pretty shitty. Even shittier that his name is my Dads Nicholas John /Distefano. Not Moncada though he does not deserve that privilege. Its my bloodline and my son we are Moncada! Never him.

Flash forward to this very day. I’m just starting to get better. Williamactually still watches over me from the Internet, maybe in other ways I’ll never know… or maybe I am just a fool.

I knew he was most likely molested by his dad who is now an Episcopalian Bishop…. yeah pretty high up there Bishop Jay Lambert, Enjoy…. nothing is forever. Eau Clair.
William unfortunately for me may be gay …..probably with Dad’s help in childhood I’m sure. I don’t blame him anymore.and we have this age thing too. But  age is truly a number just digits…had he come to me and showed remorse instead of making more and more profiles to talk with me(he didn’t want to be identified after all that could be scandalous for a bishops son) I would have loved him, like no one else except My son and God.
But instead he still contacts me like today as this person…in the guise of Ash… here is one of at least 3 profiles of his beside his real one.

I say all this to clear up confusion. If you William continue to watch me I won’t be mad, with contacting me through these profiles is fine know why? Because you do, and like a fool I allow this strange cosmic eternal dance…as for pastor lambert I’m gonna build a website and pay google to make it very easy in search engines so when they look to see your Dad this will come up along with other stuff I have gathered through the years.
You sent me away when I came to your home on January 2 2015. It hurt. God it hurt. 

You’re 25 now yep 25 years old Willy boy. How old is your boyfriend? Ryan Templeton? Older younger? Who the fuck cares right? (God forgive my potty mouth) so here is the last final warning to you & your Dad who trained you, leave me & my family alone. You’ve done enough to William! Will never leaves me alone,, he just won’t so contact me in guise, or otherwise, unless you’re courageous one day long from now to come face to face. I won’t turn you away~

~Chapter 4~ Rejection~ An Except of Upcoming Thriller~ truly a engaging read!

I’m working on a thriller as most who follow me should know. I throw out pieces of chapter so you are engaged and will want to buy my book. It is based strongly on my life’s events I did not change names expect 1. Everyone else is not innocent. Also time frames may be changed. Enjoy~~

Chapter 4 Rejection~
She was completely encased in thoughts …..of her life leading up to this moment, thoughts such as the one she was reliving in her head when her cousin took away the innocence of life. Her life. Mind drifting to him; having her lay naked before him, spreading her legs… examining every inch and crevices he desired, tracing her young yet well developed curves exploring her, she desired him more….so she stayed still and let him have his way. He also undressed, the shock of seeing what differences their body’s anatomies were both scared and even aroused her ….more than just curiosity. 

He moved slowly over her, his male hood yielded a large stiff appendage as he pressed against her between her legs but never fully penetrating her… maybe that was his rationalization, that it was ok. Not completely penetrating her. Yet getting her to touch him and stroke him…..exposing her to the porn he craved, setting her body in the positions of the center folds. It was all perverted and screwed up.
That’s where her sexual problems most likely stemmed from.
The need to please those who desire her. How ironic even more, that men she knew desired her as much as she desired the men who would never return what she would desire in the other men…. never returning a complete circle.

Will it be a perpetual cycle, a curse her cousin passed to her for what he did, what she allowed….. did she allow? Her age was 7 so she then she reasoned that it was completely not her allowing it to happen, although it definitely did, her need of his love and acceptance was the important thing for her at the tender age of 7.

Suddenly the phone rang jogging her thoughts back to the present moment.

“Honey have you had any luck in locating your brothers?” The levies broke and water is flooding by the minute in New Orleans” “Yes I did, I found all of them and spoke at length to one of your ex husbands.” He informed me where I Could find them, I called each and spoke to Dennis for awhile.

She felt close to Dennis. Although they never met. Perhaps it was because he was oldest She was youngest?

Or perhaps her Jungian philosophy ….that there are signs you just need to look at, archetypes, All that crap she learned earning her bachelors degree in Psychology.

Looking back the archetype would appear to be the letter D.

Her first love was her Daddy. Her first romantic love was Dirk(he is dead now) then she married Dewitt who was nothing like he presented himself to be, which caused the ultimate demise and divorce of them. Then Donnell her sons biological fuck up. That’s just a majority of the D’s she was sure she could think up more. All those D’s. Thinking to herself no more D’s please.

Then again like a strike of lightening thoughts flooded her mind. Why didn’t her older brothers ever search for her?they knew how abusive their Mother was, she tried to reach out to her only sister Jackie. With some success it went well for several years. They never visited but did talk over phone a lot. Especially when Jackie found out about her husband Mark’s infidelity. She would call Noel everyday crying.

Mark eventually filed for divorce making the call a constant barrage, unending emotions her sister needed to get out. Noel then thought again, I’ve been there for all of my friends,her sister…. who is gonna be there for her if she falls?

If only she could see the future, her plans would have turned on another road she would be able to possibly stop the demise of what would be the most horrendous events that unfolded when she would turn 38.

When Katrina misplaced her to Leesburg Florida, where she would move across the street from an over privileged teen who’s Dad was a closet gay and also happened to be an Episcopalian pastor. That boy, now a man would crush what beauty she had….. she would never have left her home in Mississippi. She would have stayed there if only she could’ve looked into the future, oh how different events would have unfolded. No online affair with Ayman Chaer no nude snap shots tagged to 500 people, no abusive relationship with Dewitt. No treacherous teen William Lambert across the street whos’ dad Jay Lambert was a closet gay, no Florida at all…..!!
Looking back Pastor Lambert was always offering William to help me,he did so in hopes of William and I engaging in sex with hopes William wouldn’t be gay as he was. Pastor Lambert’s life was hard, living as a heterosexual with a beard/wife having children. All the things society expected when Pastor Lambert was growing up. In hinds sight he wanted William to be saved from that life that was a lie, a facade. A life in a closet. But it is 2008 so get real already! If your son wants to be gay, then embrace him and his desires, don’t changed him to live vicariously through him.
But it was to late to go back now………the story has unfolded and here she is, debris, shit, betrayal, Lies, abuse, remorse, shame, but what mostly ate at her was those who abandoned her, rejected her in the time she needed them most. It started in childhood all the way to those events…it was and is the rejection. 

Small excerpt upcoming book ~1017 Cypress Street~ piece from Chapter 2~Secret Places~

Eyes dilated,that tacky icky feeling churned in her stomach just as the rain and wind blew outside the window all Of which were remnants of the hurricane Katrina… Similar to her own life and that feeling that damn feeling you know the one…. “The bottom will fall out at any minute” kind of feeling she lived with that feeling always tucked in corners of her mind, waiting to torment her just as this storms moving slow so did her thoughts , and like a drop of water that taps the sink in the back ground….. Her thoughts drifted in the back of her mind she thought I should be calling around to find her brothers, which by the way she felt very off putting trying to do so. Instead She let her thoughts drift to a time in her childhood where she was in love with her cousin Nicoli. Wherever Nicoli was Noel was right by him. She wanted him, his approval and attention so much, she would do about anything he asked of her. They grew up together, saw each other every weekend when her Dad picked her up for his weekend visits with her. Her thoughts began to drift off to when she was 7and her cousin was 12. Looking back oh so far back She now realized that he used her and her innocence for his curiosity. 
She let him brush her hair. He loved her hair. Then we have the magazines she would smuggle to her cousins house from her Dad’s house each weekend. Penthouse and Playboy. 
Nicoli and Josh , (Josh was Nicoli’s younger brother and Noels other unfavorable cousin,) they couldn’t wait for her arrival since She carried the contraband they had no worries. Her Dad had so many magazines 20 missing wouldn’t be noticed.
Nicoli wanted to know about what he saw in these playboy magazine so he had Noel undress by his coaxing no less and her need of love and his approval then to lay on the bed and he sat next to Her. His fingers began to trace the outline of her curves. She remembers feeling excited and ashamed at the same time. He told her to lay down as he kneeled at the end of the bed spreading her legs…

~Hurricane Katrina~ Chapter 1~ My novel 1017 Cypress Street~

The buzz of dread filled the atmosphere. A storm like Katrina hadn’t come this close and been this strong in years and it was strengthening to a Catagory 5…. A storm of such magnitude can change everything instantly.
With heavy laden feet and numb heart she got up and began getting ready for work, the weather channel could be heard in the background as she leaned in closer to the mirror applying mascara, eyes sallow, concern washed over her and she looked disheveled worrying about what was going to take place. All eyes in the world were waiting to see where Katrina would land. Mississippi or Louisiana.
Idly she stood with a catatonic stare. She did not feel like working yet she stood next to the Lancôme counter leaning against it, watching people just moving around like ants shopping all smeared faces of strangers, rich women who could wear her patients thin because a shade of lipstick was not exactly the same shade of their purse and shoes they just bought. It was a good job, she was just tired of retail and marketing.
Fate and the fate of her son and a final location to take root and live were all resting on the storm.

Beyond the present state of the earthly forces, She had recently partnered with her ex husband to help raise her son, that alone was a gamble, one she took. She wouldn’t let Donnell hurt her or their child. Later on she’ll wish she had taken thought long and hard before making any decisions, however Katrina wasn’t going to give up any more time.
Katrina had its eye on Biloxi, and she staid her course. Although Biloxi was hit worse, New Orleans being a bigger city received more news coverage due to the levees breaking and the floods, continual rain were all turning New Orleans into a nightmare.
After making it through 5 hours of work she was finally headed home. Her heels clicked with each step as she neared her car in the parking garage Her cell phone rang as she was getting into her car , She answered to hear her Mom on the other line. “honey listen, I need you to find my boys make sure they’re alright” her Mom said as she cried. She thought “Her boys”…. She must have tucked her siblings into the back of her mind. “What boys?” She asked. “Your brothers honey” “I know you can’t remember you were to young but you have 4 brothers”…. She was Floored when she heard that news. Brothers! Finally she spoke “ok Mom I’ll see what I can do, but I need names and a place to

Start looking.” “Look for Labello’s Auto” it’s a car shop one of your brothers had” try there”.
So now plot thickens She has 4 brothers she has no recollection of a storm that’s a killer hitting land. The likely hood of finding her “brothers” whom she never met or can’t remember meeting would be thin since most all her Mom’s children had different Dads.
Slowly as the storm bared down on land she could feel an ache in her belly. So much is going to change very fast She just could feel it.

A storm of this magnitude is going to rearrange her life and the lives of many others,how symbolic it was the storm, a methrphor of her unyielding, continually shocking tail of what is her life. Things churn in storms. Storms stir up lives and deaths and sometimes life and death are straight ahead but you never knew it. Ghost hidden come out to play. Her “brothers” were a fine example of ghost coming out to play.

(Excerpt of My Novel) ~Corner of Gibson street and Cypress~Based on actual events~Edited~

She felt her life was always a puzzle piece and the puzzle couldn’t completely be found. Personal wars and scars she endured from early childhood.Her life never yielded a dull moment. The sense of the bottom dropping out always lived in the back of her mind, but she pressed on and tried to control the feeling that haunted her.

She was excited at the thought of her new home, although it was an older home she would carve it out and make a home for her and her family. The pool was a big selling point, she loved to swim, was always drawn to water. Calmed the storm that seemed to always be slightly to the left of her thoughts, tucked away.
The moment she walked through the front door the house seemed to welcome her, feed on her energy… It was as though the two would be as one. Never did she think about departure……..her having to leave this home,after all she was going to buy it.

Now the house sits quietly never keeping anyone there long. It was her house, but he made her leave. 

Parts of her loss haunts the halls of that house… It will forever cry for her return. Forever warning her of the evil intent that lurks across the street.

Years have gone by but for her it feels like yesterday, with the blink of her eye and a deep breath she is back there, a part of her is back there back at the house.

As her eyes remain closed she remembers how it felt ….Jumping effortlessly into the beautiful pool late at night her body completely covered only by the water. Right across the street he watched her,captivated. Intrigued. 

Quickly as though a jolt of energy sent shock waves through her body, her eyes blink open to her present reality one that’s never been the same since that house since she met him. 
She didn’t have a clue that her life was building up to that moment, a moment that could kill the very essesnse of all the good she had in her, change her forever leaving her a shell of the women she once was.