NICK PLEASE READ~Nicholas~

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Nicholas your name means victory for the people.

Nicholas did you know I always said I would never have children. But along you came. I didn’t want to bring a child into a world I didn’t understand.

Nicholas do you know how special and beautiful your heart is? They’re very very few like you. Don’t ever be afraid to be different or worry what people think of you.

Nicholas you are wise far beyond years. Damn time my son, time can be so cruel. If I could go back I would be holding you safely as a child who is 2 yrs old bikie in mouth eyes so big with wonderment.

Nicholas do you want to be with me? Or has your mind been clouded. Remember Momma always said tell the truth, this includes two sides and your side. I know this is hard to understand but one day you’ll get it.

Nicholas the love I have for you is immeasurable and without any condition. I realize it can not be bought, no computers or games last forever, they fade… Love does not. Others will try to buy your love.

Nicholas things that happened should have never went down as they did. It is what it is. Life is gonna come at you quickly sometime and there is not a way to prepare.

Nicholas there are those who feed off another’s pain and suffering, why? Because all they know is pain and suffering. They no not the inner love that God gave to us. Somewhere in life theirs was stolen, or they did not come equip with it. Everyone is wired a bit differently.

Each day you’re away from me my heart dies a little.

My son I can’t live without you, it’s that simple. My only prayer is your mind is of its own not polluted by others agendas.

One day when you have a child you will better understand. Until then the only prayer I can utter to God is to keep you safe, around good people despite circumstances and mostly bring you back to me.

Nicholas I love you
Always
Your Mom

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~The Truth of Lies~

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I’ve endured loss. Twice I’ve been lied to. I’ve been lied to by two separate people.
Lies produce loss and a breakdown of trust.
This time I did not retaliate. I stepped back. I thought of the innocent that is Involved. I panicked at first, but decided to stay calm.
I’ve lied. So have you. We all have. We saw others do so, in our observation we learned to deceive and lie. We were not designed to lie, but the world taught us.
Upon the knowledge of these lies
I went against all I normally do. Being bipolar can make you impetuous. The first 24 hrs were the hardest.
Will I even confront them? No. I will speak one day to them. Tell them I know of their lies.
I will remember we are all Gods children. Some believe this others don’t. I chose to believe this.
Hasty actions produce destruction and broken people. I’m trying to recover what is left of me and rebuild from there.
This means to reflect, something I don’t do enough of. I like to think I do.  Like anyone else I want to be happy, don’t you?
My significance is not measured by yours. My happiness is not measured by yours. But my truth is mine and I strive to not compromise this.
We all have a value system. I think my highest value is in honesty, yet I’ve been dishonest with others before in my life. Go figure.
Jesus said “he who is without sin cast the first stone” how many stones will you cast today. How many will you judge?
I will strive to take different approaches , to not let others dishonesty become mine. I hope to not allow them to hurt me again. I pray I also don’t hurt others.
Lies and honesty comes with a cost, the catcher is you decide how much the bill will be~

~Kismets Dance~Lovers Eternal Dance Part 2~

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Will not be denied
Ignored, nor exploited~

Represent with respect
Keep your intentions in check~

Takng caution as not walk the same path~ I expect this time love Will last~

Quiet the mind~
Hoping to find~
Someone kind~

Refuge is obscure but can be found
both up above as well as the ground~

Learning to be quiet is to not make a sound~
To hide away~
Never be found~

You unravel me, trying to coerce my heart, Beckoning me to play the part
Your style and finesse is likened unto art~

But you need to be informed that I can not be bought~Traded or bartered, I’m your plant that needs to be watered.~

I will not sell out, nor walk in fear
The fruition of what is us is now drawing near~

An eclipse of circumstance
Longing closure Kismets dance~

This dance is not quick, oh no it Will stick, Around dancing and swaying to our cosmic sound.. Orbiting, Resonating

More than chance to finally dance
Indeed it’s time to dance my love
To dance~

So no more hiding away come out of dark corners and with me stay~

I’m finding it hard to live each day
I’ve walked hell and high water wouldn’t you say?

Silently pray~
For you~
For us~
For them~

Indeed we must share
longing and separation
Causes despair~

Nonetheless together we’re an unbeatable pair~

Demi Gods among mortals
Desiring our skill~ only time Will tell Wouldn’t you say, or is it merely skill that Will flow with love never wanting to kill~
They long for a moment to Experience our thrill~

Always more than by chance to meet Yet again to fulfill Kismets Dance~

Let’s Dance
I’ll put on my red shoes as Bowie would say~
You put on your suit and tie
Then dance this dance until we both die…
Still never saying goodbye. Eternally~

Not for reproduction~

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