Ok. I’m gonna take you on a tour to try and experience what mania feels like. I’m writing about my traits mostly, and a few small stories along the way with added visual effects. So come on in…..
So What does a manic episode feel like? Lets begin. The fun part:
(if there is such a thing) it’s like your on cocaine. So if you’ve ever done coke then that’s a good platform to grasp exactly how the early stages of mania feels like for me. Ten feet tall & bullet proof.
But what’s is the catalyst? For me
It starts subtly, but there is always a trigger. My trigger is extreme external stress from specific conditions around me. So far this is what ignites the mania.
This stress will then manifest itself in Creative ways. First my interest in music increases. So much so that every song is speaking to me and was most likely written for me, and has special meaning that I’m obviously the only one able to receive the special message, the only one able to hear the encrypted meaning. I’ll think of a song I want to hear, I’ll shuffle my entire list of songs on my iPhone(740 songs) and about 9 times out of 10 the song I wanted to hear will be selected . “Wow that’s a connection” I’ll think. So now the universe is speaking to me through the songs as they play.
Next I’ll begin to have a pattern to my speech. Not only will I begin to speak faster but I’ll speak in riddles, rhymes and beats. I become the Dr Seuss of bipolar rhyming. And every word is profound and perfect. Why? “But of course” because its coming from me. I think to myself “it’s the nuggets of wisdom that fall from my mind, it’s the words that escape you that somehow I find” kinda stuff.
Then my sense of good judgement starts to breakdown and fail me. I’ll spend money on stuff that I normally would never do under sound mind.
Then I continue to fall faster into the rabbit hole.
Finally numbers come into play. I’m a 0101 baby, born January 1st! Alas I’m binary! And that ignites the magic around me. Things come to life and meaning can be found anywhere I look especially in numbers. Meaning to what? Meaning to life! How I can save the world! Wait I can’t even save myself.
Then truthfully animals and insects begin to interact with me. Example honeybees flock to me. Yes this is for real, as well as wasps. Here is a photo of the one wasp that followed me back to my hotel room for my weekend stay in Tampa(by myself) the wasp just chilled.
I put it back outside later. Now I’m the queen of the bees! Or at least for the time being this seems to be the case.
So I’m in Tampa(alone)Mania full swing. What’s next you say?
Next lets take life on a dangerous dare! I get into my car, decide at 7:00 am to go back home 2 hours away. But I’m gonna make it there in 1 hour & 15 minutes. Why? Well I can drive with such precision and ease when I’m super human. So much so that speeds of 100 miles an hour is achievable once my mind, my body and the road, adapt to my driving style. Which I proceed to drive the entire way home at speeds between 90 to 100 miles an hour. Can’t let that speedometer not be on my lucky number!! 0101 my birthday, the encrypted magical message. thinks to myself “Must keep achieving speed of 101! I can do it!” And I did. Thank God I’m alive to recall this to you, and that no one was killed
Oh I forgot to mention I’ve not really slept the last 48 hours. Then comes the low. I just want it all to stop. I literally wear myself out to a point that my mind plays tricks on me. I lose concept of time frames. Hours turn into days, days into weeks it seems.
And then darkness… Sadness. The gaping whole of humanity’s injustice sucks me into deep despair. So much injustice in the world, it takes me to dark cold places. “What’s the point” I think , I may or may not plan to exit existence… Where is that exit door? It’s just one action away.
Then I sit down and look around and the destruction of my actions lay at my feet all around me, I dare not try to list them, for there are many.
Slowly I begin to gather the pieces of my puzzle and try to put it together again.
After weeks sometimes months of seclusion, I slowly allow myself to go experience the external environment outside my front door.
The awe of Gods creation inspires me, and my Son… My beautiful son. He does not deserve this, I fall to my knees and begin to pray.
Yes there is so much more, more stories to tell, jaw dropping accounts of my madness and how it unfolded differently each time, and the different circumstances surrounding each event. But my Son.. He does not deserve this and neither do I. So I press onward .. And remember there is never a dull or bored moment. Ever! That’s what it feels like.
Bipolar disorder is not so much discovered as it did exist throughout time. Dated back to Ancient Greece where Aretaeus of Cappadocia, who was a physician and philosopher in the time of Nero or Vespasian (first century AD) had observed patients that would dance and play all night for days even. Then without notice change to dull and somber and weeping.
It has always been there, just not yet labeled as such.
In the early nineteen hundreds the term was called “Manic Depressive” in order to give a term to the manic side of mania and its counterpart depression
In 1854, Jules Baillarger (1809–1890) and Jean-Pierre Falret (1794–1870) both presented psychiatric terms and writing about the illness called ~dual insanity ~
It was In the early 1900s the eminent German psychiatrist Emil Kraepelin (1856–1926) coined the term that would be used to describe what we know as bipolar today. He called it ~manic depression~
It was not until the 1950’s that the terms for the illness went between using ~manic depressive~ to bipolar affective disorder ~ it was proposed by German psychiatrist Karl Leonhard in 1957.
So it truly has always been an illness, like all other illness that has also been around for ages. There is no definitive answer to exactly when it was discovered. Much like diabetes and cancer.. I don’t think we know who exactly discovered those either.
Recently I was asked via htt://qr.ae/hWb5H on my Quora site if there is a way that an individual can determine if he or she has Bipolar disorder. The following is my answer to this question. It is very informative.
You don’t know. You can speculate. You can check a symptoms chart or a test online. There are various web sites to do this. Does this give a true analysis? Somewhat. But it’s not a definitive answer.
Unfortunately you may be or have been bipolar for years. Marked with large highs and lows from day to day, that you may just chalk up to irritability. Many people most likely do. Then along comes a string of life altering events and your reaction is over the edge, a trigger is set off and there you are in the throws of a full blown manic attack.
I was originally diagnosed with major clinical depression in my 20’s ….Cut to age 40 and a life time of stressful events that occurred that triggered a manic response. But even then you won’t believe your bipolar. I didn’t, You just think its a reaction to the event. Indeed it is. But the underlying almost dormant symptoms spill out because of the event. Even today my diagnosis is a dual diagnosis. The doctors could see characteristics of both bipolar 1 and PTSD.
I look back and see clearly that I was bipolar most of my life, highs and lows. Boundless energy. I’ve been told by a few fellow bipolar people and also by doctors that as we age the symptoms increase in severity especially if left untreated.
It truly will take a mental evaluation to determine a definitive answer. Even then it may take three or more, in any case one is hardly enough.
So you see it’s a lot of variables a lot of events, and reactions that you can recall. Psychiatric evaluations are given based on a diagnostic statistical manual of mental illness. Criteria has been studied, observed and entered in, this is to give a general idea of a possible diagnosis to the doctor who evaluates you.
Of course several episodes of mania are undeniable and if you’ve experienced such there is no denying you will know by your outlandish behavior, lack of inhibitions, grandiosity, contempt, rage.. So forth so on.
But just because you have not experienced a bout of mania does not mean you’re bipolar free, you could indeed be bipolar two, instead of bipolar one, or unipolar. Possibly border line mood/personality disorder.
Only through a psychiatric evaluation, and as stated previously more than one will you receive a definite and reasonable diagnosis. Then by all means get into treatment and work it with all intent to be well and stay well.
Otherwise the repercussions can be fatal, even deadly. Act now if you suspect you may be bipolar or any other mental health issue and have more than a few symptoms. Go get a psychiatric evaluation.