So I googled my name today, I do this from time to time, it’s my understanding that if people have googled you recently , you will be  googles first subject on the search page.

So before I could put my last name in, it came up with my full name. Not many people know my full name so this tells me someone who knows my middle name ( not many) have been snooping around on me via the net, via google.

It’s no secret I’ve had a few run ins with the law. Unfortunately the state of Florida allows public records and mug shots to be displayed  for arrest within their state.

For some this is embarrassing, and truth be told for awhile it was. Looking back however I’ve come to embrace this seemingly unjustified exploitation of people’s mistake or crimes such as those that are not severe.

So I’ve decided the best way to overcome this is to approach it as I’ve approached my illness with bipolar… To embrace it, step out into the light and allow others to not just see me and my actions to better educate the general public in regard to bipolar disorder, but to go a step further and bring to light my arrest.

There are two injunctions I was picked up on was due to a lying spouse who so happens to have his record online as well… For domestic violence. If you know me, then you would know his name.

What happens after an arrest for domestic violence here in the state of Florida is an injunction goes up and neither party can contact the other.

Due to my illness and some custody issues I stepped over those lines twice and made contact. Why? Because the filter bipolar people have don’t usually work correct when under stress and in the stages of mania. Mostly I wanted to see my son who was removed from my custody due to lies that were told the police.

My illness was used against me by my then spouse and by lying to local authorities they believed him, instead of me the “bipolar women” why? Well certainly the stigma … The illness is looked upon immediately as guilt with no questions. Why? Because its easier to believe the mentally ill are the ones out of touch with reality as opposed to those not labeled mental illness. I say not labeled because he was not diagnosed yet for his many illness’s that he kept secret such as alcoholism, Bulimia, and huge amounts of anger, and clinical depression. If you have ever had experience with an alcoholic you would know just how deceptive and manipulative they can be.

The most recent arrest was on August 28, 2012 for possession of Marijuana. I had a little over an once on me… I was using it to treat my illness. But again due to marital stress I stupidly left in a fit of mania because I was sick of being abused by my this man. He would follow me around the house spewing malicious words and threats. This stress triggers mania.

The mania which was induced by abusive events clouded my judgement, this led to my arrest at a hotel I was in … I was being argumentative( as many bipolar people become while manic) with the manager if said hotel.

This hotel wanted me to leave after I paid in full several hundreds of dollars to stay for a few nights. ( the hotel was on the beach, water front) I had it in mind I would not, not without my refund. Cops arrived and upon entering my room noticed my stash sitting out openly ( yet again not thinking clearly due to my manic state) my precious son was with me at this time.. It was horrible.

They returned my son to the very man who was abusing me, they took me to jail. I stayed in jail for 4 months.

So to end this story on a general note, I did the crime in regard to possession … But not intentional and not thinking clearly by my manic state and the abuse I had endured.

The injunction arrest’s I was not guilty of. In the state of Florida pretty much anyone can say anything against you as long as they act first and have you arrested. That simple. It’s a matter of simply being the one to cry wolf first, which was the case. My abusive then spouse did so, hence off to jail I went.

So next time whoever you are, wherever you are who is busy googling my full name.. Know this, you may be the one who may one day be in my shoes. But either way, karma in general has a way of evening the score with those who have malicious intent toward you or others. So happy googling. Oh by the way I used a few of my mug shots….I mean why not its online any way.

Oh yeah one more thing, my name…  comes up before Nicole Kidman’s… How crazy is that. Or at least it did the day I googled it.