~It’s the nuggets of wisdom that fall from my mind, it’s the words that escape you I somehow find~
Category Archives: Uncategorized

~Poe Park~
Just as you are
How can you not see
just as you are
Is no better than me
You stood by the subway
Looking back
Your hair a mess
Where is the color
In your face
Where are you going
Why are you leaving this place?
Jeans are to big
You lost to much weight
I want you to know
Just as you are
I still love you
Drugs and all
Am I the opiate you had to leave
Was I your heart you wore on your sleeve?
Was it the cocaine fueled night
Downtown all that flair
Dancing and swinging
To the beat
Full of fire
Full of heat
If I’m your drug
Don’t detox me
I love you just as you are
See?
Our eyes glassed over we love the drugs hip hop baby like well dressed Thugs~
Feeling the textures
Giving the hugs
Drinking the water
Sweat pouring down
You were my king baby
You wore the crown
So you grab your glass of Macallan Whiskey you keep in your bar~
Take a deep sip
Then with a tip
You swallow the rest
Damn dear Darlin
This is not a test
Whiskey fueled nightmare
So where is your blue label scotch
Sure that will be next
Line of cocaine
And forget all the rest…….Of them
I sit on the benches
In Poe park
Children running
Dirty feet
Smudged faces
Where are you going
To what places
I love you just as you are
Like my Austin Sculpture art
Whimsical fantasy
Limitless treasure
How I remember
The museums
Our secrete pleasure~
I feel you used me like many before
You used them then like waddled paper on the floor~
You showed them out of your door
You were done
You took what they gave you
You had your fun
So here I sit in Poe park
Did you discard me
Like chewing gum
You had to taste
Then spit me out
Into the street
Where I got stuck beneath your feet?
I still love you
Just as you are
I’ll be in the park
I’ll bare the scar
My heart feels
Empty as you headed
Down the subway
You look away
I want you dear Darlin
Please stay
Sit with me on the bench
In Poe Park
We can be that sculpture
Living art
I still love you
Just as you are
Look for me when your back
I’m your brightest star
I’ll still be me
Only not free
And I’ll still love you just as you are
Not for reproduction~
~NJM~

~Beautifully Unfinished~
Know that I shall not hang on
So why can’t I let go?
In my dreams when I’m with you
Somehow I forget to breath
You got me like a rag doll
Now I’m dancing on your string
And I keep trying
To figure out
Who you are to me
Maybe all that
We were meant to be
Is beautifully unfinished
Cause your’re the one
I can’t lose
You’re the one
That I can’t win
Maybe all that we were meant to be was beautifully unfinished

~Moonlight Dance~Beautiful~
Go to bed? Nah I was just going to dance naked under the moon light to gods of old to come and save my wretched soul.
My mouth of madness doth angel speak the mortal ties grow deathly weak.
The glare of moons glow sweeps over my skin
I’ll dance this dance like I’ll never dance again~

~Fat Tuesday~
Fat Tuesday is here
my Darlin Dear
Preemptive plight
Planned party
Late night
Mardi Gras is here
It’s that time of year
skies hued
yellow, purple, green aglow
The sounds clamoring
Fighting to outdo
each musical note
There we were dancing
Swaying to the beat of the
Floats the heat
Jazz music fills the streets
Down Canal street turning round to
cross over to Bourbon~
Take in each shot
Preemptively planned
Glass in hand
Other hand in yours
Flying high
beads round our neck making music
of their own
Debris in the streets
Faces smeared
Drunken flow
Dancing in flight
Cheap trinkets flying
Dashing, fighting, grinding
Preemptively planned party
Your eyes two lights flaming bright
watching your sexy arm
Light your Marlboro
Smiles and giggles
Two jokes only we are in on
Blowing your smoke out
Between your sexy lips
I get close and kiss your lips
Playfully biting the lower one
Endless fun
Pass that joint don’t bogard
It’s high time for all
It’s this night we aim to please
Preemptively planned plight
Gonna party all damn night
Then some more
On each street corner
Stands a whore
Sodom and Gomorrah
What a life Darlin what sight
Pulling you closer
Let this night never be over never be done~
The entire world is watching
All the court jesters
All the clowns
All the kings and queens on floats wearing their crown~
Hey that’s a decent poison
Crown Royal over rocks
Splash of water barkeep please
Don’t be stingy now pour long don’t tease~
Walking don’t dare run
And then it fades
Leaving, lingering
Till next year we preemptively plan again for this night~
Fat Tuesday Darlin Dear
I hear you whisper in my ear
As we float high above the rest
Preemptive plight party all night
Fat Tuesday
Madri Gras
We will do it again and again
Mardi Gras never ends~
Not for reproduction
~NJM

~Suicide Tendency~ A Must Read~
Exquisite exit revealed
Choose which door
Dropped to the floor
And to think that it’s all seems a Complete bore….. This life so fake
It makes one wonder if life is to take? At a time of our choosing
And is it really this life that I’m loosing?
These Social niceties….
..These lies…
…This show is exhausting
Wearing these mask
It’s a grueling nightmarish daily task
Surreal Essenes clouds
eyes are heavy, as is the mind
And much of this seems to be a waste of my time
I’m gonna choose this door wisely
With swift conviction I will prepare don’t temp fate not on a dare…
my exit…
Or my entrance
Exquisite , Grandeur
Just be cautious
Tell no one that’s for damn sure
Silence…….
..Leaping into the unknown area
Exiting exquisitely
There, where all suicide tendency subsides
Not For Reproduction
~Being Open about my Illness~You’re Crazy~
But now 4 years later I can look back and see that I fit the criteria of a bipolar person. With my acceptance came a desire to be heard and help others gain a better understanding of what it is to live with bipolar disorder. Just like Mill’s stated everyone has there own personal story, it varies with each individual.
I have only regretted it when I’ve been met with ignorance or indifference, or fear. I have indeed been faced with others who have not been educated in regard to bipolar as well as other mental illness. More people seem to relate to depression because more individuals are faced with it, as opposed to bipolar. I once wore the label of “clinically depressed” I was first diagnosed with clinical depression in my 20’s. It seemed I was openly accepted being clinically depressed.
Because bipolar disorder is related to extreme shifts of mood. It’s laden with many unknown variables. The sensitivity of the illness and its ability to shift in opposite directions, leaves others worried about your personal stability and sensitivity.
But generally I’m at a place in my life where I bare the label with openness and willingness to educate others and answer questions to the best of my experience and struggles.
Treatment and upkeep of the disorder goes along way with the stability aspect. When you have a good history of stability in regard to treatment, it helps others feel secure in reaching out to you. People are fearful of what they’ve seen or not seen or heard. When someone is exposed to me for an extended period of time, Barriers breakdown and a level of acceptance is then replaced with prior apprehension I was met with. Truthfully you can’t be bipolar in society without meeting some prejudice. I believe this is true for all mental illness, not just exclusive to bipolar disorder, but all. It’s not limited to just my label, but all mental illness labels, and autism as well.
Not for Reproduction~
~Personal Quotes~NJM~
~Taking the higher road often means walking in the valley~Stay Strong~