Updated~Two Week Notice~yeah already~—

Dear God up above I can still feel your love…. but I’m sorry to say I must leave go away~ you called me a light worker, I can only do so much never ever figured out what is the human touch.

You blessed me with human a beautiful baby boy. I’m entrusting you to him, he is a child and yet my sin~when I try to write my book I don’t even know where to begin my life was fast like a whirlwind…and pieces scattered about and within

It’s all like a puzzle that was left in a closet hidden away, no one notice nor knew what to say

Laying by the devils side it isn’t hard to decide, he is the God of this world I now see, and I figured out the exit for me…. for any who look and choose to see, my mission complete~

So just give two weeks notice and keep the memories they serve no purpose when I’m gone. My words will live on and on. I planted seeds along the way, somehow though was led astray. So here I am Lord here I lay so I request an early judgement day.

I would do the same for my son, I would love him no matter what he may have done.

I ask in return you bless his life free of worry grief strife…. to live to laugh to love to know I can still see him from far above.

I laid by the devils side for over half my life it caused me to much pain to much strife and as a human being I’m sick of this life… I quit. Well I’m giving my two week notice as any good employee of a universal truth I must say I did enjoy my youth….. sometimes…. it reminded me I wasn’t meant for here, I was wild free and truly fierce scared of NOTHING!!!! Not even death. I couldn’t wait to take a last breath… but I endured and at times I laughed

But often rejected due to class, stereotypes, and bullshit in general full circle around but this time my Lord I leave this playground~ two weeks notice not to long to go and when I get where I’m Going please don’t say “I told you so” see ya soon!

Probably by noon

Answer I gave to Mohan S Nayaka on Quora ~what can I learn right now from the bible in 10 minutes that will be useful for the rest of my life~

Well Mohan I couldn’t resist … I believe what I’m about to say can teach everyone something in under a minute that comes from the bible. Btw it’s good to be back:) missed you. I see Eric answered similar.. I just gave the bottom line. It’s the most powerful and beautiful concept that if learned shall carry you far on your journey through life.

1 Corinthians 13:13 states this

~And now these three remain: faith, hope and love. But the greatest of these is love.~

But I believe that Ecclesiastes 3 New International Version (NIV)
A Time for Everything is very very enlightening

3 There is a time for everything,
and a season for every activity under the heavens:

2 a time to be born and a time to die,
a time to plant and a time to uproot,
3 a time to kill and a time to heal,
a time to tear down and a time to build,
4 a time to weep and a time to laugh,
a time to mourn and a time to dance,
5 a time to scatter stones and a time to gather them,
a time to embrace and a time to refrain from embracing,
6 a time to search and a time to give up,
a time to keep and a time to throw away,
7 a time to tear and a time to mend,
a time to be silent and a time to speak,
8 a time to love and a time to hate,
a time for war and a time for peace.

9 What do workers gain from their toil? 10 I have seen the burden God has laid on the human race. 11 He has made everything beautiful in its time. He has also set eternity in the human heart; yet[a] no one can fathom what God has done from beginning to end. 12 I know that there is nothing better for people than to be happy and to do good while they live. 13 That each of them may eat and drink, and find satisfaction in all their toil—this is the gift of God. 14 I know that everything God does will endure forever; nothing can be added to it and nothing taken from it. God does it so that people will fear him.

15 Whatever is has already been,
and what will be has been before;
and God will call the past to account.[b]

16 And I saw something else under the sun:

In the place of judgment—wickedness was there,
in the place of justice—wickedness was there.

17 I said to myself,

“God will bring into judgment
both the righteous and the wicked,
for there will be a time for every activity,
a time to judge every deed.”

18 I also said to myself, “As for humans, God tests them so that they may see that they are like the animals. 19 Surely the fate of human beings is like that of the animals; the same fate awaits them both: As one dies, so dies the other. All have the same breath[c]; humans have no advantage over animals. Everything is meaningless. 20 All go to the same place; all come from dust, and to dust all return. 21 Who knows if the human spirit rises upward and if the spirit of the animal goes down into the earth?”
22 So I saw that there is nothing better for a person than to enjoy their work, because that is their lot.For who can bring them to see what will happen after them?

May you carry this in your heart, easier said than done, but it’s true and powerful.
Thank you Mohan for the A2A
Written 12am. Asked to answer by Mohan S Nayaka.

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~When to get a new Psychiatrist~Bipolar Issue~

Nicole MoncadaHave been diagnosed with Bipolar 1 for 5 years. It’s been one hellevu ride!
95 Views • Nicole is a Most Viewed Writer in Bipolar Disorder.

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~DR Seuss of Bipolar Rhyming~Love~

Love can you bring it to me in a cup, or a plate on a muffin perhaps a date, can you get it from the shelf or perhaps a Christmas elf? Bipolar Seuss 🙂 night night

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~A Blue Rose Given~

A blue rose is very hard to reproduce or find, although some floral companies are trying to do it naturally. Others just dye them. To some a blue rose symbolizes “mystery” and to others “attaining the impossible”. A blue rose given can symbolize the rarity of your partner. You have attained the impossible​~one was left on my car 🚗 then they left a rainbow 🌈 one. I still don’t know who did this, suppose it’s why they left the blue one~

~The Non Traditional Christian & Being Bipolar~NJM~

I used to use twitter a lot. The above tweet is one dear to me, and although it may have not received attention as others tweets, it is a true statement about the perils of Bipolar disorder.
Lately I write a bit less, and with that I notice less “Likes” on my post. I get lots of “shares” but no one I follow seems to be touched by my words. Not touched enough to “like”or moved enough to comment.
I wrote about courage recently and one other person like it, it was shared among facebook 4 times. Guess what? I don’t care. It’s not about the “likes” or even the shares. It’s about my expression of feelings that I feel I need to convey. It’s about courage. If someone gets something from it, then my work is done. If no one gets nothing from it, my work is still done. Why, you ask? Because I received something from it. I purged a thought, feeling, or a need to express. I found courage to write. To share.
Sure my prayer is to inspire, to teach, to eventually become a great writer, a best-selling author. Sure I am also an unorthodox oxymoron as well. A contradictions of sorts. Does the bible not indeed contradict as well? Yes. Indeed it does. Why? It’s left open to interpretation that is why.
I am the church, not a building. I don’t fellowship in a brick and mortar tower that cost millions to build. No. I fellowship with those I see daily at work. I try to encourage and lead by example, to wish everyone a blessed day. Should we all be as fortunate? indeed.
I have a calling on my life, I knew this while serving a year in jail at age 19. I just was not sure what it was. I did at one time have the ability to give prophecy. I lost that as time went by. I see bits and pieces still, but only when I draw near to God. I often fall short in that category. But I get up and try again. Never stop trying.
I am non traditional. Never wanted to be like what I had been exposed to. However, I fell short at times. Fitting in seems important at certain stages of life, so we compromise our true nature that God instilled in us to fit in.
Some would say ” if God exist why does so much bad happen? why are you bipolar, so on so forth…
I’ve examined this many times. There is a passage in the bible that states that many mysteries are yet to be revealed. That we have not the mind of God therefore we know not what God knows. What I will say is these two words “Free Will” it was ours the moment we entered this world. Our will is powerful if we use it. The problem is many use their will for exploiting and hurting others. The weaker minds allow for this to happen, and then bad things happen.
You may say then “What of illness, disease? Again I have no exact answer. What I can say, is some of the greatest and inspiring stories are about those who are ill. I am ill. My son is ill, he has type 1 diabetes and Aspergers. Wow he is a testimony of taking his illness and turning it into testimony. He made honor roll recently. He is in 6th grade. He is part of my personal testimony, for he is my son. Train up a child in the way they should go, and when he is old he will not depart from it. {Proverbs 22:6}
My God, I can’t believe that I was basically married at his age. Yes, you heard me. I married 48 days after I turned 14. I had just turned 14!!! Who would allow such in a modern society, abuse and illness from my Mother propelled me to such. To much degree all are ill. I don’t hide my illness. I am open so that others may learn from my experience.
Think of me as a generic Christian my set of values and standards may be different from yours, but we are all indeed human. We can go further in our future as a race and our beliefs if we begin to look at each other as another “human” and be that. A human being.
Our imagination has a myriad of possibilities we project which eventually molds our future possibilities which lay before each of us.
In order to make a difference we must engage our conscious to the voice of God and the nature of heart to man/human.
So this day as I pray, I pray for you, as I ask you pray for me…..like a  pay it forward prayer act.
I leave you with my bipolar thoughts now…
The heart may be the bodies strongest muscle but it’s also most fragile for all its strength it is also the weakest how’s that for irony?
As previously stated…..
Imagination is the myriad of possibilities we project and mold our future possibilities that lay before each of us.
We must engage our conscious, it too is the voice of God and the nature of heart in man.
So I reach out I hear the song of angels whispering……
I’m there for you
Expecting nothing in return, &
The amazing melodies of nature that only God can sing
The ability to hear it once again. May we all be so fortunate.
Thanks for reading my bipolar non traditional Christian thoughts.
~NJM~

Lyrics with Link to one of my Favorite Poetic sons and video by Rod Stewart~Broken Arrow~

Who else is gonna bring you a broken arrowWho else is gonna bring you a bottle of rain

There he goes moving across the water

There he goes turning my whole world around
Do you feel what I feel

Can we make it so that’s part of the deal

I gotta hold you in these arms of steel

Lay your heart on the line this time
I want to breathe when you breathe

When you whisper like that hot summer breeze

Count the beads of sweat that cover me

Didn’t you show me a sign this time
Who else is gonna bring you a broken arrow

Who else is gonna bring you a bottle of rain

There he goes moving across the water

There he goes turning my whole world around, around
Do you feel what I feel

Do you feel what I feel

Ah can you see what I see

Can you cut behind the mystery

I will meet you by the witness tree

Leave the whole world behind
I want to come when you call

I’ll get to you if I have to crawl

They can’t hold me with these iron walls

We got mountains to climb, to climb
Who else is gonna bring you a broken arrow

Who else is gonna bring you a bottle of rain

There he goes moving across the water

There he goes turning my whole world around

Turning my whole world around

Turning my whole world around

Turning my whole world around

Broken Arrow

~Can a Person With Bipolar Lead A Normal Healthy LIfe~

The Following paragraphs below were in response to a question Via Quora.com.
A women asked if there was any way someone with Bipolar Disorder could lead a healthy normal life (BTW What is Normal anyway?)The women had told me that her boyfriend was up and down, and a few times physically abusive  Below is my response. To her Question~
Yes, and no. It’s a double edged sword.
First it sounds to me like he is not managing his illness. The first step to mood stability is taking medication to level out the moods. This usually requires medication of the anticonvulsants family such as depakote, lamictal, topamax to name a few. Lithium is also awell known medication in regard to bipolar management.Next sleep is as important as meds. A proper sleep scheduleshould be in place. At least 7 to 8 hours of sleep a night. Otherwise moods become unstable and a manic episode will follow. Next exercise is extremely important. This gets the brains neurons and transmitter firing the right type of dopamine through the brain the endorphins get released. At least 5 days a week he needs to get a good strong workout in for no less than 1 hour.I mentioned the above because what you are telling me does not match up to someone working a routine to keep bipolar disorder managed. Anyone that has experience with bipolar would say that the three mentioned above are of the utmost importance.

Then you have alcohol. A bipolar person simply shouldn’t drink at all. However I personally drink an occasional glass of wine without repercussions. Remember that the variables are vast in management of bipolar disorder and each person is unique in symptoms and treatment.

 

 

Next meditation and spirituality go a long way, I pray each day upon waking. I meditate later in the day. I can not stress enough of how God has helped me. I realize not all share my view in regard to God. But hey it’s all personal and more importantly what works for you. I will say that when I didn’t pray and have faith, I was not a happy camper, and all the meds in the world did not make a difference.

 

Today I’m on an extremely low dose of meds. I only take 250mg of Lamictal, and 100 mg of Trazadone, Xanax only when needed. My meds are mild in comparison to others I know. It was not always like this for me. But prayer and spirituality centered me. Changed me.

 

Now if any of the above is not being followed to the best of ones ability, it’s gonna be one hell of a ride.

 

To answer your question, yes it can be done. But the management is a hit and miss. One has to be diligent in order to stay with the realm of reality, and to thwart mood swings.

 

What you are explaining almost sounds like rapid cycling. Truly your spouse needs to manage the disorder more closely than I suspect he actually is.

 

Also no form of violence should be tolerated. Period. None. I can’t stress that enough. Every time you over look physical violence it will increase in severity each time after until a deathly outcome may be achieved. You don’t want that, no one does. But a person in mania or hypo mania does not use logic or have the filter in place that those who don’t suffer mental illness have. So I severely stress again no violence tolerated!

 

I highly recommend couples counseling. A temporary separation while his medical issues are worked out and managed better. Also you should accompany him to a few psychiatric visits. Why? Because your reality needs to be offered up to the doctor not just his in order to be treated properly.
Besides this is a team effort. Support helps.

 

Research and read. Here are two books I highly recommend. This one is like a handbook for bipolar people.

Next one is ~Madness~ Marya Hornbacher does a phenomenal job of giving the perspective of a manic bipolar person. I just recently finished this book.

I will tell you, both books will give great insight and ideas to you and your spouse.

Now the flip side. If he does not take treatment seriously, and does not manage his bipolar, then the answer to your question is a firm and loud NO!
You will not be able to lead any type of happy normal relationship and life unless steps are implemented and treatment is followed.

It took 3 and a half years to get my life right. Lots of loss and heartache along the way. Many relationships lost. Financial trouble.. Just huge mess. Even jail time.

If I can be of any further assistance please reach out to me via private message. I am more than willing to help in any way I can, and point you into the right directions.

Also get online and look for support groups in your area.

Good luck.

Asked to answer by

 

~The Token Black Guy~What I Never Want My Son To Be~A Must Read~

~The Token Black Guy~ What I Never Want My Son To Be~Written By a Harvard Graduate~ A Must Read.Edit
My answer to the question that provoked me to post this article~Nicole Moncada’s answer to How has Quora changed your view/beliefs of black people?

Being the Token

One person cannot represent an entire race
By LUMUMBA SEEGARS February 23, 2007
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Being the token black person is not fun. I am expected to be an authority on the lives of all black people. People think I represent all black people and black culture; however, at the same time, I’m supposed to rise above black culture.

What is the token black person? The token is not supposed to be your everyday black person. The token is the good black person. You know, the black person that doesn’t adhere to all the negative stereotypes of black people. People of other races feel a little less threatened by him. Apparently, the token is different from all the other black folk; however, he’s still black enough for people to mention his name when talking about diversity.

The token is expected to know about all things black—he’s your urban teacher. Though the token is not like other black people, he still understands them. If you’re from a place with no black people and your only exposure to them has been movies like “Get Rich or Die Trying,” then the token will be your one black friend that you feel you can trust. 

Don’t be fooled—it’s not that simple. 

The history of race in America has been a power struggle between groups. Black people have not been oppressed on the basis of their individual faults; rather, individual black people have been discriminated against due to their association with the entire race. Though some individuals have managed to overcome the burdens of racial prejudice, black people are still looked down upon as a group. One of your black friends may seem trustworthy, but that doesn’t necessarily change your negative view of black people as a whole. It’s alright to have one or two black families in the neighborhood, but as soon as more start to move in, the neighborhood becomes a ghetto. There’s only a certain level of blackness that many people feel they can tolerate—the token gives them the perfect amount.

Here’s what really disturbs me: this notion that the token is better than other black people. Why is it that every time a black person does something good, somebody tries to let him know that he’s not like the rest of us?

The token feels an immense amount of pressure. Nobody is perfect, but the token has to make sure that he doesn’t slip up in front of white people. He feels as if he can’t make certain mistakes because he represents the entire race. One mistake will set black people back 100 years—and no one wants to be “that negro.”

Even at Harvard I feel the burden of tokenism. Luckily, I learned how to deal with it in high school.

For example, during my sophomore year in high school, I was one of two black students enrolled in my Algebra II class. I have this problem where I don’t really like math, so sometimes I would fall asleep in class. It turns out that the other black student had the same problem as well. Because we felt that both black people in the class couldn’t go to sleep at the same time—at least one of us had to be a “good” negro—we took turns going to sleep. Unfortunately, I was the only black person in my pre-calculus and calculus classes, so I had to continuously be a good black person in those situations.

A more prominent example of a token is Senator Barack Obama (D-Ill.), who Senator Joseph Biden (D-Del.) recently lauded as “the first mainstream African-American who is articulate and bright and clean and a nice-looking guy.” I’m sure Senator Biden meant it as a compliment; however, I—along with many other blacks—took it as an insult. Many whites are comfortable with Barack Obama because they don’t see him in the same way that they still see a majority of black people in America.

Obama doesn’t scare white people. The clean, articulate, and bright guy whom Americans are impressed with is the exact opposite of what Americans expect black people in this country to be.

Blacks are violent. Blacks are angry. Blacks are lazy. Things like racial profiling and negative media portrayals are demonstrative of the suspicious way in which many Americans view blacks and other people of color.

The token helps white Americans feel as if race is no longer an issue. It’s a cover-up. Instead of looking at the continued racial separation in this country, people point to their one friend of the other race and feel satisfied with themselves.

Making someone the token black person and placing him above other black people assumes that all of us—except for the token, of course—are the same. We live in a society still very much conscious of race—even if people don’t like to admit it openly. Making one black person your trustworthy token while you still view black people as a monolith will not fix the ongoing problem of race in America.

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Lumumba Seegars ’09 is a social studies concentrator in Dunster House. His column appears on alternate Fridays. 

Abuse … Leave updated.

Below is a post from 2014 it needs and update.it is a police record of him hitting me that night his mug shot.

When they came they took my 6 year olds account of what happened the very son he tries to keep me from and my son said I saw him hit my Mom.

This man is crazy and makes those around him crazy.

He is a bully a tyrant a bold in your face lair who Wrote a later stating he was 80% wrong then retracts it back and retracted moments he apologized and wrote that he was 80% wrong!

Below is a post from 4 yrs ago it is a reminder that liars and abusers get away and are not held accountable for their actions.

He Lies try to use my disability against me! Oh the crazy he has tried since then.

When they took him to jail that night he talked his way out and provoked me as he always trie and uses illness.

LISTEN if HE HITS YOU, if He belittles you, provokes you, try to make you do things you don’t want, putting you down, that is abuse leave! Don’t sit around for 20 years in a wishful fantasy that WILL NOT COME THROUGH!

Get up take back your power lock and load.

Be mindful pay attention and leave now especially if you suffer mental illness.

They use your illness against you!

Turn it around make sure to be open to others to break stigma and abuse I’ve long suffered.

Make those who hurt you accountable especially when children are involved.

Thank you for listening

Below is the post from 4 years ago.

My Lawyer and I are going to go to the beginning in this fight for custody, it all began on June 29th 2010 after he was arrested for hitting me. He came out of jail and lied about me contacting him and had me thrown in jail for violation of injunction, which I posted earlier about my run in’s with Lake County and Fruitland Park Police. Basically I was forced to marry this psycho in order to see and be around my son. He used my mental disability against me, here are some of the many excerpts of his indiscretions. Time to see the truth.

This was from the arrest which is the catalyst to the present events.This is His arrest for battery strike. He later lied and said I contacted him,He then contacted the corrupt police here where I live and like now he lied and had me baker acted. I have much more to share beyond this so stay tuned this is only the beginning.

In fact I have much more, but since my Iphone was stolen along with my credit cards while I was baker acted its hard to navigate this process since I am using different methods to post. I have the police report of his baker act in May on the 17th when he tried to commit suicide. I also have the 911 call made on August the 12th. My lawyer and I listened to it today, very interesting indeed. Stay tuned.