Perimeters~

Perimeters~
Disconcerting…..Detached
Colors outside the lines
Blurry…..
This particular emotion is completely lacking…..
Lacking cohesive qualities
It’s unravelling
And the edges keep getting stuck in the door
At its most severe case it’s completely unsettling…..
And it’s weakest
Subtle anxiety
Dry mouth
Like sand mixed with cotton
Anesthetized
Clinical white
In this sterile environment
I’ll await my next dosage
Hands heavy laden
Cracked around the edges
Layered with side effects~
Not for Reproduction~
And did you
Just as you are
How can you not see
just as you are
Is no better than me
You stood by the subway
Looking back
Your hair a mess
Where is the color
In your face
Where are you going
Why are you leaving this place?
Jeans are to big
You lost to much weight
I want you to know
Just as you are
I still love you
Drugs and all
Am I the opiate you had to leave
Was I your heart you wore on your sleeve?
Was it the cocaine fueled night
Downtown all that flair
Dancing and swinging
To the beat
Full of fire
Full of heat
If I’m your drug
Don’t detox me
I love you just as you are
See?
Our eyes glassed over we love the drugs hip hop baby like well dressed Thugs~
Feeling the textures
Giving the hugs
Drinking the water
Sweat pouring down
You were my king baby
You wore the crown
So you grab your glass of Macallan Whiskey you keep in your bar~
Take a deep sip
Then with a tip
You swallow the rest
Damn dear Darlin
This is not a test
Whiskey fueled nightmare
So where is your blue label scotch
Sure that will be next
Line of cocaine
And forget all the rest…….Of them
I sit on the benches
In Poe park
Children running
Dirty feet
Smudged faces
Where are you going
To what places
I love you just as you are
Like my Austin Sculpture art
Whimsical fantasy
Limitless treasure
How I remember
The museums
Our secrete pleasure~
I feel you used me like many before
You used them then like waddled paper on the floor~
You showed them out of your door
You were done
You took what they gave you
You had your fun
So here I sit in Poe park
Did you discard me
Like chewing gum
You had to taste
Then spit me out
Into the street
Where I got stuck beneath your feet?
I still love you
Just as you are
I’ll be in the park
I’ll bare the scar
My heart feels
Empty as you headed
Down the subway
You look away
I want you dear Darlin
Please stay
Sit with me on the bench
In Poe Park
We can be that sculpture
Living art
I still love you
Just as you are
Look for me when your back
I’m your brightest star
I’ll still be me
Only not free
And I’ll still love you just as you are
Not for reproduction~
~NJM~
I helped you Die those little deaths In your sorry existence
I gave you songs.
When you had no tunes left in you
I started to see the fire in your belly
And the steel running down your back
You were the most fearsome thing that ever lived
I know I breathed the life into you
I’m the one who awakened you However you started the fire
Now you must sleep
Embrace those little deaths
As a reminder of
The memory
Of me
In you alive For Eternity~
Not for Reproduction~
Drowning in your watered down words~in the sea of suspicions and doubt~
Stunned by your actions your lack of regard reverberates … Breaking sound barriers~
Best let it rest, no it’s not a test, most walked away its was for the best~
My illness is amplified by stress and assholes~
The very stress that assholes like you cause~
Separating myself from this realm
Of reality and dynamics shifting
On a ocean-less drift of emotion~
Cut paper thin then ripped from my personal thoughts not to be written yet spoken~
All that ever was now is broken, is that your beautiful trinket the parts of me you’ve stolen?~
I want it back, I intend to retrieve all you’ve taken I pray now I’ll receive and retrieve… at this particular time of my life it’s time to leave~
If I ever return I’ll know next time not to get burned… In the past trust I had to learn~
Like a flower unfolding
Slowly without notice
The blossom full bloom
Was always there the flower
Blossom full bloom
Like a firecracker released into the sky suspended
Gentle and soft petals drip rain
The foreboding rain of life’s cruelty
Flower of earth,color, so beautiful
Picked and trimmed and put aside in a vase. Time is short now life can sustain only when grounded to earth
Picked trimmed put aside as a spectacle, of beauty, fragility, and untimely death, death is never timely
But is inevitable…..
Wilting as each day brings to a close the mortality the death of something so amazing and beautiful~
Not For Reproduction~
Loneliness
A feeling so singular
A despair that numbs
No one around you
No where for them to come
Much less would you run if they did
Who can you trust
In this life you have to have one
At least they say it’s a must
Don’t believe them
There is……
A home that is lost
Friends walk away
Seems in this life
Nothing will stay
Alone
In silence
Able to just think
To sink
Downward
Into the pits of ominous clouds
Thoughts of a past screams out loud
People who loved you
Lied
None kept
All I can feel
Is completely inept
A fear that grips
A suffering so real
That all you have left
Is no way to feel
But alone~
~Longing is your souls way of letting you know you belong to another~NJM~
There was a time where time did move slowly calculated differently~