~The Shelf~

You put me away
On the shelf
Gathering dust
Tucked in the back
Of your closet
In a box
Time faded
You slowly released me
Still you have pieces
Of me gathered
Tucked away
You keep them close
High up
Unseen
Unknown to others
Except you
Memories of that time
You wanted
Nothing more than me
In a box is where those memories lay
All tucked and hidden away
In the box
On the shelf
In the back of your closet
On your desk
I live in your technology
In your computer
Filed
But never forgotten
Simply ignored
That is, until you return to
The shelf
Where you left me~

~Learning the Hard Way~Pain~

Drowning in your watered down words~in the sea of suspicions and doubt~
Stunned by your actions your lack of regard reverberates … Breaking sound barriers~
Best let it rest, no it’s not a test, most walked away its was for the best~
My illness is amplified by stress and assholes~
The very stress that assholes like you cause~
Separating myself from this realm

Of reality and dynamics shifting

On a ocean-less drift of emotion~
Cut paper thin then ripped from my personal thoughts not to be written yet spoken~
All that ever was now is broken, is that your beautiful trinket the parts of me you’ve stolen?~
I want it back, I intend to retrieve all you’ve taken I pray now I’ll receive and retrieve… at this particular time of my life it’s time to leave~
If I ever return I’ll know next time not to get burned… In the past trust I had to learn~

~Beautifully Unfinished~

Know that I shall not hang on

So why can’t I let go?

In my dreams when I’m with you

Somehow I forget to breath

You got me like a rag doll

Now I’m dancing on your string

And I keep trying

To figure out

Who you are to me

Maybe all that

We were meant to be

Is beautifully unfinished

Cause your’re the one

I can’t lose

You’re  the one

That I can’t win

Maybe all that we were meant to be was beautifully unfinished

~Bipolar Thoughts~Poetry~NJM~

Words pour out spinning in my mind

Gravity for these thoughts often impossible to find.
Subject to subject whirl in my head
Concentration is gone dead. Interruption easy I’ll spit it out quick, why? Because my thoughts are amazing more important than yours screw all these rules and your feelings too I simply lack a filter….apology not happening well later perhaps after yet more thought
What a price to be reckoned with it must be bought!
Jumping through constellations and flying past stars, the energy I feel could jet me to Mars. Hypomanic confidence seeps right on pass I’m certain if you don’t know me you would think me an ass.
Polarity at its finest as I try to refine, but all these thoughts and these feeling might leave me behind. Cohesive qualities try to keep me in tact but it is what it is this is a fact.
Would it be so horrible to just be this or stay that, well I must tell you I’d feel rather flat. I can never just be this or be that I am what I am a wonderment of confusion, I’ll make you see a flip side, leave you disillusioned.
It’s not that I’m trying to get in your head, see I’m already there you may think not, but I can spit out your words first seep in your mind and the words that escape you somehow I find.

~The Irony Of Humans~

What I am what I am not

I am a human being
I am not your possession
I am a singular Person
I am not alone in this World
I am unconditional
I am not without Standards
I am a control freak
I am not always in control
I am intelligent
I am not without ignorance
I am bipolar
I am not crazy
I am open about my mental illness
I am not without stigma
I am loving
I am not without regret
I am honest
I am not without lies throughout my life
I am complex
I am not without others understanding me
I am flawed
I am not without beauty
I am accepting
I am not without judging
I am broken
I am not without healing
I am a contradiction
I am not without absolutes
I am strong
I am not without weakness
I am random
I am not without concentration
I am observant
I am not without unawareness
I am a friend
I am not without enemies
I am happy
I am not without sadness
I am a tweeter
I am not always able to express myself in 160 characters or less
I am blogger
I am not an award winning writer…..yet
I am strong in presence
I am not always seen
I am humble
I am not without pride
I am a child of God
I am not without sin
I am me
I am not you~
~NJM~
Not for Reproduction~

~What’s The Joke?~

What did you say? Laughter bursting

This elated feeling euphoric in style

Transforms emotions into a smile

Bubbly resonance erupts from within

Leaving less of a smile but a shit eating grin

There is a secret I keep a joke so to speak.

If I shared with you then its not mine to keep.

So you’re gonna just have to wonder

that’s all you can do.

Whether the joke is on me or the joke is on you~

Not for Reproduction~

NJM

~Let Me Introduce Myself, I am Depression~A must Read for anyone Depressed~

~You point out all the reasons to not be depressed. I see clearly the things you so readily direct my attention to.

What you can not see is for all the positives you see, there are negatives waiting to consume the positives you point out to me.

With brittle faith, and frailty  of the mind, the positives you refer to are impossible to find But wait… Hold on a minute, it could be far worse than you have.
Could it now? In this I believe. But often easier spoken than to fully receive.You must change your thoughts, don’t think about these things.
Oh, ok and again I can hear what you say. But shifting this mindset will take more than a day. It will only surrender when it’s run it’s course, after consuming the mind with regret and remorse. Shake it off already get over it, move on.
Oh, I see… You have not met me, let me introduce myself, get acquainted with you. In no random order I’ll make you feel blue. My name is depression, mental illness with no cure. To live right beside me you’ll have to learn to endure.
‘Ill make your decision making a complete udder mess, while you can’t decide which question to address.Remorse, despair, there with no hope, I’ll squeeze out your life until you choke… And then right before you take your last breath, I’ll decide that to today will not be your death.
I want you to be quiet, don’t say a word, it makes the goal easy, you’ll never be heard. Genetics is what I hear many say , is the very reason you are this way. But I’m no respecter of persons, not choosy one bit, I’ll  fester around you and in your mind I will sit.

Awaiting the circumstance to sneak my way in, and you’ll question the link of genetics again. But regardless you will not win, and I’ll  not give a clue, because its to easy to get within you.

Invisibility to me can not be acquired , nor obtained.  The seeds are well planted and I’ll make you feel that all is for granted.

I prefer to romance you, woo as you will. Tinker and tangle the web I can weave, and the beauty of all, is I’ll never leave. Not for long at least, but when I’m away, you might enjoy life for more than a day.~