~Bipolar Thoughts~Poetry~NJM~

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Words pour out spinning in my mind

Gravity for these thoughts often impossible to find.
Subject to subject whirl in my head
Concentration is gone dead. Interruption easy I’ll spit it out quick, why? Because my thoughts are amazing more important than yours screw all these rules and your feelings too I simply lack a filter….apology not happening well later perhaps after yet more thought
What a price to be reckoned with it must be bought!
Jumping through constellations and flying past stars, the energy I feel could jet me to Mars. Hypomanic confidence seeps right on pass I’m certain if you don’t know me you would think me an ass.
Polarity at its finest as I try to refine, but all these thoughts and these feeling might leave me behind. Cohesive qualities try to keep me in tact but it is what it is this is a fact.
Would it be so horrible to just be this or stay that, well I must tell you I’d feel rather flat. I can never just be this or be that I am what I am a wonderment of confusion, I’ll make you see a flip side, leave you disillusioned.
It’s not that I’m trying to get in your head, see I’m already there you may think not, but I can spit out your words first seep in your mind and the words that escape you somehow I find.

~Water Fall Dipped Dream~great read!

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The most important things are the hardest to say~With that my soul is shattered…..Out of all things in life I’ve lost my mind is the one thing I miss the most…. so go

Catch  my thoughts in between a hazy morning and a rainy afternoon~clouds are optional~ storms inevitable but most interesting indeed~given in to thoughts you now feed~oh how I’ve searched for the lost places my entire life, places where dreams drip over waterfalls…And spectacular colors

To catch the spectrum

Prisms with possibilities

A place to be home

Be with me

Wear your sin

Upon my skin

Laced around the words

That I breathe in~forever floating together in the middle of the ocean………

Lost into one another

Yet so far away~

~Fat Tuesday~

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Fat Tuesday is here

my Darlin Dear

Preemptive plight

Planned party

Late night

Mardi Gras is here

It’s that time of year

skies hued

yellow, purple, green aglow

The sounds clamoring

Fighting to outdo

each musical note

There we were dancing

Swaying to the beat of the

Floats the heat

Jazz music fills the streets

Down Canal street turning round to
cross over to Bourbon~

Take in each shot

Preemptively planned

Glass in hand

Other hand in yours

Flying high

beads round our neck making music

of their own

Debris in the streets

Faces smeared

Drunken flow

Dancing in flight

Cheap trinkets flying

Dashing, fighting, grinding

Preemptively planned party

Your eyes two lights flaming bright

watching your sexy arm

Light your Marlboro

Smiles and giggles

Two jokes only we are in on

Blowing your smoke out

Between your sexy lips

I get close and kiss your lips

Playfully biting the lower one

Endless fun

Pass that joint don’t bogard

It’s high time for all

It’s this night we aim to please

Preemptively planned plight

Gonna party all damn night

Then some more

On each street corner

Stands a whore

Sodom and Gomorrah

What a life Darlin what sight

Pulling you closer

Let this night never be over never be done~

The entire world is watching

All the court jesters

All the clowns

All the kings and queens on floats wearing their crown~

Hey that’s a decent poison

Crown Royal over rocks

Splash of water barkeep please

Don’t be stingy now pour long don’t tease~

Walking don’t dare run

And then it fades

Leaving, lingering

Till next year we preemptively plan again for this night~

Fat Tuesday Darlin Dear

I hear you whisper in my ear

As we float high above the rest

Preemptive plight party all night

Fat Tuesday

Madri Gras

We will do it again and again

Mardi Gras never ends~

Not for reproduction

~NJM

~Poe Park~

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Just as you are

How can you not see

just as you are

Is no better than me

You stood by the subway

Looking back

Your hair a mess

Where is the color

In your face

Where are you going

Why are you leaving this place?

Jeans are to big

You lost to much weight

I want you to know

Just as you are

I still love you

Drugs and all

Am I the opiate you had to leave

Was I your heart you wore on your sleeve?

Was it the cocaine fueled night

Downtown all that flair

Dancing and swinging

To the beat

Full of fire

Full of heat

If I’m your drug

Don’t detox me

I love you just as you are

See?

Our eyes glassed over we love the drugs hip hop baby like well dressed Thugs~

Feeling the textures

Giving the hugs

Drinking the water

Sweat pouring down

You were my king baby

You wore the crown

So you grab your glass of Macallan Whiskey you keep in your bar~
Take a deep sip

Then with a tip

You swallow the rest

Damn dear Darlin

This is not a test

Whiskey fueled nightmare

So where is your blue label scotch

Sure that will be next

Line of cocaine

And forget all the rest…….Of them

I sit on the benches

In Poe park

Children running

Dirty feet

Smudged faces

Where are you going

To what places

I love you just as you are

Like my Austin Sculpture art

Whimsical fantasy

Limitless treasure

How I remember

The museums

Our secrete pleasure~

I feel you used me like many before

You used them then like waddled paper on the floor~

You showed them out of your door

You were done

You took what they gave you

You had your fun

So here I sit in Poe park


Was I like them

Did you discard me

Like chewing gum

You had to taste

Then spit me out

Into the street

Where I got stuck beneath your feet?

I still love you

Just as you are

I’ll be in the park

I’ll bare the scar

My heart feels

Empty as you headed

Down the subway

You look away

I want you dear Darlin

Please stay

Sit with me on the bench

In Poe Park

We can be that sculpture

Living art

I still love you

Just as you are

Look for me when your back

I’m your brightest star

I’ll still be me

Only not free

And I’ll still love you just as you are

Not for reproduction~

~NJM~

Gone is Sunday’s Rest~

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There was a time where time did move slowly calculated differently~

Humble beginning
From brutal wars~
We all bare the scars
Of our history of all wars
Fought~
A time where God was revered
A time where many feared~
Then some stood up
Spoke a strong truth
An uprising inspired by the youth
That day~
Conflict contained?
No. Look around foolishly we believe yet in lies~
Sadly we eat what they feed us eagerly~
Children of all the times never truly protected~
Further more the Poor, hungry, homeless, rejected, neglected~
A time where stores closed on Sunday’s the world did rest on that day, in honor of the Lord, the very notion that sparked all wars~
Quiet was heard on Sunday
Like a Christmas holiday
Quiet energy radiating as all took rest, refuge around the dinner table~
Then Machines gave rise through men’s eyes
Able computers doing what hands had been hired
In this many jobs lost, people fired~
Clogging up lives, red tape causing rape, news travels at unbeatable rates, instantly communicate~
Cops get away with murder and rape of people and youth, twisted all the stories turning lies into truth,What of protection? ah yes a broken connection~
There was a time where families gathered, and looked past the insanity of each other, embracing brother, mother, sister, father
Tolerance replaced by intolerance~
A time where children were quietly abused
Now children are loudly treated as adults they are often used, for fill ins, mind games, stolen, runaways, used for porn and sickness of men
Times has it changed much then?~
From beatings by hands of a Mom or a Dad oh the children cry out, so sad
You’re that child still, you, me
But we chose to forget, not see~
Time it changes~
It echos impervious
Yet alters,  leaving illusions, confusion~
Population out of control
Not enough can go around
People subdued no rising up
Cloned, drones marching onward without a sound~
Revolutions things of the past
Time long gone
Machines compute making our voice mute
Just a text~
Busy busy on the go
Did you know, we once rested on Sunday?
Time handled carefully, treasured and indeed measured by standards long lost
Human race you did not count the cost?~
Insanity is cool, disorders separate, labels everywhere often causing hate
War we still are, that is we are at war
Not winning, not by far~
Comfortably some sit, afforded the bliss of ignorance~
Could they be the ones who could bring about difference?
Won’t know, complacency rules
No not one can be used as needed for tools~
Time once moved slowly
Sunday’s we took rest,
Personally think it best~
Time not captured but in a memory
Believe we should take rest~
Mixture of times both then and now
Mingling to concoct a recipe
To level, even it out~
Would a revolution shout out bring about needed change?
All lives rearranged~
We used to rest and revered Sunday’s~
Quiet as a holiday where energy is mellow and slow, resting peacefully on that day, we all stopped at once~
There was a time
But it’s gone~

  ~Walking Away~With My Weirdness intact~

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I’m weird

I’m not of this world  ðŸŒŽ

The ether

I’m ethereal

I have lost

To much

The touch

The energy

The love

The essence

The Friends ……as I walked away

I lost it all

Had bills to pay

I lost my son, he is not the boy he was

And now it would seem I must accept I have lost a love I’ll never understand ……. boy to man~

So remember me and I’ll remember you….. yes I know I bit off more than I can chew

I lost the will to continue on

So I’m walking away it’s time to move on

You and I both know

You broke me

Still yet I am here

I’m gonna walk away now gotta learn somehow

You know I know you are with him

Hard headed always was

I’ll see you again in this I’m sure

Remember from this point my intentions pure

But I’m waving goodbye to you
I’m walking away now in this I know

I have to go

Walking away

Catch you on another day, time, place, or another life

These wounds cut like a knife

Looking back once more

Wish you would talk to me once Again, before I close the exit door

As…………………….. I’m

……….walking away~

~Battered Soul~Crushed Heart~

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Words emptied spilling 
Letters jumbled

Speech of madness

Little bits of heaven scattered

All about

Smeared with indifference

Rejection and doubt

Reaching deeply

These wholes in my heart

This pain in my chest

I am starting to wonder

Where is my rest

From the thoughts, hopes

Dreams, now it’s all crying broken 

Wounds scream

Still we linger 
Trust you’re not letting go

It’s the feeling in my gut

The calling of my name

Summoning me from time to time

To play these awful games

Day in and out

You will always think of me

Deep beyond my rejected soul

I’m always the best you’ll ever see

It’s me that lives deep in your head my voice in your mind

You’ll never let go but trust you Will run out of time

Oh battered soul, beaten heart

Gathering the important parts

Trying to bury the bones

Sweet dignity oh blessed be

To think you walked away

Truth be told you never left

I lingered too~

NJM~

~The Shelf~

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You put me away
On the shelf
Gathering dust
Tucked in the back
Of your closet
In a box
Time faded
You slowly released me
Still you have pieces
Of me gathered
Tucked away
You keep them close
High up
Unseen
Unknown to others
Except you
Memories of that time
You wanted
Nothing more than me
In a box is where those memories lay
All tucked and hidden away
In the box
On the shelf
In the back of your closet
On your desk
I live in your technology
In your computer
Filed
But never forgotten
Simply ignored
That is, until you return to
The shelf
Where you left me~

~Perimeters~

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Standoffish aloof
Not looking at you~

Perimeters~

Coordinates
Bubbles of glass with precise measures
Encasing
Protecting
Inviting Safety
Each equation
Etching the space
The fine area deemed just my space
Slowing building up walls
Curves edges and all
A saving grace …….before another…….yes again a setback, another fall
Drawing fine lines
Marking each point
Thoughts are layers, times frames~
The nexus holding the perimeters together
Wondering if you could ever……yes ever
Believe yet again in another
Even further still nothing is forever…….
Forever the same each second each moment bring about change
Bending each thought and molding each frame ~
Believing this time it will not be the same
But perimeters falter & twist & wind and morph like a darkness acting often unkind ~
Life is an altered course it unfolds into time a commodity given the day you were born but perimeters weaken
Coordinates torn ~
All the while strategy in progress to save what is left of the holes in my heart and pain in my chest~
Perimeters are guild lines I lacked for to long, but I learned this the hard way like any over played song
Boundaries blanket me safely from harm
I no longer lay upon your loved arm~
I no longer listen to your heart beat~
I no longer feel~
Perhaps I do feel a bit for another~
But time Will only put our coordinates together
Although I lack in certain knowledge in subjects not taught
I’ll still invade your mind I’ll still be in your heart
Can’t help what I know not what I feel but
Perimeters took those it was those it did steal~
I’m trying to self preserve trying to heal
My perimeters are unique & my numbers are mine
Circumference of my thoughts etched and in place I’ll think long and hard before I look upon another face~
So know if you ever tried to understand me or tried to break Through and let me let you in
My plan is to not feel this way yet again~
Still Plans often change lives rearranged
These measure are precise and I can carefully prepare to slice to dice the hurt and pain~
To continue this path
Retract & Refrain~