~A State of Panic?~

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So here we are, watching Irma make her path straight through Florida as I predicted along with many others.

I’m creole born on the bayous and marsh lands of Louisiana. I’ve have been through many. I am a Katrina transplant actually. Funny how we get so complacent.

When I arrived here in Florida from Mississippi I was determined to be ready for Katrina sister or brother.

I bought a generator. Filled gallon jugs froze them full of water in the newly bought deep freeze. I was ready.

Years go by, central Florida seemed to never really feel any other storms in the last 12 years.

So slowly through life, you know the ~Shit Happens~ I sold all supplies.

Here I am now Nature coast of Florida about 35 miles north of New Port Ricky which is only 15 miles from Clearwater.

Am I in a state of panic? No. I felt this storm. I knew it was powerful. It was affecting my health in many ways. I am as prepared as I can be for someone sticking it out with her son.

My Son is a type 1 diabetic insulin dependent young man who has worn and insulin pump for 10 years.

I have lots of supplies I bought early I could just feel it. However I’m not God. So to all who read this from Florida stay safe or calm don’t panic. PRAY. Go meet your neighbors if you haven’t and you are both staying you may need each other’s help.

This is not a panic no this is pains. A state of pain in my ass. This storm affects us all remember everyone not just Florida But All Of Us.

Signing off.

God speed.

Stay safe.

Pray.

Oh one more thing, let’s not forget that there are two more hurricanes out there with Irma…..

~~Endless Exits~

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This gun is my friend, as you well see I kiss the end, of what is you and of me…..

It sits there like some offensive reminder ….. of exit door

But courage it takes

So I take that picture  then I quietly think…..
If I could ever get out from under the weight of this garbage
Maybe then I’d let the combustion out…
The steam roll off this sweltering pile of debri which is my life
Just my reflection in
The mirror is a contradiction
There is some sort of power in the weight of my words, it’s like it spills forth from a spring of knowledge of some unknown source from my lips these thoughts drip~my Catherism  speaks to me, I dare not protest

I realiz I could be like the rest however~
These words are a strange comfort to me, they will be waiting for me long after everyone else is gone.. They are solidly spoken.. Insight in times that are baffling yet enlightening~ and I kiss the tip of my gun all is real, not for fun~

~NJM~

 

 

 

 

 

 

~Views About God or Lack Thereof~

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 Had a conversation not long ago with a dear friend I met via Quora, we have talked a bit through emails.

He was once a Christian, he now has abandoned his faith for the choice of being an Atheist.
We none the less still communicate… Not as often lately but none the less he has made a positive impact upon me, and although we have had some deep, deep discussion on things of spiritual nature, God, the lack thereof, we always walk away knowing we will be close although our views of God are different. With him being the lack of a God, with me believing in God. It’s a touchy subject you see, religious, political, racial, sexualpreference…poverty.. You get the picture. I’m am not gonna tag him, he will know when he reads this.. That it was my answer to a debate or conversation of sorts about why I believe in God. He sent a photo one day via email as part of an unfinished conversation the following words you will read was my response to the photo and what was(We finally To Just Agree toDisagree) our on going philosophical discussion of things such as atheism, theism, monotheism, pandiabolism( Fredrick Neitzsche actual stance was pandiabolism)

Yes, I see that, and what I’ll say is there will always be what you see above in those pictures, as long as you reside on this earth.This earth is governed by the law of free will. You are aware of this? I’m certain you are. Do you understand the law? That I’m not sure. You want to believe that God does not exist. I understand this, however I also see a conflict in you ,a reflection so to speak. You want others to validate your belief. Why? Because if morepeople share your belief it makes it real for you. That’s fine. As long as we are here in this realm, on this earth, we will continue to see pain and suffering. God will not intervene where he has given men charge. This earth was given over to humans long ago. The challenge with the above picture is for those same men to rise up and use the power of will, the power God gave to change the above picture. This of course will never happen on earth, why? Because our conversation is a pure example. We can’t agree.Because there is not a firm and positive agreement, and never has been, therefore conflict, strife, discord, suffering and pain, will all exist… That is as long as humans are left to there own devices, to govern their own will. Which God did do. Change for the above photo will only occur if everyone agrees… Which will not happen, as previously stated. Life is not a one size fits all. If it were, it would be boring, if we never knew suffering, then we could never understand the beauty and joy, vice versa. I’m always gonna have a rebuttal as you will too, why? Because as I beautifully stated… We won’t agree. That’s the sadness of it all.
But it is life here on earth. It is what it is. Accept it or don’t. It’s all down to a choice, a view.

~The Truth About Forgiveness….~

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The truth about forgiveness and other peoples shit.

I recently had an opportunity to interact in a racial discussion. Not such a big secret.

As with all things labeled “race” tensions can often times run high.

One of the people I exchanged views with I had previously exchanged more pleasant conversations in regard to life,love, God….

Thank God right? It’s always a good thing to share positive thoughts and well wishes.

But on this occasion, Many …many things came up in our exchange of views, mud was slinging about. You know the great divides that we all eventually face in life from time to time based upon learned views, social norms. That mud being our “shit”

I have what I like to call strong frequency levels when it comes to others I interact with. Whether face-to-face, phone, or via the Internet.Once the connection is made, I can sense the mood easily.

This person went to bed angry. I actually prayed and laid my head down in peace before sleep, but upon waking I could feel the tension in the atmosphere. That person had not slept well, and was still extremely angry.

That person I exchanged harsh words with The key word being “exchange” see I am aware enough to see that in most cases of civility when lines begin to blur and pleasantries cease to exist, it is down to the two who are at battle.

The battle being the subject at hand, the views harshly expressed. I could sense the indifference from this person, although this person may not have felt it from me. I bit into the indifference instead of doing what I clearly know how to do, which is to just walk away.

But instead I chose to stay awhile. I chose to hash out all my beliefs on the subject at hand. I stated my thoughts clearly and remained on the subject matter as best I could, considering the remarks and innuendos that were being exchanged. You know the ones like the word “Cognition” in regard to things of the mind. Or the phrases like “to counter your claims” or better yet “moral high ground” hmmmm….

After the final comments were finished, lines had been crossed, I prayed. I asked God to forgive me for my unwillingness to yield on the subject being discussed. Then I knew the next step to releasing the poison I had allowed myself to bite into….. I had to ask the very person I exchanged harsh comments with to humbly forgive me.

Now it’s one thing to say harsh words……that is to actually exchange harsh words, but another thing to say you’re sorry sensing and knowing that your wrong is as wrong as their wrong, yet fully aware that their arrogance would justify their cause and stated words.

I was fully aware that I would open myself up to feel further hurt by allowing myself to ask for forgiveness and in so doing trying to forgive myself for going to places I usually try my best to stay away from.

I believe the saying is “chose your battles wisely”.

I don’t know if the other person is or is not aware of how strongly I can sense others. But what I can tell you is my judgment of such has never failed. What has failed is for me to truly recognize at this stage of my life these frequencies I pick up on.

I realized that the last time I spoke to this person it was done on their behalf out of a sense of some duty. I could hear this in the person’s voice almost from day one. But I was extremely gracious for the fact that someone was willing to reach out to me.

I just wish I would have declined at this point. I realize that true actions never stick for long if they’re done out of duty.

For any true exchange or epiphany to occur on any subject between two strong minds there first needs to be a willingness that’s organic and freely felt from the heart to heart.

See duty is like a job you grudgingly hold onto because you somehow have been made to play that role. Trust I know, I used to feel the same way at one venture of my life. I realized that it was laboring under false pretense.

The most freeing thing anyone can do for themselves is to first forgive yourself for the ignorant actions/exchange between another living, breathing, human being. Forgive yourself for the stupid battle you so willingly placed yourself in, in the first place.

Then the hardest part of the next stage is saying your sorry, being fully aware that an apology is needed all the way around, however knowing you must act first. Because you can sense that the other person wouldn’t budge, and most likely will hold onto their view never fully seeing full circle that it was indeed an “exchange”

I’ve lived this role in my life to many times, what it has yet again taught me is to not only chose my plight carefully, but that at some innate level of existence this world has made us all a bit “full of shit”.

For that I can’t say much more, considering I’m covered in my own most of the time, but at the present moment I’m covered both in mine and the other persons “shit.”

I am sorry for the colorful use of the word “shit” as it pertains to the human qualities we all inherently share. I feel a bit cleaner now for coming clean, and being the person to see her shit first.

Now I’ll go on my detox of sorts that I said I was going to do yesterday, yet here I am today but now I truly have stated my piece/peace. Thank you for a lovely exchange.

~Hatreds Whore Part 1~Part 2~Epilogue~

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~Hatreds Whore~

The subtle trapping of the flesh
Does eat the soul alive…
The folly of words that spin the web
Leaving strife and lies.
The subtle desensitizing of the mind
Eating way at the cells misfiring
Does the spirit still dwell even against its contrary morals?
Against the angst and frailty of justice?
And doth contempt churn within,
As disconcerting as before the subtle lies of hatreds whore?

 

~Hatreds Whore Part~2~

You crazy fool you think you have yet again advanced your position in this life?
Coddled entitlement chokes you and leads you ignorantly through the trenches you walk daily… Believing your own demented truths!
And does your existence prove to be so profitable?
Does your opinion truly count?
Or does thy soul eat away
The core of your spirit that
Dances idly alone through clouded dreams pass the Laws of men  smothered by society’s brew eats the meat and flesh of your bones, your life and lies doth slowly chew, and spew…… You out… Spit forth
Leftovers are all  you are fool, and to think you  never knew !
And does thy soul magnify and convey the torment ?
Or do you smile, all the while eating lies up like a child?

~Epilogue to Hatreds Whore~

The Will of youth is fading
Hinged between realm’s of grey, black, white…..wrong, right smeared dripping, bleeding into each other~
Not yet divided by age ……definitely, to young to be old, to old to be young.
Seemingly timeless, don’t we wish to believe~

Thy will was strong, Ah Thy youth vigorous! Consuming, Passionate……..Yet time upon earth has broken the will of your youth, tainted, choked the spirit of your present condition once shared Devine connection….. Suffocating in a conformist fashion…Pre-made a template duplicated…. Scorned…even Hated~

Strange strengths unknown alive yet Lacking discipline~Ominous thoughts scatter about
Eating around the skirted Subjects best left secret, leaving no clue~

Unmastered skill yielding strength
imparting ability to carry forth much more intense tasks yet to be finished with flawless execution, instead drained by surrounding energies pertaining to tasks, trying times, ever smudging smearing lines~

Visions inspired by God… That great cosmic master have wiped the slate of prophecy clean~
Over exposure to environment wiped the mind void …..trying to distinguish which voice……… which vision was God, or Demons now lurking in corners, and shadows awaiting moments of weakness to torment thoughts, your soul.
Mute Divinity the Holy Spirit once directing every step, every action of times long lost…… Lost long before this present condition, this meager existence.

Doth this evil that exist supersede the once enveloping presence man thought God to be?
Those philosophical longings… Greater questions lingering, longing for answers……
Has exposure edified the presence of human thought upon God, as deceitful, longing to have control?

Does thought of a Godless world Condemn us swiftly without Regarded thought?
Without belief in tact?
Skeptics … Dare we be?
Ah we must! Indeed.

It’s down to science to fact…..Facts often proven failures later due to fallacy, policy, ignorance believing that the mysteries of the unseen, angels, demons the Supreme One are false?
Indeed subjective.
Your Experience prevails or does it Lack?

Has doubt allowed hate to negate….contradicting lies, sealing history’s fate? Squeezing the life out, draining needs of things considered holy, Devine, to seemingly cease?
Or does it thrive within you alive?

Hatred you whore, you demonic thief… Reeking havoc destruction and grief, yet easily graceful, alluring, enticing to beseech, even more so to easily reach~

Insidious belief difference divides
opposes thought……,action with deceit, malice, subtle thief….. whore, that hate, Trying to cloud human fate….
Venomous rage, collected, captured shackled in a cage
Scorned trifling rage
Hate… You whore
Ever present searching for more~
Hating today as much as yesterday maybe a little more….
Thus my name is Hatreds Whore~

Not For Reproduction~

 

~When was Bipolar Discovered~

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Bipolar disorder is not so much discovered as it did exist throughout time. Dated back to Ancient Greece where Aretaeus of Cappadocia, who was a physician and philosopher in the time of Nero or Vespasian (first century AD) had observed patients that would dance and play all night for days even. Then without notice change to dull and somber and weeping.

It has always been there, just not yet labeled as such. 
In the early nineteen hundreds the term was called “Manic Depressive” in order to give a term to the manic side of mania and its counterpart depression

. 
 In 1854, Jules Baillarger (1809–1890) and Jean-Pierre Falret (1794–1870) both presented psychiatric terms and writing about the illness called ~dual insanity ~ 

It was In the early 1900s the eminent German psychiatrist Emil Kraepelin (1856–1926) coined the term that would be used to describe what we know as bipolar today. He called it ~manic depression~ 

It was not until the 1950’s that the terms for the illness went between using ~manic depressive~ to bipolar affective disorder ~ it was proposed by German psychiatrist Karl Leonhard in 1957.

So it truly has always been an illness, like all other illness that has also been around for ages. There is no definitive answer to exactly when it was discovered. Much like diabetes and cancer.. I don’t think we know who exactly discovered those either.