~In the Grey~It’s Where I’ll Stay~

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I’m in the grey…….
Grey Chasm swallows
I’m in the grey it’s where I’ll stay for now
I will not attempt to move quickly
Nor will I be rushed
Do I fascinate?
Do I invoke fear? Hate?
Perfectly negate?
Am I your guilty pleasure…
Is there no distance yet to measure?
I’ll create my walls
Build my tower strong
Brick by brick no matter how long
Exterior crusted over with
Innuendos and regret
I’m in the grey
I will not be pulled away
In this Chasm I will stay
Until I decide, until that day
You can not reach me… There is no definitive here
No truth or lie
If I want to stay until I die
It’s then a matter of choice
The beauty of my grey instilled in me a voice
Slowly it drips…..spill forth from my lips
Turning my words to black and white
Finally to distinguish which is wrong and which is right
But I shall not take flight oh no, I will move slowly with precision
At the end of the day it’s my decision
For now I’m in the grey area
Safely in my tower, walls erected
While my thoughts become collective
Selective
In the grey

~Being Open about my Illness~You’re Crazy~

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ImageAt the beginning of my diagnosis I was completely in denial. So although diagnosed, I did not even acknowledge my diagnosis for the first 4 years.

But now 4 years later I can look back and see that I fit the criteria of a bipolar person. With my acceptance came a desire to be heard and help others gain a better understanding of what it is to live with bipolar disorder. Just like Mill’s stated everyone has there own personal story, it varies with each individual.

I have only regretted it when I’ve been met with ignorance or indifference, or fear. I have indeed been faced with others who have not been educated in regard to bipolar as well as other mental illness. More people seem to relate to depression because more individuals are faced with it, as opposed to bipolar. I once wore the label of “clinically depressed” I was first diagnosed with clinical depression in my 20’s. It seemed I was openly accepted being clinically depressed.

Because bipolar disorder is related to extreme shifts of mood. It’s laden with many unknown variables. The sensitivity of the illness and its ability to shift in opposite directions, leaves others worried about your personal stability and sensitivity.
But generally I’m at a place in my life where I bare the label with openness and willingness to educate others and answer questions to the best of my experience and struggles.

Treatment and upkeep of the disorder goes along way with the stability aspect. When you have a good history of stability in regard to treatment, it helps others feel secure in reaching out to you. People are fearful of what they’ve seen or not seen or heard. When someone is exposed to me for an extended period of time, Barriers breakdown and a level of acceptance is then replaced with prior apprehension I was met with. Truthfully you can’t be bipolar in society without meeting some prejudice. I believe this is true for all mental illness, not just exclusive to bipolar disorder, but all. It’s not limited to just my label, but all mental illness labels, and autism as well.
Not for Reproduction~

~Finally~Legends can be Made~tweet tweet~lol~

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Every Penny Every Dime Every Nickel My Angel’s left behind to remind me…… ~In God We Trust~

So without further Ado ……………. my recent tweet~

2 separate cases but will go full circle~

First a big shout out to #God then to both my Attorneys #LarryCartelli and #Craig…no last name to the public on him..he represents in a level as Larry. As I pledged to my father in heaven, as well as my father on earth before he died, my Moncada bloodline will never want again~

~Restless sleep full Moon~

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I can’t sleep. The full moon brings energy. Further more I was attacked physically by my WASBAND.

Yes wasband. Not x husband he is a was now no longer.

I am sure my PTSD IS FULL FLARE and I’m alert waiting thinking and having night terrors.

I’m watching karma eat him up, I don’t want my son to be a casualty.

But he has been mind Fucked to a point of a possible NO RETURN. It’s killing me inside.

That’s all I can say. I ask that you pray. Pray for my son, to have clarity of mind and safety.

Well insomniac signing off. Forgive typos I am writing in the dark.

~~Endless Exits~

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This gun is my friend, as you well see I kiss the end, of what is you and of me…..

It sits there like some offensive reminder ….. of exit door

But courage it takes

So I take that picture  then I quietly think…..
If I could ever get out from under the weight of this garbage
Maybe then I’d let the combustion out…
The steam roll off this sweltering pile of debri which is my life
Just my reflection in
The mirror is a contradiction
There is some sort of power in the weight of my words, it’s like it spills forth from a spring of knowledge of some unknown source from my lips these thoughts drip~my Catherism  speaks to me, I dare not protest

I realiz I could be like the rest however~
These words are a strange comfort to me, they will be waiting for me long after everyone else is gone.. They are solidly spoken.. Insight in times that are baffling yet enlightening~ and I kiss the tip of my gun all is real, not for fun~

~NJM~

 

 

 

 

 

 

~Going live on Moments of Clarity~ earlier in fact 1 hour~

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Listen Live on 106.1 fm and

TanTalk Radio 1340AM http://www.tantalk1340.com

106.1FM 

140.3 FM Dade City/Zephyrhills/Wesley Chapel

WDCF-AM 1350 Dade City

WZHR-AM 1400 Zephyrhills 

AND Streaming Live at http://www.tantalk1340.com. 

Listen Live Online: http://www.tantalk1340.com

WEBPAGE: Momentsofclaritywithtiffany.com

Cell: 239-200-8433

The show runs live from 12 – 1pm every Thursday and Friday.

http://www.tantalk1340.com and can also call in during the show at 866-826-1340!

Also check it out from podcast should you miss it or beyond reach of station here at momentsofclaritywithtiffany.com and the podcast will be saved on the web page and also on tantalk1340.com under the podcast page of Moments of Clarity page! 

Looking forward to working with Tiffany on breaking mental health stigma.

I’ll see you next week on ~Moments of Clarity~June 15th

Call in

Thanks to all of you

Destroy the Destroyer

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From 

https://andeverythingisbeautiful.wordpress.com/

Check out his blog great work!

This Art I write that no one reads,

it’s Lucid

it can’t be any clearer

Wake up,

destroy your destroyer

right there in the mirror
Seems we fear the
worst

when in fact

the best is true

Come on wake up

it’s 9:22

in the am

in this new life you want

My Art is free

it can tease

and

taunt

Yes

or it can

scare

and haunt
Destroy your destroyer

Stand up for your rights

Lonely gets lonelier

when you add up all these nights
you spend alone

on your phone

taking pictures

sending texts

Baby I know you better than you know yourself

it’s all tied back into sex
Tied back to childhood

tied back to who you are

destroy that demon won’t you

finally become the shining star
God had intended,

God had planned for you to be

The Mirror is my ART

Lucid

Look

see

~In What Ways Are Bipolar Disorder Serious~

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The most obvious is that it’s not an illness that can be seen by the eyes
per-say. At first glance and maybe several, it is possibly never seen. Unless the symptoms manifest in other ways. We look like you, speak as you do. Love, hate,  hurt,  feel just like you. But the filter of emotions are not the same.

You can’t take an X-ray or MRI to find it.

In most cases its never diagnosed properly nor by the first evaluation. It may take several doctors, evaluations before getting properly diagnosed. This is frustrating for someone suffering with bipolar. Especially if given the wrong medicine. AntidepressantsIn most cases will induce mania.

Statistically speaking it has the highest suicide rate than any other mental illness. If left untreated, the repercussions can be detrimental both for the sufferer and those who encounter them. Between 30% to 50% of those diagnosed attempt suicide.

But personally speaking the biggest way that the illness can be serious is by the mast majority of ignorance on such matters. Not enough knowledge among society, those who treat it as though it is leprosy, or make threats against those who suffer from the illness, or use the term to diminish power of those who suffer from it.
Think about it… Many who are diagnosed feel ashamed or less than and won’t even acknowledge their illness around others. This is because lack of understanding on the subject, uneducated assumptions based on false information. Many people cause great damage by making fun of, or acting superior to the suffers of the illness.
These are the ways bipolarcan be serious. Educate Yourself, and your loved ones.

 

~Views About God or Lack Thereof~

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 Had a conversation not long ago with a dear friend I met via Quora, we have talked a bit through emails.

He was once a Christian, he now has abandoned his faith for the choice of being an Atheist.
We none the less still communicate… Not as often lately but none the less he has made a positive impact upon me, and although we have had some deep, deep discussion on things of spiritual nature, God, the lack thereof, we always walk away knowing we will be close although our views of God are different. With him being the lack of a God, with me believing in God. It’s a touchy subject you see, religious, political, racial, sexualpreference…poverty.. You get the picture. I’m am not gonna tag him, he will know when he reads this.. That it was my answer to a debate or conversation of sorts about why I believe in God. He sent a photo one day via email as part of an unfinished conversation the following words you will read was my response to the photo and what was(We finally To Just Agree toDisagree) our on going philosophical discussion of things such as atheism, theism, monotheism, pandiabolism( Fredrick Neitzsche actual stance was pandiabolism)

Yes, I see that, and what I’ll say is there will always be what you see above in those pictures, as long as you reside on this earth.This earth is governed by the law of free will. You are aware of this? I’m certain you are. Do you understand the law? That I’m not sure. You want to believe that God does not exist. I understand this, however I also see a conflict in you ,a reflection so to speak. You want others to validate your belief. Why? Because if morepeople share your belief it makes it real for you. That’s fine. As long as we are here in this realm, on this earth, we will continue to see pain and suffering. God will not intervene where he has given men charge. This earth was given over to humans long ago. The challenge with the above picture is for those same men to rise up and use the power of will, the power God gave to change the above picture. This of course will never happen on earth, why? Because our conversation is a pure example. We can’t agree.Because there is not a firm and positive agreement, and never has been, therefore conflict, strife, discord, suffering and pain, will all exist… That is as long as humans are left to there own devices, to govern their own will. Which God did do. Change for the above photo will only occur if everyone agrees… Which will not happen, as previously stated. Life is not a one size fits all. If it were, it would be boring, if we never knew suffering, then we could never understand the beauty and joy, vice versa. I’m always gonna have a rebuttal as you will too, why? Because as I beautifully stated… We won’t agree. That’s the sadness of it all.
But it is life here on earth. It is what it is. Accept it or don’t. It’s all down to a choice, a view.