~Lyrics and Link to one of my Old Fave Songs~Joni Mitchell~ Case Of You~

Just before our love got lost you said I am as constant as a northern star and I said,

Constantly in the darkness

Where’s that at?

If you want me I’ll be in the bar

On the back of a cartoon coaster

In the blue TV screen light

I drew a map of Canada

Oh Canada

With your face sketched on it twice

Oh you are in my blood like holy wine

You taste so bitter

And so sweet oh

I could drink a case of you darling and I would

Still be on my feet

Oh I would still be on my feet

Oh I am a lonely painter

I live in a box of paints

I’m frightened by the devil

And I’m drawn to those ones that ain’t afraid

I remember that time that you told me, you said

“Love is touching souls”

Surely you touched mine ’cause

Part of you pours out of me

In these lines from time to time

Oh you are in my blood like holy wine

You taste so bitter

And so sweet oh

I could drink a case of you darling

Still I’d be on my feet

I would still be on my feet

I met a woman

She had a mouth like yours, she knew your life

She knew your devils and your deeds and she said

“Go to him

stay with him if you can

But be prepared to bleed”

Oh but you are in my blood you’re my holy wine

You’re so bitter

bitter and so sweet oh

I could drink a case of you darling

Still I’d be on my feet

I would still be on my feet

hmm

Songwriters: Joni Mitchell

https://youtu.be/0YuaZcylk_o

NJM~Personal Quotes~

Sometimes festering in your own shit,covered inherently in your ignorant deceit may you look in the mirror & realize it’s time to come clean~

~Restless sleep full Moon~

I can’t sleep. The full moon brings energy. Further more I was attacked physically by my WASBAND.

Yes wasband. Not x husband he is a was now no longer.

I am sure my PTSD IS FULL FLARE and I’m alert waiting thinking and having night terrors.

I’m watching karma eat him up, I don’t want my son to be a casualty.

But he has been mind Fucked to a point of a possible NO RETURN. It’s killing me inside.

That’s all I can say. I ask that you pray. Pray for my son, to have clarity of mind and safety.

Well insomniac signing off. Forgive typos I am writing in the dark.

~What Defines You? Poetic Thoughts for the New Year~

What Defines Us?

I seem to leave little things at important places.

My things find their way back.

Yes I gave my things personality , Feeling, being therefore I use the word “their”

Why? I see those objects as remnants of me.

Our things ? Does certain objects you have define you?

Does your car define you?

Your home?

Your special collections of themes?

Your purse?

Wallet?

Cloths?

Music?

Others…. friends?

Or does God define you?

Your spirit, your cosmic master?

I would like to say that my God and spirituality define me.

Lately I’m stagnate, without inspiration, dry.

I began to think what defines me? In Defining me I realized things, little things and my mistakes, my own guilt, my lack of forgiveness for myself and others are defining me.

In this upcoming year I want to break free, I want to reach goals. However,

We are our worst critic. In your head both the judge and jury convict you daily, hourly.

The funny thing is we are forgiven. On the basic principle of grace, benevolence of God or what you believe to be God your positive love that resides in you since your birth. The light .

I find in observation that often We let others define us? Then we have our personal critic in our head condemning us on a second by minute basis. So does…..Our possessions do they define us?

Our past?

Why is the future so hard to see?

Goals hard to reach?

Even love, self love so hard to find? To define us.

……. leaves only an expression of the unique difference and evermore the commonality of what is you and what is me.

I find my words have weight after they’re read, planting seeds, leaving questions…..

Poetic thoughts

From my bipolar mind, my

PTSD summoned by panic attacks reaching depths of me I didn’t know existed.

Mercurial is a word to describe me in many ways.

Describe. Is describing also defining?

I think so, add that to the list.

A never ending list

That evolves

Changes each second

Each breath.

Leaving us a question that begs an answer as the New Year approaches. For me the New Year is also the day of my birth, as well as the day my Dad died. I find meaning , I find signs from that experience that defines me in many ways each year. The New Year… my birthday is bitter sweet, because it reminds me that my Dad is dead, gone, and he made his exit out of this existence on the very day that I began mine. The day that everyone makes New Year resolutions that will in many ways define you. I pray the upcoming New Year brings rebirth and prosperous healthy harmonious life to you, in doing I ask what defines you?

~Bipolar,The Unique Truth about the illness and my theories~

First I urge you the reader to watch a movie called “Touched by Fire” with Katie Holmes… the depiction of the two characters bring this post together. They are two bipolar individuals that’s all I will say. Watch it.

Bipolar the unique truth
Truth is there are many bipolar people with a unique gifts of art, it springs forth from our well to bring to life what we hope others will get, will understand.
I write poetry through my heart

My veins, my brain. Some other bipolar people paint, some sing, some Dance, some sculpt, and others like me, the countless thousands that write.
I consider myself a warrior fighting a cause trying to educate and break mental health stigma I also bring my demons out to display for all to see. That’s pretty ugly and unique. Hang it all out, air the bullshit I fester in at times, don’t we all?
Here is the thing, even warriors get weary and tired, and at times may even feel defeated.
I feel this as I write it, however by days end I’ll feel completely opposite I will feel empowered.
You may be a bipolar person, however every one of us is so unique so very unique.

I have been told all my

Life I have a switch, like a light switch that goes off if I’m done such as with let’s say …chemical addiction I am addicted for awhile to some drugs as an example. Cocaine, ecstasy, acid that kind of stuff I did at various times of my life, only to put it down. Still down over 15 years or more to this point and I pray it will always stick, it has thus far.
Now Mary Jane is like a best friend that I can hug goodbye, then check up on Mary Jane and alas, we have a long visit. Then I hug her again. Only to keep visiting.
Longest I ever told Mary Jane see you later I didn’t see her for 5 years….. that’s along time.
I’m similar with cigarettes but I have never been a real lifer for cigarettes.
I pick those up during stressful times. Like a switch I turn it back off till it illuminates again and the switch is turned on….. hey maybe it’s a glitch…

Today is the full moon. The moon affects bipolar people.
Say what you will, the cosmic energy changes the ebb and the flow of the ocean and pulls stronger because we are closer to our moon. If it affects a huge ocean then I view it as ……how much more can it affect us little humans. I mean come on it’s pulling an ocean sitting by us you think it don’t affect us, Ha. Ok.
Anyway these are my theories. Adopt them as your own if it rings true. Examine it if it doesn’t.
For some the full moon energizes their soul, others melancholia, others deep depression.
It is a shackle. I have theories about mental illness for a very long time. We live in a multidimensional world.
I often wondered if the mentally ill are tapping into the other dimensions the ones that others can’t hear, see, or feel.

I have others who have witnessed phenomena in me with regard to two things, first I seem to affect electrical currents in my area around me lights and such . Second the ability to tell you about something important that is gonna happen if you’re close to me.

This has been witnessed and many can tell you, yep she does.
This only started again, notice I said again, yes again after 3 years. See I was away around lies and deceit for the duration of my marriages, I listened and bought into the lies …. then I broke free after my divorce…for the last three years of my life, I stopped listening to lies, I’m in what I call a spiritual cleanse zone.
I can do things others can’t or maybe they can I haven’t met them yet, do you have phenomena too? just like I have , are you bipolar and have a phenomenon like myself which only adds to what I feel is extremely unique.
I had gifts when I was younger and not tainted by this world nor afflicted with atrocious disease of the mind. I prayed and meditated for hours in nature back then. My gifts at its apex. But years of hearing and buying into those lies affected my gifts. We all have some kinda strange gift if you tap into it.
Removing yourself from all lies or to recognize lies(spirit bares witness to others) the lies others speak you will and can know. But how do you know if they are lying?
For me It’s a silent “I know”.A feeling a sensation I pick up on.
Sometimes it’s just a quick whispers brief then gone.
This is me. This is how I am navigating my outer worldly experience. The queue’s I receive.
I don’t dabble in dark arts. My mother did. She was sought after on the bayous of Louisiana. People come from all over the bayou to see her. To hear what she had to say.
She then had a change of heart made me burn all my albums( so long ago lol albums) all my records.
I couldn’t wear pants anymore and I got to go to 6 th grade at a weird school from the church she joined. It was Like a mixture of Assembly of God or Pentecostal type of practice.
Yet I survived my crazy ass formidable young years as best I could, well that was until I revolted and got married at 14.
I was rebellious, against the grain. I think that was a charismatic draw when I was younger I had a few select friends.
Wherever we went, when we arrived the party started and most flocked to me it flowed… it was a powerful feeling.
So see yours may be different it’s why I have given you a quick narrative of my life.
So how are the meds going? Well? What was your cost? Mine was feelings, eyesight, weight, rapid weight gain. A few more add on’s.
My meds are Lamictal, Serquel, Clonopin. Not to mention pain meds for another condition.
Cool fact I’ve only had three cavities. My mom was big about brushing my damn teeth.
Hey! I have a bright smile. That is if I’m not in one of the many moods that flow through me every hour. Yes every hour.
See another difference. My Mind is in a variation or some would say rapid cycle.
Yours may be still, constant depressed, or you could be in a full blown manic episode.
In order to make any stride In Breaking stigma we must begin to be honest with ourselves.
We walk blindly sometimes through a day our thoughts jumbled.
But are we living our truth, bearing the scars and being open about your unique illness and the unique art it invokes in you.
Can we all feel empowered always, the answer is No. however we can strive, press onward.
For us our creativity and our illness make us so unique, so let your colors out and color outside the lines.
Don’t be afraid, we all have at one time or another. However, this is coming from someone who has had a rough ride getting to this place of complete honesty.
A place to tell my story without fear. Worry about nothing, care about most things, leave the rest behind. That’s my quote…
Thanks for stopping in and reading my post.
Have a beautiful day and watch out for our full moon tonight!

~How My Love?

How did you come to beYou and your thoughts are important to me~

How did you break through

I’m a tough shell to crack

Yet you disarm me

Do you understand?
I often await the weight of your words, I put them into my pockets in case I forget

Language barriers soon will breakdown

You are my king it is you I crown~
How did you walk into my path?

Or did I walk into yours?

Perhaps that is all perception

Yet there are so so many roads to walk

Praise God ours met, we are both something we will never forget~

How did your relevance take precedence in my life?

It all slowly creeped and seeped in….. my friend, my Love, my jewel……
Can you be close to me and yet without fear? I harbor darkness within my light. The polarity of Day and night.~

I feel inside As God leads each step down the path to ground my soul and pray this love last.~
So my Darling, my heart my soul let what was before us,be gone

May our eyes look toward each moment ahead

May our past be dead!
Together new life new eyes to see

And together forever I pray we will be~

Not for Reproduction~

~NJM~ Quotes~

Your life is not yours, it is a series of events you walk through blindly.Deceiving yourself thinking your eyes were open~that’s truth~NJM~

~Gossip~

Wagging tongues slippery truth
Blah blah

What did you say

Oh I see it’s gossip again

Smile in your face

You’re my best friend

Lol right

Not when out of sight

Tongues wagging

Slippery truth

Claiming the innocence

Of your truth

Me oh my how we lie

Talk all for naught

Don’t come to me and try to speak

Your mind your words are too damn weak…

Women oh Woman

When shall we learn

Stop wagging your tongues

Speaking such things cause

A mess

Oh my dear is that a new dress?

It’s fabulous, not really

So why not speak truth

Oh the slippery truth

Like a well worn ornament

Purchased at a five and dime

It’s never stopped gossip at any time

Fickle ass creature women we are

Think we so perfect a bright shining star

Then you wag your damn tongue

With slippery truth

Hurry have you heard?

She lost her mind!

A mental break

Oh it’s nothing I’m sure

She will be fine

Oh wait did you say what I think

I’m gonna say this in the nicest way I know….

You don’t know nice

Ignorant fool

Take your belligerent ass back to school

While you are there learn your manners and finesse

By the way I truly do like that dress….. Or …Maybe it could be a bit shorter

Or perhaps it would look better on me, Oh shut up woman can’t you damn well see?

Stop wagging that tongue on slippery truth~

It so uncouth~

Unbecoming you see~

Keep your gossip away from me~

I long only to feel free~

From shackles Gossip creates~

The ugly words that inspires hate~

Bullshit of all kind~

Stirring the pot~

Fucking the mind~

Damn why are humans so unkind~

Always hard to reach to strive Be alone and truly survive the slander and crap we all live with each day, only seems more women are this way… why? what is your thoughts, what would you say?

~On air in 2 hours meet me there!! Tantalk1340.com see you there!

I’ll be co hosting with Tiffany Werhner at 12 noon east coast time. Tune in from all over world at tantalk1340.com… show support call in!! Love you follows be there topic is bipolar!

~A State of Panic?~

So here we are, watching Irma make her path straight through Florida as I predicted along with many others.

I’m creole born on the bayous and marsh lands of Louisiana. I’ve have been through many. I am a Katrina transplant actually. Funny how we get so complacent.

When I arrived here in Florida from Mississippi I was determined to be ready for Katrina sister or brother.

I bought a generator. Filled gallon jugs froze them full of water in the newly bought deep freeze. I was ready.

Years go by, central Florida seemed to never really feel any other storms in the last 12 years.

So slowly through life, you know the ~Shit Happens~ I sold all supplies.

Here I am now Nature coast of Florida about 35 miles north of New Port Ricky which is only 15 miles from Clearwater.

Am I in a state of panic? No. I felt this storm. I knew it was powerful. It was affecting my health in many ways. I am as prepared as I can be for someone sticking it out with her son.

My Son is a type 1 diabetic insulin dependent young man who has worn and insulin pump for 10 years.

I have lots of supplies I bought early I could just feel it. However I’m not God. So to all who read this from Florida stay safe or calm don’t panic. PRAY. Go meet your neighbors if you haven’t and you are both staying you may need each other’s help.

This is not a panic no this is pains. A state of pain in my ass. This storm affects us all remember everyone not just Florida But All Of Us.

Signing off.

God speed.

Stay safe.

Pray.

Oh one more thing, let’s not forget that there are two more hurricanes out there with Irma…..