Disconcerting…..Detached
Colors outside the lines
Blurry…..
This particular emotion is completely lacking…..
Lacking cohesive qualities
It’s unravelling
And the edges keep getting stuck in the door
At its most severe case it’s completely unsettling…..
And it’s weakest
Subtle anxiety
Dry mouth
Like sand mixed with cotton
Anesthetized
Clinical white
In this sterile environment
I’ll await my next dosage
Hands heavy laden
Cracked around the edges
Layered with side effects~
Not for Reproduction~
What did you say? Laughter bursting
This elated feeling euphoric in style
Transforms emotions into a smile
Bubbly resonance erupts from within
Leaving less of a smile but a shit eating grin
There is a secret I keep a joke so to speak.
If I shared with you then its not mine to keep.
So you’re gonna just have to wonder
that’s all you can do.
Whether the joke is on me or the joke is on you~
Not for Reproduction~
NJM
Smeared dullness
Catatonic stare
That’s what they think
Washed out color
Long halls painted grey
Not a door insight
Ideas out of focus
Stifling, confusing
Lack luster, incredulous
emotions …….Clawing away the life fingers scraping their nails jagged and bloody, threads unravelling.. like the sound of a chalk board being scratched.
That’s what stigma, bias does isolates you.
Yet I exist Wrapped inside this cocoon~
Generic and uncategorized yet longing to be labeled and in a category ~ oh wait, I am… I fall under stigma mental illness under my skin, unseen yet relentless in my mind there are millions of my kind.
One size fits all as long as that size is extra large as to swallow my frame,as well as yours.
Swallowing my existence whole~
Preferably invisible~
Left unseen~
To myself~
Designated ~
As is~NJM
Smeared dullness
Catatonic stare
That’s what they think
Washed out color
Long halls painted grey
Not a door insight
Ideas out of focus
Stifling, confusing
Lack luster, incredulous
emotions …….Clawing away the life fingers scraping their nails jagged and bloody, threads unravelling.. like the sound of a chalk board being scratched.
That’s what stigma, bias does isolates you.
Yet I exist Wrapped inside this cocoon~
Generic and uncategorized yet longing to be labeled and in a category ~ oh wait, I am… I fall under stigma mental illness under my skin, unseen yet relentless in my mind there are millions of my kind.
One size fits all as long as that size is extra large as to swallow my frame,as well as yours.
Swallowing my existence whole~
Preferably invisible~
Left unseen~
To myself~
Designated ~
As is~NJM
I’m in the grey…….
Grey Chasm swallows
I’m in the grey it’s where I’ll stay for now
I will not attempt to move quickly
Nor will I be rushed
Do I fascinate?
Do I invoke fear? Hate?
Perfectly negate?
Am I your guilty pleasure…
Is there no distance yet to measure?
I’ll create my walls
Build my tower strong
Brick by brick no matter how long
Exterior crusted over with
Innuendos and regret
I’m in the grey
I will not be pulled away
In this Chasm I will stay
Until I decide, until that day
You can not reach me… There is no definitive here
No truth or lie
If I want to stay until I die
It’s then a matter of choice
The beauty of my grey instilled in me a voice
Slowly it drips…..spill forth from my lips
Turning my words to black and white
Finally to distinguish which is wrong and which is right
But I shall not take flight oh no, I will move slowly with precision
At the end of the day it’s my decision
For now I’m in the grey area
Safely in my tower, walls erected
While my thoughts become collective
Selective
In the grey
I helped you Die those little deaths In your sorry existence
I gave you songs.
When you had no tunes left in you
I started to see the fire in your belly
And the steel running down your back
You were the most fearsome thing that ever lived
I know I breathed the life into you
I’m the one who awakened you However you started the fire
Now you must sleep
Embrace those little deaths
As a reminder of
The memory
Of me
In you alive For Eternity~
Not for Reproduction~
I’m weird
I’m not of this world 🌎
The ether
I’m ethereal
I have lost
To much
The touch
The energy
The love
The essence
The Friends ……as I walked away
I lost it all
Had bills to pay
I lost my son, he is not the boy he was
And now it would seem I must accept I have lost a love I’ll never understand ……. boy to man~
So remember me and I’ll remember you….. yes I know I bit off more than I can chew
I lost the will to continue on
So I’m walking away it’s time to move on
You and I both know
You broke me
Still yet I am here
I’m gonna walk away now gotta learn somehow
You know I know you are with him
Hard headed always was
I’ll see you again in this I’m sure
Remember from this point my intentions pure
But I’m waving goodbye to you
I’m walking away now in this I know
I have to go
Walking away
Catch you on another day, time, place, or another life
These wounds cut like a knife
Looking back once more
Wish you would talk to me once Again, before I close the exit door
As…………………….. I’m
……….walking away~
See you can’t move the stars, you can chose the ones to gaze upon, you can make a wish, say a prayer then take life on an exiting dare~NJM
~It’s the nuggets of wisdom that fall from my mind, it’s the words that escape you I somehow find~
Bipolar Tapestry~Poetic Thoughts 