In my experience It would seem everyone that I’ve come across has some type of secret, someone tells another something in confidence and therefore it becomes a pact or deal of some type between the two and they call that a secret or at least my own personal definition, however we also have our own secrets the ones we never tell anyone about…..the ones we keep hidden dark and deep and inside of us. There is a purpose why some of us keep secrets to ourselves but why….. why do we keep some things hidden from everyone?
esoluticonclusion, settlement, commitment, resolve, determination; choice, option, selection
“a number of factors led me to this decision”
verdict, finding, ruling, recommendation, judgment, pronouncement, adjudgment adjudication, arbitration;
sentence, decree, order, rule, injunction;
“they’re delighted with the judge’s decision”
a formal judgment.”last year’s Supreme Court decision”
the ability or tendency to make decisions quickly; decisiveness.
Don’t play on my playground
The rusty parts might cut you
The hinges may come off
The railing is weak
Don’t play on my playground
They’ll think you a freak
You want to be here on this grey dingy playground no it can’t be
You’ll be on this playground that’s owned by me
It’s so easy to get hurt don’t you see
My playground although dented and corroded is made just for me
I’ve cared for it poorly
It’s not to late
To play safe on the merry go round
I’ll sit and watch and wait
No I’d rather the thrill of the rollar coaster you know
There is fear in my eyes but it won’t show
I’ve played on my play ground for so long the fear I had now has made me strong
It’s been far to long get off my playground off my merry go round as well
I have a few choice words I’ll keep to myself oh what the hell
There is no more us not now no story to tell
Get off my playground
It’s being renovated
So shiney and new
My playgrounds reserved only for few
That means my playground is not for you
A feeling so singular
A despair that numbs
No one around you
No where for them to come
Much less would you run if they did
Who can you trust
In this life you have to have one
At least they say it’s a must
Don’t believe them
A home that is lost
Friends walk away
Seems in this life
Nothing will stay
Able to just think
Into the pits of ominous clouds
Thoughts of a past screams out loud
People who loved you
All I can feel
Is completely inept
A fear that grips
A suffering so real
That all you have left
Is no way to feel
The truth about forgiveness and other peoples shit.
I recently had an opportunity to interact in a racial discussion. Not such a big secret.
As with all things labeled “race” tensions can often times run high.
One of the people I exchanged views with I had previously exchanged more pleasant conversations in regard to life,love, God….
Thank God right? It’s always a good thing to share positive thoughts and well wishes.
But on this occasion, Many …many things came up in our exchange of views, mud was slinging about. You know the great divides that we all eventually face in life from time to time based upon learned views, social norms. That mud being our “shit”
I have what I like to call strong frequency levels when it comes to others I interact with. Whether face-to-face, phone, or via the Internet.Once the connection is made, I can sense the mood easily.
This person went to bed angry. I actually prayed and laid my head down in peace before sleep, but upon waking I could feel the tension in the atmosphere. That person had not slept well, and was still extremely angry.
That person I exchanged harsh words with The key word being “exchange” see I am aware enough to see that in most cases of civility when lines begin to blur and pleasantries cease to exist, it is down to the two who are at battle.
The battle being the subject at hand, the views harshly expressed. I could sense the indifference from this person, although this person may not have felt it from me. I bit into the indifference instead of doing what I clearly know how to do, which is to just walk away.
But instead I chose to stay awhile. I chose to hash out all my beliefs on the subject at hand. I stated my thoughts clearly and remained on the subject matter as best I could, considering the remarks and innuendos that were being exchanged. You know the ones like the word “Cognition” in regard to things of the mind. Or the phrases like “to counter your claims” or better yet “moral high ground” hmmmm….
After the final comments were finished, lines had been crossed, I prayed. I asked God to forgive me for my unwillingness to yield on the subject being discussed. Then I knew the next step to releasing the poison I had allowed myself to bite into….. I had to ask the very person I exchanged harsh comments with to humbly forgive me.
Now it’s one thing to say harsh words……that is to actually exchange harsh words, but another thing to say you’re sorry sensing and knowing that your wrong is as wrong as their wrong, yet fully aware that their arrogance would justify their cause and stated words.
I was fully aware that I would open myself up to feel further hurt by allowing myself to ask for forgiveness and in so doing trying to forgive myself for going to places I usually try my best to stay away from.
I believe the saying is “chose your battles wisely”.
I don’t know if the other person is or is not aware of how strongly I can sense others. But what I can tell you is my judgment of such has never failed. What has failed is for me to truly recognize at this stage of my life these frequencies I pick up on.
I realized that the last time I spoke to this person it was done on their behalf out of a sense of some duty. I could hear this in the person’s voice almost from day one. But I was extremely gracious for the fact that someone was willing to reach out to me.
I just wish I would have declined at this point. I realize that true actions never stick for long if they’re done out of duty.
For any true exchange or epiphany to occur on any subject between two strong minds there first needs to be a willingness that’s organic and freely felt from the heart to heart.
See duty is like a job you grudgingly hold onto because you somehow have been made to play that role. Trust I know, I used to feel the same way at one venture of my life. I realized that it was laboring under false pretense.
The most freeing thing anyone can do for themselves is to first forgive yourself for the ignorant actions/exchange between another living, breathing, human being. Forgive yourself for the stupid battle you so willingly placed yourself in, in the first place.
Then the hardest part of the next stage is saying your sorry, being fully aware that an apology is needed all the way around, however knowing you must act first. Because you can sense that the other person wouldn’t budge, and most likely will hold onto their view never fully seeing full circle that it was indeed an “exchange”
I’ve lived this role in my life to many times, what it has yet again taught me is to not only chose my plight carefully, but that at some innate level of existence this world has made us all a bit “full of shit”.
For that I can’t say much more, considering I’m covered in my own most of the time, but at the present moment I’m covered both in mine and the other persons “shit.”
I am sorry for the colorful use of the word “shit” as it pertains to the human qualities we all inherently share. I feel a bit cleaner now for coming clean, and being the person to see her shit first.
Now I’ll go on my detox of sorts that I said I was going to do yesterday, yet here I am today but now I truly have stated my piece/peace. Thank you for a lovely exchange.
I’m in the grey…….
Grey Chasm swallows
I’m in the grey it’s where I’ll stay for now
I will not attempt to move quickly
Nor will I be rushed
Do I fascinate?
Do I invoke fear? Hate?
Am I your guilty pleasure…
Is there no distance yet to measure?
I’ll create my walls
Build my tower strong
Brick by brick no matter how long
Exterior crusted over with
Innuendos and regret
I’m in the grey
I will not be pulled away
In this Chasm I will stay
Until I decide, until that day
You can not reach me… There is no definitive here
No truth or lie
If I want to stay until I die
It’s then a matter of choice
The beauty of my grey instilled in me a voice
Slowly it drips…..spill forth from my lips
Turning my words to black and white
Finally to distinguish which is wrong and which is right
But I shall not take flight oh no, I will move slowly with precision
At the end of the day it’s my decision
For now I’m in the grey area
Safely in my tower, walls erected
While my thoughts become collective
In the grey