I haven’t written in awhile and soon I will be writing about why. It is called 101 days of Hell~ and in more contemplative thoughts I’m working on how one can achieve happiness alone….. Yes I said happy and alone in one sentence and it feels good~
Category Archives: Endings
~ Letting Go~
You were there
Now you’re gone
You were there
I swear. Fading now like a distant dream. Memories blurry.
You stood watching for so much time
Circumstance like waves washed you upon my shore. When my eyes met yours I prayed to look into them more.
You ‘re fascinated . You ‘re transfixed . You never thought I knew all along it was you.
You were there.
Creeping, staring, almost daring.
I was living my life, guarding my truth.
But I slipped and fell and you were there. So was I
I was there, I came to know of the one who has watched me from long ago, even unto now. I was there, I’m aware. I thought you should know
It’s not poetic or even a plight. I lay down my sword now, I no longer fight. For what I think could have been, perhaps never will doesn’t matter what, I’ll love you still
Walking away now, trying not to looking back. I have to move on and stay on track.
The tracks changed for us months ago. So I’m asking politely to simply let go.
I’ll know, When you go piece a of me lives deep you in ,As you will know too, inside of me is a piece of you.
God Speed~
Not for Reproduction~
~Never say Never Ever~
Never say never or never will come knocking on your door, maybe not today, or next week or next year, still you ache the fear of Never….oh the trepidation the human condition~
Never is unwanted ….mostly however visiting is something never will do to me, will do to you. So please never say never~
It’s the bones of skeletons you dance with and sleep with in the back of your mind~
Never is that closet locked away, so jumbled that one inch of the door opening it would tumble out pouring all the crap all the hurt all the rejection you Never wanted.. yet you have, you did, ever since you were a kid~
Never is the fear of ever as ever is the fear of never canceling each other yet suspended in a harmonious dance
with karmatic presence and essence of all lessons….. the ones that pick and stick and prick and cut stabbing away chipping the dirt, debis
……. you don’t have the broom to sweep in under the carpet
You don’t even have carpet it can’t be rinsed or washed away why? Cause Never is here to stay…it Never goes away,it never dies~
So never say never or expect that knock on your door now and evermore. Never is as sure as Ever and together they’re an unbeatable team at least that is how it always seems~
Never say never~Ever……
Donnell Kerr Christian~follows give me support on this very critical post!
Donnell Margaret Donald KERR~
There is no easy way to put this
No easy way to say
But you all think you are a Christian in a comfy corner you pray~
While your own flesh and blood did you turn away~
Does Jesus not say, Whatsoever you do to the least of my children that I do unto you?
Yes I believe that has been written~
My son……your blood as a new born kitten, you turned your back to a blind eye did you give, Do you really think in heaven you’ll live?
You dress all fancy on Sunday and sing put on your holy face~
But the promise the Lord made to his children is he will wipe you out erase from the book of life you see
You all turned your back on Donnell’s son trust this is not about me.
So when you read Gods word you sing and you pray it’s the blood of the innocent for which you will pay~
He did nothing to you, or you, or you, but I can tell you’re all ignorant and have not a clue~No Holy Spirit abides within you!
Suffer not the little children… hmmmm….
You go about life as though your grandson/Son Doesn’t exist~
On judgement day you’ll feel the Lords fist slam down the book make you take a look., Hypocrite you see? Think you better than me? Than the rest? Time God puts you to the test~ or maybe give it a rest, nope it’s the contrary~
Hey your daughter Noel some call a fairy? I think you know what I mean some say a queen, but it is what it is, so she’s gay, did not your God make her that way? Yes I believe he did.
Hey she is cool with me but the Bible you read doesn’t accept that you see?
You can live free~
On time bought buy the blood~
Times running short~
And so is the love~
Those who reject others reject themselves in turn God also will reject you~
Not sure what bible you read, But you know not the creed.
You Judge and sit tight now~
Think it’s all right now~
Time has a way of making you complacent you see?like so many others, fake and a snake slither the earth~
Not sure why I write this for I do not curse, vengeance is God’s~
Perhaps I am a small instrument he used to keep you on track and not be confused.
God is not the author of confusion you see, I’ll always accept you, yet you have yet to accept me or my son~
Perhaps retribution has begun……
Turn the other cheek?
Turn away the meek?
The weak?
Helpless?
Well …you did!
He now is a young man
No longer a kid.
I write all this down~
It’s my therapy you see~
I advocate for breaking stigmas~
Breaking exclusiveness~
Bringing in inclusiveness~
For all who suffer affliction~
Both physical and of the mind~
I try to think myself kind~
I often fall short~
Trust I’m no saint that’s for sure~
But enough is enough I’m letting you …..now endure~
Forgive me for my in your face ways, but we all know the bill somebody pays~
Truly I strive to forgive I try to be courageous in how I now live~
Such as this is the case but I truly give thanks for Gods loving grace~
God’s grace abounds the utterance the sound of cries long gone from days long past~
To think at one time I thought Your sons love for me and his child might last~
I want to thank you for training up your child Donnell in the way he should go, so that when he gets old he will not depart from it.
So I write a lot in quiet I sit, no doubt I’m a sinner too,
But I’m sure I’m not a sinner like you~
Not for Reproduction~
Updated~Two Week Notice~yeah already~—
Dear God up above I can still feel your love…. but I’m sorry to say I must leave go away~ you called me a light worker, I can only do so much never ever figured out what is the human touch.
You blessed me with human a beautiful baby boy. I’m entrusting you to him, he is a child and yet my sin~when I try to write my book I don’t even know where to begin my life was fast like a whirlwind…and pieces scattered about and within
It’s all like a puzzle that was left in a closet hidden away, no one notice nor knew what to say
Laying by the devils side it isn’t hard to decide, he is the God of this world I now see, and I figured out the exit for me…. for any who look and choose to see, my mission complete~
So just give two weeks notice and keep the memories they serve no purpose when I’m gone. My words will live on and on. I planted seeds along the way, somehow though was led astray. So here I am Lord here I lay so I request an early judgement day.
I would do the same for my son, I would love him no matter what he may have done.
I ask in return you bless his life free of worry grief strife…. to live to laugh to love to know I can still see him from far above.
I laid by the devils side for over half my life it caused me to much pain to much strife and as a human being I’m sick of this life… I quit. Well I’m giving my two week notice as any good employee of a universal truth I must say I did enjoy my youth….. sometimes…. it reminded me I wasn’t meant for here, I was wild free and truly fierce scared of NOTHING!!!! Not even death. I couldn’t wait to take a last breath… but I endured and at times I laughed
But often rejected due to class, stereotypes, and bullshit in general full circle around but this time my Lord I leave this playground~ two weeks notice not to long to go and when I get where I’m Going please don’t say “I told you so” see ya soon!
Probably by noon
~Never Ask~NJM~READ~
I recently had two people I had the means to help.
In the midst of help, disagreements came up. Both people said this to me “I never Asked You to Help”……
Hmmmm
Well I consider myself a non traditional Christian. If I see a need, and know I can be of help, I offer. Now both accepted my help. Now when things didn’t go in the direction they felt it should I recieved that above statement.
What so ever you do to the least of my brothers/Sisters that shall be done unto you. Mathew 25:40
Both situations were exactly like situations I’ve encountered in my life.
With that I leave you with a thought. And a quote I think fits well.
“Never Ask for What should Be Offered”
You know what should and shouldn’t be offered.
Always offer help if you can, and love. That simple.
Sorry you never asked, sorry that’s your view.
God Speed, Good Luck to you.
NJM~
~Fallen Angel~Unbridled Human~Great Read~
Going back to that instant you know the exact moment you feel the paradigm shift.The tectonic plates in your personal universe your sphere, Reposition and the alignment of what you had been is no longer.
My magic is in my words sir where do you conjure the notion of believing or wanting to know? So you want to know truly what I felt?
Like a light switch was turned off and another turned on. I felt cold. Basically like the fairy tails tell of Vampires changing from human form to vampire form.
My body ached and I continued on working in a complete terror,waiting on them till my breath began to be so shallow.
In that moment I was different. It was different. In total lucidity I realized in that moment that one of me died and another came right back to life.
And this feeling is less than desirable. My heart hardly beats. That’s what it’s like dear Sir.
Further more where were you my good man? surely you understand ?
Yeah probably not. Here come closer feel this disease ……what do you feel a bit at ease? Perhaps the contrary?
There was a beauty
An angel
Shot down in flight
The white mans world
There she was stuck
Shot down because she didn’t follow direction~
She was to curious, young, learning…. but she felt fearsome~
Traveled to far thinking she needed no protection~
Life snatched her in vulnerable state~
Now
She is living like a human~
She is aging as a human~
Dying like a human~
Just like a human~
How sad the process is in reverse or is it?
Sadly yes~
~My Grave~NjM~So True~Who?
So if my grave is dug and they lay me to rest will you be the first to shovel the earth upon my body after my death?
~Please Read~
I first want to thank you all my WordPress follows, my success depends greatly on you and the content I produce. Think of me as a news reporter difference is I report on breaking stigma on mental illness , and I report incidents I feel others can learn from that I have had happen to me. So I am a writer blogger, personal,reporter.
Next……. yesterday my perpetrator left comments on my post trying to threaten me and so forth and his games are old now I pray I always stay two steps ahead of him.
What I say is if you don’t like what I write or the subject of what I write about, don’t read my blog. It bares repeating If YOU DON’T LIKE MY BLOG DON’T VISIT IT NOR READ IT or COMMENTj (I will just trash it) It’s my site and my freedom of speech.
To all my supporters thank you for your prayers and positive energy thank you for reading And hearing me, and definitely for following..
~NJM~
~She Fell~New~
She fell
Life was hell
Running like mad
Circles
Sad
Scorn
Shame
Was it a game
Her mind not the same
She fell
Tripped over foot
Zig zag she skipped
Trying to flip
Take her hurt
Burry in dirt
She is touched
The unseen realm
Angels
Demons
Lurk
Whispers of a time
That left
Return once again
To guide her
She fell
And Angels pick her up
Making the atmosphere
Thick
Surreal
She fell to her knees
Begging the Lord
Please
She Fell
But life no longer will be hell
She got up
Stood strong
Long
Waited
Like a missile
Shooting star
Coming straight for you
No matter how far
Targets
What you are?
What are you?
Or
Wait didn’t she fall
She fell
From a life on earth
From the living hell
She listened she prayed
Was picked plucked
You imagine the next line
It’s yours to fill in
Watch now your face if it turns to a grin
Sin
If you feel her longing her strength
The power she was given to go any length
After all
She fell
Tore through Hell
Lives in the truth
Hates all the lies
Conditions
Red tape
How did the world get so
Out of shape
No wonder……
Not for reproduction~
Bipolar Tapestry~Poetic Thoughts 