I don’t feel you anymore This empty space you used to fill
To paint the picture in our mind
Those days long gone we search to find
Your image faded by years gone by
Your voiced muted
Your fragrance no longer lingers
Your thoughts no longer shared
Your laughter gone
I don’t feel you anymore
This empty space you used to fill
This empty space~
Perimeters~
Walking, Waiting
Flying through the air
Hoping, Hating
Things that I can not bear
Did you think it’s cool to walk right up, To take my life and fuck it up
Well did you?
The Angel of what was me
I can no longer see
I see hell in your eyes
Even behind your disguise
Takin in by surprise
Touching you makes me feel so alive…….
Touching you makes me die inside
Oh I’ve slept so long without you
Alone with too much pain
Elements surround you
The Earth, Water, Fire, Air
You descend upon me without a care…..
Suppressed by your power
Your charming flair
In the witching hour
You curled around me
I was yours to devour
Now chains kept upon me
Seems I’ll never leave
Taking in by surprise
I see hell in your eyes
Smeared dullness
Catatonic stare
That’s what they think
Washed out color
Long halls painted grey
Not a door insight
Ideas out of focus
Stifling, confusing
Lack luster, incredulous
emotions …….Clawing away the life fingers scraping their nails jagged and bloody, threads unravelling.. like the sound of a chalk board being scratched.
That’s what stigma, bias does isolates you.
Yet I exist Wrapped inside this cocoon~
Generic and uncategorized yet longing to be labeled and in a category ~ oh wait, I am… I fall under stigma mental illness under my skin, unseen yet relentless in my mind there are millions of my kind.
One size fits all as long as that size is extra large as to swallow my frame,as well as yours.
Swallowing my existence whole~
Preferably invisible~
Left unseen~
To myself~
Designated ~
As is~NJM
Ideological fanaticism The mirror holds the image so tight~
Unable to move out of ones sight~
Hourglass turns and sands starts to drain no longer can time contain~
Life sustain?
Reflections cracked and connection lost~
Guess no one decided to count the cost~
Detached and subdued, Drained, by the need~
All that they long for festers in greed~
How your heart full of art, Beautifully broken will bleed~
While I write these words, You read~in your mind It is I that plants the seeds~
Defining sounds consume all space~The shadows grow larger in this place~Yet disappearing without a trace ~
Grips that shackle the freedom once given~the strength of youth lost to time~Now live on your life walk the fine line~
We swallow their lies~Yet long for truth~
But all is lost, Especially our youth~
By the time you think you arrived~Your life event you barely survived~Often you wish that you just died~
All gone to another not each other~Surely push away forget together~
One day you look back and all that you see were words written …….Scribbles that rhyme but that’s ok fool yourself all is just fine~
Fine you say dear oh Darlin ~Lend me your ear~
When I speak these words, I invoke fear~
So run to your shadows~Hide away fast~
No matter what, I always last~
Rise as I watch you wither away, Longing to late now~How you wish I would stay~
Live now with your choice~Till your dying day~
Regret , remorse spinning the web~
Tears flow down your face onto your pillow then onto your bed~
When your alone you think of me~How we could have been, Let’s others see~
Yet you let me go again, You set me free~
Still you will come again and again~Just wait you’ll see~
Puddles form in the corner of eyes
Not like rain but like rivers that streak thy face
Tear salted river flows down thy neck
Does this show weakness?
Remorse?
Pain? Oh the pain…..
Dying with no description or experience
It knows not
How nails screech upon the chalkboard
Taking bits and pieces form thine heart
Anything that hurts slowly allows suffering
Oh the beautiful pitiful suffering
Rooms kept dark light hurts’ thine eyes
Another humans’ contact beyond the doors
Never
Sand paper scraping scars, salt being poured upon them
Far better to isolate
Words just jumble together not making sense
Like a gurgling utterance
Howling screams
Of God or Men
Careful now riding between the fence
Escaping as options
Depression, the depression labeled slow death
Likened unto art
Surgery without being anesthetized
Removing the human that was
Replacing it with an organism
Without enough depth
Leaving room only for the pollution and shit to seep from pores
Ahhh yes…. dig deeper still shall we?
Cutting the same spot over and over again
Thy limb falls to the ground
It will not grow back and cannot be replaced
As puddle and rivers tears streak down thy face
Not for reproduction~
Puddles form in the corner of eyes
Not like rain but like rivers that streak the face
Tear salted river flows down the neck
Does this show weakness?
Remorse?
Pain? Oh the pain…..
Dying with no description or experience
It knows not
How nails screech upon the chalkboard
Taking bits and pieces form the heart
Anything that hurts slowly allows suffering
Oh the beautiful pitiful suffering
Rooms kept dark light hurts’ the eyes
Another humans’ contact beyond the doors
Never
Sand paper scraping scars, salt being poured upon them
Far better to isolate
Words just jumble together not making sense
Like a gurgling utterance
Howling screams
Of God or Men
Careful now riding between the fence
Escaping as options
Depression, the depression labeled slow death
Likened unto art
Surgery without being anesthetized
Removing the human that was
Replacing it with an organism
Without enough depth
Leaving room only for the pollution and shit to seep from pores
Ahhh yes…. dig deeper still shall we?
Cutting the same spot over and over again
That limb falls to the ground
It will not grow back and cannot be replaced
As puddle and rivers tears streak down the face
Not for reproduction~
Puddles form in the corner of eyes
Not like rain but like rivers that streak the face
Tear salted river flows down the neck
Does this show weakness?
Remorse?
Pain? Oh the pain…..
Dying with no description or experience
It knows not
How nails screech upon the chalkboard
Taking bits and pieces form the heart
Anything that hurts slowly allows suffering
Oh the beautiful pitiful suffering
Rooms kept dark light hurts’ the eyes
Another humans’ contact beyond the doors
Never
Sand paper scraping scars, salt being poured upon them
Far better to isolate
Words just jumble together not making sense
Like a gurgling utterance
Howling screams
Of God or Men
Careful now riding between the fence
Escaping as options
Depression, the depression labeled slow death
Likened unto art
Surgery without being anesthetized
Removing the human that was
Replacing it with an organism
Without enough depth
Leaving room only for the pollution and shit to seep from pores
Ahhh yes…. dig deeper still shall we?
Cutting the same spot over and over again
That limb falls to the ground
It will not grow back and cannot be replaced
As puddle and rivers tears streak down the face
Not for reproduction~
Loneliness
A feeling so singular
A despair that numbs
No one around you
No where for them to come
Much less would you run if they did
Who can you trust
In this life you have to have one
At least they say it’s a must
Don’t believe them
There is……
A home that is lost
Friends walk away
Seems in this life
Nothing will stay
Alone
In silence
Able to just think
To sink
Downward
Into the pits of ominous clouds
Thoughts of a past screams out loud
People who loved you
Lied
None kept
All I can feel
Is completely inept
A fear that grips
A suffering so real
That all you have left
Is no way to feel
But alone~
