~Perimeters~

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Standoffish aloof
Not looking at you~

Perimeters~

Coordinates
Bubbles of glass with precise measures
Encasing
Protecting
Inviting Safety
Each equation
Etching the space
The fine area deemed just my space
Slowing building up walls
Curves edges and all
A saving grace …….before another…….yes again a setback, another fall
Drawing fine lines
Marking each point
Thoughts are layers, times frames~
The nexus holding the perimeters together
Wondering if you could ever……yes ever
Believe yet again in another
Even further still nothing is forever…….
Forever the same each second each moment bring about change
Bending each thought and molding each frame ~
Believing this time it will not be the same
But perimeters falter & twist & wind and morph like a darkness acting often unkind ~
Life is an altered course it unfolds into time a commodity given the day you were born but perimeters weaken
Coordinates torn ~
All the while strategy in progress to save what is left of the holes in my heart and pain in my chest~
Perimeters are guild lines I lacked for to long, but I learned this the hard way like any over played song
Boundaries blanket me safely from harm
I no longer lay upon your loved arm~
I no longer listen to your heart beat~
I no longer feel~
Perhaps I do feel a bit for another~
But time Will only put our coordinates together
Although I lack in certain knowledge in subjects not taught
I’ll still invade your mind I’ll still be in your heart
Can’t help what I know not what I feel but
Perimeters took those it was those it did steal~
I’m trying to self preserve trying to heal
My perimeters are unique & my numbers are mine
Circumference of my thoughts etched and in place I’ll think long and hard before I look upon another face~
So know if you ever tried to understand me or tried to break Through and let me let you in
My plan is to not feel this way yet again~
Still Plans often change lives rearranged
These measure are precise and I can carefully prepare to slice to dice the hurt and pain~
To continue this path
Retract & Refrain~

~This Empty Space~

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I don’t feel you anymore This empty space you used to fill

To paint the picture in our mind

Those days long gone we search to find

Your image faded by years gone by

Your voiced muted

Your fragrance no longer lingers

Your thoughts no longer shared

Your laughter gone

I don’t feel you anymore

This empty space you used to fill

This empty space~

~Stigma~ 

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Smeared dullness

Catatonic stare

That’s what they think

Washed out color

Long halls painted grey

Not a door insight

Ideas out of focus

Stifling, confusing

Lack luster,  incredulous

emotions …….Clawing away the life fingers scraping their nails jagged and bloody, threads unravelling.. like the sound of a chalk board being scratched.

That’s what stigma, bias does isolates you.

Yet I exist Wrapped inside this cocoon~

Generic and uncategorized yet longing to be labeled and in a category ~ oh wait, I am… I fall under stigma mental illness under my skin, unseen yet relentless in my mind there are millions of my kind.

One size fits all as long as that size is extra large as to swallow my frame,as well as yours.

Swallowing my existence whole~

Preferably invisible~

Left unseen~

To myself~

Designated ~

As is~NJM

~We All Lie~So Get Real~NJM~Anyone Like Truth? Hmm…

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“How are you Doing today?”It’s what we all say to each other everyday.
Social situations facial navigation fake smile social niceties.
“Fine, and you, how are you?”
Oh fine.
We share our fake smiles

Waiting in lines

Talking small talk

Ready to move forward now

Ready to walk
Everyday you lie, I lie….Because each day that phrase is a greeting/statement/question all rolled up in one

For the most part

It’s “oui bien sur”

Or a more American way to say it instead of French is

“Yes of course”,Sure I’m fine, oh you are too? great! Have a good day!
Another proclamation of sending each person off with a ” have a good day”
I Personally like to say “have a blessed day and I make eye contact to let them know I see them, I mean what I just said.
“Have a blessed day..”
Being sincere about our feelings publicly is just not normal. We may disturb another human being with the truth such as saying” hey it’s not a good day thus far”.
Be real when you feel that way; say it, and pray it will get better.
Don’t socially lie, it’s what makes us feel as though other little lies aren’t such a bad thing. So we use more.
Perhaps you Don’t want to go somewhere you promised someone that you would go to such as an event or visit. The Majority of us would make up either an “illness”or a “family emergency”.
These are the things we as a society have accepted,which in turn; and in my opinion has diluted every human to some point.
The point of this message is sorry to burst your bubble baby, we are all liars. Now I’m

Gonna try to get through this Holiday and the rest of my life stating my truth. Perhaps if we all did, well then things for damn sure would get real.
Know what, real is what we need for positive change. In my opinion we are far to fake, not enough real.
Resolution of life going forward and note to self ” be real” pray another companion comes into my life with that goal as well. Shouldn’t we all be so fortunate?
Have a Happy Holiday’s everyone , truly much

Love and thanks for stopping by and reading my truth.

PS. My photo is my part of being real makeup free being me. At least half… 😜

~NJM~Can You Feel What I Feel? Let’s make it part of the deal~

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I awake to your thoughts of me causing a restless longing I no longer care to touch or feel. I awake to you wanting to hear me, but I stay silent. I awake and remember how I wanted your love once at any cost. Now I’ve counted the cost it’s of no value to me.

I awake I feel your loss, your longing , I know because I lost you the day you rejected me, just took your rejection and mental abuse awhile for it to sink in. It has. In the words of the late great Kurt Cobain If you truly want me then…… Come as you are, as you were

As I want you to be

As a friend, as a friend

As an known enemy…take your time, hurry up, the choice is yours but don’t be late!

~Please….Don’t Flatter yourself

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Don’t flatter yourself Thinking I make every move for you~
Don’t flatter yourself if I ask you many questions, I’m inquisitive by nature~
Don’t flatter yourself thinking you’re the object of my desire~
Don’t flatter yourself by my fascination, a time in my life now gone~
Don’t flatter yourself thinking you could ever find anyone like me, I’m unique and to good for you~
Don’t flatter yourself you definitely are not one of a kind you’re cut from the common cloth The generic design~
Don’t flatter yourself and think your self unique trust its All been done before you’re cut from common cloth~
Don’t flatter yourself thinking you have advanced yourself in life you have not…. job promotions happen all the time~
Don’t flatter yourself you think the world owes you, a sense of entitlement you can’t seem to see just how big your ego can be~ bobble head….
Don’t flatter yourself anymore with regard to me, if you cross my mind I pray and get on with life. I let it be. You judged me was embarrassed by me~
Simply don’t flatter yourself I’m gone now let it be~
Don’t flatter yourself ~

Especially for me..~

~Regret~

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Ideological fanaticism The mirror holds the image so tight~

Unable to move out of ones sight~
Hourglass turns and sands starts to drain no longer can time contain~

Life sustain?
Reflections cracked and connection lost~

Guess no one decided to count the cost~
Detached and subdued, Drained, by the need~

All that they long for festers in greed~
How your heart full of art, Beautifully broken will bleed~

While I write these words, You read~in your mind It is I that plants the seeds~
Defining sounds consume all space~The shadows grow larger in this place~Yet disappearing without a trace ~
Grips that shackle the freedom once given~the strength of youth lost to time~Now live on your life walk the fine line~
We swallow their lies~Yet long for truth~
But all is lost, Especially our youth~
By the time you think you arrived~Your life event you barely survived~Often you wish that you just died~
All gone to another not each other~Surely push away forget together~
One day you look back and all that you see were words written …….Scribbles that rhyme but that’s ok fool yourself all is just fine~
Fine you say dear oh Darlin ~Lend me your ear~
When I speak these words, I invoke fear~
So run to your shadows~Hide away fast~
No matter what, I always last~
Rise as I watch you wither away, Longing to late now~How you wish I would stay~
Live now with your choice~Till your dying day~
Regret , remorse spinning the web~
Tears flow down your face onto your pillow then onto your bed~
When your alone you think of me~How we could have been, Let’s others see~
Yet you let me go again, You set me free~
Still you will come again and again~Just wait you’ll see~