Happy Mother’s Day to my Mom Mary Louis Bourgeois~One of the greatest fortune tellers On the Bayous of Houma Louisiana~

My Mon was 78 years old right there in the photo, just saying~

Momma I called Dennis today, been 7 years since you passed away.

I was sick in my mind and was unable to help when you died.

Momma we had a very strained relationship I felt that you tried……. the best you knew how, oh how I wish you were here now.

The words I speak now are still hard to find.

After 7 years I asked Dennis, I never met face to face.

If he would render the ashes, if not where they were placed?

Momma he couldn’t you see.

He gave them to your companion who was 20 years younger , as you well knew his name is cecil. Here I got his picture today! He looks great see 

I searched Cecil down and what a surprise he did tell. By the way he is doing well.

He poured out your ashes onto your mothers grave.

It was to late for your ashes for me to save.

Momma I’m sorry I was sick in my mind, there were many around me who were very unkind. You warned me long ago but I didn’t take heed. Watch who you let in and what exactly they need. They will cling to you, your life force and will breed.

You mailed me a card voicing concern, it was mailed the day you died I finally learned.

Momma it is bittersweet to know the day you passed & went away that you mailed the card to me that very day.

Momma you already know I grieve differently than most.

I have delayed grief it takes many years to finally sink in.

Just like when Dad died ashes to wind, he died on my birthday as you already knew. He died 7 years before you.

Momma lately you haunt my dreams… I want you to know I don’t have a Stone where your ashes did go, so this is your headstone now this is your grave.

Momma you kept secrets to tell……

But I’m not sure if those secrets went to heaven or hell.

I’ll never know but I can presume you’re finally at rest you paid the price you passed the test.

I know your life was really hard it was far from the best.

How I wish things were different

How they could’ve been.

Momma receiving the card you sent on the day of your death,

It was delivered 3 days later

I opened the mail box took a deep breath.

Momma the last two years of your life we became close

I want you to know I miss you and Dad both.

You lived through Katrina I found  your sons as you asked, I never knew you had many children each one you left except me, I don’t know why,

And will never understand why it was me? Or why the others never came to see, except my sister Jackie

But time has a way to change what has past make it what’s best.

Momma I talked to Dennis to day

Twice before too, this is what he would say “Kismet” at first I didn’t know what he meant

Didn’t know how time moves,

How time is spent.

I know that will be the last time I’ll talk to him as he announced to me his Kismet is due.

Momma Dennis is now 71 years old.

He had a few stories that needed to be told.

His accent sounded so good so Cajun you see the blood so creole in you and in me.

Momma you instilled in me the Bible and quotes each day

At night on bent knee psalms 91 we would pray.

I still can recite it in its entirety today.

Momma you were known as the great fortune teller who lived on the bayou I saw what you did…….

How you always eventually knew.

People would come from cities around to see what was ahead of them to see what you found.

You used a plain deck of cards for you to see what would be.

The kings and the Queens and jokers Jumped out of the deck.

Taking inventory gave them the check read them the mail from the outer realm, touched by the unseen, you taught some to me, taught my unseen instincts only you could at first see.

Prophetic words spilled out of your mouth. You could summon the knowledge from North, West, East and south.

You never approved of any man I brought before you.

They were not good enough,

They weren’t good men.

“Not able “you’d say to give my daughter only truth long the way, to love me as needed, to protect me from harm, guess you knew that none existed so you never did tell how life could often be hell.

People clouded by lies shackled in death, confessing only in their last breath.

I’m so sorry momma I couldn’t get you in a casket into the ground.

But Jimi sang a song just for you how profound

“The wind cries Mary” all around.

https://g.co/kgs/pxdqgQ
I think of you when I hear that song, Jimi tapped into your life somehow in that unseen realm… I think it’s cool and truly old school.

How could he see the creole Mary how the wind would cry your name, how the words painted your life, your strife, your hope, the saddest thing to me was you had to learn to cope.

So Momma this is your headstone on the web of the world immortalized but your story not all told.

Momma I too now am getting old.

Your grandson is growing up to, I see so much of me in him like I see so much of you in me.

Funny how life works how it moves along somehow.

Momma I pray for your blessing as I move along on my quest

Momma inside me I know you’re at rest.
Love Nicole
Mary Louise Bourgeois

R.I.P.

7/12/1927 – 9/30/2010

In that photo she was 75… died at age 83.

~My Effin Eulogy-My Epitaph~

My Eulogy, My epitaph

Can’t be written

Can’t contain

All the bullshit that Will remain

You know not about silence you have no clue~

You think art a weapon

Used by you?

Ha!

That is funny!

Think your self special my darling My honey~

I can spit out words faster than you think~

Faster than the bottle from ,Which you drink~

Don’t announce yourself to me

Tell me your ~I’m back”~

You’re the fire the lightening, Really is that a fact?

Or more bullshit you concote, Damn what a shock~

Not really your predictable you see?

If I want to see then I will, Otherwise should’ve let it be

Hacking my blog!

Think it’s cool?

All that college all that school, And to think I think you nothing more than a fool~

So you crack a code, Mix a spell,All that shit go to hell~

The jewel you found, Fascinated were you~

But you did see, That I can view, Things unseen, Feel you too~

I have a gift given at birth, Some say a blessing ,I often think it a curse~

So trend your words ,Algorithm and stride ,Get ready my Darling,For your big ride~

I could write and write, Forever you see especially,When it’s about you And me~

I’m lyrically gifted as well its seems, I take one simple word make it a dream……

Or a nightmare to frighten to scare To remind all who know me, Best beware~

There is not another you Know like me, but I know others exist….

I live in the know, Just as the tides ebb and flow~

Some say I’m a Cather of Catherism, no protest! But they do nonetheless~

My Tribe are the shaman, oracles of old.. Catherism….lights shine through the glass of a church like a prism~

Make others wonder how this is so, Art is no weapon!

Ha!

It’s a beautiful dance, It is what I am, What I will always be~

My epitaph~

My Eulogy~

I’m living,You see~

I forgot you know not, Blinded by ego~

A hurt that is fake, You go crawl the earth now, You scorpion snake~

#######

Updated~Two Week Notice~yeah already~—

Dear God up above I can still feel your love…. but I’m sorry to say I must leave go away~ you called me a light worker, I can only do so much never ever figured out what is the human touch.

You blessed me with human a beautiful baby boy. I’m entrusting you to him, he is a child and yet my sin~when I try to write my book I don’t even know where to begin my life was fast like a whirlwind…and pieces scattered about and within

It’s all like a puzzle that was left in a closet hidden away, no one notice nor knew what to say

Laying by the devils side it isn’t hard to decide, he is the God of this world I now see, and I figured out the exit for me…. for any who look and choose to see, my mission complete~

So just give two weeks notice and keep the memories they serve no purpose when I’m gone. My words will live on and on. I planted seeds along the way, somehow though was led astray. So here I am Lord here I lay so I request an early judgement day.

I would do the same for my son, I would love him no matter what he may have done.

I ask in return you bless his life free of worry grief strife…. to live to laugh to love to know I can still see him from far above.

I laid by the devils side for over half my life it caused me to much pain to much strife and as a human being I’m sick of this life… I quit. Well I’m giving my two week notice as any good employee of a universal truth I must say I did enjoy my youth….. sometimes…. it reminded me I wasn’t meant for here, I was wild free and truly fierce scared of NOTHING!!!! Not even death. I couldn’t wait to take a last breath… but I endured and at times I laughed

But often rejected due to class, stereotypes, and bullshit in general full circle around but this time my Lord I leave this playground~ two weeks notice not to long to go and when I get where I’m Going please don’t say “I told you so” see ya soon!

Probably by noon

~A King’s Desire~

A swiftness to your speech

Proclivity to your touch

Behind my ear a whisper clear

I feel your need as you draw near

Hot breath behind my neck

The persistence in your grasp

You unarm me by slow movement; poignant sly

Cunning sensuous

Am I meant for this?

To be for you

In waking life in dream too

I bow beneath your weight

As you vigorously guide the lead

I am feeling as though I’m your prized steed

Riding through this lust slow yet posthaste

I forgot just how you love this place between the peaks and valleys down below

You know I am the only one to fully fill your need

Allowing you to take me there upon my soul you feed

I give you freely what you covet most

Think me more than a sexual host

An equal is what I am you see, I’m vivacious tenacious and quick on my move I’ll spin you around crawl your walls

Take you down

As kings and queens both wear a crown

~Bipolar,The Unique Truth about the illness and my theories~

First I urge you the reader to watch a movie called “Touched by Fire” with Katie Holmes… the depiction of the two characters bring this post together. They are two bipolar individuals that’s all I will say. Watch it.

Bipolar the unique truth
Truth is there are many bipolar people with a unique gifts of art, it springs forth from our well to bring to life what we hope others will get, will understand.
I write poetry through my heart

My veins, my brain. Some other bipolar people paint, some sing, some Dance, some sculpt, and others like me, the countless thousands that write.
I consider myself a warrior fighting a cause trying to educate and break mental health stigma I also bring my demons out to display for all to see. That’s pretty ugly and unique. Hang it all out, air the bullshit I fester in at times, don’t we all?
Here is the thing, even warriors get weary and tired, and at times may even feel defeated.
I feel this as I write it, however by days end I’ll feel completely opposite I will feel empowered.
You may be a bipolar person, however every one of us is so unique so very unique.

I have been told all my

Life I have a switch, like a light switch that goes off if I’m done such as with let’s say …chemical addiction I am addicted for awhile to some drugs as an example. Cocaine, ecstasy, acid that kind of stuff I did at various times of my life, only to put it down. Still down over 15 years or more to this point and I pray it will always stick, it has thus far.
Now Mary Jane is like a best friend that I can hug goodbye, then check up on Mary Jane and alas, we have a long visit. Then I hug her again. Only to keep visiting.
Longest I ever told Mary Jane see you later I didn’t see her for 5 years….. that’s along time.
I’m similar with cigarettes but I have never been a real lifer for cigarettes.
I pick those up during stressful times. Like a switch I turn it back off till it illuminates again and the switch is turned on….. hey maybe it’s a glitch…

Today is the full moon. The moon affects bipolar people.
Say what you will, the cosmic energy changes the ebb and the flow of the ocean and pulls stronger because we are closer to our moon. If it affects a huge ocean then I view it as ……how much more can it affect us little humans. I mean come on it’s pulling an ocean sitting by us you think it don’t affect us, Ha. Ok.
Anyway these are my theories. Adopt them as your own if it rings true. Examine it if it doesn’t.
For some the full moon energizes their soul, others melancholia, others deep depression.
It is a shackle. I have theories about mental illness for a very long time. We live in a multidimensional world.
I often wondered if the mentally ill are tapping into the other dimensions the ones that others can’t hear, see, or feel.

I have others who have witnessed phenomena in me with regard to two things, first I seem to affect electrical currents in my area around me lights and such . Second the ability to tell you about something important that is gonna happen if you’re close to me.

This has been witnessed and many can tell you, yep she does.
This only started again, notice I said again, yes again after 3 years. See I was away around lies and deceit for the duration of my marriages, I listened and bought into the lies …. then I broke free after my divorce…for the last three years of my life, I stopped listening to lies, I’m in what I call a spiritual cleanse zone.
I can do things others can’t or maybe they can I haven’t met them yet, do you have phenomena too? just like I have , are you bipolar and have a phenomenon like myself which only adds to what I feel is extremely unique.
I had gifts when I was younger and not tainted by this world nor afflicted with atrocious disease of the mind. I prayed and meditated for hours in nature back then. My gifts at its apex. But years of hearing and buying into those lies affected my gifts. We all have some kinda strange gift if you tap into it.
Removing yourself from all lies or to recognize lies(spirit bares witness to others) the lies others speak you will and can know. But how do you know if they are lying?
For me It’s a silent “I know”.A feeling a sensation I pick up on.
Sometimes it’s just a quick whispers brief then gone.
This is me. This is how I am navigating my outer worldly experience. The queue’s I receive.
I don’t dabble in dark arts. My mother did. She was sought after on the bayous of Louisiana. People come from all over the bayou to see her. To hear what she had to say.
She then had a change of heart made me burn all my albums( so long ago lol albums) all my records.
I couldn’t wear pants anymore and I got to go to 6 th grade at a weird school from the church she joined. It was Like a mixture of Assembly of God or Pentecostal type of practice.
Yet I survived my crazy ass formidable young years as best I could, well that was until I revolted and got married at 14.
I was rebellious, against the grain. I think that was a charismatic draw when I was younger I had a few select friends.
Wherever we went, when we arrived the party started and most flocked to me it flowed… it was a powerful feeling.
So see yours may be different it’s why I have given you a quick narrative of my life.
So how are the meds going? Well? What was your cost? Mine was feelings, eyesight, weight, rapid weight gain. A few more add on’s.
My meds are Lamictal, Serquel, Clonopin. Not to mention pain meds for another condition.
Cool fact I’ve only had three cavities. My mom was big about brushing my damn teeth.
Hey! I have a bright smile. That is if I’m not in one of the many moods that flow through me every hour. Yes every hour.
See another difference. My Mind is in a variation or some would say rapid cycle.
Yours may be still, constant depressed, or you could be in a full blown manic episode.
In order to make any stride In Breaking stigma we must begin to be honest with ourselves.
We walk blindly sometimes through a day our thoughts jumbled.
But are we living our truth, bearing the scars and being open about your unique illness and the unique art it invokes in you.
Can we all feel empowered always, the answer is No. however we can strive, press onward.
For us our creativity and our illness make us so unique, so let your colors out and color outside the lines.
Don’t be afraid, we all have at one time or another. However, this is coming from someone who has had a rough ride getting to this place of complete honesty.
A place to tell my story without fear. Worry about nothing, care about most things, leave the rest behind. That’s my quote…
Thanks for stopping in and reading my post.
Have a beautiful day and watch out for our full moon tonight!

Consistency …..And Sparta? Yes!!

I decided long ago consistency does count, but I forgot it is a two way street. I can’t be the only one striving for that attribute in any relationship. 
If you’re not able to also be acknowledgeable of me in consistent status, then I Guess you can’t run in my 300. Not many can it should be called my 3 lol. Since I barely trust anyone and I have two I can count on…. they run in my 3 …….. huh my 3…And play it out like 300.

Sparta! They consistently worked together to eventually defete an empire. It was dedication to the consistency that was beautiful. They moved as one unit.If you can’t communicate with me and act as a team as a unit then please do us all a favor stay away already.

I live in my Sparta and I’m gonna Conquer my distractions in many ways… May God be with me~ and may he be with you too~ God Speed~ we all need it~