~So I drank red tree ants~

figured I share this since today has been a crying fest..

But that crying fest is because I miss my son very much. However the event I’m About to share turned the crying fest around when I realized that I drank ants.

No silly not on purpose.. Remember on
One of my recent post how I am addicted to this Ceylon imported peace tea.

Well I was going to take a med I needed.. And I was in the car after going run a few task.

I took my warm over night tea inside and took my pill, however I felt a bit more than my pill going down. I remember I have issues with frickin ants in my car..

It hit me, I poured what was left of my tea into a bowl and low and behold at least 20 ants came out of the can of tea..Yummy right?

Not really. Moral of my story, if you have ant problems in your car best not leave it over night, then decide to drink the rest.
Never know what’s creeping in the drink.

For me it was red tree aunts. Since I have a hard time eating lately suppose that will be my protein for the day.

Thank you for letting me share this, hope it elicits a laugh God knows I needed one.l

Peace tea and Ants… Yeah!

IMG_0235.JPG

~To My Dad

To my loving Dad Nicholas John Moncada 12-15-31 to -1-1-2003 Love my Dad~ Greatest man I’ve ever known~ probably the only reason I truly understand love. That man loved me no matter what I did, he stood behind me through so much, and always always believed in me~ before he died he said “honey we wanted you to be a boy, but I thank God above your were a girl .
So glad you turned out to be a girl”

You live on, in me, and my son I named after you.. Last name and all~Nicholas Moncada !
You are greatly missed~

20140615-195226-71546019.jpg

~It Could Be Worse~ Fragmented~NJM~

I drank the poison 

I sit quietly as storms brew around me

Damn dark clouds spinning wondering…………………could it be worse?

Lately I’m Reducing myself to a child like statements “I never asked to be born!” God.
Cloudy day you will not catch me vulnerable off guard 

Depression is my muse

So in my craziness let me lay and in your mouth of madness pray

Quit toying with me finish me this day already or release me

I need philosophical conversation less hesitation 

How about it is what it is, instead of trying to make it something that it isn’t

The worse that can happen is the worse.
Moods mixed dripping from a rusty faucet or are the bowels of despair and hopeless abandonment. Eating away at your core? Wanting to feel this way no more
If you entered into a relationship today with the knowledge of knowing it will come to an end, would you engage and interact within and with that relationship? Define relationship… It’s myriads to scrutinize. Is the notion of such cause for suicide? Control? What of these….relationships. You’re living one now. It’s a relationship based with you and life. The other people are just the variables.

What do the people who are worse off do?
You often here it could be worse …. Well what of those that are locked away in a murderers cage……. What do they think ? It could be worse? I’m gonna die? So truly what is worse?

I will not concern myself with what I’m no longer concerned with. Yet I do. Contradict indeed. I’ll grab your hand to lead the way to have concern for you its in my DNA.

It’s all of what God wants what if I do otherwise will I be quickly be condemned thrown to purgatory? No I’ve made the bed it’s my consequence nothing more.

Lazy thoughts cloud conclusions unknown to basic rationalization Algorithm calculation 

Over processed, infected by a virus. You are my virus, no cure in sight.
Seeds you planted are now overgrown weeds in my mind

Trimming them only makes them grow~
Bumpy potholes all over the road
Don’t make me your mission don’t be a mortar for me. Opposition. Save me.
Cloudy day you will not catch me vulnerable off guard 
I awake to………..An instant acute awareness of all things, sharpened senses that if not properly used self destruct

I concealed my soiled hands behind my back, somewhere along the line I must have gone off track
I see the end…. Look don’t you… I forget your vision is clouded, and I’m filtering differently too. Lacking true vision that’s you

Like bad news of a death you speak of things you know not of, You hurt, is that all you know? Could be worse.
Unknown visitation trying you prepare. What exactly are you preparing for? Always be ready, You are you be you. It could be worse.

You loved and lost. But greater love is he who carries the Lord in their heart. Love never loses. 
It could be worse 

Skeletons with rotting flesh cling A pool of blood maps out the trail Stench of death fumes raise high many try running as many die, guess it could be worse~

I’m sick of awaking in a fog. God would you sit awhile let me hear your thunderous heavenly voice say it’s all okay including the fog and the occasional fire. 
Tell me how long will we grovel at the feet of wealth and power How long will we bow to their golden calf.

How long will we curtsey to all the new religions? They water down truth until truth will be no more.  

The awkward moment I see your mind is sick too, you only mimic society so they never knew, hypocrite~
Did God know bout you’re dyin day that it be of your own hand or his that has its way?
I feel so completely incomplete Take my hands stretch them out nail me to the cross then nail the cross to my feet Damn Martyr~

Laid upon the tall green grass my mind laid in textiles like tapestry in my head. Dampened thoughts moist with residue of complex philosophy and skewed intent wondering where the hell my life went in a different path, I feel alike lot Sylvia Plath~
There is steam on the window with writing on the glass….. But the words are blurry, I’m rushed in a hurry………. But to where I’m hurried too I know not. What does it say? Hurry……ok but where?

In this corner you think I’m in, your talons about to sink in I feel your claws grasping my skin… About to fly away with your prize your meal that has eyes.

Remember now I’m never how you envisioned maybe it be best you rethink your decision   

Clearly I might snap and sting causing extreme collision.

I’m the benefits fully loaded equipt but without warranty yet still a guarantee.
The further back I step more space allowed between

I feel you less

Like a dog

I allowed you

To kick me

I returned 

Again

Again

To my vomit

Then I had enough snapped and said the end~
Flesh hanging from my mouth….,..Carries the pieces you took from me raw and intact with my words my mouth alone. Your loss.

Herald bringer state the case close it well. Once told no more to tell. Usurper~
Sand storms blind suffocate Quick sand sucks you in like hate… Oh precious longing fate

Flares up as flames ignite, you sink into the quick sand you lost all control.
Figured you might~

Ensue the fight~

Problem is neither is right~
Truth be told I want what I want 

Needs not the same, I’m over all childish games,
I don’t listen therefore I get hurt, pouring more pain in my heart

Still I hope somehow deep inside we never part, that God will allow for us a start….
Suppose we Will see…
What could be worse

~Stillness~

Stillness …..

Be mine for the day

Perhaps the week

If you could find it in yourself to keep

Me~

Bid me silence.. Deep sleep

Stillness ……

Find me 

Hold me close 

Let me not stray to far

If you would bid me peace

Peace of mind

Stillness tell me why… You’re very Elusive and even more so hard to find

And I will search for you daily

I will pray that you are mine

I will seek this stillness Until the end of this line

This time …..

Uniquely sublime

Still~

~Spit It Out~Write~

Spit it out

Put it on paper
Someone will read it sooner or later~
Thoughts swirl around
Ideas kept inside
Don’t be afraid to speak out
Don’t run and hide ~
Spew it forth tear it from your soul
Lest you forget to write it down
less regress
Grow old~
There is benefit in most all that you read
Whether the subject is controversial or definitely agreed~
You have an opinion don’t we all?
So stop write it down
Soon or later perhaps when your long gone your words still exist
And that part of you lives on~
Your Essence ignites what you stood for while you lived the things often scared to share, to process, to give~
Spit it out, spew it forth, write!
Write it down
It will be heard
One day to be found~
Words hold your meaning
Words Paint your life
Words are your magic
Cast your spell
Plant the seed
It may grow take root
And the whole world one day may read~So Write!
This is not for recognition as much as for you, for you are your art..
But these words you may write is a testament, it’s your part~

Spit it out, spew it forth

Put it on paper
Someone will read it sooner or later~