~Immortalized~Legends~

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I am the painter of my life

But the sculptor has the say

The one that reminds me

Each and everyday~

Pray….. know that your words are you, as I am the word too

As are you.

Want to live forever my child

Want to be free again…..wings again run wild?

You will move on from this ethereal area…

This realm of this world 🌎

Dimensions vast but the one thing on this Earth that will last

Immortalize you your bloodline

WORDS write put in plain sight

Take your words paint your life

Let me mold you, refine with fire 🔥

A love so real, that burning desire

Deep in your belly with steel down your back …….your a wild young hybrid full of these words, you spin and you weave……

But dear Angel your words live forever long after you leave

Immortal~

Typo’s fixed…Totally revised~I Want….You~ yeah You…

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I want short distance to close love,spontaneous outburst of affection not planned touches or moments..fast reflex and stealth like a cat, like me~ Flexibility both internally and externally (you will need it) truth always truth, I hate lies…crazy mad love that somehow makes sense, the kind legend s are made of (smile):))…level headed? Plz love is crazy beautiful wild free, no level headed well thought,it will be, Everything is Fine…I ask the Lord for Devine reward… oh yeah I want thunder under sheets flesh storms that make the sheets fall to the floor both needing more…Devine strength well mastered,Change it’s time for change and it’s coming as long as it reveals beauty and it will….to stop crying and laugh more, I want long walks along the beach from our beach home.$$$$Money lots of it…to share, invest, grow it, leave financial burdens behind forever, I want to be kind even when others are careless with words and emotional harm, learn to not take it personal, it’s really about them not me.

I want to see what God wants for me, I want to align with God’s will and plans, I want to stand straight and strong next to my future companion/Husband learn to still be humble but I can still feel pride inside,help me God to not hate and make me good God make me good~

Njm

~The Non Traditional Christian & Being Bipolar~NJM~

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I used to use twitter a lot. The above tweet is one dear to me, and although it may have not received attention as others tweets, it is a true statement about the perils of Bipolar disorder.
Lately I write a bit less, and with that I notice less “Likes” on my post. I get lots of “shares” but no one I follow seems to be touched by my words. Not touched enough to “like”or moved enough to comment.
I wrote about courage recently and one other person like it, it was shared among facebook 4 times. Guess what? I don’t care. It’s not about the “likes” or even the shares. It’s about my expression of feelings that I feel I need to convey. It’s about courage. If someone gets something from it, then my work is done. If no one gets nothing from it, my work is still done. Why, you ask? Because I received something from it. I purged a thought, feeling, or a need to express. I found courage to write. To share.
Sure my prayer is to inspire, to teach, to eventually become a great writer, a best-selling author. Sure I am also an unorthodox oxymoron as well. A contradictions of sorts. Does the bible not indeed contradict as well? Yes. Indeed it does. Why? It’s left open to interpretation that is why.
I am the church, not a building. I don’t fellowship in a brick and mortar tower that cost millions to build. No. I fellowship with those I see daily at work. I try to encourage and lead by example, to wish everyone a blessed day. Should we all be as fortunate? indeed.
I have a calling on my life, I knew this while serving a year in jail at age 19. I just was not sure what it was. I did at one time have the ability to give prophecy. I lost that as time went by. I see bits and pieces still, but only when I draw near to God. I often fall short in that category. But I get up and try again. Never stop trying.
I am non traditional. Never wanted to be like what I had been exposed to. However, I fell short at times. Fitting in seems important at certain stages of life, so we compromise our true nature that God instilled in us to fit in.
Some would say ” if God exist why does so much bad happen? why are you bipolar, so on so forth…
I’ve examined this many times. There is a passage in the bible that states that many mysteries are yet to be revealed. That we have not the mind of God therefore we know not what God knows. What I will say is these two words “Free Will” it was ours the moment we entered this world. Our will is powerful if we use it. The problem is many use their will for exploiting and hurting others. The weaker minds allow for this to happen, and then bad things happen.
You may say then “What of illness, disease? Again I have no exact answer. What I can say, is some of the greatest and inspiring stories are about those who are ill. I am ill. My son is ill, he has type 1 diabetes and Aspergers. Wow he is a testimony of taking his illness and turning it into testimony. He made honor roll recently. He is in 6th grade. He is part of my personal testimony, for he is my son. Train up a child in the way they should go, and when he is old he will not depart from it. {Proverbs 22:6}
My God, I can’t believe that I was basically married at his age. Yes, you heard me. I married 48 days after I turned 14. I had just turned 14!!! Who would allow such in a modern society, abuse and illness from my Mother propelled me to such. To much degree all are ill. I don’t hide my illness. I am open so that others may learn from my experience.
Think of me as a generic Christian my set of values and standards may be different from yours, but we are all indeed human. We can go further in our future as a race and our beliefs if we begin to look at each other as another “human” and be that. A human being.
Our imagination has a myriad of possibilities we project which eventually molds our future possibilities which lay before each of us.
In order to make a difference we must engage our conscious to the voice of God and the nature of heart to man/human.
So this day as I pray, I pray for you, as I ask you pray for me…..like a  pay it forward prayer act.
I leave you with my bipolar thoughts now…
The heart may be the bodies strongest muscle but it’s also most fragile for all its strength it is also the weakest how’s that for irony?
As previously stated…..
Imagination is the myriad of possibilities we project and mold our future possibilities that lay before each of us.
We must engage our conscious, it too is the voice of God and the nature of heart in man.
So I reach out I hear the song of angels whispering……
I’m there for you
Expecting nothing in return, &
The amazing melodies of nature that only God can sing
The ability to hear it once again. May we all be so fortunate.
Thanks for reading my bipolar non traditional Christian thoughts.
~NJM~

~Can a Person With Bipolar Lead A Normal Healthy LIfe~

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The Following paragraphs below were in response to a question Via Quora.com.
A women asked if there was any way someone with Bipolar Disorder could lead a healthy normal life (BTW What is Normal anyway?)The women had told me that her boyfriend was up and down, and a few times physically abusive  Below is my response. To her Question~
Yes, and no. It’s a double edged sword.
First it sounds to me like he is not managing his illness. The first step to mood stability is taking medication to level out the moods. This usually requires medication of the anticonvulsants family such as depakote, lamictal, topamax to name a few. Lithium is also awell known medication in regard to bipolar management.Next sleep is as important as meds. A proper sleep scheduleshould be in place. At least 7 to 8 hours of sleep a night. Otherwise moods become unstable and a manic episode will follow. Next exercise is extremely important. This gets the brains neurons and transmitter firing the right type of dopamine through the brain the endorphins get released. At least 5 days a week he needs to get a good strong workout in for no less than 1 hour.I mentioned the above because what you are telling me does not match up to someone working a routine to keep bipolar disorder managed. Anyone that has experience with bipolar would say that the three mentioned above are of the utmost importance.

Then you have alcohol. A bipolar person simply shouldn’t drink at all. However I personally drink an occasional glass of wine without repercussions. Remember that the variables are vast in management of bipolar disorder and each person is unique in symptoms and treatment.

 

 

Next meditation and spirituality go a long way, I pray each day upon waking. I meditate later in the day. I can not stress enough of how God has helped me. I realize not all share my view in regard to God. But hey it’s all personal and more importantly what works for you. I will say that when I didn’t pray and have faith, I was not a happy camper, and all the meds in the world did not make a difference.

 

Today I’m on an extremely low dose of meds. I only take 250mg of Lamictal, and 100 mg of Trazadone, Xanax only when needed. My meds are mild in comparison to others I know. It was not always like this for me. But prayer and spirituality centered me. Changed me.

 

Now if any of the above is not being followed to the best of ones ability, it’s gonna be one hell of a ride.

 

To answer your question, yes it can be done. But the management is a hit and miss. One has to be diligent in order to stay with the realm of reality, and to thwart mood swings.

 

What you are explaining almost sounds like rapid cycling. Truly your spouse needs to manage the disorder more closely than I suspect he actually is.

 

Also no form of violence should be tolerated. Period. None. I can’t stress that enough. Every time you over look physical violence it will increase in severity each time after until a deathly outcome may be achieved. You don’t want that, no one does. But a person in mania or hypo mania does not use logic or have the filter in place that those who don’t suffer mental illness have. So I severely stress again no violence tolerated!

 

I highly recommend couples counseling. A temporary separation while his medical issues are worked out and managed better. Also you should accompany him to a few psychiatric visits. Why? Because your reality needs to be offered up to the doctor not just his in order to be treated properly.
Besides this is a team effort. Support helps.

 

Research and read. Here are two books I highly recommend. This one is like a handbook for bipolar people.

Next one is ~Madness~ Marya Hornbacher does a phenomenal job of giving the perspective of a manic bipolar person. I just recently finished this book.

I will tell you, both books will give great insight and ideas to you and your spouse.

Now the flip side. If he does not take treatment seriously, and does not manage his bipolar, then the answer to your question is a firm and loud NO!
You will not be able to lead any type of happy normal relationship and life unless steps are implemented and treatment is followed.

It took 3 and a half years to get my life right. Lots of loss and heartache along the way. Many relationships lost. Financial trouble.. Just huge mess. Even jail time.

If I can be of any further assistance please reach out to me via private message. I am more than willing to help in any way I can, and point you into the right directions.

Also get online and look for support groups in your area.

Good luck.

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~What Defines You? Poetic Thoughts for the New Year~

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What Defines Us?

I seem to leave little things at important places.

My things find their way back.

Yes I gave my things personality , Feeling, being therefore I use the word “their”

Why? I see those objects as remnants of me.

Our things ? Does certain objects you have define you?

Does your car define you?

Your home?

Your special collections of themes?

Your purse?

Wallet?

Cloths?

Music?

Others…. friends?

Or does God define you?

Your spirit, your cosmic master?

I would like to say that my God and spirituality define me.

Lately I’m stagnate, without inspiration, dry.

I began to think what defines me? In Defining me I realized things, little things and my mistakes, my own guilt, my lack of forgiveness for myself and others are defining me.

In this upcoming year I want to break free, I want to reach goals. However,

We are our worst critic. In your head both the judge and jury convict you daily, hourly.

The funny thing is we are forgiven. On the basic principle of grace, benevolence of God or what you believe to be God your positive love that resides in you since your birth. The light .

I find in observation that often We let others define us? Then we have our personal critic in our head condemning us on a second by minute basis. So does…..Our possessions do they define us?

Our past?

Why is the future so hard to see?

Goals hard to reach?

Even love, self love so hard to find? To define us.

……. leaves only an expression of the unique difference and evermore the commonality of what is you and what is me.

I find my words have weight after they’re read, planting seeds, leaving questions…..

Poetic thoughts

From my bipolar mind, my

PTSD summoned by panic attacks reaching depths of me I didn’t know existed.

Mercurial is a word to describe me in many ways.

Describe. Is describing also defining?

I think so, add that to the list.

A never ending list

That evolves

Changes each second

Each breath.

Leaving us a question that begs an answer as the New Year approaches. For me the New Year is also the day of my birth, as well as the day my Dad died. I find meaning , I find signs from that experience that defines me in many ways each year. The New Year… my birthday is bitter sweet, because it reminds me that my Dad is dead, gone, and he made his exit out of this existence on the very day that I began mine. The day that everyone makes New Year resolutions that will in many ways define you. I pray the upcoming New Year brings rebirth and prosperous healthy harmonious life to you, in doing I ask what defines you?

~Do You Believe? Have Faith~

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I will not deny the existence of God
Nor will I accept the contention of men who seek to otherwise disprove the premise of my belief.

For it is the mystery of such that only faith will sustain the notions of God and faith. “Faith is the substance of things hoped for, the evidence of things unseen. Hebrew 11:1”

But I see the obvious flaws within the doctrine. The blatant disregard to use logic and reason. And quite personally when it’s all said and done, it’s only you, you have to convince you. For all the contrary statements and text, it’s just plain and simple, believe as you want. But remember are we not contrary in our very existence being a human? And therein lies the flaw, and furthermore the perfection. The uniqueness.. Divine and sometimes cursed.

To be brief, no one should try to convince anyone. Be as you believe, and nothing less or more. In doing so your actions reveal your intent/belief/existence.
Let not your actions lack the very conviction of your words. Far far to many are quick to speak but are of null effect when carrying out said convictions.

Be an Example, pray others follow.

Try the agreements if nothing else has spoken to you spiritually. The four agreements.

These may not be in the correct order as I am going by memory alone.

  1. Try to do your best always.{your best may change from day to day just as circumstances do}
  2. Don’t assume. We all do, try not to……I have a hard time on this one.
  3. Be Immpeccable with your word. {basically don’t lie}
  4. Try not to take nothing personally. Very hard to achieve.

Try this. See if it gets you were you are trying to go. Good luck. God Speed. ~NJM~

Oh yeah have faith!

 

~In What Ways Are Bipolar Disorder Serious~

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The most obvious is that it’s not an illness that can be seen by the eyes
per-say. At first glance and maybe several, it is possibly never seen. Unless the symptoms manifest in other ways. We look like you, speak as you do. Love, hate,  hurt,  feel just like you. But the filter of emotions are not the same.

You can’t take an X-ray or MRI to find it.

In most cases its never diagnosed properly nor by the first evaluation. It may take several doctors, evaluations before getting properly diagnosed. This is frustrating for someone suffering with bipolar. Especially if given the wrong medicine. AntidepressantsIn most cases will induce mania.

Statistically speaking it has the highest suicide rate than any other mental illness. If left untreated, the repercussions can be detrimental both for the sufferer and those who encounter them. Between 30% to 50% of those diagnosed attempt suicide.

But personally speaking the biggest way that the illness can be serious is by the mast majority of ignorance on such matters. Not enough knowledge among society, those who treat it as though it is leprosy, or make threats against those who suffer from the illness, or use the term to diminish power of those who suffer from it.
Think about it… Many who are diagnosed feel ashamed or less than and won’t even acknowledge their illness around others. This is because lack of understanding on the subject, uneducated assumptions based on false information. Many people cause great damage by making fun of, or acting superior to the suffers of the illness.
These are the ways bipolarcan be serious. Educate Yourself, and your loved ones.

 

~Views About God or Lack Thereof~

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 Had a conversation not long ago with a dear friend I met via Quora, we have talked a bit through emails.

He was once a Christian, he now has abandoned his faith for the choice of being an Atheist.
We none the less still communicate… Not as often lately but none the less he has made a positive impact upon me, and although we have had some deep, deep discussion on things of spiritual nature, God, the lack thereof, we always walk away knowing we will be close although our views of God are different. With him being the lack of a God, with me believing in God. It’s a touchy subject you see, religious, political, racial, sexualpreference…poverty.. You get the picture. I’m am not gonna tag him, he will know when he reads this.. That it was my answer to a debate or conversation of sorts about why I believe in God. He sent a photo one day via email as part of an unfinished conversation the following words you will read was my response to the photo and what was(We finally To Just Agree toDisagree) our on going philosophical discussion of things such as atheism, theism, monotheism, pandiabolism( Fredrick Neitzsche actual stance was pandiabolism)

Yes, I see that, and what I’ll say is there will always be what you see above in those pictures, as long as you reside on this earth.This earth is governed by the law of free will. You are aware of this? I’m certain you are. Do you understand the law? That I’m not sure. You want to believe that God does not exist. I understand this, however I also see a conflict in you ,a reflection so to speak. You want others to validate your belief. Why? Because if morepeople share your belief it makes it real for you. That’s fine. As long as we are here in this realm, on this earth, we will continue to see pain and suffering. God will not intervene where he has given men charge. This earth was given over to humans long ago. The challenge with the above picture is for those same men to rise up and use the power of will, the power God gave to change the above picture. This of course will never happen on earth, why? Because our conversation is a pure example. We can’t agree.Because there is not a firm and positive agreement, and never has been, therefore conflict, strife, discord, suffering and pain, will all exist… That is as long as humans are left to there own devices, to govern their own will. Which God did do. Change for the above photo will only occur if everyone agrees… Which will not happen, as previously stated. Life is not a one size fits all. If it were, it would be boring, if we never knew suffering, then we could never understand the beauty and joy, vice versa. I’m always gonna have a rebuttal as you will too, why? Because as I beautifully stated… We won’t agree. That’s the sadness of it all.
But it is life here on earth. It is what it is. Accept it or don’t. It’s all down to a choice, a view.