~The Truth About Mental Illness~How can you tell if you have it~

I recently wrote about truth and forgiveness, upon waking after a decent sleep I awoke inspired to write a few more bipolar thoughts. So after a bit of prayer, and thanksgiving I felt the need to expound upon other issues considered taboo, subjects of a certain nature, issues we skirt around that are easily ignored by some of the very people who are afflicted with this virus of the mind we call mental illness.

See often time’s conflict or malice, jealousy; hate can be just like mental illness… Grudges held, harbored with indifference, tormenting the mind, much like the virus we call mental illness.

Think of a computer being the mind, and often times our computers have a virus, which eats away at the data, causing the computer to run slowly maybe even shut down, in any case a virus sucks. No amount of defragmentation will remove the corrupt virus. Instead it needs a full diagnostic repair, a definitive diagnosis to best find the course of treatment.

However unlike our computers that we can easily replace the mind unfortunately cannot.

A virus whether it is of the physical, mental, or emotional kind, can often occur simultaneously. You know the kind where your sitting on a toilet diarrhea coming out one end, vomit out the other.

In my recent exchange on topics uncomfortable to discuss the subject of mental illness came up. I’ve had the opportunity since becoming a member of Quora/Wordpress community to be a spokesperson of sorts. You know the one, or in my case the go to Gal if a question you may want information on with regard to mental illness needs answering in a more discrete way, because like I stated above its a skirt around issue laden with stigma, shame and even remorse. I understand, its cool, you’re not ready to go to public or speak out yet about this virus of the mind. In fact I feel honored that others feel I am approachable with such sensitive issues of the mind.

I’ve exchanged some great and touching views, ideas, personal feelings on the topic of mental illness both in the question forums, and mostly via private messages.

I’ve strived to bring light to what I call “the forgotten subject” or plainly stated the ignored area of existence that each and every one of us encounter whether it be your personal illness, a spouse, relative or a friend or an undiagnosed one of your own.

Before I learned to fully embrace the diagnosis I received, I was among the majority of “those people” Who prefer to ignore, belittle, or just firmly state the phrase “it’s all in your head, snap out of it” and truly it is “all in our head, your head, my head’……..

Now hold on a minute, in no way am I saying you’re mentally ill necessarily.

No, I’m merely offering up dialogue to paint the picture in your mind of the message, my plight about a subject near and dear to me, one that has affected me personally due to both parents and their parents having some form of mental illness and my present diagnosis.

It’

Not For Reproduction~

 

 

~Contemptuous~

Disillusions exist ~
For everyone
Burdened by that emotion
Heavy
The sickness in my mind
Never Giving full rest
Cluttered thoughts
Watered down relation
Diluted
Indifference lurks
Total intolerance
Superficial people
Words contentious in meaning
Nothing said that’s profound
Dimly lit corner I will sit
Festering my disdain~

Not for Reproduction

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 ~Eradicating Rotting Existence~

Fearless thy eyes doth search yet fear grips~

Hollow shell of thy existence doth shake still filled with entitlement~

Horrifying lies spew forth as distance grows believing in thy lies~

Spinning through tunnels off balance yet walking a line of deceit~

Doth thy mind play tricks?

Thy judgment mitigates causing confusion~

Hands held outward beckoning solidarity yet filled ? Thy crawleth cowardly through these corridors surely thy know thine way~

Inordinate perceptions flys high above far reaching yet right in front of thine~ah so beseeching~

Clenching thy fist forbearing actions tainted quickening haste and for what? Thy gain?

Equivocal form thy life disreputable~Hallow lacking luster,

Doth thy remain critical? Ah yes I see thy will always be~

Seeking this conspicuous conspiracy only digging thy hole deeper~

Abating others cruelly yet tormenting thy self thinking thine comfortable~

Deceitful apprehensions cloud over thy appetite, an endless appetite for destruction~`

That longs for the destruction desperate attempts are futile~

There stand abrading thy torment filled with hysterical laughter~

Gravely grotesque figure without form finding thy shape in shadows~

Endeavor enmity consumes thy needs, needing more and more~

Empty…empty gaunt~

Always left yearning~

Not meeting thy need~

Perpetually perplexing persecuting domination~

Thy frailty subdues all thy once knew, still knowing nothing but lies~

Nonsensical as it beckons thy near~

Further thy shell empties year after year a gaping hole is all that is left~

No Soul, well perhaps a bit of one, but stale and old~

Rotting thy heart sneering~

Yet you remain~

Hallow….ever more no release~

Not for Reproduction~

~Finally~Legends can be Made~tweet tweet~lol~

Every Penny Every Dime Every Nickel My Angel’s left behind to remind me…… ~In God We Trust~

So without further Ado ……………. my recent tweet~

2 separate cases but will go full circle~

First a big shout out to #God then to both my Attorneys #LarryCartelli and #Craig…no last name to the public on him..he represents in a level as Larry. As I pledged to my father in heaven, as well as my father on earth before he died, my Moncada bloodline will never want again~

A prayer of hope, love, desire despair~ update

Say this prayer and mean each word you say. Love will come to you. It has for me.
Lord forgive me
I have to say

I never imagined life this way

One person can enter

Into a life

Makes you want to live

To give

To share and be free

Never ever again

Having to be lonely

This cross I bare

It’s becoming to much

I seem to feel so out of touch

I only want to believe

That someone will find me love me

And never leave

So this poker game has to end

I lay down my cards now

I have to fold

This old heart is getting old

I don’t know what will be

But I ask you let my soul mate find me

By the power of three

Let it be~

~The Token Black Guy~What I Never Want My Son To Be~A Must Read~

~The Token Black Guy~ What I Never Want My Son To Be~Written By a Harvard Graduate~ A Must Read.Edit
My answer to the question that provoked me to post this article~Nicole Moncada’s answer to How has Quora changed your view/beliefs of black people?

Being the Token

One person cannot represent an entire race
By LUMUMBA SEEGARS February 23, 2007
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Being the token black person is not fun. I am expected to be an authority on the lives of all black people. People think I represent all black people and black culture; however, at the same time, I’m supposed to rise above black culture.

What is the token black person? The token is not supposed to be your everyday black person. The token is the good black person. You know, the black person that doesn’t adhere to all the negative stereotypes of black people. People of other races feel a little less threatened by him. Apparently, the token is different from all the other black folk; however, he’s still black enough for people to mention his name when talking about diversity.

The token is expected to know about all things black—he’s your urban teacher. Though the token is not like other black people, he still understands them. If you’re from a place with no black people and your only exposure to them has been movies like “Get Rich or Die Trying,” then the token will be your one black friend that you feel you can trust. 

Don’t be fooled—it’s not that simple. 

The history of race in America has been a power struggle between groups. Black people have not been oppressed on the basis of their individual faults; rather, individual black people have been discriminated against due to their association with the entire race. Though some individuals have managed to overcome the burdens of racial prejudice, black people are still looked down upon as a group. One of your black friends may seem trustworthy, but that doesn’t necessarily change your negative view of black people as a whole. It’s alright to have one or two black families in the neighborhood, but as soon as more start to move in, the neighborhood becomes a ghetto. There’s only a certain level of blackness that many people feel they can tolerate—the token gives them the perfect amount.

Here’s what really disturbs me: this notion that the token is better than other black people. Why is it that every time a black person does something good, somebody tries to let him know that he’s not like the rest of us?

The token feels an immense amount of pressure. Nobody is perfect, but the token has to make sure that he doesn’t slip up in front of white people. He feels as if he can’t make certain mistakes because he represents the entire race. One mistake will set black people back 100 years—and no one wants to be “that negro.”

Even at Harvard I feel the burden of tokenism. Luckily, I learned how to deal with it in high school.

For example, during my sophomore year in high school, I was one of two black students enrolled in my Algebra II class. I have this problem where I don’t really like math, so sometimes I would fall asleep in class. It turns out that the other black student had the same problem as well. Because we felt that both black people in the class couldn’t go to sleep at the same time—at least one of us had to be a “good” negro—we took turns going to sleep. Unfortunately, I was the only black person in my pre-calculus and calculus classes, so I had to continuously be a good black person in those situations.

A more prominent example of a token is Senator Barack Obama (D-Ill.), who Senator Joseph Biden (D-Del.) recently lauded as “the first mainstream African-American who is articulate and bright and clean and a nice-looking guy.” I’m sure Senator Biden meant it as a compliment; however, I—along with many other blacks—took it as an insult. Many whites are comfortable with Barack Obama because they don’t see him in the same way that they still see a majority of black people in America.

Obama doesn’t scare white people. The clean, articulate, and bright guy whom Americans are impressed with is the exact opposite of what Americans expect black people in this country to be.

Blacks are violent. Blacks are angry. Blacks are lazy. Things like racial profiling and negative media portrayals are demonstrative of the suspicious way in which many Americans view blacks and other people of color.

The token helps white Americans feel as if race is no longer an issue. It’s a cover-up. Instead of looking at the continued racial separation in this country, people point to their one friend of the other race and feel satisfied with themselves.

Making someone the token black person and placing him above other black people assumes that all of us—except for the token, of course—are the same. We live in a society still very much conscious of race—even if people don’t like to admit it openly. Making one black person your trustworthy token while you still view black people as a monolith will not fix the ongoing problem of race in America.

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Lumumba Seegars ’09 is a social studies concentrator in Dunster House. His column appears on alternate Fridays. 

~Restless sleep full Moon~

I can’t sleep. The full moon brings energy. Further more I was attacked physically by my WASBAND.

Yes wasband. Not x husband he is a was now no longer.

I am sure my PTSD IS FULL FLARE and I’m alert waiting thinking and having night terrors.

I’m watching karma eat him up, I don’t want my son to be a casualty.

But he has been mind Fucked to a point of a possible NO RETURN. It’s killing me inside.

That’s all I can say. I ask that you pray. Pray for my son, to have clarity of mind and safety.

Well insomniac signing off. Forgive typos I am writing in the dark.