~Beautifully Unfinished~

Know that I shall not hang on

So why can’t I let go?

In my dreams when I’m with you

Somehow I forget to breath

You got me like a rag doll

Now I’m dancing on your string

And I keep trying

To figure out

Who you are to me

Maybe all that

We were meant to be

Is beautifully unfinished

Cause your’re the one

I can’t lose

You’re  the one

That I can’t win

Maybe all that we were meant to be was beautifully unfinished

~My Ghost~

I want to live with my Ghost again although I can’t see him I think he’s my friend.

My ghost would always be near right now…. right in here.

I miss the glitches and all things strange at least when around him I don’t go insane.

He has hurt me a few times

He has loved me more too

I know my ghost well…… his name, his game, how he watches each time my life takes a fall.

Wondering if this Women can take it all. The ghost see’s it’s to much and further more scared to touch.

My ghost may not know this but I live very near wonder if me and my ghost cause each other fear…. or hope for a better day one where we actually can meet face to face one day.

This ghost fascination with me may never die also my ghost usually makes me laugh and not cry

What’s sad as I mentioned is you can scare Ghost too, and sometimes the ghost might even be you~

The True Difference Between a Choice and Decision~

I would like to take my reader through the definitions that describe choice versus decision…..
What is the difference between a choice and decision? Have you ever really given it much thought?
I have Bipolar 1 and PTSdid I have a choice? No. Can I decide? What? Decide what? I can decide a lot but I don’t have a choice. Now watch how cunning and clever the human language can be.
Now let’s define the two okhere is the definition of decision=a conclusion or resolution reached after consideration.”I’ll make the decision on my own”=resolution, conclusion, settlement, commitment, resolve, determination 

esoluticonclusion, settlement, commitment, resolve, determination; choice, option, selection

“a number of factors led me to this decision”

verdict, finding, ruling, recommendation, judgment, pronouncement, adjudgment adjudication, arbitration;

sentence, decree, order, rule, injunction;

findings, results;

determination;

resolve;

 

“they’re delighted with the judge’s decision”

the action or process of deciding something or of resolving a question.”the information was used as the basis for decision”
a formal judgment.”last year’s Supreme Court decision”
the ability or tendency to make decisions quickly; decisiveness.
are Only some of the word used to describe the definition of decision.
Now let’s explore the definition of choice=an act of selecting or making a decision when faced with two or more possibilities.”the choice between good and evil” possibility, possible course of action; solution, answer, way out “you must trust me—you have no other choice” specially of food) of very good quality.”he picked some choice early plums” superior, first-class, first-rate, prime, premier, grade A, best, finest, excellent, select, quality, high-quality, top, top-quality, high-grade, of the first water, prize, special, exclusive, handpicked, carefully chosen, vintage, fine…… very fine ways to describe making the right choice as opposed to decisions
Then we have to remember options but thats for another time.
Funny how our human language has so many forms of saying basically the same thing. Yet two totally different ways in which we exercise each decision each choice.
I prefer the old fashion analogy “count the cost?” And “did you sell yourself short?” Both questions beg the for the same answer, but is it a decision or choice needed depending on perception and circumstances and situations.
Recently I contacted an old acquaintances who said “to make the right choice” But in light of our conversation and the topics at hand I believe that a decision would’ve been a better way……. a better suggestion to use in asking or stating the question… it was like both a statement and question at the same time kinda thing. But which is it? 
Can we get out of the damn cloudy grey areas all over the place especially in our communications with one another…. finding good true things in this world that lacks truth, love, kindness, and justice. Those only apply to some of us not all of us. After all not all of us are privileged and grew up in crystal white towers with stained glass temples as simple reminders of a sense of entitlement. Must be nice but I can only imagine as can most of the world population. 
I just know this I don’t have a choice in being PTSD and bipolar I can’t chose that! I could decide however to try everything to keep my illness healthy. See the difference I just proved? See you don’t always get a choice sometimes it’s only a decision…. so I’m gonna sit on this dock and make a decision to either get my ass up or just stay right fucking here. Sorry for the colorful language after all I’m supposed to be French being from Louisiana and having a Mother with the last name Bourgeois ( found out I don’t have any in me go figure however I have 5% Jew in me and a definite 50% Italian {my Dad was from Sicily}makes no sense why no French from Mom….guess she took that mystery to the grave too….. anyway I’m looking into that ) so that’s my excuse truly what is yours lol Thanks for listening.
Sent from my iPhone

~ The Cage~

The cage

I don’t need you to rattle my cage every damn day.

I don’t need you

& your diabolical demonic rage

I don’t need this cage

I don’t need you

I don’t need this cage

And All it’s cost all its pain

To go on further

To turn further to turn that damn page

I don’t need that fowl threat

I don’t pay your deadly debt

I look away

No more I will hear your voice

No longer hear you say

So I’ll say it again let it sink in

Don’t rattle my cage

Causing the rage

I’m leaving this battle

May it shake may it rattle

But I’m leaving the fucking cage

I don’t need you

Don’t need this cage

As keys dropped

I walk away

Away from

The cage

~The Art of Being Sorry in 4 Simple Steps~

The art of sorry in 4 easy steps…….

For the majority of us being sorry is something we often feel when we do something wrong. We often forget is that when we truly are sorry and we apologize to the other person with whom we done wrong too we open ourselves up for hurt.

Feeling regret or remorse or sorry is an emotion that humans feel after doing something against their lack of better judgment or against their values or morals…..basically in any circumstances that they should’ve acted differently in.

Previously I stated you open yourself up for hurt when you truly are sorry, you then proceed to tell the person with whom you have wronged that hey “I’m sorry truly sorry”

What happens when you are sorry 1. You say it and 2. Mean it and 3. Leave yourself open to the persons response there are no “but’s” or “Could’s” or “Should’s” or Would’s” 4. There is but one single statement” I am sorry” that is all that should come out of your mouth. Next you should prepare yourself to receive whatever the other person Has to say in response to your contriteness silently listening without excuses.

Lately it appears or so it seems that the majority of relationships that I engage in are all one sided. This makes for a lonely existence. Unfortunately however alone it may feel I am learning that it is necessary to limit those around you who continuously make excuses or are master manipulators at trying to always turn everything into their “reasons for” never truly being sorry , only wanting to explain why they did what they did… see that is not sorry, Or at least where I come from that’s not what I was taught.

So to recap…..don’t ever say that you were sorry unless it is the only three words that you were going to say to the person you wronged,there is no excuse for whatever you’re sorry for that’s why it’s called being sorry….So there it is 4 simple steps to the Art of truly being sorry.

~Preemptive~revised~

Preemptive I suppose

I leave first

You silver tongue devil

You had me almost

But all of my life I stood by

With hope learning to cope

No more

Preemptive I am

Strike you down

Out of my sight

Purged from my mind

You can come to look

You will not find

Preemptive in love

Just as in war

I am a missile

I reach out so far

I’ll tear down your defenses

I close in on you all around

Slash your heart first

Never again it’s now

A curse

Laid upon me long ago

A trust can be broken only so many times

Am I confused unable to see

I breed in you and you breed in me

And we also bleed too!

Your deceit

Is a pool of my blood around your feet

My blood, my scars

No one can never cross far over my lines

Drawn in a particular way

So when I am done

I have the say

Preemptive

I can’t even make it a month

Thinking of what could be us

I see to much fault

You are not what I thought

Characteristics you portray

Soon fade away

So I jump out

Leaving you quickly

I can’t conceive

Why you can’t perceive

That I am no longer shackled

By love or sex

Well I’d like to think

Mortal coil craves

I’m human

I have my days

I’m preemptive

You wonder how you let go the best

It’s not you

It’s not a test

So go on your way

Give it a rest

Wait what did I just say?

Preemptive dear Darlin dear

Now feel the fate as it draws near~