~My Effin Eulogy-My Epitaph~

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My Eulogy, My epitaph

Can’t be written

Can’t contain

All the bullshit that Will remain

You know not about silence you have no clue~

You think art a weapon

Used by you?

Ha!

That is funny!

Think your self special my darling My honey~

I can spit out words faster than you think~

Faster than the bottle from ,Which you drink~

Don’t announce yourself to me

Tell me your ~I’m back”~

You’re the fire the lightening, Really is that a fact?

Or more bullshit you concote, Damn what a shock~

Not really your predictable you see?

If I want to see then I will, Otherwise should’ve let it be

Hacking my blog!

Think it’s cool?

All that college all that school, And to think I think you nothing more than a fool~

So you crack a code, Mix a spell,All that shit go to hell~

The jewel you found, Fascinated were you~

But you did see, That I can view, Things unseen, Feel you too~

I have a gift given at birth, Some say a blessing ,I often think it a curse~

So trend your words ,Algorithm and stride ,Get ready my Darling,For your big ride~

I could write and write, Forever you see especially,When it’s about you And me~

I’m lyrically gifted as well its seems, I take one simple word make it a dream……

Or a nightmare to frighten to scare To remind all who know me, Best beware~

There is not another you Know like me, but I know others exist….

I live in the know, Just as the tides ebb and flow~

Some say I’m a Cather of Catherism, no protest! But they do nonetheless~

My Tribe are the shaman, oracles of old.. Catherism….lights shine through the glass of a church like a prism~

Make others wonder how this is so, Art is no weapon!

Ha!

It’s a beautiful dance, It is what I am, What I will always be~

My epitaph~

My Eulogy~

I’m living,You see~

I forgot you know not, Blinded by ego~

A hurt that is fake, You go crawl the earth now, You scorpion snake~

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~Pillow fight~ Parents~

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His beautiful tactics always full of wonderment
Able to take my tears from falling
Able to remove my mind from crawling into corners of darkness
Pillow fight mom!
Smack upside the corner of my head
Pillows flying
Singing
Dancing
His laughter as it echoes
Throughout the house
Saying angelic words only heard in times of despair
Mom, why are you crying?
No baby don’t worry I’m just sad.
Just sad?
Pillow fight!
Singing
Dancing
Echoes from a past I’ll never recapture
Hopes of another time when I’ll be able to claim his fellowship as mine with me
Pillow fight
Singing
Dancing
His laughter as it echoes
Forever
Love you Mom
Love you too son….

~NJM’s~ Personal Quotes~

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A life lived for another is no life at all. Be yourself~who are you living for?

~The Chase~

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I’m not gonna chase you not anymore, I’m no longer praying you will Want to walk through My door to stay with me forever more ~

I’m not gonna chase you ,It’s not worth fight Or even the plight I see you now clearly in the light You will no longer invade my mind in the day and the night~

I’m not gonna chase you hoping you’ll see the precious amazing Thing that is me, you’re ignorant can’t you see, oh yeah that’s right you can’t see what is the magic the beauty of me~

I’m not gonna chase you it’s not needed, if this was real because if you felt as I felt you would feel as I feel~

I’m not gonna chase not anyone anymore I’m not gonna be some part time whore trust in this I’m worth much oh so much more

I’m not gonna chase you, Even when I hurt and I pray Eventually someone will see me for the beauty I am, in that moment too I will see the beauty in them~
So when you miss the bits and pieces others miss, remember you allowed me in, as I did you, Thinking somehow you would be true It will be your loss and my ultimate and eventual win~

As the sun rises in the east sets in the west the chase is over time to give it a rest. I know in my heart I’ve bewitched you and swim in your blood invade your thoughts and you will feel lost for testing this game you truly won’t ever be the same, as will I, won’t you see that it’s not really you now it’s really about me~

You’ll never forget me My touch my voice The sweat the heat Especially my name I knew in the beginning the rules of the game But I’m too old for games At this point of my life   I don’t need the pressure I don’t need the strife~

I’m not playing this game Not this time around or anytime other, I’m dropping out eventually I’ll find a true forever a real lover, The key that will fit to think I once thought you might have been it~

I’m not a temporary kinda woman, I’m a lady you see, I’m the stick to each other holding hands forever Against the grain of society Making my rules  I can’t stand Pre fashioned  People they are the fools~

Take heed in what I’m saying to you don’t let your vanity make you a bigger fool all that is vain ,Lives both in and out in the end all fades without a doubt then what are you left? A shell of a man, that couldn’t see once what he had in his hands.

Now go live your life in vain You’re not like me, you’re not the same and trust in this I’ll forget you and your name, you’ll find However you will never forget mine not now or forever Throughout time~

But thanks for the lesson Play chess oh the game I’ll never be the same  This is for sure Now watch as I leave As I walk away through The door~

~Moods 101~A Must read, especially Bipolar sufferers~

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Welcome to moods 101

Let’s hurry up, get this day done….

These stale corners of this life I live Days like these it’s hard to give… An inch, a mile,a simple smile. I lay in bed and mope awhile.
When emotions are sharp as a knife,And corners lose their curve,

It’s like a resounding screeching noise that sits on my last nerve.
These modes leave few to choose-The only way to try to win is instead to lose. Allowing the funk and muck to slosh all around, blocking out the environment and not allowing sound.
I will allow this feeling to slowly drain me dry, and somewhere in between each take I’ll stop to think and cry.
Then tomorrow like the miracle she always is, will unfold with moods anew… And all these crapy shitty moods will only be a few.

~ You Were~You Are~You Will~Son~

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You were written in my story before I was created

You were sent to bring the love that few often find

You came to teach me many things of which I am still learning

You have this quietness that takes secrecy to another level

You have laughter like no one else and it comes from deep within

Health issues have afflicted you yet you overcome

You have seen ugly that no one should see yet you chose to find the beauty

You create your own world that keeps you safe when safety seems far from reach

You stay silent and still when the moment calls for it

You have fear around you, but God did not give you the spirit of fear, but of power and of love and of a sound mind

You speak up and understand right from wrong and are not afraid to be the voice of reason when you feel brave enough, I understand and know you have been bullied I have been too

You are brave enough; you just don’t know it yet

You are torn in different directions, and I yearn to change this each waking day

You adapt quickly just as I did, life called us to be this way, you blend in when needed

You deserve better than you have received, not in regard to gifts but in regard to consistency and safety I intend to change that

You are confused because things don’t seem right at times yet it remains as it is

You possess the bloodline of a noble namesake and it is why I promised my Dad if I ever had a son, I would carry on his name in honor

You are honor; you are majestic beyond that which can be explained

You will come through this a tougher human a stronger man but with the measure of kindness that will be needed when it is called for

You are slow to speak, in fact you are a son of little words, but when you speak your words are beautiful and timely

You have relatives that share your blood yet they are cowards you are not like them you are not a coward

You are noble and above the superficial and this is what will save you in the end

You miss me, I miss you but this too shall pass

Until then I pray the only influence you have is of Devine origin, straight from God and Angels that encompass you, and as I instructed and did with you each day, I pray you remember each day to pray

You have great reward and favor blessed upon you

You are an angel and I am better because you came into my life

I will never let you go, I will allow God to help me yield, to lead my path

That path leads to you and each and every day I am one step closer

You are my son and I love you

~NJM~

NICK PLEASE READ~Nicholas~

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Nicholas your name means victory for the people.

Nicholas did you know I always said I would never have children. But along you came. I didn’t want to bring a child into a world I didn’t understand.

Nicholas do you know how special and beautiful your heart is? They’re very very few like you. Don’t ever be afraid to be different or worry what people think of you.

Nicholas you are wise far beyond years. Damn time my son, time can be so cruel. If I could go back I would be holding you safely as a child who is 2 yrs old bikie in mouth eyes so big with wonderment.

Nicholas do you want to be with me? Or has your mind been clouded. Remember Momma always said tell the truth, this includes two sides and your side. I know this is hard to understand but one day you’ll get it.

Nicholas the love I have for you is immeasurable and without any condition. I realize it can not be bought, no computers or games last forever, they fade… Love does not. Others will try to buy your love.

Nicholas things that happened should have never went down as they did. It is what it is. Life is gonna come at you quickly sometime and there is not a way to prepare.

Nicholas there are those who feed off another’s pain and suffering, why? Because all they know is pain and suffering. They no not the inner love that God gave to us. Somewhere in life theirs was stolen, or they did not come equip with it. Everyone is wired a bit differently.

Each day you’re away from me my heart dies a little.

My son I can’t live without you, it’s that simple. My only prayer is your mind is of its own not polluted by others agendas.

One day when you have a child you will better understand. Until then the only prayer I can utter to God is to keep you safe, around good people despite circumstances and mostly bring you back to me.

Nicholas I love you
Always
Your Mom

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~Abduction of a Fallen Angel NJM~Great Read~

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His eyes did consume
Every motion movement she did make
Swirling about prancing like dangling carrots to take
Beauty wasn’t definition but a dream come to life
This was his thought now for his plight
Imagination brought to life
Capturing her quickly
She put up a fight
Nothing could stop him
He made her his that night
A golden anchor holds her down
Upon her head was a crown
All her struggles can’t contend
No thought of captivity to end
Soften his heart
Play on his fear
Whisper the words he longs to hear
Magical connotations in his ear
Promising to never leave
Taking his fill of her, weary he did sleep
Key to the anchor he did keep
Connotations soothes the beast
Guards let’s down no reinforcements
Without struggle nor a fight
She snuck away, far away that night
Far away
It’s her he longs for till his dying day
Don’t take what is not yours~
NJM~
Not For Reproduction~

Donnell Kerr  Christian~follows give me support on this very critical post!

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Donnell Margaret Donald KERR~
There is no easy way to put this

No easy way to say

But you all think you are a Christian in a comfy corner you pray~

While your own flesh and blood did you turn away~

Does Jesus not say, Whatsoever you do to the least of my children that I do unto you?

Yes I believe that has been written~


My son……your blood as a new born kitten, you turned your back to a blind eye did you give, Do you really think in heaven you’ll live?

You dress all fancy on Sunday and sing put on your holy face~

But the promise the Lord made to his children is he will wipe you out erase from the book of life you see

You all turned your back on Donnell’s son trust this is not about me.

So when you read Gods word you sing and you pray it’s the blood of the innocent for which you will pay~

He did nothing to you, or you, or you, but I can tell you’re all ignorant and have not a clue~No Holy Spirit abides within you!

Suffer not the little children… hmmmm….

You go about life as though your grandson/Son Doesn’t exist~

On judgement day you’ll feel the Lords fist slam down the book make you take a look., Hypocrite you see? Think you better than me? Than the rest? Time God puts you to the test~ or maybe give it a rest, nope it’s the contrary~

Hey your daughter Noel some call a fairy? I think you know what I mean some say a queen, but it is what it is, so she’s gay, did not your God make her that way? Yes I believe he did.

Hey she is cool with me but the Bible you read doesn’t accept that you see?

You can live free~

On time bought buy the blood~

Times running short~

And so is the love~

Those who reject others reject themselves in turn God also will reject you~

Not sure what bible you read, But you know not the creed.

You Judge and sit tight now~

Think it’s all right now~

Time has a way of making you complacent you see?like so many others, fake and a snake slither the earth~

Not sure why I write this for I do not curse, vengeance is God’s~

Perhaps I am a small instrument he used to keep you on track and not be confused.

God is not the author of confusion you see, I’ll always accept you, yet you have yet to accept me or my son~

Perhaps retribution has begun……

Turn the other cheek?

Turn away the meek?

The weak?

Helpless?

Well …you did!

He now is a young man

No longer a kid.

I write all this down~

It’s my therapy you see~

I advocate for breaking stigmas~

Breaking exclusiveness~

Bringing in inclusiveness~

For all who suffer affliction~

Both physical and of the mind~

I try to think myself kind~

I often fall short~

Trust I’m no saint that’s for sure~

But enough is enough I’m letting you …..now endure~

Forgive me for my in your face ways, but we all know the bill somebody pays~

Truly I strive to forgive I try to be courageous in how I now live~

Such as this is the case but I truly give thanks for Gods loving grace~

God’s grace abounds the utterance the sound of cries long gone from days long past~

To think at one time I thought Your sons love for me and his child might last~

I want to thank you for training up your child Donnell in the way he should go, so that when he gets old he will not depart from it.

So I write a lot in quiet I sit, no doubt I’m a sinner too,

But I’m sure I’m not a sinner like you~

Not for Reproduction~

Updated~Two Week Notice~yeah already~—

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Dear God up above I can still feel your love…. but I’m sorry to say I must leave go away~ you called me a light worker, I can only do so much never ever figured out what is the human touch.

You blessed me with human a beautiful baby boy. I’m entrusting you to him, he is a child and yet my sin~when I try to write my book I don’t even know where to begin my life was fast like a whirlwind…and pieces scattered about and within

It’s all like a puzzle that was left in a closet hidden away, no one notice nor knew what to say

Laying by the devils side it isn’t hard to decide, he is the God of this world I now see, and I figured out the exit for me…. for any who look and choose to see, my mission complete~

So just give two weeks notice and keep the memories they serve no purpose when I’m gone. My words will live on and on. I planted seeds along the way, somehow though was led astray. So here I am Lord here I lay so I request an early judgement day.

I would do the same for my son, I would love him no matter what he may have done.

I ask in return you bless his life free of worry grief strife…. to live to laugh to love to know I can still see him from far above.

I laid by the devils side for over half my life it caused me to much pain to much strife and as a human being I’m sick of this life… I quit. Well I’m giving my two week notice as any good employee of a universal truth I must say I did enjoy my youth….. sometimes…. it reminded me I wasn’t meant for here, I was wild free and truly fierce scared of NOTHING!!!! Not even death. I couldn’t wait to take a last breath… but I endured and at times I laughed

But often rejected due to class, stereotypes, and bullshit in general full circle around but this time my Lord I leave this playground~ two weeks notice not to long to go and when I get where I’m Going please don’t say “I told you so” see ya soon!

Probably by noon