~Never Settle~

Selling yourself short Going to lengths~

Settling~

for something less~

Find your value~

Know your worth~

Never sell yourself short~

Don’t sell out~

In the end

It’s you that will lose

Selling yourself short 

Giving…..

Settling 

With no return

What did you give?

What is your worth?

Do you sell yourself short?

Do you feel unworthy?

Are you unaware of yourself worth?

Yourself worth is your dreams, prayers, hopes, desires, goals that is what determines your self worth.
When accepting less than that you’re selling yourself short. You’re settling.
Suppose this happens to most of us at one time or another.
Standing your ground in what you believe is part of yourself worth.

Believing in yourself worth to the point that anything less than that which you desire, you will wait,

Knowing that by standing your ground in your belief……that what was designed and destined to be is going to come to pass.
However on the twist bipolar

Dark thought, perhaps this world is not to par with yourself worth, what of this then…..hmmm dark yet still thoughts to ponder.
Anyhow the point is clear….wait if you must strive for your goal and do not sell yourself short.
Never settle!

~Battered Soul~Crushed Heart~

Words emptied spilling 
Letters jumbled

Speech of madness

Little bits of heaven scattered

All about

Smeared with indifference

Rejection and doubt

Reaching deeply

These wholes in my heart

This pain in my chest

I am starting to wonder

Where is my rest

From the thoughts, hopes

Dreams, now it’s all crying broken 

Wounds scream

Still we linger 
Trust you’re not letting go

It’s the feeling in my gut

The calling of my name

Summoning me from time to time

To play these awful games

Day in and out

You will always think of me

Deep beyond my rejected soul

I’m always the best you’ll ever see

It’s me that lives deep in your head my voice in your mind

You’ll never let go but trust you Will run out of time

Oh battered soul, beaten heart

Gathering the important parts

Trying to bury the bones

Sweet dignity oh blessed be

To think you walked away

Truth be told you never left

I lingered too~

NJM~

  ~Walking Away~With My Weirdness intact~

I’m weird

I’m not of this world  đźŚŽ

The ether

I’m ethereal

I have lost

To much

The touch

The energy

The love

The essence

The Friends ……as I walked away

I lost it all

Had bills to pay

I lost my son, he is not the boy he was

And now it would seem I must accept I have lost a love I’ll never understand ……. boy to man~

So remember me and I’ll remember you….. yes I know I bit off more than I can chew

I lost the will to continue on

So I’m walking away it’s time to move on

You and I both know

You broke me

Still yet I am here

I’m gonna walk away now gotta learn somehow

You know I know you are with him

Hard headed always was

I’ll see you again in this I’m sure

Remember from this point my intentions pure

But I’m waving goodbye to you
I’m walking away now in this I know

I have to go

Walking away

Catch you on another day, time, place, or another life

These wounds cut like a knife

Looking back once more

Wish you would talk to me once Again, before I close the exit door

As…………………….. I’m

……….walking away~

~Poe Park~

Just as you are

How can you not see

just as you are

Is no better than me

You stood by the subway

Looking back

Your hair a mess

Where is the color

In your face

Where are you going

Why are you leaving this place?

Jeans are to big

You lost to much weight

I want you to know

Just as you are

I still love you

Drugs and all

Am I the opiate you had to leave

Was I your heart you wore on your sleeve?

Was it the cocaine fueled night

Downtown all that flair

Dancing and swinging

To the beat

Full of fire

Full of heat

If I’m your drug

Don’t detox me

I love you just as you are

See?

Our eyes glassed over we love the drugs hip hop baby like well dressed Thugs~

Feeling the textures

Giving the hugs

Drinking the water

Sweat pouring down

You were my king baby

You wore the crown

So you grab your glass of Macallan Whiskey you keep in your bar~
Take a deep sip

Then with a tip

You swallow the rest

Damn dear Darlin

This is not a test

Whiskey fueled nightmare

So where is your blue label scotch

Sure that will be next

Line of cocaine

And forget all the rest…….Of them

I sit on the benches

In Poe park

Children running

Dirty feet

Smudged faces

Where are you going

To what places

I love you just as you are

Like my Austin Sculpture art

Whimsical fantasy

Limitless treasure

How I remember

The museums

Our secrete pleasure~

I feel you used me like many before

You used them then like waddled paper on the floor~

You showed them out of your door

You were done

You took what they gave you

You had your fun

So here I sit in Poe park


Was I like them

Did you discard me

Like chewing gum

You had to taste

Then spit me out

Into the street

Where I got stuck beneath your feet?

I still love you

Just as you are

I’ll be in the park

I’ll bare the scar

My heart feels

Empty as you headed

Down the subway

You look away

I want you dear Darlin

Please stay

Sit with me on the bench

In Poe Park

We can be that sculpture

Living art

I still love you

Just as you are

Look for me when your back

I’m your brightest star

I’ll still be me

Only not free

And I’ll still love you just as you are

Not for reproduction~

~NJM~

~Water Fall Dipped Dream~great read!

The most important things are the hardest to say~With that my soul is shattered…..Out of all things in life I’ve lost my mind is the one thing I miss the most…. so go

Catch  my thoughts in between a hazy morning and a rainy afternoon~clouds are optional~ storms inevitable but most interesting indeed~given in to thoughts you now feed~oh how I’ve searched for the lost places my entire life, places where dreams drip over waterfalls…And spectacular colors

To catch the spectrum

Prisms with possibilities

A place to be home

Be with me

Wear your sin

Upon my skin

Laced around the words

That I breathe in~forever floating together in the middle of the ocean………

Lost into one another

Yet so far away~

~I Will Be the One~NJM~

I will be the one in the corner

Trying to not be seen

I will be the one speaking

Yet not being heard

I will be the one smiling

Yet hiding my true feelings.

I will be the one loving

Yet without understanding

I will be the one keeping my distance

Yet fearful of disconnection

I will be the one searching

Yet never to be found

I will be the one understanding

Yet never understood

I will be forever dreaming, forever hoping, praying

Yet judging it all

I will be the one fighting my cause

Yet struggling to maintain

I will be the one to determine

Yet what I will be~

NJM~

Ironic~

I am a human being
I am not your possession
I am a singular Person
I am not alone in this World
I am unconditional
I am not without Standards
I am a control freak
I am not always in control
I am intelligent
I am not without ignorance
I am bipolar
I am not crazy
I am open about my mental illness
I am not without stigma
I am loving
I am not without regret
I am honest
I am not without lies throughout my life
I am complex
I am not without others understanding me
I am flawed
I am not without beauty
I am accepting
I am not without judging
I am broken
I am not without healing
I am a contradiction
I am not without absolutes
I am strong
I am not without weakness
I am random
I am not without concentration
I am observant
I am not without unawareness
I am a friend
I am not without enemies
I am happy
I am not without sadness
I am a tweeter
I am not always able to express myself in 160 characters or less
I am blogger
I am not an award winning writer…..yet
I am strong in presence
I am not always seen
I am humble
I am not without pride
I am a child of God
I am not without sin
I am me
I am not you~
~NJM~
Not for Reproduction~

~Side Effects~

Disconcerting…..Detached

Colors outside the lines

Blurry…..

This particular emotion is completely lacking…..

Lacking cohesive qualities

It’s unravelling

And the edges keep getting stuck in the door

At its most severe case it’s completely unsettling…..

And it’s weakest

Subtle anxiety

Dry mouth

Like sand mixed with cotton

Anesthetized

Clinical white

In this sterile environment

I’ll await my next dosage

Hands heavy laden

Cracked around the edges

Layered with side effects~

Not for Reproduction~

~I Want This~Doe’s it  Come In Pill?~Not Hardly~

I want someone to love, to love me as I love them.I want someone passionate for me forever,now and way beyond the end. I want to  breath the air they breath. I want someone who’s touch sends electricity through my body and up my spine, gives me goose bumps from the thoughts of what we do alone behind closed doors, Is it asking to much for them to feel the same maybe even more? I am not up for anymore games…..

I  want to feel the adrenaline rush, I’m sure they do too…especially when the adrenaline rush is made by me and hopefully you(whoever you are)

I want a key you see made exactly to fit into you and you into me. Lacking in nothing complete oh so sweet, so cunning yet Devine the love we can make for the rest of time. I want someone to be like rolling thunder and crashing waves against me and my skin ….their skin….Us between the sheets,outside the sheets, I want to roll and crash and ride the waves with them. I want to experience something beautiful and unknown together. Shared with no other.I want someone to make me feel safe in their arms to feel safe from all harm.

I want them to feel safe with me and know I would walk to hell and back if I had too just for them to see.

I want someone who will not lie to me or hide things from me and Who will not be a drunk.

I don’t want to lie to them either don’t want no reason too. All emotional drama and junk be gone from my life, don’t need the discord don’t need the strife.

I want someone to hold my hand. I want to hold their hand too…….. until we are old until we leave this earth.

I want someone who won’t leave me,to believe in me, believe in my worth, as I will do for them.I want someone who will honor and respect me till the end. An ever burning fire, I want a relationship that won’t expire…..
I won’t ever leave them. Even in the after life and beyond we will dance that cosmic dance…..with my best friend my lover my heart.

This is what I want. This is where it starts….Now the standard I’ve set perhaps makes it a possible fact that you don’t exist that’s why we never met, maybe I’ve said all this because I don’t believe you exist, if you don’t exist then I can’t get hurt, and to me that’s smart, I’ll live trying to hold on to what’s left of my heart.
However………. the fact of the matter is not settling for nothing less , nothing less than best. To be clear without fear I often wonder if you are very near…. or perhaps you’re so far away and today is not the day it may be another….. well

I want someone that’s the total package too, as I’m sure you want that as well.

Tell me Is that someone you?

If it is I have waited my whole life for you as you have for me.

May our love be forever may we always be, happy, healthy, prosperous loving and free. Never wanting , always fulfilled.

To bad you can’t get this in a pill.

NJM~

Not For Reproduction ~