And did you

And did you
Just as you are
How can you not see
just as you are
Is no better than me
You stood by the subway
Looking back
Your hair a mess
Where is the color
In your face
Where are you going
Why are you leaving this place?
Jeans are to big
You lost to much weight
I want you to know
Just as you are
I still love you
Drugs and all
Am I the opiate you had to leave
Was I your heart you wore on your sleeve?
Was it the cocaine fueled night
Downtown all that flair
Dancing and swinging
To the beat
Full of fire
Full of heat
If I’m your drug
Don’t detox me
I love you just as you are
See?
Our eyes glassed over we love the drugs hip hop baby like well dressed Thugs~
Feeling the textures
Giving the hugs
Drinking the water
Sweat pouring down
You were my king baby
You wore the crown
So you grab your glass of Macallan Whiskey you keep in your bar~
Take a deep sip
Then with a tip
You swallow the rest
Damn dear Darlin
This is not a test
Whiskey fueled nightmare
So where is your blue label scotch
Sure that will be next
Line of cocaine
And forget all the rest…….Of them
I sit on the benches
In Poe park
Children running
Dirty feet
Smudged faces
Where are you going
To what places
I love you just as you are
Like my Austin Sculpture art
Whimsical fantasy
Limitless treasure
How I remember
The museums
Our secrete pleasure~
I feel you used me like many before
You used them then like waddled paper on the floor~
You showed them out of your door
You were done
You took what they gave you
You had your fun
So here I sit in Poe park
Did you discard me
Like chewing gum
You had to taste
Then spit me out
Into the street
Where I got stuck beneath your feet?
I still love you
Just as you are
I’ll be in the park
I’ll bare the scar
My heart feels
Empty as you headed
Down the subway
You look away
I want you dear Darlin
Please stay
Sit with me on the bench
In Poe Park
We can be that sculpture
Living art
I still love you
Just as you are
Look for me when your back
I’m your brightest star
I’ll still be me
Only not free
And I’ll still love you just as you are
Not for reproduction~
~NJM~
Know that I shall not hang on
So why can’t I let go?
In my dreams when I’m with you
Somehow I forget to breath
You got me like a rag doll
Now I’m dancing on your string
And I keep trying
To figure out
Who you are to me
Maybe all that
We were meant to be
Is beautifully unfinished
Cause your’re the one
I can’t lose
You’re the one
That I can’t win
Maybe all that we were meant to be was beautifully unfinished
I want someone to love, to love me as I love them.I want someone passionate for me forever,now and way beyond the end. I want to breath the air they breath. I want someone who’s touch sends electricity through my body and up my spine, gives me goose bumps from the thoughts of what we do alone behind closed doors, Is it asking to much for them to feel the same maybe even more? I am not up for anymore games…..
I want to feel the adrenaline rush, I’m sure they do too…especially when the adrenaline rush is made by me and hopefully you(whoever you are)
I want a key you see made exactly to fit into you and you into me. Lacking in nothing complete oh so sweet, so cunning yet Devine the love we can make for the rest of time. I want someone to be like rolling thunder and crashing waves against me and my skin ….their skin….Us between the sheets,outside the sheets, I want to roll and crash and ride the waves with them. I want to experience something beautiful and unknown together. Shared with no other.I want someone to make me feel safe in their arms to feel safe from all harm.
I want them to feel safe with me and know I would walk to hell and back if I had too just for them to see.
I want someone who will not lie to me or hide things from me and Who will not be a drunk.
I don’t want to lie to them either don’t want no reason too. All emotional drama and junk be gone from my life, don’t need the discord don’t need the strife.
I want someone to hold my hand. I want to hold their hand too…….. until we are old until we leave this earth.
I want someone who won’t leave me,to believe in me, believe in my worth, as I will do for them.I want someone who will honor and respect me till the end. An ever burning fire, I want a relationship that won’t expire…..
I won’t ever leave them. Even in the after life and beyond we will dance that cosmic dance…..with my best friend my lover my heart.
This is what I want. This is where it starts….Now the standard I’ve set perhaps makes it a possible fact that you don’t exist that’s why we never met, maybe I’ve said all this because I don’t believe you exist, if you don’t exist then I can’t get hurt, and to me that’s smart, I’ll live trying to hold on to what’s left of my heart.
However………. the fact of the matter is not settling for nothing less , nothing less than best. To be clear without fear I often wonder if you are very near…. or perhaps you’re so far away and today is not the day it may be another….. well
I want someone that’s the total package too, as I’m sure you want that as well.
Tell me Is that someone you?
If it is I have waited my whole life for you as you have for me.
May our love be forever may we always be, happy, healthy, prosperous loving and free. Never wanting , always fulfilled.
To bad you can’t get this in a pill.
NJM~
Not For Reproduction ~
I helped you Die those little deaths In your sorry existence
I gave you songs.
When you had no tunes left in you
I started to see the fire in your belly
And the steel running down your back
You were the most fearsome thing that ever lived
I know I breathed the life into you
I’m the one who awakened you However you started the fire
Now you must sleep
Embrace those little deaths
As a reminder of
The memory
Of me
In you alive For Eternity~
Not for Reproduction~
Drowning in your watered down words~in the sea of suspicions and doubt~
Stunned by your actions your lack of regard reverberates … Breaking sound barriers~
Best let it rest, no it’s not a test, most walked away its was for the best~
My illness is amplified by stress and assholes~
The very stress that assholes like you cause~
Separating myself from this realm
Of reality and dynamics shifting
On a ocean-less drift of emotion~
Cut paper thin then ripped from my personal thoughts not to be written yet spoken~
All that ever was now is broken, is that your beautiful trinket the parts of me you’ve stolen?~
I want it back, I intend to retrieve all you’ve taken I pray now I’ll receive and retrieve… at this particular time of my life it’s time to leave~
If I ever return I’ll know next time not to get burned… In the past trust I had to learn~
Go to bed? Nah I was just going to dance naked under the moon light to gods of old to come and save my wretched soul.
My mouth of madness doth angel speak the mortal ties grow deathly weak.
The glare of moons glow sweeps over my skin
I’ll dance this dance like I’ll never dance again~
Fat Tuesday is here
my Darlin Dear
Preemptive plight
Planned party
Late night
Mardi Gras is here
It’s that time of year
skies hued
yellow, purple, green aglow
The sounds clamoring
Fighting to outdo
each musical note
There we were dancing
Swaying to the beat of the
Floats the heat
Jazz music fills the streets
Down Canal street turning round to
cross over to Bourbon~
Take in each shot
Preemptively planned
Glass in hand
Other hand in yours
Flying high
beads round our neck making music
of their own
Debris in the streets
Faces smeared
Drunken flow
Dancing in flight
Cheap trinkets flying
Dashing, fighting, grinding
Preemptively planned party
Your eyes two lights flaming bright
watching your sexy arm
Light your Marlboro
Smiles and giggles
Two jokes only we are in on
Blowing your smoke out
Between your sexy lips
I get close and kiss your lips
Playfully biting the lower one
Endless fun
Pass that joint don’t bogard
It’s high time for all
It’s this night we aim to please
Preemptively planned plight
Gonna party all damn night
Then some more
On each street corner
Stands a whore
Sodom and Gomorrah
What a life Darlin what sight
Pulling you closer
Let this night never be over never be done~
The entire world is watching
All the court jesters
All the clowns
All the kings and queens on floats wearing their crown~
Hey that’s a decent poison
Crown Royal over rocks
Splash of water barkeep please
Don’t be stingy now pour long don’t tease~
Walking don’t dare run
And then it fades
Leaving, lingering
Till next year we preemptively plan again for this night~
Fat Tuesday Darlin Dear
I hear you whisper in my ear
As we float high above the rest
Preemptive plight party all night
Fat Tuesday
Madri Gras
We will do it again and again
Mardi Gras never ends~
Not for reproduction
~NJM
I will be the one in the corner
Trying to not be seen
I will be the one speaking
Yet not being heard
I will be the one smiling
Yet hiding my true feelings.
I will be the one loving
Yet without understanding
I will be the one keeping my distance
Yet fearful of disconnection
I will be the one searching
Yet never to be found
I will be the one understanding
Yet never understood
I will be forever dreaming, forever hoping, praying
Yet judging it all
I will be the one fighting my cause
Yet struggling to maintain
I will be the one to determine
Yet what I will be~
NJM~
My love surpasses your understanding Oh beauty so raw
I see the bits
Pieces
Others miss
It’s the bits
Others miss
That makes me love you
It’s the intellect that captures
The primal quality
You Polished
Beautifully
Shining
It’s why