~Preemptive~revised~

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Preemptive I suppose

I leave first

You silver tongue devil

You had me almost

But all of my life I stood by

With hope learning to cope

No more

Preemptive I am

Strike you down

Out of my sight

Purged from my mind

You can come to look

You will not find

Preemptive in love

Just as in war

I am a missile

I reach out so far

I’ll tear down your defenses

I close in on you all around

Slash your heart first

Never again it’s now

A curse

Laid upon me long ago

A trust can be broken only so many times

Am I confused unable to see

I breed in you and you breed in me

And we also bleed too!

Your deceit

Is a pool of my blood around your feet

My blood, my scars

No one can never cross far over my lines

Drawn in a particular way

So when I am done

I have the say

Preemptive

I can’t even make it a month

Thinking of what could be us

I see to much fault

You are not what I thought

Characteristics you portray

Soon fade away

So I jump out

Leaving you quickly

I can’t conceive

Why you can’t perceive

That I am no longer shackled

By love or sex

Well I’d like to think

Mortal coil craves

I’m human

I have my days

I’m preemptive

You wonder how you let go the best

It’s not you

It’s not a test

So go on your way

Give it a rest

Wait what did I just say?

Preemptive dear Darlin dear

Now feel the fate as it draws near~

~Moods 101~A Must read, especially Bipolar sufferers~

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Welcome to moods 101

Let’s hurry up, get this day done….

These stale corners of this life I live Days like these it’s hard to give… An inch, a mile,a simple smile. I lay in bed and mope awhile.
When emotions are sharp as a knife,And corners lose their curve,

It’s like a resounding screeching noise that sits on my last nerve.
These modes leave few to choose-The only way to try to win is instead to lose. Allowing the funk and muck to slosh all around, blocking out the environment and not allowing sound.
I will allow this feeling to slowly drain me dry, and somewhere in between each take I’ll stop to think and cry.
Then tomorrow like the miracle she always is, will unfold with moods anew… And all these crapy shitty moods will only be a few.

Keeping it Real~Personal Quotes~NJM~

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Sometimes letting go is the only way to hang on~

Donnell Kerr  Christian~follows give me support on this very critical post!

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Donnell Margaret Donald KERR~
There is no easy way to put this

No easy way to say

But you all think you are a Christian in a comfy corner you pray~

While your own flesh and blood did you turn away~

Does Jesus not say, Whatsoever you do to the least of my children that I do unto you?

Yes I believe that has been written~


My son……your blood as a new born kitten, you turned your back to a blind eye did you give, Do you really think in heaven you’ll live?

You dress all fancy on Sunday and sing put on your holy face~

But the promise the Lord made to his children is he will wipe you out erase from the book of life you see

You all turned your back on Donnell’s son trust this is not about me.

So when you read Gods word you sing and you pray it’s the blood of the innocent for which you will pay~

He did nothing to you, or you, or you, but I can tell you’re all ignorant and have not a clue~No Holy Spirit abides within you!

Suffer not the little children… hmmmm….

You go about life as though your grandson/Son Doesn’t exist~

On judgement day you’ll feel the Lords fist slam down the book make you take a look., Hypocrite you see? Think you better than me? Than the rest? Time God puts you to the test~ or maybe give it a rest, nope it’s the contrary~

Hey your daughter Noel some call a fairy? I think you know what I mean some say a queen, but it is what it is, so she’s gay, did not your God make her that way? Yes I believe he did.

Hey she is cool with me but the Bible you read doesn’t accept that you see?

You can live free~

On time bought buy the blood~

Times running short~

And so is the love~

Those who reject others reject themselves in turn God also will reject you~

Not sure what bible you read, But you know not the creed.

You Judge and sit tight now~

Think it’s all right now~

Time has a way of making you complacent you see?like so many others, fake and a snake slither the earth~

Not sure why I write this for I do not curse, vengeance is God’s~

Perhaps I am a small instrument he used to keep you on track and not be confused.

God is not the author of confusion you see, I’ll always accept you, yet you have yet to accept me or my son~

Perhaps retribution has begun……

Turn the other cheek?

Turn away the meek?

The weak?

Helpless?

Well …you did!

He now is a young man

No longer a kid.

I write all this down~

It’s my therapy you see~

I advocate for breaking stigmas~

Breaking exclusiveness~

Bringing in inclusiveness~

For all who suffer affliction~

Both physical and of the mind~

I try to think myself kind~

I often fall short~

Trust I’m no saint that’s for sure~

But enough is enough I’m letting you …..now endure~

Forgive me for my in your face ways, but we all know the bill somebody pays~

Truly I strive to forgive I try to be courageous in how I now live~

Such as this is the case but I truly give thanks for Gods loving grace~

God’s grace abounds the utterance the sound of cries long gone from days long past~

To think at one time I thought Your sons love for me and his child might last~

I want to thank you for training up your child Donnell in the way he should go, so that when he gets old he will not depart from it.

So I write a lot in quiet I sit, no doubt I’m a sinner too,

But I’m sure I’m not a sinner like you~

Not for Reproduction~

Updated~Two Week Notice~yeah already~—

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Dear God up above I can still feel your love…. but I’m sorry to say I must leave go away~ you called me a light worker, I can only do so much never ever figured out what is the human touch.

You blessed me with human a beautiful baby boy. I’m entrusting you to him, he is a child and yet my sin~when I try to write my book I don’t even know where to begin my life was fast like a whirlwind…and pieces scattered about and within

It’s all like a puzzle that was left in a closet hidden away, no one notice nor knew what to say

Laying by the devils side it isn’t hard to decide, he is the God of this world I now see, and I figured out the exit for me…. for any who look and choose to see, my mission complete~

So just give two weeks notice and keep the memories they serve no purpose when I’m gone. My words will live on and on. I planted seeds along the way, somehow though was led astray. So here I am Lord here I lay so I request an early judgement day.

I would do the same for my son, I would love him no matter what he may have done.

I ask in return you bless his life free of worry grief strife…. to live to laugh to love to know I can still see him from far above.

I laid by the devils side for over half my life it caused me to much pain to much strife and as a human being I’m sick of this life… I quit. Well I’m giving my two week notice as any good employee of a universal truth I must say I did enjoy my youth….. sometimes…. it reminded me I wasn’t meant for here, I was wild free and truly fierce scared of NOTHING!!!! Not even death. I couldn’t wait to take a last breath… but I endured and at times I laughed

But often rejected due to class, stereotypes, and bullshit in general full circle around but this time my Lord I leave this playground~ two weeks notice not to long to go and when I get where I’m Going please don’t say “I told you so” see ya soon!

Probably by noon

~Nicole~Unyielding~ Triumphed~My Hand in Gods~

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I am a delicate rose 🌹 in the month of May, However my thorns although hidden, will flare out and remind others I am not an easy fight. And fight you I will.

I will leave you quickly and move on should I feel you’re not worthy of a love/friendship of mine.

I ………truly Lord am not asking too much, I just want someone to make me feel… feel again, the warmth of them on cold nights. Too connect and help heal the whole in my heart ❤️ created by a trust that was broken~

I was choking on my own words listening to the excuses being made around me, choking trying to say let it be.

I have a gaurdian and it protects me… I don’t always accept its help instead I jump and run then later I wish I had a pistol a gun then I could literally put a whole in my heart I could be done with this world 🌎 it tore me apart~

But it won’t let me, it whispers in my ear that now is not the time but it will stay near to catch me when I fall, softly and I cry and I ask it why. Just be still for once stop running a race stay on track with a steady pace. It you see… is God in me. Be still my child I will redeem the time for you, restore what was lost, you done your raging, you paid your cost. A reward awaits you , you will see I am with you and your always with me~

I was inspired by a piece of work from Zachary K.Douglas…

~Personal Quotes~NJM~

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~Your Words Lack Presence as do You~NJM~

~The Non Traditional Christian & Being Bipolar~NJM~

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I used to use twitter a lot. The above tweet is one dear to me, and although it may have not received attention as others tweets, it is a true statement about the perils of Bipolar disorder.
Lately I write a bit less, and with that I notice less “Likes” on my post. I get lots of “shares” but no one I follow seems to be touched by my words. Not touched enough to “like”or moved enough to comment.
I wrote about courage recently and one other person like it, it was shared among facebook 4 times. Guess what? I don’t care. It’s not about the “likes” or even the shares. It’s about my expression of feelings that I feel I need to convey. It’s about courage. If someone gets something from it, then my work is done. If no one gets nothing from it, my work is still done. Why, you ask? Because I received something from it. I purged a thought, feeling, or a need to express. I found courage to write. To share.
Sure my prayer is to inspire, to teach, to eventually become a great writer, a best-selling author. Sure I am also an unorthodox oxymoron as well. A contradictions of sorts. Does the bible not indeed contradict as well? Yes. Indeed it does. Why? It’s left open to interpretation that is why.
I am the church, not a building. I don’t fellowship in a brick and mortar tower that cost millions to build. No. I fellowship with those I see daily at work. I try to encourage and lead by example, to wish everyone a blessed day. Should we all be as fortunate? indeed.
I have a calling on my life, I knew this while serving a year in jail at age 19. I just was not sure what it was. I did at one time have the ability to give prophecy. I lost that as time went by. I see bits and pieces still, but only when I draw near to God. I often fall short in that category. But I get up and try again. Never stop trying.
I am non traditional. Never wanted to be like what I had been exposed to. However, I fell short at times. Fitting in seems important at certain stages of life, so we compromise our true nature that God instilled in us to fit in.
Some would say ” if God exist why does so much bad happen? why are you bipolar, so on so forth…
I’ve examined this many times. There is a passage in the bible that states that many mysteries are yet to be revealed. That we have not the mind of God therefore we know not what God knows. What I will say is these two words “Free Will” it was ours the moment we entered this world. Our will is powerful if we use it. The problem is many use their will for exploiting and hurting others. The weaker minds allow for this to happen, and then bad things happen.
You may say then “What of illness, disease? Again I have no exact answer. What I can say, is some of the greatest and inspiring stories are about those who are ill. I am ill. My son is ill, he has type 1 diabetes and Aspergers. Wow he is a testimony of taking his illness and turning it into testimony. He made honor roll recently. He is in 6th grade. He is part of my personal testimony, for he is my son. Train up a child in the way they should go, and when he is old he will not depart from it. {Proverbs 22:6}
My God, I can’t believe that I was basically married at his age. Yes, you heard me. I married 48 days after I turned 14. I had just turned 14!!! Who would allow such in a modern society, abuse and illness from my Mother propelled me to such. To much degree all are ill. I don’t hide my illness. I am open so that others may learn from my experience.
Think of me as a generic Christian my set of values and standards may be different from yours, but we are all indeed human. We can go further in our future as a race and our beliefs if we begin to look at each other as another “human” and be that. A human being.
Our imagination has a myriad of possibilities we project which eventually molds our future possibilities which lay before each of us.
In order to make a difference we must engage our conscious to the voice of God and the nature of heart to man/human.
So this day as I pray, I pray for you, as I ask you pray for me…..like a  pay it forward prayer act.
I leave you with my bipolar thoughts now…
The heart may be the bodies strongest muscle but it’s also most fragile for all its strength it is also the weakest how’s that for irony?
As previously stated…..
Imagination is the myriad of possibilities we project and mold our future possibilities that lay before each of us.
We must engage our conscious, it too is the voice of God and the nature of heart in man.
So I reach out I hear the song of angels whispering……
I’m there for you
Expecting nothing in return, &
The amazing melodies of nature that only God can sing
The ability to hear it once again. May we all be so fortunate.
Thanks for reading my bipolar non traditional Christian thoughts.
~NJM~

~Listen Closely~

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I love you son

You’ve paid consequence

For things you have not done

Rejected by his blood

Oh Kerr nothing is forever

Lost his mother to madness

Leaving my son alone with Sadness

I’m capturing slowly

The mother he needs

But the biggest relief

Will be punishment for the thief

Simoleons could not restore all the love I shared before

Simoleons is all you seek

Perhaps that currency Will

Make you weak

Oh greed, ruthless heart

Torn his world all apart

My Son the Lord is not slack

I ask for wholeness be restored

My son come from virtual reality

Living in the computer

Come back dear boy

Un Submerge your mind

From technology

It’s where my demise began

I’ve paid my dues oh so dearly

However he had no part

The stealing of my pictures

Posting them

His Mom falling apart

So when will the consequences

Fall heavily upon the thief, liar That caused so much grief

When I see your consequence come to pass

Lord knows it’s then I’ll find my relief

You’ve damaged him

While I was driven mad

As previously stated he is sad

He wants his mother

The one before October 1 2009

It’s that mother I’m working on so he Will find

That Karma and God have a way

To make you all pay

Your family too

I wish you nothing more

Nor nothing less

For you…….. And yours

I must confess

Pain you caused him

Yes I’ve already paid

But innocent was he

For your unthought causality

Well unknown causalities

Comes with collateral damage

So think long and hard before you creep

Your daughters and sons will pay as did mine

In this the Lord promised in Due time~
These words are not mine, they came to me after I prayed awhile….

Lord knows God works in mysterious ways~

~Tongues’ of Fire~

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The power of love A force from above

Cleaning my soul

Flame on burn desire

Love with tongues of fire

Purge the soul

Make love our goal

The power of love

We walked the isle

Prisms of light

Angelic smile

A King

A Queen

Long ago

Exist

Once below

Now above

A sky-scraping dove

Incarnated in flight

A fleet of kneeling knight

I’ve searched the castle

Looking for you

There……

Flame on, burn desire

Love With tonges of

fire

Come to Me

Prism of light

Ceilings of gold

History of us always be told

Come to me my sweetest friend

Can you feel my heart again

I’ll take you back where you belong

And this will be our favorite song

Prisms of light

Coronations plight

I put up no fight

Two lands join as one

Our life had just begun

Ceilings so high

I feel you draw nigh

From beyond long ago

I’m always stepping fast

You’re never far behind

This heavenly past

How this cosmic dance Devine

Can make time so unkind

Come to me with secrets bare

I love you more so don’t be scared

And when we’re old and near the end

Well go home and start again

With the power of love

A force from above

Crowns of gold

Our story so old

Lifetimes come each century

Can it capture yet again what was you & me
Flames of desire

Love with Tongues set a fire

Come near to me my love

Purge our soul

Make love our goal

The power of love sets

Eternally my love

Each lifetime fades it fast

Make our love of long last

Purge each lifetimes soul Make love our goal

Flames of desire

Set tongues of fire

Come to me best friend

Come sing our song again

May we never end

Lifetimes reign

one day again lay claim

Long may we Reign

Passionate desire

Set tongues of fire

Eternal flame

Loves other name

Play the chess game

Checkmate Sire

Flame on burn desire

Love with tongues of fire~

Not for Reproduction 

~NJM~