Updated~Two Week Notice~yeah already~—

Posted on by

Dear God up above I can still feel your love…. but I’m sorry to say I must leave go away~ you called me a light worker, I can only do so much never ever figured out what is the human touch.

You blessed me with human a beautiful baby boy. I’m entrusting you to him, he is a child and yet my sin~when I try to write my book I don’t even know where to begin my life was fast like a whirlwind…and pieces scattered about and within

It’s all like a puzzle that was left in a closet hidden away, no one notice nor knew what to say

Laying by the devils side it isn’t hard to decide, he is the God of this world I now see, and I figured out the exit for me…. for any who look and choose to see, my mission complete~

So just give two weeks notice and keep the memories they serve no purpose when I’m gone. My words will live on and on. I planted seeds along the way, somehow though was led astray. So here I am Lord here I lay so I request an early judgement day.

I would do the same for my son, I would love him no matter what he may have done.

I ask in return you bless his life free of worry grief strife…. to live to laugh to love to know I can still see him from far above.

I laid by the devils side for over half my life it caused me to much pain to much strife and as a human being I’m sick of this life… I quit. Well I’m giving my two week notice as any good employee of a universal truth I must say I did enjoy my youth….. sometimes…. it reminded me I wasn’t meant for here, I was wild free and truly fierce scared of NOTHING!!!! Not even death. I couldn’t wait to take a last breath… but I endured and at times I laughed

But often rejected due to class, stereotypes, and bullshit in general full circle around but this time my Lord I leave this playground~ two weeks notice not to long to go and when I get where I’m Going please don’t say “I told you so” see ya soon!

Probably by noon

~Nicole~Unyielding~ Triumphed~My Hand in Gods~

Posted on by

I am a delicate rose 🌹 in the month of May, However my thorns although hidden, will flare out and remind others I am not an easy fight. And fight you I will.

I will leave you quickly and move on should I feel you’re not worthy of a love/friendship of mine.

I ………truly Lord am not asking too much, I just want someone to make me feel… feel again, the warmth of them on cold nights. Too connect and help heal the whole in my heart ❤️ created by a trust that was broken~

I was choking on my own words listening to the excuses being made around me, choking trying to say let it be.

I have a gaurdian and it protects me… I don’t always accept its help instead I jump and run then later I wish I had a pistol a gun then I could literally put a whole in my heart I could be done with this world 🌎 it tore me apart~

But it won’t let me, it whispers in my ear that now is not the time but it will stay near to catch me when I fall, softly and I cry and I ask it why. Just be still for once stop running a race stay on track with a steady pace. It you see… is God in me. Be still my child I will redeem the time for you, restore what was lost, you done your raging, you paid your cost. A reward awaits you , you will see I am with you and your always with me~

I was inspired by a piece of work from Zachary K.Douglas…

~Fallen Angel~Unbridled Human~Great Read~

Posted on by

Going back to that instant you know the exact moment you feel the paradigm shift.The tectonic plates in your personal universe your sphere, Reposition and the alignment of what you had been is no longer.
My magic is in my words sir where do you conjure the notion of believing or wanting to know? So you want to know truly what I felt?
Like a light switch was turned off and another turned on. I felt cold. Basically like the fairy tails tell of Vampires changing from human form to vampire form.
My body ached and I continued on working in a complete terror,waiting on them till my breath began to be so shallow.

In that moment I was different. It was different. In total lucidity I realized in that moment that one of me died and another came right back to life.

And this feeling is less than desirable. My heart hardly beats. That’s what it’s like dear Sir.
Further more where were you my good man? surely you understand ?

Yeah probably not. Here come closer feel this disease ……what do you feel a bit at ease? Perhaps the contrary?
There was a beauty

An angel

Shot down in flight

The white mans world

There she was stuck

Shot down because she didn’t follow direction~

She was to curious, young, learning…. but she felt fearsome~

Traveled to far thinking she needed no protection~

Life snatched her in vulnerable state~

Now

She is living like  a human~

She is aging as a human~

Dying like a human~

Just like a human~

How sad the process is in reverse or is it?

Sadly yes~

~NJM~Quotes~ Humanity~

Posted on by

Look at history, Mans inhumanity to man proves the very nature of mankind is defective~NJM~

~~Lady Love~~

Posted on by

She awakes in early hours the lady oh so fair. She thinks of him first, pain despair. Dismiss, thoughts in a world that is bought sold, recycled, old.
Dreams of fruition kill human intuition when not manifested., as she lay upon the bed to think, in a place where I wake among the others smiles fake so passé out of date. Ethereal beings in plain sight, phantoms visit her at night. In a desolate existence upon the stars she did climb. Lady love did not find. She had in her hand something too good in her too good for this world, they’ll never understand.
Jumping from the star never to land. Holding two hearts. The third had to stay. It haunted lady love’s dreams her thoughts and won’t go away.

~My Grave~NjM~So True~Who?

Posted on by

So if my grave is dug and they lay me to rest will you be the first to shovel the earth upon my body after my death?

~She Fell~New~

Posted on by

She fell

Life was hell

Running like mad

Circles

Sad

Scorn

Shame

Was it a game

Her mind not the same

She fell

Tripped over foot

Zig zag she skipped

Trying to flip

Take her hurt

Burry in dirt

She is touched

The unseen realm

Angels

Demons

Lurk

Whispers of a time

That left

Return once again

To guide her

She fell

And Angels pick her up

Making the atmosphere

Thick

Surreal

She fell to her knees

Begging the Lord

Please

She Fell

But life no longer will be hell

She got up

Stood strong

Long

Waited

Like a missile

Shooting star

Coming straight for you

No matter how far

Targets

What you are?

What are you?

Or

Wait didn’t she fall

She fell

From a life on earth

From the living hell

She listened she prayed

Was picked plucked

You imagine the next line

It’s yours to fill in

Watch now your face if it turns to a grin

Sin

If you feel her longing her strength

The power she was given to go any length

After all

She fell

Tore through Hell

Lives in the truth

Hates all the lies

Conditions

Red tape

How did the world get so

Out of shape

No wonder……

Not for reproduction~

~I’ll Always be~Mystery….My words…I did not put this here~

Posted on by

I’ll always be wanting the unrequited love~

I’ll always be the piece that don’t fit~

I’ll always be looking for that character defect to see, if it exist in you then it also exist in me~

I’ll always hurry with no place to rest~

I’ll always be able to run with the best~

I’ll always be watching, looking. But I will not settle.

Perhaps my soul is turning into metal. Heart made of steal, maybe baby I’m to damn real.

I’ll always will believe there is a God~

I’ll always have illness of the mind this makes it hard to find my kind~

I’ll always fall into dick sand if I’m not watchful of intent. Where the hell this one went~

I’ll always try to discipline my self in ways many won’t understand~

I’ll remain celibate and untouched even by me till I find that man~

I’ll buy a beach shack if he never shows up, pour my coffee in my cup work on my Novels and be married to Neptune king of the sea, on the shoreline walking that’s where I’ll always be~

~Retribution~ great read!

Posted on by

Often you hear that Karma is a bitch, that they’ll get theirs. “Who gives them the bill?” I asked in prayer one day, hear is what I heard God say “you don’t need to do nothing, most of the time I do it for you, but there are times I give you the strength for you to see it through.”I decide when and who you collect the bill, unless I tell you to then best stay still. ” so I am the instrument you use sometimes I get the ideas from you the Devine? Yes my child that is correct and don’t for get what to collect and always remember we don’t take checks”

I laughed out loud when I heard this at first God has a sense of humor I thought as I continued to pray, then I heard when the time comes you will know who must pay, I don’t allow much of this type of collection to be done but for some my child that day will come don’t deviate from my plan as I will use you for retribution with my Devine hand~NJM~

Not for Reproduction~

~The Non Traditional Christian & Being Bipolar~NJM~

Posted on by
I used to use twitter a lot. The above tweet is one dear to me, and although it may have not received attention as others tweets, it is a true statement about the perils of Bipolar disorder.
Lately I write a bit less, and with that I notice less “Likes” on my post. I get lots of “shares” but no one I follow seems to be touched by my words. Not touched enough to “like”or moved enough to comment.
I wrote about courage recently and one other person like it, it was shared among facebook 4 times. Guess what? I don’t care. It’s not about the “likes” or even the shares. It’s about my expression of feelings that I feel I need to convey. It’s about courage. If someone gets something from it, then my work is done. If no one gets nothing from it, my work is still done. Why, you ask? Because I received something from it. I purged a thought, feeling, or a need to express. I found courage to write. To share.
Sure my prayer is to inspire, to teach, to eventually become a great writer, a best-selling author. Sure I am also an unorthodox oxymoron as well. A contradictions of sorts. Does the bible not indeed contradict as well? Yes. Indeed it does. Why? It’s left open to interpretation that is why.
I am the church, not a building. I don’t fellowship in a brick and mortar tower that cost millions to build. No. I fellowship with those I see daily at work. I try to encourage and lead by example, to wish everyone a blessed day. Should we all be as fortunate? indeed.
I have a calling on my life, I knew this while serving a year in jail at age 19. I just was not sure what it was. I did at one time have the ability to give prophecy. I lost that as time went by. I see bits and pieces still, but only when I draw near to God. I often fall short in that category. But I get up and try again. Never stop trying.
I am non traditional. Never wanted to be like what I had been exposed to. However, I fell short at times. Fitting in seems important at certain stages of life, so we compromise our true nature that God instilled in us to fit in.
Some would say ” if God exist why does so much bad happen? why are you bipolar, so on so forth…
I’ve examined this many times. There is a passage in the bible that states that many mysteries are yet to be revealed. That we have not the mind of God therefore we know not what God knows. What I will say is these two words “Free Will” it was ours the moment we entered this world. Our will is powerful if we use it. The problem is many use their will for exploiting and hurting others. The weaker minds allow for this to happen, and then bad things happen.
You may say then “What of illness, disease? Again I have no exact answer. What I can say, is some of the greatest and inspiring stories are about those who are ill. I am ill. My son is ill, he has type 1 diabetes and Aspergers. Wow he is a testimony of taking his illness and turning it into testimony. He made honor roll recently. He is in 6th grade. He is part of my personal testimony, for he is my son. Train up a child in the way they should go, and when he is old he will not depart from it. {Proverbs 22:6}
My God, I can’t believe that I was basically married at his age. Yes, you heard me. I married 48 days after I turned 14. I had just turned 14!!! Who would allow such in a modern society, abuse and illness from my Mother propelled me to such. To much degree all are ill. I don’t hide my illness. I am open so that others may learn from my experience.
Think of me as a generic Christian my set of values and standards may be different from yours, but we are all indeed human. We can go further in our future as a race and our beliefs if we begin to look at each other as another “human” and be that. A human being.
Our imagination has a myriad of possibilities we project which eventually molds our future possibilities which lay before each of us.
In order to make a difference we must engage our conscious to the voice of God and the nature of heart to man/human.
So this day as I pray, I pray for you, as I ask you pray for me…..like a  pay it forward prayer act.
I leave you with my bipolar thoughts now…
The heart may be the bodies strongest muscle but it’s also most fragile for all its strength it is also the weakest how’s that for irony?
As previously stated…..
Imagination is the myriad of possibilities we project and mold our future possibilities that lay before each of us.
We must engage our conscious, it too is the voice of God and the nature of heart in man.
So I reach out I hear the song of angels whispering……
I’m there for you
Expecting nothing in return, &
The amazing melodies of nature that only God can sing
The ability to hear it once again. May we all be so fortunate.
Thanks for reading my bipolar non traditional Christian thoughts.
~NJM~