Your life is not yours, it is a series of events you walk through blindly.Deceiving yourself thinking your eyes were open~that’s truth~NJM~
Category Archives: Death Love Hate Wanting
Consistency …..And Sparta? Yes!!
I decided long ago consistency does count, but I forgot it is a two way street. I can’t be the only one striving for that attribute in any relationship.
If you’re not able to also be acknowledgeable of me in consistent status, then I Guess you can’t run in my 300. Not many can it should be called my 3 lol. Since I barely trust anyone and I have two I can count on…. they run in my 3 …….. huh my 3…And play it out like 300.
Sparta! They consistently worked together to eventually defete an empire. It was dedication to the consistency that was beautiful. They moved as one unit.If you can’t communicate with me and act as a team as a unit then please do us all a favor stay away already. 
I live in my Sparta and I’m gonna Conquer my distractions in many ways… May God be with me~ and may he be with you too~ God Speed~ we all need it~
~The Past~
I pull away. You’ve hurt me. There is nothing that will ever heal it completely.
My soul is dim, all due to him… You.
But all in all I love you too.
Love doesn’t live in digits it surpasses age, transcends boundaries . Number are numbers. Pick one.
That simple~Always.~
Ttys.
~DAR~Updated
Hello how you feeling today We ended the month of May
While you were yet away
Doctors seem stupid in light of it all, I’ve watched for so long now saw how you fall
Hello my dear enemy my oldest friend half our lives are now gone this could be your end
I’m not going to sugar coat nor
Make it taste sweet, see we both shocked each other before
Knocked us off our feet.
I will always be here for you while I am here. There can’t be a promise no matter what you think you hear.
I realize now we both live our biggest fear.
I’m glad we found peace after all that fucked up shit.
I know you want to take back all the things you did, I want to forgive you but I did, I just don’t forget.
Knowing this is always going to be regret…. for us both.
We grew up together then grew far apart.
I hope they can heal you and your heart, yes it’s broken in many ways.
But if they release you from the hospital now then count your days.
So we have your diagnosis congestive heart failure. You’re biggest challenge now is will God be in your favors, or will you dies in your 40’s like I once said,
If this is the case you are gonna be dead.
I am what I’ve become
And I have not a clue what I’ll be
But I have a clearer vision now and I see what I see.
Everyone deserves love in some type of way.
I pray to God you find that love before your dying day.
That’s what I pray
It’s all I have to say
Be well~
He needs you more.
Rejected like me don’t let him be. So live damn it, live change what you need. Think of your son now, let go of the greed.
I hope you read this and it plants the seed.
~NJM~
~ Undeniable~
Disappearing into your gravity can’t help it,
Spinning awkwardly
You raddled my mind
shaking my existence to the core
Yet in the place I am, I desire more
More than the justice lacking
The people slacking
Cyber hacking
Only a bleak
Shell of someone
Something
Happening
Hanging by a thread
Still Attached to the needle
Somehow the thread won’t sever won’t let go
Yet the needle will not yield
There is no shield to protect me
Look around what do you see
I feel I’ve fallen to the ground
Your voice bleak so low in the background
I am still here still in tact
Yet Am I a useful artifact
I love, I feel, I have been healed
Or so it seems
Perhaps this all
Was just a dream
One I can never awake
Maybe it is me my heart is yours to take~
~Love & Hope Left the Building~For Real~
There is a pain so deep the words escape my lips I have not uttered these words because they don’t exist.
My world has been torn and shredded for far to long and my head is full of hellish memories that won’t leave my mind alone.
Peace might come visit me but on a random schedule. No matter what day you see me out in public you would never know, because I wear my mask well. Smiling. Underneath crying.
For the very first time in my life all of the love, care, and selflessness all the good human qualities seem to be seeping out of me.
I cry out to God to take me, but I get no answer. So God where are you? If you read this and believe in God pray for me my life.
I’m not Robin Williams, not Whitney Houston, Prince or the latest tragedy. I’m like a storm out there in the nothingness brewing and has been for years.. If TIRED has ever been the only word to describe this or the condition of “can’t take no more.” Then how sad our human language is to not tap beyond boundaries to explore the truest meaning of that word. All I do is utter sounds as I cry out.
Oh death I care not of your sting! Sting the shit out of me, oh darkness go …….go gently in the night and take me with you, or give me courage to do as I’ve spoken of and thought of countless times.
I had many dreams and outcomes I once hoped for but after the scrutiny of this thing I call my life
All those dreams are dead as is my hope.
Call me a coward, pathetic or anything you wish. I don’t care I only wanted love just someone who loves me for me and wouldn’t hurt me but hold me. That does not exist. At least not in my world, not as I need.
~My Son~
My Son life is gift and You are a gift to life~
My Son take care of yourself love yourself respect yourself and others will respect you~
My Son you will grow up and become a man never lose your inner child~
My Son you will win some and lose some don’t let the loss make you bitter but instead let it make you stronger~
My Son there is a God, we come from something bigger than us, give thanks and know God and angels watch over you~
My Son there will come a day that someone will let you down don’t lose your faith~
My Son there will be those who will lie about you, always do your best to tell the truth~
My Son you will fall in love one day remember love takes time to grow don’t jump in head first learn to understand each other to grow together~
My Son people say there is one great love in everyone’s life but remember that true love is immeasurable and to love alone is great~
My Son you will have many acquaintances and meet many people however you likely will have one true friend care for that friend and be there for them as I pray they will be there for you~
My Son you will meet many who are in need throughout your life do your best to be charitable learn to give~
My Son you will see many things in life that are unfair but do your best to not judge and know life eventually evens the score~
My Son you will come across others who are miserable and rude learn to be kind don’t take it personal be and example~
My Son don’t let other’s influence your thoughts learn to think for yourself~
My Son there will come a day where you will be afraid be brave and overcome~
My Son there will be those who will tell you are not good enough, know your value never sell yourself short~
My Son you will face the impossible in life don’t let it stop you , every dream can become a reality strive and press on and always do your best make your dreams come true I have faith in you~
My Son be different don’t conform stand out from the rest, stand tall, stand proud~
My Son there will be times in life to be humble, learn from this, understand this, grow from this~
My Son you can not save the world but you can make your area of the world a better place, care for mother earth the beautiful animals and those who have less than you, respect what you have been given take care of what is given you and greater things will come your way~
My Son not everyone is afforded the opportunity to understand and be educated learn to have patience learn to teach~
My Son you will grow older and people will die, we all die, still live life to the fullest~
My Son when I die and you need me after I’m gone know that a part of me is always there in your heart and in your mind that energy never dies it only changes form and I will see you again one day~
My Son you’re the greatest gift in my life I’m sorry for the times I’ve fallen short know I did the best I knew how that I love you always you are my heart, you are my reason, You are my Son~
Not for Reproduction~NJM~
Bipolar Tapestry~Poetic Thoughts 