~Hurricane Katrina~ Chapter 2 ~1017 Cypress Street~

Posted on by

The buzz of dread filled the atmosphere. A storm like Katrina hadn’t come this close and been this strong in years and it was strengthening to a Catagory 5…. A storm of such magnitude can change everything instantly.
With heavy laden feet and numb heart she got up and began getting ready for work, the weather channel could be heard in the background as she leaned in closer to the mirror applying mascara, eyes sallow, concern washed over her and she looked disheveled worrying about what was going to take place. All eyes in the world were waiting to see where Katrina would land. Mississippi or Louisiana.
Idly she stood with a catatonic stare. She did not feel like working yet she stood next to the Lancôme counter leaning against it, watching people just moving around like ants shopping all smeared faces of strangers, rich women who could wear her patients thin because a shade of lipstick was not exactly the same shade of their purse and shoes they just bought. It was a good job, she was just tired of retail and marketing.
Fate and the fate of her son and a final location to take root and live were all resting on the storm.

Beyond the present state of the earthly forces, She had recently partnered with her ex husband to help raise her son, that alone was a gamble, one she took. She wouldn’t let Donnell hurt her or their child. Later on she’ll wish she had taken thought long and hard before making any decisions, however Katrina wasn’t going to give up any more time.
Katrina had its eye on Biloxi, and she staid her course. Although Biloxi was hit worse, New Orleans being a bigger city received more news coverage due to the levees breaking and the floods, continual rain were all turning New Orleans into a nightmare.
After making it through 5 hours of work she was finally headed home. Her heels clicked with each step as she neared her car in the parking garage Her cell phone rang as she was getting into her car , She answered to hear her Mom on the other line. “honey listen, I need you to find my boys make sure they’re alright” her Mom said as she cried. She thought “Her boys”…. She must have tucked her siblings into the back of her mind. “What boys?” She asked. “Your brothers honey” “I know you can’t remember you were to young but you have 4 brothers”…. She was Floored when she heard that news. Brothers! Finally she spoke “ok Mom I’ll see what I can do, but I need names and a place to

Start looking.” “Look for Labello’s Auto” it’s a car shop one of your brothers had” try there”.
So now plot thickens She has 4 brothers she has no recollection of a storm that’s a killer hitting land. The likely hood of finding her “brothers” whom she never met or can’t remember meeting would be thin since most all her Mom’s children had different Dads.
Slowly as the storm bared down on land she could feel an ache in her belly. So much is going to change very fast She just could feel it.

A storm of this magnitude is going to rearrange her life and the lives of many others,how symbolic it was the storm, a methrphor of her unyielding, continually shocking tail of what is her life. Things churn in storms. Storms stir up lives and deaths and sometimes life and death are straight ahead but you never knew it. Ghost hidden come out to play. Her “brothers” were a fine example of ghost coming out to play.

(Excerpt of My Novel) ~Chapter 1~1017 Cypress Street~Based on actual events~Edited~

Posted on by

She felt her life was always a puzzle piece and the puzzle couldn’t completely be found. Personal wars and scars she endured from early childhood.Her life never yielded a dull moment. The sense of the bottom dropping out always lived in the back of her mind, but she pressed on and tried to control the feeling that haunted her.

She was excited at the thought of her new home, although it was an older home she would carve it out and make a home for her and her family. The pool was a big selling point, she loved to swim, was always drawn to water. Calmed the storm that seemed to always be slightly to the left of her thoughts, tucked away.
The moment she walked through the front door the house seemed to welcome her, feed on her energy… It was as though the two would be as one. Never did she think about departure……..her having to leave this home,after all she was going to buy it.

Now the house sits quietly never keeping anyone there long. It was her house, but he made her leave.

Parts of her loss haunts the halls of that house… It will forever cry for her return. Forever warning her of the evil intent that lurks across the street.

Years have gone by but for her it feels like yesterday, with the blink of her eye and a deep breath she is back there, a part of her is back there back at the house.

As her eyes remain closed she remembers how it felt ….Jumping effortlessly into the beautiful pool late at night her body completely covered only by the water. Right across the street he watched her,captivated. Intrigued.

Quickly as though a jolt of energy sent shock waves through her body, her eyes blink open to her present reality one that’s never been the same since that house since she met him.
She didn’t have a clue that her life was building up to that moment, a moment that could kill the very essesnse of all the good she had in her, change her forever leaving her a shell of the women she once was.

NJM~ Quotes~Age & Love~Politics~

Posted on by

Love doesn’t live in digits it surpasses age, transcends boundaries, forgets time. Numbers are numbers.  Never be afraid to love.

NJM~Personal Quotes~

Posted on by

Sometimes festering in your own shit,covered inherently in your ignorant deceit may you look in the mirror & realize it’s time to come clean~

~Bipolar,The Unique Truth about the illness and my theories~

Posted on by

First I urge you the reader to watch a movie called “Touched by Fire” with Katie Holmes… the depiction of the two characters bring this post together. They are two bipolar individuals that’s all I will say. Watch it.

Bipolar the unique truth
Truth is there are many bipolar people with a unique gifts of art, it springs forth from our well to bring to life what we hope others will get, will understand.
I write poetry through my heart

My veins, my brain. Some other bipolar people paint, some sing, some Dance, some sculpt, and others like me, the countless thousands that write.
I consider myself a warrior fighting a cause trying to educate and break mental health stigma I also bring my demons out to display for all to see. That’s pretty ugly and unique. Hang it all out, air the bullshit I fester in at times, don’t we all?
Here is the thing, even warriors get weary and tired, and at times may even feel defeated.
I feel this as I write it, however by days end I’ll feel completely opposite I will feel empowered.
You may be a bipolar person, however every one of us is so unique so very unique.

I have been told all my

Life I have a switch, like a light switch that goes off if I’m done such as with let’s say …chemical addiction I am addicted for awhile to some drugs as an example. Cocaine, ecstasy, acid that kind of stuff I did at various times of my life, only to put it down. Still down over 15 years or more to this point and I pray it will always stick, it has thus far.
Now Mary Jane is like a best friend that I can hug goodbye, then check up on Mary Jane and alas, we have a long visit. Then I hug her again. Only to keep visiting.
Longest I ever told Mary Jane see you later I didn’t see her for 5 years….. that’s along time.
I’m similar with cigarettes but I have never been a real lifer for cigarettes.
I pick those up during stressful times. Like a switch I turn it back off till it illuminates again and the switch is turned on….. hey maybe it’s a glitch…

Today is the full moon. The moon affects bipolar people.
Say what you will, the cosmic energy changes the ebb and the flow of the ocean and pulls stronger because we are closer to our moon. If it affects a huge ocean then I view it as ……how much more can it affect us little humans. I mean come on it’s pulling an ocean sitting by us you think it don’t affect us, Ha. Ok.
Anyway these are my theories. Adopt them as your own if it rings true. Examine it if it doesn’t.
For some the full moon energizes their soul, others melancholia, others deep depression.
It is a shackle. I have theories about mental illness for a very long time. We live in a multidimensional world.
I often wondered if the mentally ill are tapping into the other dimensions the ones that others can’t hear, see, or feel.

I have others who have witnessed phenomena in me with regard to two things, first I seem to affect electrical currents in my area around me lights and such . Second the ability to tell you about something important that is gonna happen if you’re close to me.

This has been witnessed and many can tell you, yep she does.
This only started again, notice I said again, yes again after 3 years. See I was away around lies and deceit for the duration of my marriages, I listened and bought into the lies …. then I broke free after my divorce…for the last three years of my life, I stopped listening to lies, I’m in what I call a spiritual cleanse zone.
I can do things others can’t or maybe they can I haven’t met them yet, do you have phenomena too? just like I have , are you bipolar and have a phenomenon like myself which only adds to what I feel is extremely unique.
I had gifts when I was younger and not tainted by this world nor afflicted with atrocious disease of the mind. I prayed and meditated for hours in nature back then. My gifts at its apex. But years of hearing and buying into those lies affected my gifts. We all have some kinda strange gift if you tap into it.
Removing yourself from all lies or to recognize lies(spirit bares witness to others) the lies others speak you will and can know. But how do you know if they are lying?
For me It’s a silent “I know”.A feeling a sensation I pick up on.
Sometimes it’s just a quick whispers brief then gone.
This is me. This is how I am navigating my outer worldly experience. The queue’s I receive.
I don’t dabble in dark arts. My mother did. She was sought after on the bayous of Louisiana. People come from all over the bayou to see her. To hear what she had to say.
She then had a change of heart made me burn all my albums( so long ago lol albums) all my records.
I couldn’t wear pants anymore and I got to go to 6 th grade at a weird school from the church she joined. It was Like a mixture of Assembly of God or Pentecostal type of practice.
Yet I survived my crazy ass formidable young years as best I could, well that was until I revolted and got married at 14.
I was rebellious, against the grain. I think that was a charismatic draw when I was younger I had a few select friends.
Wherever we went, when we arrived the party started and most flocked to me it flowed… it was a powerful feeling.
So see yours may be different it’s why I have given you a quick narrative of my life.
So how are the meds going? Well? What was your cost? Mine was feelings, eyesight, weight, rapid weight gain. A few more add on’s.
My meds are Lamictal, Serquel, Clonopin. Not to mention pain meds for another condition.
Cool fact I’ve only had three cavities. My mom was big about brushing my damn teeth.
Hey! I have a bright smile. That is if I’m not in one of the many moods that flow through me every hour. Yes every hour.
See another difference. My Mind is in a variation or some would say rapid cycle.
Yours may be still, constant depressed, or you could be in a full blown manic episode.
In order to make any stride In Breaking stigma we must begin to be honest with ourselves.
We walk blindly sometimes through a day our thoughts jumbled.
But are we living our truth, bearing the scars and being open about your unique illness and the unique art it invokes in you.
Can we all feel empowered always, the answer is No. however we can strive, press onward.
For us our creativity and our illness make us so unique, so let your colors out and color outside the lines.
Don’t be afraid, we all have at one time or another. However, this is coming from someone who has had a rough ride getting to this place of complete honesty.
A place to tell my story without fear. Worry about nothing, care about most things, leave the rest behind. That’s my quote…
Thanks for stopping in and reading my post.
Have a beautiful day and watch out for our full moon tonight!

~NJM~ Quotes~

Posted on by

Your life is not yours, it is a series of events you walk through blindly.Deceiving yourself thinking your eyes were open~that’s truth~NJM~

~Him~How, Where & When?~

Posted on by

 Waking up thoughts all scattered. Once fully awake and gathered, she immediately feels the restless energy he emits… who else can feel him? I am the only one he keeps hidden yet I live in his mind, beat in his heart, swim in his blood.Know what? he does the same to me.
Life is not merely a series of meaningless acts or consequences. No oh no,you see…Life is but a tapestry of events that culminate into an exquisite sublime plan. May it slowly unfold into what is you and I. May we turn and spiral in the cosmic dance the one that brought us together by a planned chance~

~Bipolar Self Check & Cycles~

Posted on by

Being bipolar and knowing that patterns such as triggers and time frames, stress the very fact that we cycle is extremely important. History tends to repeat itself, many things repeat themselves, bipolar individuals happen to skid into this surreal area a little too often.

Wanna know something else all the meds in this world can’t  stop what I just mentioned. Lifestyle combined with a medicinal regiment can avert most travesty. But medicine alone can’t. I know. I’ve gone manic, in fact bonkers and was still on my meds. Was I fun, uh not really….well maybe for a bit, but only to myself.

Know something else,the company you keep, the person you may love can be the very trigger that spirals you off balance.

So the question I ask myself and you, are you gaining you right now? That’s right, are you gaining YOU? Or losing pieces here and there before you know it you’re everywhere, all the while thinking you’re put together or at least coming off that way. Hiding that Bipolar cloak and dagger in our pockets ready to pull that pocket inside out and release all that debris and shreds of crap at the bottom. You know the shit you feel in the empty pocket….looks like dust bunnies living there. Those dust bunnies are you, that debris is you and and all that pent up crap.

Are or you the cloth that the pocket is concealed in? Looking all sheik and stylish, but inside crying out with no voice? interesting how its this way or that and this goes for everyone bye the way, not just us bipolar people. People out there, you can learn a lot from those like me willing to share my life, thoughts, feelings, and you don’t have to have bipolar to gain insight either, this is a one size fits all kinda stuff that human beings go through. Just we may handle it a bit different.

I’m writing this for myself, for all those reading this, it’s self check time.

What is healthy? It’s having all YOUR needs met. Is this happening right now? Are do you feel short changed? I feel a bit short changed to tell you the truth. Hey, I am being honest.

Are you happy? Are or you up and down all the F’n way around and it’s due partially to the company you keep? Yeah I mean face it we all are a bit F’d up in our own way, but do we need more of it from others at specific turning points of our life? Crossroads….they are everywhere by the way, and just a reminder…uh.. they can happen any day.

Should you be alone? Yes! Sometimes being alone before polluted thinking takes over you, helps you to clearly see what you couldn’t before and remove yourself from any given situation whether it be love, business, friendships, or just being social at this time.

But living in this world you must take care of you first. You have nothing to give out to others no love or kindness if you don’t love yourself and are not genuinely kind to you.

The road ahead may be a bit stressful but if diplomatically approached you can ease through most anything bipolar or not.

These are my Bipolar Thoughts at this time, hope you got something out of it.

It’ my story, I’m sticking to it. What’s yours?

NJM~

~The Past~

Posted on by

I pull away. You’ve hurt me. There is nothing that will ever heal it completely.

My soul is dim, all due to him… You.

But all in all I love you too.

Love doesn’t live in digits it surpasses age, transcends boundaries . Number are numbers. Pick one.

That simple~Always.~

Ttys.

~My E-Book~ Coming soon~

Posted on by

Hello all my followers, I am currently piecing together and writing a literary book filled with post and poetry some you have read and some you have not. I will hope to be finished by July.

Then onto my Thriller. Something tells me one day I’ll wake up and just write it out in a few days….. I just get stuck on this thriller since it is based primarily on events that occurred in my life. Excepts are here on the blog giving small details.

I want to thank you all for your time and inspiration.

Please look forward to my e book

It will be sold for a very modest price of 2.99.

It’s my first step to my full dream. We all must start somewhere.

Special thanks to Amy, my Editor.

Also I wanted to add, it is not to hard to publish an e book it’s rather easy as long as you have an editor that knows writing well. So go give it a try yourself! If I can do it do can you!

~NJM~