~Perimeters~

Standoffish aloof
Not looking at you~

Perimeters~

Coordinates
Bubbles of glass with precise measures
Encasing
Protecting
Inviting Safety
Each equation
Etching the space
The fine area deemed just my space
Slowing building up walls
Curves edges and all
A saving grace …….before another…….yes again a setback, another fall
Drawing fine lines
Marking each point
Thoughts are layers, times frames~
The nexus holding the perimeters together
Wondering if you could ever……yes ever
Believe yet again in another
Even further still nothing is forever…….
Forever the same each second each moment bring about change
Bending each thought and molding each frame ~
Believing this time it will not be the same
But perimeters falter & twist & wind and morph like a darkness acting often unkind ~
Life is an altered course it unfolds into time a commodity given the day you were born but perimeters weaken
Coordinates torn ~
All the while strategy in progress to save what is left of the holes in my heart and pain in my chest~
Perimeters are guild lines I lacked for to long, but I learned this the hard way like any over played song
Boundaries blanket me safely from harm
I no longer lay upon your loved arm~
I no longer listen to your heart beat~
I no longer feel~
Perhaps I do feel a bit for another~
But time Will only put our coordinates together
Although I lack in certain knowledge in subjects not taught
I’ll still invade your mind I’ll still be in your heart
Can’t help what I know not what I feel but
Perimeters took those it was those it did steal~
I’m trying to self preserve trying to heal
My perimeters are unique & my numbers are mine
Circumference of my thoughts etched and in place I’ll think long and hard before I look upon another face~
So know if you ever tried to understand me or tried to break Through and let me let you in
My plan is to not feel this way yet again~
Still Plans often change lives rearranged
These measure are precise and I can carefully prepare to slice to dice the hurt and pain~
To continue this path
Retract & Refrain~

~And Did You~Well?~

And did you

Did you
Think
And did you
Did you
Consider
And did you
Did you
Blame
And did you
Did you
Self evaluate
And did you
Did you
Hurt
And did you
Did you
Miss
And did you
Did you
Calculate
And did you
Did you
Have purpose
And did you
Did you
Dream
And did you
Did you
Look closely
And did you
Did you
Count the cost
And did you
Did you
Feel the loss
And did you
Did you
Know
And did you
Did you
Run
And did you
Did you
Have purpose
And did you
Did you
Know it wasn’t just you?
And did you
Did you
Know it wasn’t just me?
And did you
Did you
Have ability to see?
And did you
Did you ever truly hear me?

~Little Deaths~& this one….

I helped you Die those little deaths In your sorry existence

I gave you songs.

When you had no tunes left in you

I started to see the fire in your belly

And the steel running down your back

You were the most fearsome thing that ever lived

I know I breathed the life into you

I’m the one who awakened you However you started the fire

Now you must sleep
Embrace those little deaths

As a  reminder of

The memory

Of me

In you alive For Eternity~

Not for Reproduction~

~Life’s Blossom~

Like a flower unfolding
Slowly without notice
The blossom full bloom

Was always there the flower
Blossom full bloom
Like a firecracker released into the sky suspended

Gentle and soft petals drip rain
The foreboding rain of life’s cruelty
Flower of earth,color, so beautiful

Picked and trimmed and put aside in a vase. Time is short now life can sustain only when grounded to earth

Picked trimmed put aside as a spectacle, of beauty, fragility, and untimely death, death is never timely
But is inevitable…..

Wilting as each day brings to a close the mortality the death of something so amazing and beautiful~

Not For Reproduction~

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Loneliness~

Loneliness

A feeling so singular

A despair that numbs

No one around you

No where for them to come

Much less would you run if they did

Who can you trust

In this life you have to have one

At least they say it’s a must

Don’t believe them

There is……

A home that is lost

Friends walk away

Seems in this life

Nothing will stay

Alone

In silence

Able to just think

To sink

Downward

Into the pits of ominous clouds

Thoughts of a past screams out loud

People who loved you

Lied

None kept

All I can feel

Is completely inept

A fear that grips

A suffering so real

That all you have left

Is no way to feel

But alone~

~Did He~Good Read💯

Did he know?
Turning her away
Aware
Catching each gaze
Allowing to stare
Did he care?
Holding her heart
Tore it apart
Did he cry?
Knowing his lie
Would crush her
Can he live?
Give back to her
Parts he broke
Or will he choke?
As he cries gasping for air
Knowing just how little he cared
Will he recognize?
His selfish condition
Serving him first
Greed, thirst
Will he lie?
To himself
Others
Compensating for his
Malice
Will he come clean?
Tell the truth openly
Hoping his loss and his story
Will teach reach others like him
Or Will he fester in disdain?
Always thinking he is above
He is right
Never learning heartless cold
Slowly as he takes his lies to his death as he grows old.
Or can he find courage?
Knock on her door
Eyes down looking at the floor
Asking forgiveness for the trouble he caused, the pain he unleashed
Finding each word as they spill forth from his mouth…. Freeing his soul
Bringing healing to her finally made whole
Did he know?

Not for Reproduction~

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~Relationship & Routine~

Routine is a mundane thing which can dull the grandest thing~

Taking beauty from the action
Killing all attraction,the crave the touch the smell, the embrace the “I can’t wait to touch and see your face”
A time was such where the person place or thing was never ever to much, couldn’t get enough. Enough could never ever be to much~
Routine can kill all the beauty that once lived there causing discord strife it seems unfair, the mind its soul to tear~
If only to return to a time you were purely you
your attention was all mine
The time that nothing mattered
A time that was timeless wonderment of you, of me of all we could do,we could be~
It seems not long ago you were you
Not tainted and you didn’t know
Of things this world could do
But time and this mundane world and its routine can take the precious moments and turn it black and blue~colorless to white not sure if the precious thing is even worth the fight~
The colors fades…your interest shattered and the beauty of what once mattered lost in the heart and soul and routine is what made it cold, old…or was it simply you?
Did you forget the times of living in your head, forgetting times alone, the longing of a kindred, a lover, sheets a mess rolling thunder undercover…all across the bed.. Alone you once said “I seek another.”
But time has changed the beauty you found that took what seemed a lifetime. Turning the beauty & love and turned around in your warped and shattered mind.
Mundane,never the same oh the torture oh the mean of living in the sad routine~
Can you capture back the magic that made you want so much of the other person their smell, their taste, embrace the longing of their touch~

~What, This Love?~

There is a sadness that runs so deep

Out my pours it begins to seep

Little pools of vomit from the little holes

It started today

Again you turned my love away

What do I do with this love

I know it is true

But where do I keep it

I have not a clue.

I stayed up late my usual routine

Arose at 11

I never rolled a lucky 7

Snake eyes is my true roll

I seem to gamble with my soul

What do I do with this love

Tuck it away

The edges slip out

Jagged torn

I pray dear God why was I born?

Maybe I’m feeling you like I often do

Maybe you’re Sad and without a clue.

What do I do with the love meant only for you

When you turn me away

Telling me to let you go

You say ~Darlin you need to let me go, I’m not good for you~

How the fuck can you know, you think you are gifted with insight from some realm

Some unseen sight

You can’t truly be sure

Our love just might….

Survive in the place i prepared just for us

But my sadness pours out of my pours like puss

Please stop all this shit

The guise the game

For once in your life make a true change

I’m trying to work on my book

And my article post

Instead I hear my heart let it go

What do I do with the pain of rejection all my life

I never said take me as your wife

Just be there in the place I made just for two

That place I prepared for me and for you.

Do you love me too?

I’m impetuous and cruel

Act play a fool

When you turn me away

I didn’t ask for much

Just that you stay.

Is it because you can’t forgive yourself from the past

How you hurt me so

I lashed out then ran fast

Why is it I love the one who hurt me most

Who haunts me daily like a ghost?

What do I do with this love?

Tell me please

My mind is rambles already diseased….

What do I do with this love

My love

What this love?

 Read…it will change you..Hatreds Whore 1, 2 and 3~

~Hatreds Whore~

The subtle trapping of the flesh
Does eat the soul alive…
The folly of words that spin the web
Leaving strife and lies.
The subtle desensitizing of the mind
Eating way at the cells misfiring
Does the spirit still dwell even against its contrary morals?
Against the angst and frailty of justice?
And doth contempt churn within,
As disconcerting as before the subtle lies of hatreds whore?

~Hatreds Whore Part~2~

You crazy fool you think you have yet again advanced your position in this life?
Coddled entitlement chokes you and leads you ignorantly through the trenches you walk daily… Believing your own demented truths!
And does your existence prove to be so profitable?
Does your opinion truly count?
Or does thy soul eat away
The core of your spirit that
Dances idly alone through clouded dreams pass the Laws of men  smothered by society’s brew eats the meat and flesh of your bones, your life and lies doth slowly chew, and spew…… You out… Spit forth
Leftovers are all  you are fool, and to think you  never knew !
And does thy soul magnify and convey the torment ?
Or do you smile, all the while eating lies up like a child?

~Epilogue to Hatreds Whore~

The Will of youth is fading
Hinged between realm’s of grey, black, white…..wrong, right smeared dripping, bleeding into each other~
Not yet divided by age ……definitely, to young to be old, to old to be young.
Seemingly timeless, don’t we wish to believe~

Thy will was strong, Ah Thy youth vigorous! Consuming, Passionate……..Yet time upon earth has broken the will of your youth, tainted, choked the spirit of your present condition once shared Devine connection….. Suffocating in a conformist fashion…Pre-made a template duplicated…. Scorned…even Hated~

Strange strengths unknown alive yet Lacking discipline~Ominous thoughts scatter about
Eating around the skirted Subjects best left secret, leaving no clue~

Unmastered skill yielding strength
imparting ability to carry forth much more intense tasks yet to be finished with flawless execution, instead drained by surrounding energies pertaining to tasks, trying times, ever smudging smearing lines~

Visions inspired by God… That great cosmic master have wiped the slate of prophecy clean~
Over exposure to environment wiped the mind void …..trying to distinguish which voice……… which vision was God, or Demons now lurking in corners, and shadows awaiting moments of weakness to torment thoughts, your soul.
Mute Divinity the Holy Spirit once directing every step, every action of times long lost…… Lost long before this present condition, this meager existence.

Doth this evil that exist supersede the once enveloping presence man thought God to be?
Those philosophical longings… Greater questions lingering, longing for answers……
Has exposure edified the presence of human thought upon God, as deceitful, longing to have control?

Does thought of a Godless world Condemn us swiftly without Regarded thought?
Without belief in tact?
Skeptics … Dare we be?
Ah we must! Indeed.

It’s down to science to fact…..Facts often proven failures later due to fallacy, policy, ignorance believing that the mysteries of the unseen, angels, demons the Supreme One are false?
Indeed subjective.
Your Experience prevails or does it Lack?

Has doubt allowed hate to negate….contradicting lies, sealing history’s fate? Squeezing the life out, draining needs of things considered holy, Devine, to seemingly cease?
Or does it thrive within you alive?

Hatred you whore, you demonic thief… Reeking havoc destruction and grief, yet easily graceful, alluring, enticing to beseech, even more so to easily reach~

Insidious belief difference divides
opposes thought……,action with deceit, malice, subtle thief….. whore, that hate, Trying to cloud human fate….
Venomous rage, collected, captured shackled in a cage
Scorned trifling rage
Hate… You whore
Ever present searching for more~
Hating today as much as yesterday maybe a little more….
Thus my name is Hatreds Whore~

Not For Reproduction~

~Stigma~ 

Smeared dullness

Catatonic stare

That’s what they think

Washed out color

Long halls painted grey

Not a door insight

Ideas out of focus

Stifling, confusing

Lack luster,  incredulous

emotions …….Clawing away the life fingers scraping their nails jagged and bloody, threads unravelling.. like the sound of a chalk board being scratched.

That’s what stigma, bias does isolates you.

Yet I exist Wrapped inside this cocoon~

Generic and uncategorized yet longing to be labeled and in a category ~ oh wait, I am… I fall under stigma mental illness under my skin, unseen yet relentless in my mind there are millions of my kind.

One size fits all as long as that size is extra large as to swallow my frame,as well as yours.

Swallowing my existence whole~

Preferably invisible~

Left unseen~

To myself~

Designated ~

As is~NJM