~Beautifully Unfinished~

Know that I shall not hang on

So why can’t I let go?

In my dreams when I’m with you

Somehow I forget to breath

You got me like a rag doll

Now I’m dancing on your string

And I keep trying

To figure out

Who you are to me

Maybe all that

We were meant to be

Is beautifully unfinished

Cause your’re the one

I can’t lose

You’re  the one

That I can’t win

Maybe all that we were meant to be was beautifully unfinished

~I Want This~Doe’s it  Come In Pill?~Not Hardly~

I want someone to love, to love me as I love them.I want someone passionate for me forever,now and way beyond the end. I want to  breath the air they breath. I want someone who’s touch sends electricity through my body and up my spine, gives me goose bumps from the thoughts of what we do alone behind closed doors, Is it asking to much for them to feel the same maybe even more? I am not up for anymore games…..

I  want to feel the adrenaline rush, I’m sure they do too…especially when the adrenaline rush is made by me and hopefully you(whoever you are)

I want a key you see made exactly to fit into you and you into me. Lacking in nothing complete oh so sweet, so cunning yet Devine the love we can make for the rest of time. I want someone to be like rolling thunder and crashing waves against me and my skin ….their skin….Us between the sheets,outside the sheets, I want to roll and crash and ride the waves with them. I want to experience something beautiful and unknown together. Shared with no other.I want someone to make me feel safe in their arms to feel safe from all harm.

I want them to feel safe with me and know I would walk to hell and back if I had too just for them to see.

I want someone who will not lie to me or hide things from me and Who will not be a drunk.

I don’t want to lie to them either don’t want no reason too. All emotional drama and junk be gone from my life, don’t need the discord don’t need the strife.

I want someone to hold my hand. I want to hold their hand too…….. until we are old until we leave this earth.

I want someone who won’t leave me,to believe in me, believe in my worth, as I will do for them.I want someone who will honor and respect me till the end. An ever burning fire, I want a relationship that won’t expire…..
I won’t ever leave them. Even in the after life and beyond we will dance that cosmic dance…..with my best friend my lover my heart.

This is what I want. This is where it starts….Now the standard I’ve set perhaps makes it a possible fact that you don’t exist that’s why we never met, maybe I’ve said all this because I don’t believe you exist, if you don’t exist then I can’t get hurt, and to me that’s smart, I’ll live trying to hold on to what’s left of my heart.
However………. the fact of the matter is not settling for nothing less , nothing less than best. To be clear without fear I often wonder if you are very near…. or perhaps you’re so far away and today is not the day it may be another….. well

I want someone that’s the total package too, as I’m sure you want that as well.

Tell me Is that someone you?

If it is I have waited my whole life for you as you have for me.

May our love be forever may we always be, happy, healthy, prosperous loving and free. Never wanting , always fulfilled.

To bad you can’t get this in a pill.

NJM~

Not For Reproduction ~

~Water Fall Dipped Dream~great read!

The most important things are the hardest to say~With that my soul is shattered…..Out of all things in life I’ve lost my mind is the one thing I miss the most…. so go

Catch  my thoughts in between a hazy morning and a rainy afternoon~clouds are optional~ storms inevitable but most interesting indeed~given in to thoughts you now feed~oh how I’ve searched for the lost places my entire life, places where dreams drip over waterfalls…And spectacular colors

To catch the spectrum

Prisms with possibilities

A place to be home

Be with me

Wear your sin

Upon my skin

Laced around the words

That I breathe in~forever floating together in the middle of the ocean………

Lost into one another

Yet so far away~

~Little Deaths~& this one….

I helped you Die those little deaths In your sorry existence

I gave you songs.

When you had no tunes left in you

I started to see the fire in your belly

And the steel running down your back

You were the most fearsome thing that ever lived

I know I breathed the life into you

I’m the one who awakened you However you started the fire

Now you must sleep
Embrace those little deaths

As a  reminder of

The memory

Of me

In you alive For Eternity~

Not for Reproduction~

~Learning the Hard Way~Pain~

Drowning in your watered down words~in the sea of suspicions and doubt~
Stunned by your actions your lack of regard reverberates … Breaking sound barriers~
Best let it rest, no it’s not a test, most walked away its was for the best~
My illness is amplified by stress and assholes~
The very stress that assholes like you cause~
Separating myself from this realm

Of reality and dynamics shifting

On a ocean-less drift of emotion~
Cut paper thin then ripped from my personal thoughts not to be written yet spoken~
All that ever was now is broken, is that your beautiful trinket the parts of me you’ve stolen?~
I want it back, I intend to retrieve all you’ve taken I pray now I’ll receive and retrieve… at this particular time of my life it’s time to leave~
If I ever return I’ll know next time not to get burned… In the past trust I had to learn~

~I Will Be the One~NJM~

I will be the one in the corner

Trying to not be seen

I will be the one speaking

Yet not being heard

I will be the one smiling

Yet hiding my true feelings.

I will be the one loving

Yet without understanding

I will be the one keeping my distance

Yet fearful of disconnection

I will be the one searching

Yet never to be found

I will be the one understanding

Yet never understood

I will be forever dreaming, forever hoping, praying

Yet judging it all

I will be the one fighting my cause

Yet struggling to maintain

I will be the one to determine

Yet what I will be~

NJM~

Loneliness~

Loneliness

A feeling so singular

A despair that numbs

No one around you

No where for them to come

Much less would you run if they did

Who can you trust

In this life you have to have one

At least they say it’s a must

Don’t believe them

There is……

A home that is lost

Friends walk away

Seems in this life

Nothing will stay

Alone

In silence

Able to just think

To sink

Downward

Into the pits of ominous clouds

Thoughts of a past screams out loud

People who loved you

Lied

None kept

All I can feel

Is completely inept

A fear that grips

A suffering so real

That all you have left

Is no way to feel

But alone~

~What, This Love?~

There is a sadness that runs so deep

Out my pours it begins to seep

Little pools of vomit from the little holes

It started today

Again you turned my love away

What do I do with this love

I know it is true

But where do I keep it

I have not a clue.

I stayed up late my usual routine

Arose at 11

I never rolled a lucky 7

Snake eyes is my true roll

I seem to gamble with my soul

What do I do with this love

Tuck it away

The edges slip out

Jagged torn

I pray dear God why was I born?

Maybe I’m feeling you like I often do

Maybe you’re Sad and without a clue.

What do I do with the love meant only for you

When you turn me away

Telling me to let you go

You say ~Darlin you need to let me go, I’m not good for you~

How the fuck can you know, you think you are gifted with insight from some realm

Some unseen sight

You can’t truly be sure

Our love just might….

Survive in the place i prepared just for us

But my sadness pours out of my pours like puss

Please stop all this shit

The guise the game

For once in your life make a true change

I’m trying to work on my book

And my article post

Instead I hear my heart let it go

What do I do with the pain of rejection all my life

I never said take me as your wife

Just be there in the place I made just for two

That place I prepared for me and for you.

Do you love me too?

I’m impetuous and cruel

Act play a fool

When you turn me away

I didn’t ask for much

Just that you stay.

Is it because you can’t forgive yourself from the past

How you hurt me so

I lashed out then ran fast

Why is it I love the one who hurt me most

Who haunts me daily like a ghost?

What do I do with this love?

Tell me please

My mind is rambles already diseased….

What do I do with this love

My love

What this love?

~Purge~a Great Read~

Purge~
Trying to get the filth off

Within and without

Mind filled with sickening doubt

Walking in circles

Looking for miracles

None have yet manifested

You’re disconcerting

Deception braking connection

Indifference is contagious

Contagious and you’re attitude

Outrageous

Purge

Fighting the urge

To reach out

Yet again

Only to be sickened

By pathogens

Treacherous intent

Your Atoms and neutrons

Electrons spin in swirl

Protons completely out of this world

Yet…….from distance

Mixing within me

I can see

Sickened by your previous deception

Giving birth

bitter conception

To your evil heart vicious

And I’ll always be suspicious

Of why you chose me

Was your vision clouded?

What? You couldn’t see

What a beautiful heart beneath this flesh beating barely in my chest…….

Stop! I’m not returning!

I’m purging you out

Being sure

I stay pure

In heart

Holding this life together

Because you tore it apart

I’ll purge all the urge

To never get close to you again~

Not for Reproduction~