Notes in Pockets~

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Drama
Fear is collected

Like tiny notes unread in your pockets

Are you afraid to pull each one out and read it?

Will it invoke fear

Causing and provoking Drama to appear?

Self prophetic are we, believe in your fear, it will soon be your reality, or be healthy be strong let there be no fear I don’t collect notes in my pockets un opened, the drama each phrase written appears and it causes you to fear.

My oh my

The drama, negativity and fear.

I live strong. I live as I was called to, although it’s not always sufficient it provides me shelter

You may see me as foolish more like adventurous

Not a dull moment indeed

I am my fathers daughter a hybrid fragmented breed

I don’t carry little notes in my pockets unopened unread

I sure don’t need Your fear near me or my life or even my head

And I sure don’t leave little tiny notes in my pockets unread

Leaving unanswered questions in your head

And all is in your head yet, you still carry tiny notes all tangled and tied up in thread in your pockets unread.

~Ghost with The Most~NJM~

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I must say I’ve decided to keep my personal beetle juice after all he is the Ghost with the most, plus he can do cool tricks~ just Sayin~

~Coming Soon~

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I haven’t written in awhile and soon I will be writing about why. It is called 101 days of Hell~ and in more contemplative thoughts I’m working on how one can achieve happiness alone….. Yes I said happy and alone in one sentence and it feels good~

~Relationships~

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What an intertwined word the meaning
Mostly lost and truly ever heard~
It’s the coming together of two separate parts to share with each other their plans, their hearts~
Each singular entity has its own goal
It’s the bringing together that makes the two whole~
It’s walking down the street or simply changing a lane but the biggest part one must not forget is it is not a game~
Effort is the element needed to make relationships strong to run the great run to last so so long~
Often one loses sight and forgets what’s the purpose, two worlds collided destined to be, but often all is lost because one cannot see~
Comfort zones found, lacking cohesion, this is often why two hearts part for some unknown reason~
Although fingers will point and blame surely sought, but time and again relations part~
Yes relationships can often be salvaged some even cycle full circle and turn into marriage~
The truth I convey in this whimsical rhyme is relationships are fragile take effort take time~NJM~
NOT FOR REPRODUCTION~

~Preemptive~revised~

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Preemptive I suppose

I leave first

You silver tongue devil

You had me almost

But all of my life I stood by

With hope learning to cope

No more

Preemptive I am

Strike you down

Out of my sight

Purged from my mind

You can come to look

You will not find

Preemptive in love

Just as in war

I am a missile

I reach out so far

I’ll tear down your defenses

I close in on you all around

Slash your heart first

Never again it’s now

A curse

Laid upon me long ago

A trust can be broken only so many times

Am I confused unable to see

I breed in you and you breed in me

And we also bleed too!

Your deceit

Is a pool of my blood around your feet

My blood, my scars

No one can never cross far over my lines

Drawn in a particular way

So when I am done

I have the say

Preemptive

I can’t even make it a month

Thinking of what could be us

I see to much fault

You are not what I thought

Characteristics you portray

Soon fade away

So I jump out

Leaving you quickly

I can’t conceive

Why you can’t perceive

That I am no longer shackled

By love or sex

Well I’d like to think

Mortal coil craves

I’m human

I have my days

I’m preemptive

You wonder how you let go the best

It’s not you

It’s not a test

So go on your way

Give it a rest

Wait what did I just say?

Preemptive dear Darlin dear

Now feel the fate as it draws near~

~Moods 101~A Must read, especially Bipolar sufferers~

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Welcome to moods 101

Let’s hurry up, get this day done….

These stale corners of this life I live Days like these it’s hard to give… An inch, a mile,a simple smile. I lay in bed and mope awhile.
When emotions are sharp as a knife,And corners lose their curve,

It’s like a resounding screeching noise that sits on my last nerve.
These modes leave few to choose-The only way to try to win is instead to lose. Allowing the funk and muck to slosh all around, blocking out the environment and not allowing sound.
I will allow this feeling to slowly drain me dry, and somewhere in between each take I’ll stop to think and cry.
Then tomorrow like the miracle she always is, will unfold with moods anew… And all these crapy shitty moods will only be a few.

~ Letting Go~

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You were there

Now you’re gone
You were there
I swear. Fading now like a distant dream. Memories blurry.
You stood watching for so much time
Circumstance like waves washed you upon my shore. When my eyes met yours I prayed to look into them more.
You ‘re fascinated . You ‘re transfixed . You never thought I knew all along it was you.
You were there.
Creeping, staring, almost daring.
I was living my life, guarding my truth.
But I slipped and fell and you were there. So was I
I was there, I came to know of the one who has watched me from long ago, even unto now. I was there, I’m aware. I thought you should know
It’s not poetic or even a plight. I lay down my sword now, I no longer fight. For what I think could have been, perhaps never will doesn’t matter what, I’ll love you still
Walking away now, trying not to looking back. I have to move on and stay on track.
The tracks changed for us months ago. So I’m asking politely to simply let go.
I’ll know, When you go piece a of me lives deep you in ,As you will know too, inside of me is a piece of you.
God Speed~
Not for Reproduction~

~Never say Never Ever~

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Never say never or never will come knocking on your door, maybe not today, or next week or next year, still you ache the fear of Never….oh the trepidation the human condition~
Never is unwanted ….mostly however visiting is something never will do to me, will do to you. So please never say never~
It’s the bones of skeletons you dance with and sleep with in the back of your mind~
Never is that closet locked away, so jumbled that one inch of the door opening it would tumble out pouring all the crap all the hurt all the rejection you Never wanted.. yet you have, you did, ever since you were a kid~
Never is the fear of ever as ever is the fear of never canceling each other yet suspended in a harmonious dance

with karmatic presence and essence of all lessons….. the ones that pick and stick and prick and cut stabbing away chipping the dirt, debis

……. you don’t have the broom to sweep in under the carpet

You don’t even have carpet it can’t be rinsed or washed away why? Cause Never is here to stay…it Never goes away,it never dies~
So never say never or expect that knock on your door now and evermore. Never is as sure as Ever and together they’re an unbeatable team at least that is how it always seems~
Never say never~Ever……

~The Truth of Lies~

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I’ve endured loss. Twice I’ve been lied to. I’ve been lied to by two separate people.
Lies produce loss and a breakdown of trust.
This time I did not retaliate. I stepped back. I thought of the innocent that is Involved. I panicked at first, but decided to stay calm.
I’ve lied. So have you. We all have. We saw others do so, in our observation we learned to deceive and lie. We were not designed to lie, but the world taught us.
Upon the knowledge of these lies
I went against all I normally do. Being bipolar can make you impetuous. The first 24 hrs were the hardest.
Will I even confront them? No. I will speak one day to them. Tell them I know of their lies.
I will remember we are all Gods children. Some believe this others don’t. I chose to believe this.
Hasty actions produce destruction and broken people. I’m trying to recover what is left of me and rebuild from there.
This means to reflect, something I don’t do enough of. I like to think I do.  Like anyone else I want to be happy, don’t you?
My significance is not measured by yours. My happiness is not measured by yours. But my truth is mine and I strive to not compromise this.
We all have a value system. I think my highest value is in honesty, yet I’ve been dishonest with others before in my life. Go figure.
Jesus said “he who is without sin cast the first stone” how many stones will you cast today. How many will you judge?
I will strive to take different approaches , to not let others dishonesty become mine. I hope to not allow them to hurt me again. I pray I also don’t hurt others.
Lies and honesty comes with a cost, the catcher is you decide how much the bill will be~

Quotes~NJM~Hold Fast~

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Taking steps away  is easy, standing still is hard~

~ONB~Orange is the New Black~Netflix