Taking steps away is easy, standing still is hard~
~ONB~Orange is the New Black~Netflix
Category Archives: Bipolar Disorder
Keeping it Real~Personal Quotes~NJM~
Sometimes letting go is the only way to hang on~
Donnell Kerr Christian~follows give me support on this very critical post!
Donnell Margaret Donald KERR~
There is no easy way to put this
No easy way to say
But you all think you are a Christian in a comfy corner you pray~
While your own flesh and blood did you turn away~
Does Jesus not say, Whatsoever you do to the least of my children that I do unto you?
Yes I believe that has been written~
My son……your blood as a new born kitten, you turned your back to a blind eye did you give, Do you really think in heaven you’ll live?
You dress all fancy on Sunday and sing put on your holy face~
But the promise the Lord made to his children is he will wipe you out erase from the book of life you see
You all turned your back on Donnell’s son trust this is not about me.
So when you read Gods word you sing and you pray it’s the blood of the innocent for which you will pay~
He did nothing to you, or you, or you, but I can tell you’re all ignorant and have not a clue~No Holy Spirit abides within you!
Suffer not the little children… hmmmm….
You go about life as though your grandson/Son Doesn’t exist~
On judgement day you’ll feel the Lords fist slam down the book make you take a look., Hypocrite you see? Think you better than me? Than the rest? Time God puts you to the test~ or maybe give it a rest, nope it’s the contrary~
Hey your daughter Noel some call a fairy? I think you know what I mean some say a queen, but it is what it is, so she’s gay, did not your God make her that way? Yes I believe he did.
Hey she is cool with me but the Bible you read doesn’t accept that you see?
You can live free~
On time bought buy the blood~
Times running short~
And so is the love~
Those who reject others reject themselves in turn God also will reject you~
Not sure what bible you read, But you know not the creed.
You Judge and sit tight now~
Think it’s all right now~
Time has a way of making you complacent you see?like so many others, fake and a snake slither the earth~
Not sure why I write this for I do not curse, vengeance is God’s~
Perhaps I am a small instrument he used to keep you on track and not be confused.
God is not the author of confusion you see, I’ll always accept you, yet you have yet to accept me or my son~
Perhaps retribution has begun……
Turn the other cheek?
Turn away the meek?
The weak?
Helpless?
Well …you did!
He now is a young man
No longer a kid.
I write all this down~
It’s my therapy you see~
I advocate for breaking stigmas~
Breaking exclusiveness~
Bringing in inclusiveness~
For all who suffer affliction~
Both physical and of the mind~
I try to think myself kind~
I often fall short~
Trust I’m no saint that’s for sure~
But enough is enough I’m letting you …..now endure~
Forgive me for my in your face ways, but we all know the bill somebody pays~
Truly I strive to forgive I try to be courageous in how I now live~
Such as this is the case but I truly give thanks for Gods loving grace~
God’s grace abounds the utterance the sound of cries long gone from days long past~
To think at one time I thought Your sons love for me and his child might last~
I want to thank you for training up your child Donnell in the way he should go, so that when he gets old he will not depart from it.
So I write a lot in quiet I sit, no doubt I’m a sinner too,
But I’m sure I’m not a sinner like you~
Not for Reproduction~
~A King & Queen~
A swiftness to your speech
Proclivity to your touch
Behind my ear a whisper clear
I feel your need as you draw near
Let down defense letting go of fear
Hot breath behind my neck
Keeping me in check
The persistence in your grasp
You unarm me by slow movement; poignant sly like a warm breeze that passes by, instead of breeze it’s energy that makes drop to my knees
Cunning sensuous
Am I meant for this?
To be for you
In waking life in dream too
I bow beneath your weight
As you vigorously guide the lead
I am feeling as though I’m your prized steed
Riding through this lust slow yet posthaste
I forgot just how you love this place between the peaks and valleys down below
You know I am the only one to fully fill your need
Allowing you to take me there upon my soul you feed
I give you freely what you covet most
Think me more than a sexual host
An equal is what I am you see, I’m vivacious tenacious and quick on my move I’ll spin you around crawl your walls
Take you down
As kings and queens both wear a crown
~
~Immortalized~Legends~
I am the painter of my life
But the sculptor has the say
The one that reminds me
Each and everyday~
Pray….. know that your words are you, as I am the word too
As are you.
Want to live forever my child
Want to be free again…..wings again run wild?
You will move on from this ethereal area…
This realm of this world 🌎
Dimensions vast but the one thing on this Earth that will last
Immortalize you your bloodline
WORDS write put in plain sight
Take your words paint your life
Let me mold you, refine with fire 🔥
A love so real, that burning desire
Deep in your belly with steel down your back …….your a wild young hybrid full of these words, you spin and you weave……
But dear Angel your words live forever long after you leave
Immortal~
DAD~Happy Father’s Day Dad~belated… better late than Never… miss you and Mom~
I miss you so deeply~
I miss you so much~
The comfort of your Arms When I felt out of touch~
You Wanted a boy to carry our Name~
I Had your Grandson exactly 9 months after you died on my birthday~
My Birthday is New Years~
Wake up Call~
Read the signs, I am not the traditional kind~
So I gave Him Your Name~
Nicholas John Moncada the 5th I was the 4th~born in the south not in the north~
Your Daughter Nicole June Moncada the 1st~also the 4th…. 4 seems to resonate as my Angel number and lucky number good things come in four is what I say….I take that belief with me all along life’s way…. North,East,South,West…. I like the south the best…. in fact Dad I’m gonna take Nick, my new Husband and me and live in the land down under over by the sea or is it the ocean…. so full of emotion…. I can feel that smile….. I made…. your very proud wish I could hear you speak it out loud….. wait I hear the echo of the past, I figured this out at long last……. you were glad I was a girl although you wanted a boy….. you were glad I was a girl they thought I was a boy…but you were so happy you said on your death bed….. couldn’t have asked for a braver stronger woman I can call my precious daughter…. I can hear that echo from the past it’s happening Dad finally at long last…. took half my life right go figure
I miss you so much words can’t express~
How my life became a mess~
But It’s On Track Now~
I still Think Nick is you Reincarnated~but I’m not the expert…. just a messenger of light
Maybe it’s True~
He is just Like you, Loves Classics~
Here Is To You Daddy~
Happy Fathers Day~
R.I.P. 12-15-1931 to 1-1-2003~
~Never Ask~NJM~READ~
I recently had two people I had the means to help.
In the midst of help, disagreements came up. Both people said this to me “I never Asked You to Help”……
Hmmmm
Well I consider myself a non traditional Christian. If I see a need, and know I can be of help, I offer. Now both accepted my help. Now when things didn’t go in the direction they felt it should I recieved that above statement.
What so ever you do to the least of my brothers/Sisters that shall be done unto you. Mathew 25:40
Both situations were exactly like situations I’ve encountered in my life.
With that I leave you with a thought. And a quote I think fits well.
“Never Ask for What should Be Offered”
You know what should and shouldn’t be offered.
Always offer help if you can, and love. That simple.
Sorry you never asked, sorry that’s your view.
God Speed, Good Luck to you.
NJM~
TWITTER~Follow Me~ @Omegaalpha1
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@Omegaalpha1
These are thoughts of situations that may have happened or are yet to happen they are entertained thoughts I hope you relate to in one way or another. I believe these fragments are yet to be or already live between you and me~ She gurgled a scream that could be heard for a mile. The madness of her reality split. Vengeance seeped into her veins. She will never be the same. The psychiatric said to him, your behavior and lack of sleeping, the outburst. You have bipolar disorder. He looked baffled, no mental illness ran in his family. In a daze he stared back at the doctor… Thinking I won’t live like this. Spilt time puddled upon the floor of existence like a glass of milk pooled on the kitchen table waiting… To be cleaned up. Couldn’t have been that profound if it didn’t stick. I often dream of Far away places and far away faces obscure and unfriendly There is a vessel of emptiness waiting to be filled by a presence so extraordinary that to contain it is not possible yet to walk with it most probable and destined. Or does our absolute rise beyond infinity or does it die when we do Sometimes I’m so tired of all of it I just feel like settling. As though the pressure of your hand crashed force through the glass obliterating it into a mini explosion of ice and shards that sliced right through skin I felt your need of me each time you pressed again and again Then circuits burned and all boards went down without messages needed to convey system failed Even our binary was off beat Not one code understood Alone without value Yet there we stood Forces of nature gathered the four corners blowing the winds that crashed gracefully upon the shores as the sun burned brightly reflecting diamonds glistening in the sand Retracting in your eyes Up head in the distance an alluring shadow appeared likened to a darkness of smoke rather than if a shadow I indulged the illusion by complete acknowledgement only to be aware it wasn’t an illusion but you You’ll drive I’ll shoot. Traveling at speeds not usually utilized at such measure sacrificed extremes Hands of precision that tickle the tips of your split apart hands reaching …Eyes that meet with twinkles and the awkward yet unfolding uniqueness of possible new love butterflies blossoming in my abdomen feeling like taking flight could be possible as the moment etches further into our minds burning Singeing in our hearts memories that live forever Laying down eyes closed listening to the crackles of leaves beneath your feet and the trickle of the distant stream near by I can only imagine what we would do behind closed doors The car door slightly open as one foot dangles in and the other out. Turning to switch the key I stop and grin thinking about you and I’m positive you’re grinning too thinking bout me aren’t we just the two Me and you Fragments of each other all scattered over our flesh out mind. Mini particles mixed by the human touches and shared thoughts but that’s what we are fragments and i love each fragments each Frame and all especially the stills Mosaic of memories and pieces of life all in these frames but not kept in order randomly arranged like my hand skimming the top of water and the small ripples reflect back my hand but reflections with core color activated by prisms of future past present we can never really define We can only accept that which was given Can a be a part of your lifetime And all the parts in between She eagerly waited like a kid waiting to open a gift for his call. Listlessly she hung her body on the end of the bed, half on half hanging off. A despair that was crawling. Then it rang. Her heart jumped and she sprung for the phone, there nothing like the sound of his “Hey how you doing ” because what he doesn’t know is she wasn’t doing nothing but hurting thinking he may not call. If he knew just how she felt he would call early on purpose….. But stubborn as I will keep my grim self deprecating side to myself. Swear we were packed like a can of sardines in that car, but it didn’t matter we were happy just to be there I narrowed in and lowered my knees just enough to give my the angle and sprint needed for an effortless yet beautiful dive. As I entered the water, it enveloped me, welcomed me, held me. I swam To the edge of the pool, looked up it was you…and we smiled. Riveting The word Sir is God on the lips of a submissive. I watched as the live picture rose above the horizon slowly revealing itself inch by inch rise as it painted the canvas of the sky as the illumination grew stronger it was a sunrise to remember Love secrets object of desire He was the object of her desire. He loved knowing this. Tormented her at times. Like Dangling carrots. Winds of change blew in and her heart finally desired someone who desired her back. He was left in the wake of her tides as she drifted away at sea farther from him and closer to her other the one to be her true lover. At the speed of snail I passed your house. The wind blew harshly by. I stared hoping to catch a glimpse of you. I would have settled for the family dogs appearance. But you’re gone… And I wait like a fool believing you will return I threw your little body up up into the air as you softly landed into my arms and I pulled you close. Your smell your small hands your eyes big in wonderment looking at me… I was enveloped by your love my angel from God. Suicide Her legs dangled from the edge of the bed. Feeling all hope gone. Wondering if heaven and hell exist will God let her in… She swallowed the pills three by three and uttered “father son Holy Spirit” looking down the bottle empty as empty as she felt. The loss was too much. Abortion They yelled “sinner! Murderess! Your killing your unborn child. The specters who claimed to be Christians judging her as she walked closer to the clinic doors. Seemed like the door was a mile away, she could help but shrink away inside and pray….God help me. They judged her. But yet call themselves Christians. If that’s Christianity I want no part of it. Solutions she thought. There are none not for her. Being raped was enough, to bear the child would be too much. Wonder if any of the spectators where raped? She thought as she climbed upon the examination table and took a deep breath. I got in!!! I got in!!! As he ran into his clique of friends. Waving his acceptance letter to the university that would pave his way to his unknown future. Finally She ran into him. After years there he was on the same grocery isle as me only feet away. Years she thought in the same town, same small town. There eyes met but she quickly looked away. It was too much as tears puddled in corners of her eyes she felt a hand on her shoulder, he finally found the courage to tell her, speak to her… Was it too late? The pain to much? Her heart said “not this time. Your moment of extraordinary has arrived.” Let him in.” So she looked at him then to the ground as tears flowed. He lifted her chin to look at him. That was all it took. Forever began. I’m
These are thoughts of situations that may have happened or are yet to happen they are entertained thoughts I hope you relate to in one way or another. I believe these fragments are yet to be or already live between you and me.
She gurgled a scream that could be heard for a mile. The madness of her reality split. Vengeance seeped into her veins. She will never be the same.
The psychiatric said to him, your behavior and lack of sleeping, the outburst. You have bipolar disorder. He looked baffled, no mental illness ran in his family. In a daze he stared back at the doctor… Thinking I won’t live like this.
Spilt time puddled upon the floor of existence like a glass of milk pooled on the kitchen table waiting… To be cleaned up.
Couldn’t have been that profound if it didn’t stick.
I often dream of Far away places and far away faces obscure and unfriendly
There is a vessel of emptiness waiting to be filled by a presence so extraordinary that to contain it is not possible yet to walk with it most probable and destined.
Or does our absolute rise beyond infinity or does it die when we do
Sometimes I’m so tired of all of it I just feel like settling.
As though the pressure of your hand crashed force through the glass obliterating it into a mini explosion of ice and shards that sliced right through skin
I felt your need of me each time you pressed again and again
Then circuits burned and all boards went down without messages needed to convey system failed
Even our binary was off beat
Not one code understood
Alone without value
Yet there we stood
Forces of nature gathered the four corners blowing the winds that crashed gracefully upon the shores as the sun burned brightly reflecting diamonds glistening in the sand
Retracting in your eyes
Up head in the distance an alluring shadow appeared likened to a darkness of smoke rather than if a shadow I indulged the illusion by complete acknowledgement only to be aware it wasn’t an illusion but you
You’ll drive I’ll shoot. Traveling at speeds not usually utilized at such measure sacrificed extremes
Hands of precision that tickle the tips of your split apart hands reaching …Eyes that meet with twinkles and the awkward yet unfolding uniqueness of possible new love butterflies blossoming in my abdomen feeling like taking flight could be possible as the moment etches further into our minds burning
Singeing in our hearts memories that live forever
Laying down eyes closed listening to the crackles of leaves beneath your feet and the trickle of the distant stream near by I can only imagine what we would do behind closed doors
The car door slightly open as one foot dangles in and the other out. Turning to switch the key I stop and grin thinking about you and I’m positive you’re grinning too thinking bout me aren’t we just the two
Me and you
Fragments of each other all scattered over our flesh out mind. Mini particles mixed by the human touches and shared thoughts but that’s what we are fragments and i love each fragments each Frame and all especially the stills
Mosaic of memories and pieces of life all in these frames but not kept in order randomly arranged like my hand skimming the top of water and the small ripples reflect back my hand but reflections with core color activated by prisms of future past present we can never really define
We can only accept that which was given
Can a be a part of your lifetime
And all the parts in between
She eagerly waited like a kid waiting to open a gift for his call. Listlessly she hung her body on the end of the bed, half on half hanging off. A despair that was crawling. Then it rang. Her heart jumped and she sprung for the phone, there nothing like the sound of his “Hey how you doing ” because what he doesn’t know is she wasn’t doing nothing but hurting thinking he may not call. If he knew just how she felt he would call early on purpose….. But stubborn as I will keep my grim self deprecating side to myself.
Swear we were packed like a can of sardines in that car, but it didn’t matter we were happy just to be there
I narrowed in and lowered my knees just enough to give my the angle and sprint needed for an effortless yet beautiful dive.
As I entered the water, it enveloped me, welcomed me, held me. I swam
To the edge of the pool, looked up it was you…and we smiled.
Riveting The word Sir is God on the lips of a submissive.
I watched as the live picture rose above the horizon slowly revealing itself inch by inch rise as it painted the canvas of the sky as the illumination grew stronger it was a sunrise to remember
Love secrets object of desire
He was the object of her desire. He loved knowing this. Tormented her at times. Like Dangling carrots. Winds of change blew in and her heart finally desired someone who desired her back. He was left in the wake of her tides as she drifted away at sea farther from him and closer to her other the one to be her true lover.
At the speed of snail I passed your house. The wind blew harshly by. I stared hoping to catch a glimpse of you. I would have settled for the family dogs appearance. But you’re gone… And I wait like a fool believing you will return
I threw your little body up up into the air as you softly landed into my arms and I pulled you close. Your smell your small hands your eyes big in wonderment looking at me… I was enveloped by your love my angel from God.
Suicide
Her legs dangled from the edge of the bed. Feeling all hope gone. Wondering if heaven and hell exist will God let her in… She swallowed the pills three by three and uttered “father son Holy Spirit” looking down the bottle empty as empty as she felt. The loss was too much.
Abortion
They yelled “sinner! Murderess! Your killing your unborn child. The specters who claimed to be Christians judging her as she walked closer to the clinic doors. Seemed like the door was a mile away, she could help but shrink away inside and pray….God help me.
They judged her. But yet call themselves Christians. If that’s Christianity I want no part of it.
Solutions she thought. There are none not for her. Being raped was enough, to bear the child would be too much. Wonder if any of the spectators where raped? She thought as she climbed upon the examination table and took a deep breath.
I got in!!! I got in!!! As he ran into his clique of friends. Waving his acceptance letter to the university that would pave his way to his unknown future.
Finally She ran into him. After years there he was on the same grocery isle as me only feet away. Years she thought in the same town, same small town. There eyes met but she quickly looked away. It was too much as tears puddled in corners of her eyes she felt a hand on her shoulder, he finally found the courage to tell her, speak to her… Was it too late? The pain to much? Her heart said “not this time. Your moment of extraordinary has arrived.” Let him in.” So she looked at him then to the ground as tears flowed. He lifted her chin to look at him. That was all it took. Forever began.
EF~Quote John Keats~ ‘Ode on a Grecian Urn’~
More happy love! more happy, happy love!
May we all be so fortunate and happy~NJM<
Bipolar Tapestry~Poetic Thoughts 