Your life is not yours, it is a series of events you walk through blindly.Deceiving yourself thinking your eyes were open~that’s truth~NJM~
Category Archives: Beginnings
Consistency …..And Sparta? Yes!!
I decided long ago consistency does count, but I forgot it is a two way street. I can’t be the only one striving for that attribute in any relationship.
If you’re not able to also be acknowledgeable of me in consistent status, then I Guess you can’t run in my 300. Not many can it should be called my 3 lol. Since I barely trust anyone and I have two I can count on…. they run in my 3 …….. huh my 3…And play it out like 300.
Sparta! They consistently worked together to eventually defete an empire. It was dedication to the consistency that was beautiful. They moved as one unit.If you can’t communicate with me and act as a team as a unit then please do us all a favor stay away already. 
I live in my Sparta and I’m gonna Conquer my distractions in many ways… May God be with me~ and may he be with you too~ God Speed~ we all need it~
~Take Me Now~I’m Yours~
As dusk approaches
Our lips touch briefly
Jumping up I run
Waiting for you to chase me
Through this field of green
Sun glistening off distant oak trees leaves
The fall breeze
Flows around
Find me
Tackle me
To the ground
Kiss me again
Harder more forceful
Bring me closer
As your hands flow
Over my curves
Taste me
I give in
Passions explodes
Fireworks and confetti
Seem to……..
Paint the atmosphere
You took me down
And in your arms and heart may I
Always be found ~
NJM~
~My E-Book~ Coming soon~
Hello all my followers, I am currently piecing together and writing a literary book filled with post and poetry some you have read and some you have not. I will hope to be finished by July.
Then onto my Thriller. Something tells me one day I’ll wake up and just write it out in a few days….. I just get stuck on this thriller since it is based primarily on events that occurred in my life. Excepts are here on the blog giving small details.
I want to thank you all for your time and inspiration.
Please look forward to my e book
It will be sold for a very modest price of 2.99.
It’s my first step to my full dream. We all must start somewhere.
Special thanks to Amy, my Editor.
Also I wanted to add, it is not to hard to publish an e book it’s rather easy as long as you have an editor that knows writing well. So go give it a try yourself! If I can do it do can you!
~NJM~
~It Could Be Worse~ Fragmented~NJM~
I drank the poison
I sit quietly as storms brew around me
Damn dark clouds spinning wondering…………………could it be worse?
Lately I’m Reducing myself to a child like statements “I never asked to be born!” God.
Cloudy day you will not catch me vulnerable off guard
Depression is my muse
So in my craziness let me lay and in your mouth of madness pray
Quit toying with me finish me this day already or release me
I need philosophical conversation less hesitation
How about it is what it is, instead of trying to make it something that it isn’t
The worse that can happen is the worse.
Moods mixed dripping from a rusty faucet or are the bowels of despair and hopeless abandonment. Eating away at your core? Wanting to feel this way no more
If you entered into a relationship today with the knowledge of knowing it will come to an end, would you engage and interact within and with that relationship? Define relationship… It’s myriads to scrutinize. Is the notion of such cause for suicide? Control? What of these….relationships. You’re living one now. It’s a relationship based with you and life. The other people are just the variables.
What do the people who are worse off do?
You often here it could be worse …. Well what of those that are locked away in a murderers cage……. What do they think ? It could be worse? I’m gonna die? So truly what is worse?
I will not concern myself with what I’m no longer concerned with. Yet I do. Contradict indeed. I’ll grab your hand to lead the way to have concern for you its in my DNA.
It’s all of what God wants what if I do otherwise will I be quickly be condemned thrown to purgatory? No I’ve made the bed it’s my consequence nothing more.
Lazy thoughts cloud conclusions unknown to basic rationalization Algorithm calculation
Over processed, infected by a virus. You are my virus, no cure in sight.
Seeds you planted are now overgrown weeds in my mind
Trimming them only makes them grow~
Bumpy potholes all over the road
Don’t make me your mission don’t be a mortar for me. Opposition. Save me.
Cloudy day you will not catch me vulnerable off guard
I awake to………..An instant acute awareness of all things, sharpened senses that if not properly used self destruct
I concealed my soiled hands behind my back, somewhere along the line I must have gone off track
I see the end…. Look don’t you… I forget your vision is clouded, and I’m filtering differently too. Lacking true vision that’s you
Like bad news of a death you speak of things you know not of, You hurt, is that all you know? Could be worse.
Unknown visitation trying you prepare. What exactly are you preparing for? Always be ready, You are you be you. It could be worse.
You loved and lost. But greater love is he who carries the Lord in their heart. Love never loses.
It could be worse
Skeletons with rotting flesh cling A pool of blood maps out the trail Stench of death fumes raise high many try running as many die, guess it could be worse~
I’m sick of awaking in a fog. God would you sit awhile let me hear your thunderous heavenly voice say it’s all okay including the fog and the occasional fire.
Tell me how long will we grovel at the feet of wealth and power How long will we bow to their golden calf.
How long will we curtsey to all the new religions? They water down truth until truth will be no more.
The awkward moment I see your mind is sick too, you only mimic society so they never knew, hypocrite~
Did God know bout you’re dyin day that it be of your own hand or his that has its way?
I feel so completely incomplete Take my hands stretch them out nail me to the cross then nail the cross to my feet Damn Martyr~
Laid upon the tall green grass my mind laid in textiles like tapestry in my head. Dampened thoughts moist with residue of complex philosophy and skewed intent wondering where the hell my life went in a different path, I feel alike lot Sylvia Plath~
There is steam on the window with writing on the glass….. But the words are blurry, I’m rushed in a hurry………. But to where I’m hurried too I know not. What does it say? Hurry……ok but where?
In this corner you think I’m in, your talons about to sink in I feel your claws grasping my skin… About to fly away with your prize your meal that has eyes.
Remember now I’m never how you envisioned maybe it be best you rethink your decision
Clearly I might snap and sting causing extreme collision.
I’m the benefits fully loaded equipt but without warranty yet still a guarantee.
The further back I step more space allowed between
I feel you less
Like a dog
I allowed you
To kick me
I returned
Again
Again
To my vomit
Then I had enough snapped and said the end~
Flesh hanging from my mouth….,..Carries the pieces you took from me raw and intact with my words my mouth alone. Your loss.
Herald bringer state the case close it well. Once told no more to tell. Usurper~
Sand storms blind suffocate Quick sand sucks you in like hate… Oh precious longing fate
Flares up as flames ignite, you sink into the quick sand you lost all control.
Figured you might~
Ensue the fight~
Problem is neither is right~
Truth be told I want what I want
Needs not the same, I’m over all childish games,
I don’t listen therefore I get hurt, pouring more pain in my heart
Still I hope somehow deep inside we never part, that God will allow for us a start….
Suppose we Will see…
What could be worse
~Quotes~NJM~
~Only the Joyrney is written, not the destination~Chose your roads wisely~NJM~
~I Could Have~
I could stay here unmoved paralyzed
Caught between two places three faces
I could pray till my dying day
I could have so little or way to much to say
There are many things that could be done
Many battles to be won
But I always seem to surrender when it comes down to one ….. Battle
And they know, they know. Both warned. If one checked out the other left off. It could be that way forever
It could if I let it
It could if I would
It could because mostly both my life and my thoughts are misunderstood
It could be different if I chose
It could fade away I suppose
It could be this or it could be that
It could all be a matter of fact
It should
It could
It would
If only
Could
~Silence~Sshh~
Listen?What do you hear?
Silence….
So profound it speaks all its beautiful quiet self~
Listen?
What do you hear?
Water dripping in the fountain~
The soothing repetitive sound~
But Silence is now were I’ll be found~
So let the sounds drown out & blow the gentle wind~
The unseen breeze tickling my chin~
The sun glistening through the leaves
Peaking at me in silence
Kissing me from afar
This silence is my refuge
It defines my personal need
To listen only if I want
Perhaps you listen to the deafening
Silence that belongs to me and you
While we both await to see each other again~
I know silence is my friend
By my side until the end
Ssshhh
Quiet now
Silence~
~Autobiography in Five Short Chapters~
Chapter 1.
I walk down the street
There is a deep hole in the sidewalk I fall in. I am lost…… Helpless.
It isn’t my fault.
Chapter 2
I walk down the same street. There is a deep hole in the sidewalk, I pretend I don’t see it. I fall in again.
I can’t believe I am in the same place. But it isn’t my fault.It still takes a long time to get out.
Chapter 3.
I walk down the same street. There is a deep hole in the sidewalk. I see it there. I still fall in…….. It’s a habit. My eyes are open, I know where I am. It is my fault I get out immediately.
Chapter 4
I walk down the same street, there is a deep hole in the sidewalk, this time I walk around it.
Chapter 5
I walk down another street.
Anonymous ~
NJM~
The below song sums me up, and it’s to whoever knows all of me~
~Fragments of Life~ In Short Thoughts~NJM~
“Thoughts of situations that have happened or may never happen. Some are in poetic brief statements. Others short stories, scenarios, entertained thoughts of mine I hope you relate to in some abstract form. This is a different style of writing I am attempting, I hope to engage all. I believe these fragments are yet to be, or already live between you and me
He drew in the smoke…watching the smoke that was not contained in his lungs wave and twirl. Slowly the pain went away.
Riveting! the chill spread up her spine, hair stood up on the back of her neck, and goose bumps covered her body.
Pressure from your hand crashed down through the glass obliterating it into a mini explosion of ice shards that sliced right through skin… I felt your need of me of each breath, each time you pressed again and again. Then circuits burned and all boards went down without messages needed to convey system failed. Even our binary was off beat. Not one code understood. Alone without value. Yet we stayed.
Spilt time puddled upon the floor of existence like a glass of milk pooled on the kitchen table waiting… To be cleaned up.
“He was so sick of having to check his blood glucose, so sick of needles, the infusions sets, and the carb counting, he was sick of being so different.”
There is a vessel of emptiness waiting to be filled by a presence so extraordinary that to contain it is not possible, yet to walk with it most probable furthermore destined.
Up head the distance revealed an alluring shadow likened to a darkness of smoke rather than of a shadow when examined closer. I indulged the illusion by complete acknowledgement only to be aware it wasn’t an illusion but you. Forces of nature gathered the four corners blowing the winds that crashed gracefully upon the shores as the sun burned brightly reflecting diamonds glistening in the sand retracting in your eyes.
Hands of precision tickling the tips of your split apart fingers reaching …Eyes that meet with twinkles and the awkward yet unfolding uniqueness of possible new love. Butterflies blossoming in my abdomen feeling like taking flight could be possible, as the moment etched further into their minds burning singeing in their hearts memories that live forever and he kissed her. Her first kiss.
She gurgled a scream that could be heard for a mile. The madness of her reality split. Vengeance seeped into her veins. She will never be the same.
Fragments of each other all scattered over our flesh our mind. Nanoparticles mixed by the human touches and shared thoughts, that’s what we are fragments, and I love each fragments each frame and all especially the stills. Captivating.
The psychiatric said to him, You have bipolar disorder. He looked baffled, no mental illness ran in his family. In a daze he stared back at the doctor… Thinking I won’t live like this. What will everyone say, the stigma, it’s already too much I can barely function.
“Couldn’t have been that profound if it didn’t stick.”
I often dream of far away places and far away faces obscure and unfriendly, and I can’t seem to wake up.
Swear we were packed like a can of sardines in that car, but it didn’t matter we were happy just to be there
I watched as the sky blossemed into a live picture show above the horizon slowly revealing itself inch by inch rising as it painted the canvas of the sky, the illumination grew stronger it was a sunrise to remember.
They yelled “sinner! Murderess! You’re killing your unborn child. Specters claiming to be Christians judging her as she walked closer to the clinic doors. The door seemed a mile away, she couldn’t help but shrink away inside and pray….God help me.They judged her. But yet call themselves Christians. If that’s Christianity I want no part of it.They judged her. But yet call themselves Christians. If that’s Christianity I want no part of it. Then climbed upon the examination table.
I got in!!! I got in!!! As he ran into his clique of friends. Waving his acceptance letter to the university that would pave his way to his unknown future.
Her legs dangled from the edge of the bed. Feeling all hope gone. Wondering if heaven and hell exist will God let her in… She swallowed the pills three by three and uttered “Father, Son, Holy Spirit” looking down the bottle empty, as empty as she felt. The loss was too much. slowly consciousness slipped away.
I threw your little body up up into the air as you softly landed into my arms and I pulled you close. Your smell, your small hands your eyes big in wonderment looking at me… I was enveloped by your love my angel from God.
I narrowed in and lowered my knees just enough to give me the angle and sprint needed for an effortless beautiful dive.I swam to the edge of the pool looked up and it was you, we both smiled.
He was the object of her desire. He loved knowing this. Tormented her at times. Like Dangling carrots. Winds of change blew in and her heart finally desired someone who desired her back. He was left in the wake of her tides as she drifted away at sea farther from him and closer to the one to be her true lover. Regret festered in his desire at that moment.
At the speed of snail I passed your house. The wind blew harshly by. I stared hoping to catch a glimpse of you. I would have settled for the family dogs appearance. But you’re gone… And I wait like a fool believing you will return.
“Does our absolute rise beyond infinity or does it die when we do?”
“Sometimes I’m so tired of all of it I just feel like settling.”
Laying down eyes closed listening to the crackles of leaves beneath your feet and the trickle of the distant stream near by, my mind wanders, I can only imagine what we would do behind closed doors.
You’ll drive I’ll shoot. We’ll be a modern day Bonnie and Clyde. Naw Micky and Malory instead, what’s your thoughts?
The car door slightly open as one foot dangles in and the other out. Turning the key in the ignition I stop and grin thinking about you and I’m positive you’re grinning too thinking bout me, aren’t we just the two?Me and you.
She eagerly waited like a kid waiting to open a gift for his call. Listlessly she hung her body on the end of the bed, half on half hanging off. A despair that was crawling in her. Then it rang. Her heart jumped and she sprung for the phone, “Hey how you doing “His voice came across the line….. what he doesn’t know is she wasn’t doing nothing but hurting thinking he may not call. If he knew how she intense she felt he would call early on purpose….. But stubborn she’ll keep grim self deprecating sides to herself.
Mosaic of memories and pieces of a life kept in frames upon the shelf but not kept in order randomly arranged.
Can I be a part of your Life time? and all the ones in between……..
Finally She ran into him. After years there he was on the same grocery isle as me only feet away. Years she thought in the same town, same small town. There eyes met but she quickly looked away. It was too much as tears puddled in corners of her eyes she felt a hand on her shoulder, he finally found the courage to tell her, speak to her… Was it too late? The pain to much? Her heart said “not this time. Your moment of extraordinary has arrived.” Let him in.” So she looked at him then to the ground as tears flowed. He lifted her chin to look at him. That was all it took. Forever began.
Not for Reproduction~NJM~
Bipolar Tapestry~Poetic Thoughts 