~ Letting Go~

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You were there

Now you’re gone
You were there
I swear. Fading now like a distant dream. Memories blurry.
You stood watching for so much time
Circumstance like waves washed you upon my shore. When my eyes met yours I prayed to look into them more.
You ‘re fascinated . You ‘re transfixed . You never thought I knew all along it was you.
You were there.
Creeping, staring, almost daring.
I was living my life, guarding my truth.
But I slipped and fell and you were there. So was I
I was there, I came to know of the one who has watched me from long ago, even unto now. I was there, I’m aware. I thought you should know
It’s not poetic or even a plight. I lay down my sword now, I no longer fight. For what I think could have been, perhaps never will doesn’t matter what, I’ll love you still
Walking away now, trying not to looking back. I have to move on and stay on track.
The tracks changed for us months ago. So I’m asking politely to simply let go.
I’ll know, When you go piece a of me lives deep you in ,As you will know too, inside of me is a piece of you.
God Speed~
Not for Reproduction~

~ You Were~You Are~You Will~Son~

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You were written in my story before I was created

You were sent to bring the love that few often find

You came to teach me many things of which I am still learning

You have this quietness that takes secrecy to another level

You have laughter like no one else and it comes from deep within

Health issues have afflicted you yet you overcome

You have seen ugly that no one should see yet you chose to find the beauty

You create your own world that keeps you safe when safety seems far from reach

You stay silent and still when the moment calls for it

You have fear around you, but God did not give you the spirit of fear, but of power and of love and of a sound mind

You speak up and understand right from wrong and are not afraid to be the voice of reason when you feel brave enough, I understand and know you have been bullied I have been too

You are brave enough; you just don’t know it yet

You are torn in different directions, and I yearn to change this each waking day

You adapt quickly just as I did, life called us to be this way, you blend in when needed

You deserve better than you have received, not in regard to gifts but in regard to consistency and safety I intend to change that

You are confused because things don’t seem right at times yet it remains as it is

You possess the bloodline of a noble namesake and it is why I promised my Dad if I ever had a son, I would carry on his name in honor

You are honor; you are majestic beyond that which can be explained

You will come through this a tougher human a stronger man but with the measure of kindness that will be needed when it is called for

You are slow to speak, in fact you are a son of little words, but when you speak your words are beautiful and timely

You have relatives that share your blood yet they are cowards you are not like them you are not a coward

You are noble and above the superficial and this is what will save you in the end

You miss me, I miss you but this too shall pass

Until then I pray the only influence you have is of Devine origin, straight from God and Angels that encompass you, and as I instructed and did with you each day, I pray you remember each day to pray

You have great reward and favor blessed upon you

You are an angel and I am better because you came into my life

I will never let you go, I will allow God to help me yield, to lead my path

That path leads to you and each and every day I am one step closer

You are my son and I love you

~NJM~

NICK PLEASE READ~Nicholas~

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Nicholas your name means victory for the people.

Nicholas did you know I always said I would never have children. But along you came. I didn’t want to bring a child into a world I didn’t understand.

Nicholas do you know how special and beautiful your heart is? They’re very very few like you. Don’t ever be afraid to be different or worry what people think of you.

Nicholas you are wise far beyond years. Damn time my son, time can be so cruel. If I could go back I would be holding you safely as a child who is 2 yrs old bikie in mouth eyes so big with wonderment.

Nicholas do you want to be with me? Or has your mind been clouded. Remember Momma always said tell the truth, this includes two sides and your side. I know this is hard to understand but one day you’ll get it.

Nicholas the love I have for you is immeasurable and without any condition. I realize it can not be bought, no computers or games last forever, they fade… Love does not. Others will try to buy your love.

Nicholas things that happened should have never went down as they did. It is what it is. Life is gonna come at you quickly sometime and there is not a way to prepare.

Nicholas there are those who feed off another’s pain and suffering, why? Because all they know is pain and suffering. They no not the inner love that God gave to us. Somewhere in life theirs was stolen, or they did not come equip with it. Everyone is wired a bit differently.

Each day you’re away from me my heart dies a little.

My son I can’t live without you, it’s that simple. My only prayer is your mind is of its own not polluted by others agendas.

One day when you have a child you will better understand. Until then the only prayer I can utter to God is to keep you safe, around good people despite circumstances and mostly bring you back to me.

Nicholas I love you
Always
Your Mom

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~The Truth of Lies~

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I’ve endured loss. Twice I’ve been lied to. I’ve been lied to by two separate people.
Lies produce loss and a breakdown of trust.
This time I did not retaliate. I stepped back. I thought of the innocent that is Involved. I panicked at first, but decided to stay calm.
I’ve lied. So have you. We all have. We saw others do so, in our observation we learned to deceive and lie. We were not designed to lie, but the world taught us.
Upon the knowledge of these lies
I went against all I normally do. Being bipolar can make you impetuous. The first 24 hrs were the hardest.
Will I even confront them? No. I will speak one day to them. Tell them I know of their lies.
I will remember we are all Gods children. Some believe this others don’t. I chose to believe this.
Hasty actions produce destruction and broken people. I’m trying to recover what is left of me and rebuild from there.
This means to reflect, something I don’t do enough of. I like to think I do.  Like anyone else I want to be happy, don’t you?
My significance is not measured by yours. My happiness is not measured by yours. But my truth is mine and I strive to not compromise this.
We all have a value system. I think my highest value is in honesty, yet I’ve been dishonest with others before in my life. Go figure.
Jesus said “he who is without sin cast the first stone” how many stones will you cast today. How many will you judge?
I will strive to take different approaches , to not let others dishonesty become mine. I hope to not allow them to hurt me again. I pray I also don’t hurt others.
Lies and honesty comes with a cost, the catcher is you decide how much the bill will be~

~Kismets Dance~Lovers Eternal Dance Part 2~

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Will not be denied
Ignored, nor exploited~

Represent with respect
Keep your intentions in check~

Takng caution as not walk the same path~ I expect this time love Will last~

Quiet the mind~
Hoping to find~
Someone kind~

Refuge is obscure but can be found
both up above as well as the ground~

Learning to be quiet is to not make a sound~
To hide away~
Never be found~

You unravel me, trying to coerce my heart, Beckoning me to play the part
Your style and finesse is likened unto art~

But you need to be informed that I can not be bought~Traded or bartered, I’m your plant that needs to be watered.~

I will not sell out, nor walk in fear
The fruition of what is us is now drawing near~

An eclipse of circumstance
Longing closure Kismets dance~

This dance is not quick, oh no it Will stick, Around dancing and swaying to our cosmic sound.. Orbiting, Resonating

More than chance to finally dance
Indeed it’s time to dance my love
To dance~

So no more hiding away come out of dark corners and with me stay~

I’m finding it hard to live each day
I’ve walked hell and high water wouldn’t you say?

Silently pray~
For you~
For us~
For them~

Indeed we must share
longing and separation
Causes despair~

Nonetheless together we’re an unbeatable pair~

Demi Gods among mortals
Desiring our skill~ only time Will tell Wouldn’t you say, or is it merely skill that Will flow with love never wanting to kill~
They long for a moment to Experience our thrill~

Always more than by chance to meet Yet again to fulfill Kismets Dance~

Let’s Dance
I’ll put on my red shoes as Bowie would say~
You put on your suit and tie
Then dance this dance until we both die…
Still never saying goodbye. Eternally~

Not for reproduction~

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Quotes~NJM~Hold Fast~

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Taking steps away  is easy, standing still is hard~

~ONB~Orange is the New Black~Netflix

~Abduction of a Fallen Angel NJM~Great Read~

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His eyes did consume
Every motion movement she did make
Swirling about prancing like dangling carrots to take
Beauty wasn’t definition but a dream come to life
This was his thought now for his plight
Imagination brought to life
Capturing her quickly
She put up a fight
Nothing could stop him
He made her his that night
A golden anchor holds her down
Upon her head was a crown
All her struggles can’t contend
No thought of captivity to end
Soften his heart
Play on his fear
Whisper the words he longs to hear
Magical connotations in his ear
Promising to never leave
Taking his fill of her, weary he did sleep
Key to the anchor he did keep
Connotations soothes the beast
Guards let’s down no reinforcements
Without struggle nor a fight
She snuck away, far away that night
Far away
It’s her he longs for till his dying day
Don’t take what is not yours~
NJM~
Not For Reproduction~

Donnell Kerr  Christian~follows give me support on this very critical post!

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Donnell Margaret Donald KERR~
There is no easy way to put this

No easy way to say

But you all think you are a Christian in a comfy corner you pray~

While your own flesh and blood did you turn away~

Does Jesus not say, Whatsoever you do to the least of my children that I do unto you?

Yes I believe that has been written~


My son……your blood as a new born kitten, you turned your back to a blind eye did you give, Do you really think in heaven you’ll live?

You dress all fancy on Sunday and sing put on your holy face~

But the promise the Lord made to his children is he will wipe you out erase from the book of life you see

You all turned your back on Donnell’s son trust this is not about me.

So when you read Gods word you sing and you pray it’s the blood of the innocent for which you will pay~

He did nothing to you, or you, or you, but I can tell you’re all ignorant and have not a clue~No Holy Spirit abides within you!

Suffer not the little children… hmmmm….

You go about life as though your grandson/Son Doesn’t exist~

On judgement day you’ll feel the Lords fist slam down the book make you take a look., Hypocrite you see? Think you better than me? Than the rest? Time God puts you to the test~ or maybe give it a rest, nope it’s the contrary~

Hey your daughter Noel some call a fairy? I think you know what I mean some say a queen, but it is what it is, so she’s gay, did not your God make her that way? Yes I believe he did.

Hey she is cool with me but the Bible you read doesn’t accept that you see?

You can live free~

On time bought buy the blood~

Times running short~

And so is the love~

Those who reject others reject themselves in turn God also will reject you~

Not sure what bible you read, But you know not the creed.

You Judge and sit tight now~

Think it’s all right now~

Time has a way of making you complacent you see?like so many others, fake and a snake slither the earth~

Not sure why I write this for I do not curse, vengeance is God’s~

Perhaps I am a small instrument he used to keep you on track and not be confused.

God is not the author of confusion you see, I’ll always accept you, yet you have yet to accept me or my son~

Perhaps retribution has begun……

Turn the other cheek?

Turn away the meek?

The weak?

Helpless?

Well …you did!

He now is a young man

No longer a kid.

I write all this down~

It’s my therapy you see~

I advocate for breaking stigmas~

Breaking exclusiveness~

Bringing in inclusiveness~

For all who suffer affliction~

Both physical and of the mind~

I try to think myself kind~

I often fall short~

Trust I’m no saint that’s for sure~

But enough is enough I’m letting you …..now endure~

Forgive me for my in your face ways, but we all know the bill somebody pays~

Truly I strive to forgive I try to be courageous in how I now live~

Such as this is the case but I truly give thanks for Gods loving grace~

God’s grace abounds the utterance the sound of cries long gone from days long past~

To think at one time I thought Your sons love for me and his child might last~

I want to thank you for training up your child Donnell in the way he should go, so that when he gets old he will not depart from it.

So I write a lot in quiet I sit, no doubt I’m a sinner too,

But I’m sure I’m not a sinner like you~

Not for Reproduction~

Updated~Two Week Notice~yeah already~—

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Dear God up above I can still feel your love…. but I’m sorry to say I must leave go away~ you called me a light worker, I can only do so much never ever figured out what is the human touch.

You blessed me with human a beautiful baby boy. I’m entrusting you to him, he is a child and yet my sin~when I try to write my book I don’t even know where to begin my life was fast like a whirlwind…and pieces scattered about and within

It’s all like a puzzle that was left in a closet hidden away, no one notice nor knew what to say

Laying by the devils side it isn’t hard to decide, he is the God of this world I now see, and I figured out the exit for me…. for any who look and choose to see, my mission complete~

So just give two weeks notice and keep the memories they serve no purpose when I’m gone. My words will live on and on. I planted seeds along the way, somehow though was led astray. So here I am Lord here I lay so I request an early judgement day.

I would do the same for my son, I would love him no matter what he may have done.

I ask in return you bless his life free of worry grief strife…. to live to laugh to love to know I can still see him from far above.

I laid by the devils side for over half my life it caused me to much pain to much strife and as a human being I’m sick of this life… I quit. Well I’m giving my two week notice as any good employee of a universal truth I must say I did enjoy my youth….. sometimes…. it reminded me I wasn’t meant for here, I was wild free and truly fierce scared of NOTHING!!!! Not even death. I couldn’t wait to take a last breath… but I endured and at times I laughed

But often rejected due to class, stereotypes, and bullshit in general full circle around but this time my Lord I leave this playground~ two weeks notice not to long to go and when I get where I’m Going please don’t say “I told you so” see ya soon!

Probably by noon

Answer I gave to Mohan S Nayaka on Quora ~what can I learn right now from the bible in 10 minutes that will be useful for the rest of my life~

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Well Mohan I couldn’t resist … I believe what I’m about to say can teach everyone something in under a minute that comes from the bible. Btw it’s good to be back:) missed you. I see Eric answered similar.. I just gave the bottom line. It’s the most powerful and beautiful concept that if learned shall carry you far on your journey through life.

1 Corinthians 13:13 states this

~And now these three remain: faith, hope and love. But the greatest of these is love.~

But I believe that Ecclesiastes 3 New International Version (NIV)
A Time for Everything is very very enlightening

3 There is a time for everything,
and a season for every activity under the heavens:

2 a time to be born and a time to die,
a time to plant and a time to uproot,
3 a time to kill and a time to heal,
a time to tear down and a time to build,
4 a time to weep and a time to laugh,
a time to mourn and a time to dance,
5 a time to scatter stones and a time to gather them,
a time to embrace and a time to refrain from embracing,
6 a time to search and a time to give up,
a time to keep and a time to throw away,
7 a time to tear and a time to mend,
a time to be silent and a time to speak,
8 a time to love and a time to hate,
a time for war and a time for peace.

9 What do workers gain from their toil? 10 I have seen the burden God has laid on the human race. 11 He has made everything beautiful in its time. He has also set eternity in the human heart; yet[a] no one can fathom what God has done from beginning to end. 12 I know that there is nothing better for people than to be happy and to do good while they live. 13 That each of them may eat and drink, and find satisfaction in all their toil—this is the gift of God. 14 I know that everything God does will endure forever; nothing can be added to it and nothing taken from it. God does it so that people will fear him.

15 Whatever is has already been,
and what will be has been before;
and God will call the past to account.[b]

16 And I saw something else under the sun:

In the place of judgment—wickedness was there,
in the place of justice—wickedness was there.

17 I said to myself,

“God will bring into judgment
both the righteous and the wicked,
for there will be a time for every activity,
a time to judge every deed.”

18 I also said to myself, “As for humans, God tests them so that they may see that they are like the animals. 19 Surely the fate of human beings is like that of the animals; the same fate awaits them both: As one dies, so dies the other. All have the same breath[c]; humans have no advantage over animals. Everything is meaningless. 20 All go to the same place; all come from dust, and to dust all return. 21 Who knows if the human spirit rises upward and if the spirit of the animal goes down into the earth?”
22 So I saw that there is nothing better for a person than to enjoy their work, because that is their lot.For who can bring them to see what will happen after them?

May you carry this in your heart, easier said than done, but it’s true and powerful.
Thank you Mohan for the A2A
Written 12am. Asked to answer by Mohan S Nayaka.

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