There was a time where time did move slowly calculated differently~

There was a time where time did move slowly calculated differently~
Perimeters~
Loneliness
A feeling so singular
A despair that numbs
No one around you
No where for them to come
Much less would you run if they did
Who can you trust
In this life you have to have one
At least they say it’s a must
Don’t believe them
There is……
A home that is lost
Friends walk away
Seems in this life
Nothing will stay
Alone
In silence
Able to just think
To sink
Downward
Into the pits of ominous clouds
Thoughts of a past screams out loud
People who loved you
Lied
None kept
All I can feel
Is completely inept
A fear that grips
A suffering so real
That all you have left
Is no way to feel
But alone~
Purge~
Trying to get the filth off
Within and without
Mind filled with sickening doubt
Walking in circles
Looking for miracles
None have yet manifested
You’re disconcerting
Deception braking connection
Indifference is contagious
Contagious and you’re attitude
Outrageous
Purge
Fighting the urge
To reach out
Yet again
Only to be sickened
By pathogens
Treacherous intent
Your Atoms and neutrons
Electrons spin in swirl
Protons completely out of this world
Yet…….from distance
Mixing within me
I can see
Sickened by your previous deception
Giving birth
bitter conception
To your evil heart vicious
And I’ll always be suspicious
Of why you chose me
Was your vision clouded?
What? You couldn’t see
What a beautiful heart beneath this flesh beating barely in my chest…….
Stop! I’m not returning!
I’m purging you out
Being sure
I stay pure
In heart
Holding this life together
Because you tore it apart
I’ll purge all the urge
To never get close to you again~
Not for Reproduction~
Routine is a mundane thing which can dull the grandest thing~
Hollow space where my heart did beat~
Memories flood but are mopped up quickly as to not leave a mess in the mind~
Words spoken can never be taken back, but can be twisted and sticky like taffy~
Relentless offense of a person she helped, held up in times of his need even married, but he kicks her as to crush her, to beat into submission~
Yet again she rises out of nothing higher, stronger, determined~
Battles fought given up to bigger things of God and men~
She often sits procrastinating, negating, this experience surreal almost fascinating~
Those thoughts that hang in the corners of the mind are chipping and torn like old wall paper that needs to be removed~
A longing, so long, that the word closure can not touch that which has been sought from long ago not just one closure but many, many doors need shutting~
Forever to be locked~
A love, one she would die for is the love of her son~
Yet another love she has lived with silently that can’t come undone… She often wonders is he the one? Was she hunted by him in a cyber like game, somehow it seems she was then his to claim~
Boldness, brazen and fearless yet
quickly brought to her knees when faced by each day~
Leaving no room to reflect and pray~
Nasty dirty towels seem to cover her path~
Her feet swollen bloodied by all the broken glass~
A single word, to describe all the pain, the word that causes tears to fall like rain~
Abandonment~
Abandonment thats how it feels~
That’s the one word that always yields the fear and rejection of loves long dead, only memories now that live in her head~
It’s description so hollow and missing so much, the love, support, the long for a touch, that hand to hold onto, arms that are strong, she wonders each day just how long~
Will abandonment leave?
It hasn’t thus far, as far back as she thinks its the thickest of scar
She wears it like a badge~
Covers her soul~
Others quick to judge her know not of the truth, because abandonment started long ago in her youth~
Abandonment~
Did he know?
Turning her away
Aware
Catching each gaze
Allowing to stare
Did he care?
Holding her heart
Tore it apart
Did he cry?
Knowing his lie
Would crush her
Can he live?
Give back to her
Parts he broke
Or will he choke?
As he cries gasping for air
Knowing just how little he cared
Will he recognize?
His selfish condition
Serving him first
Greed, thirst
Will he lie?
To himself
Others
Compensating for his
Malice
Will he come clean?
Tell the truth openly
Hoping his loss and his story
Will teach reach others like him
Or Will he fester in disdain?
Always thinking he is above
He is right
Never learning heartless cold
Slowly as he takes his lies to his death as he grows old.
Or can he find courage?
Knock on her door
Eyes down looking at the floor
Asking forgiveness for the trouble he caused, the pain he unleashed
Finding each word as they spill forth from his mouth…. Freeing his soul
Bringing healing to her finally made whole
Did he know?
Not for Reproduction~
And did you