A life lived for another is no life at all. Be yourself~who are you living for?
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~NJM’s~ Personal Quotes~
A life lived for another is no life at all. Be yourself~who are you living for?
Category Archives: Accountability
~Count the Cost~
Count the cost before you invest in anything or anyone, Why? you are priceless.!!
Often we forget this Devine truth and settle because it seemed much easier a bit more comfy I suppose…… really? Yeah really we all have at one point severely malfunctioned and didn’t count the cost, some more than others.
I know, I’ve more than forgotten my worth that’s certain. I’m priceless. What’s you’re cost?
Mark 8:36.
For what shall it profit a man, if he shall gain the whole world, and lose his own soul?
~No Reprieve~
There is no reprieve
No procrastination
No forgiveness
Not here
You pay
Everyday
No reprieve
No holding back
No return
There is no reprieve
No understanding
Ignorance
Lack of tolerance
Pain is the fuel
In devils delight
No reprieve
No sabitacal
No leave
What does one think
Drinking the poison
In the mind
So many like this
So many my kind
Keep in step
Forget the time
Remember…..
You pay
Every day
And beauty
And death
Have their way
Notes in Pockets~
Drama
Fear is collected
Like tiny notes unread in your pockets
Are you afraid to pull each one out and read it?
Will it invoke fear
Causing and provoking Drama to appear?
Self prophetic are we, believe in your fear, it will soon be your reality, or be healthy be strong let there be no fear I don’t collect notes in my pockets un opened, the drama each phrase written appears and it causes you to fear.
My oh my
The drama, negativity and fear.
I live strong. I live as I was called to, although it’s not always sufficient it provides me shelter
You may see me as foolish more like adventurous
Not a dull moment indeed
I am my fathers daughter a hybrid fragmented breed
I don’t carry little notes in my pockets unopened unread
I sure don’t need Your fear near me or my life or even my head
And I sure don’t leave little tiny notes in my pockets unread
Leaving unanswered questions in your head
And all is in your head yet, you still carry tiny notes all tangled and tied up in thread in your pockets unread.
~Coming Soon~
I haven’t written in awhile and soon I will be writing about why. It is called 101 days of Hell~ and in more contemplative thoughts I’m working on how one can achieve happiness alone….. Yes I said happy and alone in one sentence and it feels good~
~Relationships~
What an intertwined word the meaning
Mostly lost and truly ever heard~
It’s the coming together of two separate parts to share with each other their plans, their hearts~
Each singular entity has its own goal
It’s the bringing together that makes the two whole~
It’s walking down the street or simply changing a lane but the biggest part one must not forget is it is not a game~
Effort is the element needed to make relationships strong to run the great run to last so so long~
Often one loses sight and forgets what’s the purpose, two worlds collided destined to be, but often all is lost because one cannot see~
Comfort zones found, lacking cohesion, this is often why two hearts part for some unknown reason~
Although fingers will point and blame surely sought, but time and again relations part~
Yes relationships can often be salvaged some even cycle full circle and turn into marriage~
The truth I convey in this whimsical rhyme is relationships are fragile take effort take time~NJM~
NOT FOR REPRODUCTION~
Does someone who is bipolar know that they’re wrong when they are verbally abusive and threatening during a manic phase?
Well, I’m speaking of my experience.
No and yes.
When manic, your sense of boundaries are skewed. The filter that most individuals use and have in place cease to exist.
In the manic phase, mania takes on many forms. Strong hostility, as well as a viscous tongue can arise if provoked even the slightest by someone who at one time or another failed me, these fails will indeed rise to the surface.
With that I’ve never been dishonest with my words but verbally abusive would fit. What I would say was often very true about what I felt about things they’ve done. But it was said very harshly, and with viscous intent. The message I conveyed was not false , but was said in such abrupt disregard that it would leave its scar.
Threatening. I only threatened when I was threatened. By that I mean because I’m bi polar, and may be within a confrontation , statements ” like you need to take your meds”or “no one will believe you cause you crazy ” will set me off, especially since those words are meant to make me feel less than, and with ignorance. Which at that point I will zone into all character flaws of the said individual I’m in conflict with and rip them to shreds, at which point I can leave them speechless.
In short I must be provoked in order to act in such ways. Granted I’m more sensitive when manic. So if the person is aware of my state. Then all could be avoided. It’s all in the care, in the handling.
Most of those whom I’ve done this too, had in most cases abandoned me when I may have needed them most. And when they needed me most I was there for them in their time of need.This is why I’ve burned a few bridges. But if they were unsupportive of me after my diagnosis then those bridges need not be crossed again.
These are my experiences , the only thing I felt bad for was how I said it. How I said it, and my intent behind it. But I was never sorry for speaking the truth.
Written 16 Dec, 2013. Asked to answer by Marcus Ford.
~Never say Never Ever~
Never say never or never will come knocking on your door, maybe not today, or next week or next year, still you ache the fear of Never….oh the trepidation the human condition~
Never is unwanted ….mostly however visiting is something never will do to me, will do to you. So please never say never~
It’s the bones of skeletons you dance with and sleep with in the back of your mind~
Never is that closet locked away, so jumbled that one inch of the door opening it would tumble out pouring all the crap all the hurt all the rejection you Never wanted.. yet you have, you did, ever since you were a kid~
Never is the fear of ever as ever is the fear of never canceling each other yet suspended in a harmonious dance
with karmatic presence and essence of all lessons….. the ones that pick and stick and prick and cut stabbing away chipping the dirt, debis
……. you don’t have the broom to sweep in under the carpet
You don’t even have carpet it can’t be rinsed or washed away why? Cause Never is here to stay…it Never goes away,it never dies~
So never say never or expect that knock on your door now and evermore. Never is as sure as Ever and together they’re an unbeatable team at least that is how it always seems~
Never say never~Ever……
NICK PLEASE READ~Nicholas~
Nicholas your name means victory for the people.
Nicholas did you know I always said I would never have children. But along you came. I didn’t want to bring a child into a world I didn’t understand.
Nicholas do you know how special and beautiful your heart is? They’re very very few like you. Don’t ever be afraid to be different or worry what people think of you.
Nicholas you are wise far beyond years. Damn time my son, time can be so cruel. If I could go back I would be holding you safely as a child who is 2 yrs old bikie in mouth eyes so big with wonderment.
Nicholas do you want to be with me? Or has your mind been clouded. Remember Momma always said tell the truth, this includes two sides and your side. I know this is hard to understand but one day you’ll get it.
Nicholas the love I have for you is immeasurable and without any condition. I realize it can not be bought, no computers or games last forever, they fade… Love does not. Others will try to buy your love.
Nicholas things that happened should have never went down as they did. It is what it is. Life is gonna come at you quickly sometime and there is not a way to prepare.
Nicholas there are those who feed off another’s pain and suffering, why? Because all they know is pain and suffering. They no not the inner love that God gave to us. Somewhere in life theirs was stolen, or they did not come equip with it. Everyone is wired a bit differently.
Each day you’re away from me my heart dies a little.
My son I can’t live without you, it’s that simple. My only prayer is your mind is of its own not polluted by others agendas.
One day when you have a child you will better understand. Until then the only prayer I can utter to God is to keep you safe, around good people despite circumstances and mostly bring you back to me.
Nicholas I love you
Always
Your Mom
~The Truth of Lies~
I’ve endured loss. Twice I’ve been lied to. I’ve been lied to by two separate people.
Lies produce loss and a breakdown of trust.
This time I did not retaliate. I stepped back. I thought of the innocent that is Involved. I panicked at first, but decided to stay calm.
I’ve lied. So have you. We all have. We saw others do so, in our observation we learned to deceive and lie. We were not designed to lie, but the world taught us.
Upon the knowledge of these lies
I went against all I normally do. Being bipolar can make you impetuous. The first 24 hrs were the hardest.
Will I even confront them? No. I will speak one day to them. Tell them I know of their lies.
I will remember we are all Gods children. Some believe this others don’t. I chose to believe this.
Hasty actions produce destruction and broken people. I’m trying to recover what is left of me and rebuild from there.
This means to reflect, something I don’t do enough of. I like to think I do. Like anyone else I want to be happy, don’t you?
My significance is not measured by yours. My happiness is not measured by yours. But my truth is mine and I strive to not compromise this.
We all have a value system. I think my highest value is in honesty, yet I’ve been dishonest with others before in my life. Go figure.
Jesus said “he who is without sin cast the first stone” how many stones will you cast today. How many will you judge?
I will strive to take different approaches , to not let others dishonesty become mine. I hope to not allow them to hurt me again. I pray I also don’t hurt others.
Lies and honesty comes with a cost, the catcher is you decide how much the bill will be~
Bipolar Tapestry~Poetic Thoughts 