If Physical Illness was treated like Mental illness, it would be looked at differently.
Category Archives: Accountability
~Purge~a Great Read~
Purge~
Trying to get the filth off
Within and without
Mind filled with sickening doubt
Walking in circles
Looking for miracles
None have yet manifested
You’re disconcerting
Deception braking connection
Indifference is contagious
Contagious and you’re attitude
Outrageous
Purge
Fighting the urge
To reach out
Yet again
Only to be sickened
By pathogens
Treacherous intent
Your Atoms and neutrons
Electrons spin in swirl
Protons completely out of this world
Yet…….from distance
Mixing within me
I can see
Sickened by your previous deception
Giving birth
bitter conception
To your evil heart vicious
And I’ll always be suspicious
Of why you chose me
Was your vision clouded?
What? You couldn’t see
What a beautiful heart beneath this flesh beating barely in my chest…….
Stop! I’m not returning!
I’m purging you out
Being sure
I stay pure
In heart
Holding this life together
Because you tore it apart
I’ll purge all the urge
To never get close to you again~
Not for Reproduction~
~Did He~Good Read💯
Did he know?
Turning her away
Aware
Catching each gaze
Allowing to stare
Did he care?
Holding her heart
Tore it apart
Did he cry?
Knowing his lie
Would crush her
Can he live?
Give back to her
Parts he broke
Or will he choke?
As he cries gasping for air
Knowing just how little he cared
Will he recognize?
His selfish condition
Serving him first
Greed, thirst
Will he lie?
To himself
Others
Compensating for his
Malice
Will he come clean?
Tell the truth openly
Hoping his loss and his story
Will teach reach others like him
Or Will he fester in disdain?
Always thinking he is above
He is right
Never learning heartless cold
Slowly as he takes his lies to his death as he grows old.
Or can he find courage?
Knock on her door
Eyes down looking at the floor
Asking forgiveness for the trouble he caused, the pain he unleashed
Finding each word as they spill forth from his mouth…. Freeing his soul
Bringing healing to her finally made whole
Did he know?
Not for Reproduction~
Loneliness~
Loneliness
A feeling so singular
A despair that numbs
No one around you
No where for them to come
Much less would you run if they did
Who can you trust
In this life you have to have one
At least they say it’s a must
Don’t believe them
There is……
A home that is lost
Friends walk away
Seems in this life
Nothing will stay
Alone
In silence
Able to just think
To sink
Downward
Into the pits of ominous clouds
Thoughts of a past screams out loud
People who loved you
Lied
None kept
All I can feel
Is completely inept
A fear that grips
A suffering so real
That all you have left
Is no way to feel
But alone~
~Perimeters~
Standoffish aloof
Not looking at you~
Perimeters~
Coordinates
Bubbles of glass with precise measures
Encasing
Protecting
Inviting Safety
Each equation
Etching the space
The fine area deemed just my space
Slowing building up walls
Curves edges and all
A saving grace …….before another…….yes again a setback, another fall
Drawing fine lines
Marking each point
Thoughts are layers, times frames~
The nexus holding the perimeters together
Wondering if you could ever……yes ever
Believe yet again in another
Even further still nothing is forever…….
Forever the same each second each moment bring about change
Bending each thought and molding each frame ~
Believing this time it will not be the same
But perimeters falter & twist & wind and morph like a darkness acting often unkind ~
Life is an altered course it unfolds into time a commodity given the day you were born but perimeters weaken
Coordinates torn ~
All the while strategy in progress to save what is left of the holes in my heart and pain in my chest~
Perimeters are guild lines I lacked for to long, but I learned this the hard way like any over played song
Boundaries blanket me safely from harm
I no longer lay upon your loved arm~
I no longer listen to your heart beat~
I no longer feel~
Perhaps I do feel a bit for another~
But time Will only put our coordinates together
Although I lack in certain knowledge in subjects not taught
I’ll still invade your mind I’ll still be in your heart
Can’t help what I know not what I feel but
Perimeters took those it was those it did steal~
I’m trying to self preserve trying to heal
My perimeters are unique & my numbers are mine
Circumference of my thoughts etched and in place I’ll think long and hard before I look upon another face~
So know if you ever tried to understand me or tried to break Through and let me let you in
My plan is to not feel this way yet again~
Still Plans often change lives rearranged
These measure are precise and I can carefully prepare to slice to dice the hurt and pain~
To continue this path
Retract & Refrain~
Ironic~
I am a human being
I am not your possession
I am a singular Person
I am not alone in this World
I am unconditional
I am not without Standards
I am a control freak
I am not always in control
I am intelligent
I am not without ignorance
I am bipolar
I am not crazy
I am open about my mental illness
I am not without stigma
I am loving
I am not without regret
I am honest
I am not without lies throughout my life
I am complex
I am not without others understanding me
I am flawed
I am not without beauty
I am accepting
I am not without judging
I am broken
I am not without healing
I am a contradiction
I am not without absolutes
I am strong
I am not without weakness
I am random
I am not without concentration
I am observant
I am not without unawareness
I am a friend
I am not without enemies
I am happy
I am not without sadness
I am a tweeter
I am not always able to express myself in 160 characters or less
I am blogger
I am not an award winning writer…..yet
I am strong in presence
I am not always seen
I am humble
I am not without pride
I am a child of God
I am not without sin
I am me
I am not you~
~NJM~
Not for Reproduction~
~And Did You~Well?~
And did you
Did you
Think
And did you
Did you
Consider
And did you
Did you
Blame
And did you
Did you
Self evaluate
And did you
Did you
Hurt
And did you
Did you
Miss
And did you
Did you
Calculate
And did you
Did you
Have purpose
And did you
Did you
Dream
And did you
Did you
Look closely
And did you
Did you
Count the cost
And did you
Did you
Feel the loss
And did you
Did you
Know
And did you
Did you
Run
And did you
Did you
Have purpose
And did you
Did you
Know it wasn’t just you?
And did you
Did you
Know it wasn’t just me?
And did you
Did you
Have ability to see?
And did you
Did you ever truly hear me?
~What, This Love?~
There is a sadness that runs so deep
Out my pours it begins to seep
Little pools of vomit from the little holes
It started today
Again you turned my love away
What do I do with this love
I know it is true
But where do I keep it
I have not a clue.
I stayed up late my usual routine
Arose at 11
I never rolled a lucky 7
Snake eyes is my true roll
I seem to gamble with my soul
What do I do with this love
Tuck it away
The edges slip out
Jagged torn
I pray dear God why was I born?
Maybe I’m feeling you like I often do
Maybe you’re Sad and without a clue.
What do I do with the love meant only for you
When you turn me away
Telling me to let you go
You say ~Darlin you need to let me go, I’m not good for you~
How the fuck can you know, you think you are gifted with insight from some realm
Some unseen sight
You can’t truly be sure
Our love just might….
Survive in the place i prepared just for us
But my sadness pours out of my pours like puss
Please stop all this shit
The guise the game
For once in your life make a true change
I’m trying to work on my book
And my article post
Instead I hear my heart let it go
What do I do with the pain of rejection all my life
I never said take me as your wife
Just be there in the place I made just for two
That place I prepared for me and for you.
Do you love me too?
I’m impetuous and cruel
Act play a fool
When you turn me away
I didn’t ask for much
Just that you stay.
Is it because you can’t forgive yourself from the past
How you hurt me so
I lashed out then ran fast
Why is it I love the one who hurt me most
Who haunts me daily like a ghost?
What do I do with this love?
Tell me please
My mind is rambles already diseased….
What do I do with this love
My love
What this love?
~Ice Queen~I think this one~
I am the ice queen born on the 1st Perhaps that’s what makes me mean, makes me one of the worst. I didn’t realize I wore the crown
I didn’t look in the mirror didn’t see my frown, all I could see is my eyes dimly lit near death. I hated so that the ice queen was me, I hurt so much didn’t like whatj I see.
I used to have a warm caring heart but the stench, pain, decay, and state of this world tore and ripped it apart.
It used people, places, things and severed my mind.
Making what’s truthful and real so hard to find.
This ice isn’t melting, in fact it gets bigger every day.
I’m starting to think this ice queen won’t ever melt away.
~Regret~
Ideological fanaticism The mirror holds the image so tight~
Unable to move out of ones sight~
Hourglass turns and sands starts to drain no longer can time contain~
Life sustain?
Reflections cracked and connection lost~
Guess no one decided to count the cost~
Detached and subdued, Drained, by the need~
All that they long for festers in greed~
How your heart full of art, Beautifully broken will bleed~
While I write these words, You read~in your mind It is I that plants the seeds~
Defining sounds consume all space~The shadows grow larger in this place~Yet disappearing without a trace ~
Grips that shackle the freedom once given~the strength of youth lost to time~Now live on your life walk the fine line~
We swallow their lies~Yet long for truth~
But all is lost, Especially our youth~
By the time you think you arrived~Your life event you barely survived~Often you wish that you just died~
All gone to another not each other~Surely push away forget together~
One day you look back and all that you see were words written …….Scribbles that rhyme but that’s ok fool yourself all is just fine~
Fine you say dear oh Darlin ~Lend me your ear~
When I speak these words, I invoke fear~
So run to your shadows~Hide away fast~
No matter what, I always last~
Rise as I watch you wither away, Longing to late now~How you wish I would stay~
Live now with your choice~Till your dying day~
Regret , remorse spinning the web~
Tears flow down your face onto your pillow then onto your bed~
When your alone you think of me~How we could have been, Let’s others see~
Yet you let me go again, You set me free~
Still you will come again and again~Just wait you’ll see~
