I haven’t written in awhile and soon I will be writing about why. It is called 101 days of Hell~ and in more contemplative thoughts I’m working on how one can achieve happiness alone….. Yes I said happy and alone in one sentence and it feels good~
Category Archives: Abuse
~Tangled Emotion~NJM~
You Tangle my emotions
Tied them in a knot
Walked out my life leaving my heart to rot
As you slammed the door
I dropped to the floor
Getting stuck in the creases
Edges tathered torn
Grabbing for paper to write a letter….
But I am a typo
On written pages of life
With a message to convey
Not without perplexing one’s views
Part of the glitch
Some call me a bitch
Others a whore
Some say they need nothing more
I complete them
Impossible you see
If I can’t complete you
How the hell do I complete me
Tangled tied ripped upart, yet I’m still alive
Often I wonder is it chaos and tragedy on which I thrive
it’s all I know it’s how I survive go figure
~ You Were~You Are~You Will~Son~
You were written in my story before I was created
You were sent to bring the love that few often find
You came to teach me many things of which I am still learning
You have this quietness that takes secrecy to another level
You have laughter like no one else and it comes from deep within
Health issues have afflicted you yet you overcome
You have seen ugly that no one should see yet you chose to find the beauty
You create your own world that keeps you safe when safety seems far from reach
You stay silent and still when the moment calls for it
You have fear around you, but God did not give you the spirit of fear, but of power and of love and of a sound mind
You speak up and understand right from wrong and are not afraid to be the voice of reason when you feel brave enough, I understand and know you have been bullied I have been too
You are brave enough; you just don’t know it yet
You are torn in different directions, and I yearn to change this each waking day
You adapt quickly just as I did, life called us to be this way, you blend in when needed
You deserve better than you have received, not in regard to gifts but in regard to consistency and safety I intend to change that
You are confused because things don’t seem right at times yet it remains as it is
You possess the bloodline of a noble namesake and it is why I promised my Dad if I ever had a son, I would carry on his name in honor
You are honor; you are majestic beyond that which can be explained
You will come through this a tougher human a stronger man but with the measure of kindness that will be needed when it is called for
You are slow to speak, in fact you are a son of little words, but when you speak your words are beautiful and timely
You have relatives that share your blood yet they are cowards you are not like them you are not a coward
You are noble and above the superficial and this is what will save you in the end
You miss me, I miss you but this too shall pass
Until then I pray the only influence you have is of Devine origin, straight from God and Angels that encompass you, and as I instructed and did with you each day, I pray you remember each day to pray
You have great reward and favor blessed upon you
You are an angel and I am better because you came into my life
I will never let you go, I will allow God to help me yield, to lead my path
That path leads to you and each and every day I am one step closer
You are my son and I love you
~NJM~
NICK PLEASE READ~Nicholas~
Nicholas your name means victory for the people.
Nicholas did you know I always said I would never have children. But along you came. I didn’t want to bring a child into a world I didn’t understand.
Nicholas do you know how special and beautiful your heart is? They’re very very few like you. Don’t ever be afraid to be different or worry what people think of you.
Nicholas you are wise far beyond years. Damn time my son, time can be so cruel. If I could go back I would be holding you safely as a child who is 2 yrs old bikie in mouth eyes so big with wonderment.
Nicholas do you want to be with me? Or has your mind been clouded. Remember Momma always said tell the truth, this includes two sides and your side. I know this is hard to understand but one day you’ll get it.
Nicholas the love I have for you is immeasurable and without any condition. I realize it can not be bought, no computers or games last forever, they fade… Love does not. Others will try to buy your love.
Nicholas things that happened should have never went down as they did. It is what it is. Life is gonna come at you quickly sometime and there is not a way to prepare.
Nicholas there are those who feed off another’s pain and suffering, why? Because all they know is pain and suffering. They no not the inner love that God gave to us. Somewhere in life theirs was stolen, or they did not come equip with it. Everyone is wired a bit differently.
Each day you’re away from me my heart dies a little.
My son I can’t live without you, it’s that simple. My only prayer is your mind is of its own not polluted by others agendas.
One day when you have a child you will better understand. Until then the only prayer I can utter to God is to keep you safe, around good people despite circumstances and mostly bring you back to me.
Nicholas I love you
Always
Your Mom
~More of DAR last Will and Testament~5/17/2014 4 damn years…. wait it’s a 4! (Inside joke) 4 is lucky happy Godly ~~truly~
More of his text to my son and me, from May, 17th 2014. For the record if you ….and you know who are..keep trying to use my mental disability against me. When my Lawyer and I are finished with you, the truth of your illness’s will be revealed, notice the plural on illness. Bulimia, Alcohol dependency,Lies, Thieving, anger issues…to name a few.
So it may appear things are in your favor for now, however, if God be for us/me then who can be against us/me.
~Abduction of a Fallen Angel NJM~Great Read~
Donnell Kerr Christian~follows give me support on this very critical post!

Donnell Margaret Donald KERR~
There is no easy way to put this
No easy way to say
But you all think you are a Christian in a comfy corner you pray~
While your own flesh and blood did you turn away~
Does Jesus not say, Whatsoever you do to the least of my children that I do unto you?
Yes I believe that has been written~

My son……your blood as a new born kitten, you turned your back to a blind eye did you give, Do you really think in heaven you’ll live?
You dress all fancy on Sunday and sing put on your holy face~
But the promise the Lord made to his children is he will wipe you out erase from the book of life you see
You all turned your back on Donnell’s son trust this is not about me.
So when you read Gods word you sing and you pray it’s the blood of the innocent for which you will pay~
He did nothing to you, or you, or you, but I can tell you’re all ignorant and have not a clue~No Holy Spirit abides within you!
Suffer not the little children… hmmmm….
You go about life as though your grandson/Son Doesn’t exist~
On judgement day you’ll feel the Lords fist slam down the book make you take a look., Hypocrite you see? Think you better than me? Than the rest? Time God puts you to the test~ or maybe give it a rest, nope it’s the contrary~
Hey your daughter Noel some call a fairy? I think you know what I mean some say a queen, but it is what it is, so she’s gay, did not your God make her that way? Yes I believe he did.
Hey she is cool with me but the Bible you read doesn’t accept that you see?
You can live free~
On time bought buy the blood~
Times running short~
And so is the love~
Those who reject others reject themselves in turn God also will reject you~
Not sure what bible you read, But you know not the creed.
You Judge and sit tight now~
Think it’s all right now~
Time has a way of making you complacent you see?like so many others, fake and a snake slither the earth~
Not sure why I write this for I do not curse, vengeance is God’s~
Perhaps I am a small instrument he used to keep you on track and not be confused.
God is not the author of confusion you see, I’ll always accept you, yet you have yet to accept me or my son~
Perhaps retribution has begun……
Turn the other cheek?
Turn away the meek?
The weak?
Helpless?
Well …you did!
He now is a young man
No longer a kid.
I write all this down~
It’s my therapy you see~
I advocate for breaking stigmas~
Breaking exclusiveness~
Bringing in inclusiveness~
For all who suffer affliction~
Both physical and of the mind~
I try to think myself kind~
I often fall short~
Trust I’m no saint that’s for sure~
But enough is enough I’m letting you …..now endure~
Forgive me for my in your face ways, but we all know the bill somebody pays~
Truly I strive to forgive I try to be courageous in how I now live~
Such as this is the case but I truly give thanks for Gods loving grace~
God’s grace abounds the utterance the sound of cries long gone from days long past~
To think at one time I thought Your sons love for me and his child might last~
I want to thank you for training up your child Donnell in the way he should go, so that when he gets old he will not depart from it.
So I write a lot in quiet I sit, no doubt I’m a sinner too,
But I’m sure I’m not a sinner like you~
Not for Reproduction~
~She Fell~New~
She fell
Life was hell
Running like mad
Circles
Sad
Scorn
Shame
Was it a game
Her mind not the same
She fell
Tripped over foot
Zig zag she skipped
Trying to flip
Take her hurt
Burry in dirt
She is touched
The unseen realm
Angels
Demons
Lurk
Whispers of a time
That left
Return once again
To guide her
She fell
And Angels pick her up
Making the atmosphere
Thick
Surreal
She fell to her knees
Begging the Lord
Please
She Fell
But life no longer will be hell
She got up
Stood strong
Long
Waited
Like a missile
Shooting star
Coming straight for you
No matter how far
Targets
What you are?
What are you?
Or
Wait didn’t she fall
She fell
From a life on earth
From the living hell
She listened she prayed
Was picked plucked
You imagine the next line
It’s yours to fill in
Watch now your face if it turns to a grin
Sin
If you feel her longing her strength
The power she was given to go any length
After all
She fell
Tore through Hell
Lives in the truth
Hates all the lies
Conditions
Red tape
How did the world get so
Out of shape
No wonder……
Not for reproduction~
