~Coming Soon~

I haven’t written in awhile and soon I will be writing about why. It is called 101 days of Hell~ and in more contemplative thoughts I’m working on how one can achieve happiness alone….. Yes I said happy and alone in one sentence and it feels good~

~Tangled Emotion~NJM~

You Tangle my emotions

Tied them in a knot

Walked out my life leaving my heart to rot

As you slammed the door

I dropped to the floor

Getting stuck in the creases

Edges tathered torn

Grabbing for paper to write a letter….

But I am a typo

On written pages of life

With a message to convey

Not without perplexing one’s views

Part of the glitch

Some call me a bitch

Others a whore

Some say they need nothing more

I complete them

Impossible you see

If I can’t complete you

How the hell do I complete me

Tangled tied ripped upart, yet I’m still alive

Often I wonder is it chaos and tragedy on which I thrive

it’s all I know it’s how I survive go figure

~ You Were~You Are~You Will~Son~

You were written in my story before I was created

You were sent to bring the love that few often find

You came to teach me many things of which I am still learning

You have this quietness that takes secrecy to another level

You have laughter like no one else and it comes from deep within

Health issues have afflicted you yet you overcome

You have seen ugly that no one should see yet you chose to find the beauty

You create your own world that keeps you safe when safety seems far from reach

You stay silent and still when the moment calls for it

You have fear around you, but God did not give you the spirit of fear, but of power and of love and of a sound mind

You speak up and understand right from wrong and are not afraid to be the voice of reason when you feel brave enough, I understand and know you have been bullied I have been too

You are brave enough; you just don’t know it yet

You are torn in different directions, and I yearn to change this each waking day

You adapt quickly just as I did, life called us to be this way, you blend in when needed

You deserve better than you have received, not in regard to gifts but in regard to consistency and safety I intend to change that

You are confused because things don’t seem right at times yet it remains as it is

You possess the bloodline of a noble namesake and it is why I promised my Dad if I ever had a son, I would carry on his name in honor

You are honor; you are majestic beyond that which can be explained

You will come through this a tougher human a stronger man but with the measure of kindness that will be needed when it is called for

You are slow to speak, in fact you are a son of little words, but when you speak your words are beautiful and timely

You have relatives that share your blood yet they are cowards you are not like them you are not a coward

You are noble and above the superficial and this is what will save you in the end

You miss me, I miss you but this too shall pass

Until then I pray the only influence you have is of Devine origin, straight from God and Angels that encompass you, and as I instructed and did with you each day, I pray you remember each day to pray

You have great reward and favor blessed upon you

You are an angel and I am better because you came into my life

I will never let you go, I will allow God to help me yield, to lead my path

That path leads to you and each and every day I am one step closer

You are my son and I love you

~NJM~

NICK PLEASE READ~Nicholas~

Nicholas your name means victory for the people.

Nicholas did you know I always said I would never have children. But along you came. I didn’t want to bring a child into a world I didn’t understand.

Nicholas do you know how special and beautiful your heart is? They’re very very few like you. Don’t ever be afraid to be different or worry what people think of you.

Nicholas you are wise far beyond years. Damn time my son, time can be so cruel. If I could go back I would be holding you safely as a child who is 2 yrs old bikie in mouth eyes so big with wonderment.

Nicholas do you want to be with me? Or has your mind been clouded. Remember Momma always said tell the truth, this includes two sides and your side. I know this is hard to understand but one day you’ll get it.

Nicholas the love I have for you is immeasurable and without any condition. I realize it can not be bought, no computers or games last forever, they fade… Love does not. Others will try to buy your love.

Nicholas things that happened should have never went down as they did. It is what it is. Life is gonna come at you quickly sometime and there is not a way to prepare.

Nicholas there are those who feed off another’s pain and suffering, why? Because all they know is pain and suffering. They no not the inner love that God gave to us. Somewhere in life theirs was stolen, or they did not come equip with it. Everyone is wired a bit differently.

Each day you’re away from me my heart dies a little.

My son I can’t live without you, it’s that simple. My only prayer is your mind is of its own not polluted by others agendas.

One day when you have a child you will better understand. Until then the only prayer I can utter to God is to keep you safe, around good people despite circumstances and mostly bring you back to me.

Nicholas I love you
Always
Your Mom

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~More of DAR last Will and Testament~5/17/2014 4 damn years…. wait it’s a 4! (Inside joke) 4 is lucky happy Godly ~~truly~

More of his text to my son and me, from May, 17th 2014. For the record if you ….and you know who are..keep trying to use my mental disability against me. When my Lawyer and I are finished with you, the truth of your illness’s will be revealed, notice the plural on illness. Bulimia, Alcohol dependency,Lies, Thieving, anger issues…to name a few.

So it may appear things are in your favor for now, however, if God be for us/me then who can be against us/me.

~Abduction of a Fallen Angel NJM~Great Read~

His eyes did consume
Every motion movement she did make
Swirling about prancing like dangling carrots to take
Beauty wasn’t definition but a dream come to life
This was his thought now for his plight
Imagination brought to life
Capturing her quickly
She put up a fight
Nothing could stop him
He made her his that night
A golden anchor holds her down
Upon her head was a crown
All her struggles can’t contend
No thought of captivity to end
Soften his heart
Play on his fear
Whisper the words he longs to hear
Magical connotations in his ear
Promising to never leave
Taking his fill of her, weary he did sleep
Key to the anchor he did keep
Connotations soothes the beast
Guards let’s down no reinforcements
Without struggle nor a fight
She snuck away, far away that night
Far away
It’s her he longs for till his dying day
Don’t take what is not yours~
NJM~
Not For Reproduction~

Donnell Kerr  Christian~follows give me support on this very critical post!


Donnell Margaret Donald KERR~
There is no easy way to put this

No easy way to say

But you all think you are a Christian in a comfy corner you pray~

While your own flesh and blood did you turn away~

Does Jesus not say, Whatsoever you do to the least of my children that I do unto you?

Yes I believe that has been written~


My son……your blood as a new born kitten, you turned your back to a blind eye did you give, Do you really think in heaven you’ll live?

You dress all fancy on Sunday and sing put on your holy face~

But the promise the Lord made to his children is he will wipe you out erase from the book of life you see

You all turned your back on Donnell’s son trust this is not about me.

So when you read Gods word you sing and you pray it’s the blood of the innocent for which you will pay~

He did nothing to you, or you, or you, but I can tell you’re all ignorant and have not a clue~No Holy Spirit abides within you!

Suffer not the little children… hmmmm….

You go about life as though your grandson/Son Doesn’t exist~

On judgement day you’ll feel the Lords fist slam down the book make you take a look., Hypocrite you see? Think you better than me? Than the rest? Time God puts you to the test~ or maybe give it a rest, nope it’s the contrary~

Hey your daughter Noel some call a fairy? I think you know what I mean some say a queen, but it is what it is, so she’s gay, did not your God make her that way? Yes I believe he did.

Hey she is cool with me but the Bible you read doesn’t accept that you see?

You can live free~

On time bought buy the blood~

Times running short~

And so is the love~

Those who reject others reject themselves in turn God also will reject you~

Not sure what bible you read, But you know not the creed.

You Judge and sit tight now~

Think it’s all right now~

Time has a way of making you complacent you see?like so many others, fake and a snake slither the earth~

Not sure why I write this for I do not curse, vengeance is God’s~

Perhaps I am a small instrument he used to keep you on track and not be confused.

God is not the author of confusion you see, I’ll always accept you, yet you have yet to accept me or my son~

Perhaps retribution has begun……

Turn the other cheek?

Turn away the meek?

The weak?

Helpless?

Well …you did!

He now is a young man

No longer a kid.

I write all this down~

It’s my therapy you see~

I advocate for breaking stigmas~

Breaking exclusiveness~

Bringing in inclusiveness~

For all who suffer affliction~

Both physical and of the mind~

I try to think myself kind~

I often fall short~

Trust I’m no saint that’s for sure~

But enough is enough I’m letting you …..now endure~

Forgive me for my in your face ways, but we all know the bill somebody pays~

Truly I strive to forgive I try to be courageous in how I now live~

Such as this is the case but I truly give thanks for Gods loving grace~

God’s grace abounds the utterance the sound of cries long gone from days long past~

To think at one time I thought Your sons love for me and his child might last~

I want to thank you for training up your child Donnell in the way he should go, so that when he gets old he will not depart from it.

So I write a lot in quiet I sit, no doubt I’m a sinner too,

But I’m sure I’m not a sinner like you~

Not for Reproduction~

Updated~Two Week Notice~yeah already~—

Dear God up above I can still feel your love…. but I’m sorry to say I must leave go away~ you called me a light worker, I can only do so much never ever figured out what is the human touch.

You blessed me with human a beautiful baby boy. I’m entrusting you to him, he is a child and yet my sin~when I try to write my book I don’t even know where to begin my life was fast like a whirlwind…and pieces scattered about and within

It’s all like a puzzle that was left in a closet hidden away, no one notice nor knew what to say

Laying by the devils side it isn’t hard to decide, he is the God of this world I now see, and I figured out the exit for me…. for any who look and choose to see, my mission complete~

So just give two weeks notice and keep the memories they serve no purpose when I’m gone. My words will live on and on. I planted seeds along the way, somehow though was led astray. So here I am Lord here I lay so I request an early judgement day.

I would do the same for my son, I would love him no matter what he may have done.

I ask in return you bless his life free of worry grief strife…. to live to laugh to love to know I can still see him from far above.

I laid by the devils side for over half my life it caused me to much pain to much strife and as a human being I’m sick of this life… I quit. Well I’m giving my two week notice as any good employee of a universal truth I must say I did enjoy my youth….. sometimes…. it reminded me I wasn’t meant for here, I was wild free and truly fierce scared of NOTHING!!!! Not even death. I couldn’t wait to take a last breath… but I endured and at times I laughed

But often rejected due to class, stereotypes, and bullshit in general full circle around but this time my Lord I leave this playground~ two weeks notice not to long to go and when I get where I’m Going please don’t say “I told you so” see ya soon!

Probably by noon

~Please Read~

I first want to thank you all my WordPress follows, my success depends greatly on you and the content I produce. Think of me as a news reporter difference is I report on breaking stigma on mental illness , and I report incidents I feel others can learn from that I have had happen to me. So I am a writer blogger, personal,reporter.

Next……. yesterday my perpetrator left comments on my post trying to threaten me and so forth and his games are old now I pray I always stay two steps ahead of him.

What I say is if you don’t like what I write or the subject of what I write about, don’t read my blog. It bares repeating If YOU DON’T LIKE MY BLOG DON’T VISIT IT NOR READ IT or COMMENTj (I will just trash it) It’s my site and my freedom of speech.

To all my supporters thank you for your prayers and positive energy thank you for reading And hearing me, and definitely for following..

~NJM~

~She Fell~New~

She fell

Life was hell

Running like mad

Circles

Sad

Scorn

Shame

Was it a game

Her mind not the same

She fell

Tripped over foot

Zig zag she skipped

Trying to flip

Take her hurt

Burry in dirt

She is touched

The unseen realm

Angels

Demons

Lurk

Whispers of a time

That left

Return once again

To guide her

She fell

And Angels pick her up

Making the atmosphere

Thick

Surreal

She fell to her knees

Begging the Lord

Please

She Fell

But life no longer will be hell

She got up

Stood strong

Long

Waited

Like a missile

Shooting star

Coming straight for you

No matter how far

Targets

What you are?

What are you?

Or

Wait didn’t she fall

She fell

From a life on earth

From the living hell

She listened she prayed

Was picked plucked

You imagine the next line

It’s yours to fill in

Watch now your face if it turns to a grin

Sin

If you feel her longing her strength

The power she was given to go any length

After all

She fell

Tore through Hell

Lives in the truth

Hates all the lies

Conditions

Red tape

How did the world get so

Out of shape

No wonder……

Not for reproduction~