When the world keeps stepping on your dreams just create stairs~NJM
What does it feel like?
Like any illness in general it sucks.
Why? There is no cure.
When I first received my diagnosis I stayed in denial for about 2 years.
I mean who wants that stigma right?
Both my parents suffered enough with the illness, so early on I swore “not me” “I’m not gonna get it“
Majored in Psychology to gain a better understanding , while earning my degree , I had my first bout. It was after finishing statistics in psychology.
I’ve been up and down all my life. Looking back I most likely lived with it for the better half of my life. The traits that others found endearing, such as boundless energy, the life of the party, ideas that were radical, spontaneous, whimsical, rhyming, the abuse of drugs, Was all cool and fun.
As I got older those traits turned from endearing to dark, and bold, and brutal.
Believing yourself to be a superhuman of sorts is not realistic. But I did believe this. I also believed many other non truths while in mania.
The low, the depression, it was real bad. So much so that suicide was a close friend of mine that I romanced often. Attempted twice. Hospitalized against my will because of it. Even wrote a large essay about suicide and how it is actually courageous and in no way selfish. I rationalized this by turning the selfish element on to those who would miss me, as being the selfish ones. And truly I still see it that way.
The only reason anyone wants you around them, although some may claim love, it’s that they need you, they want you. In that alone arises their selfish desire of needing you to stay here. I realize that this is a polluted thought , but it rings true to me.
Bi polar disorder skews reality, it blurs the lines, and we don’t always use nor have the same filter as those not afflicted with this disease of the mind.
But I always remind those who will listen that some of the greatest minds were afflicted with this disorder this disease.
Here is a link to see for yourself the list of many famous minds:
It’s always some struggle, because there is always some fight.
It’s always a struggle in the day and at night.
Egos at play
Words you can’t say
It makes it easy for our hearts to stray.
I place upon you,
You place upon me
We can never seem to just let it be.
Twisting and turning convoluted
Lacking control and abandoned compassion.
Brutal in truth
Standing your ground
Thick all around.
Minds that refrain
Lives in constant pain
Lives in the struggle
The never ending strain.
Pitiful characters are what comes to mind.
Knowing the struggle they constantly find.
Not For Reproduction~
It’s best to now switch to twitter to keep up with me. Go to @Omegaalpha1 or it @Alphaomega1? Try see not sure lol
That’s where I’ll be if you want to HEAR me~
God speed to all~ signing out~
I am the painter of my life
But the sculptor has the say
The one that reminds me
Each and everyday~
Pray….. know that your words are you, as I am the word too
As are you.
Want to live forever my child
Want to be free again…..wings again run wild?
You will move on from this ethereal area…
This realm of this world 🌎
Dimensions vast but the one thing on this Earth that will last
Immortalize you your bloodline
WORDS write put in plain sight
Take your words paint your life
Let me mold you, refine with fire 🔥
A love so real, that burning desire
Deep in your belly with steel down your back …….your a wild young hybrid full of these words, you spin and you weave……
But dear Angel your words live forever long after you leave
Follow me on twitter for other blurbs of thought I don’t put here.
See you in my twitter feed
So many trinkets, yet each second less time, when I see those two letters I think….. Everything’s Fine~Stay Safe~All in Time~