~Ice Queen~I think this one~

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I am the ice queen born on the 1st Perhaps that’s what makes me mean, makes me one of the worst. I didn’t realize I wore the crown

I didn’t look in the mirror didn’t see my frown, all I could see is my eyes dimly lit near death. I hated so that the ice queen was me, I hurt so much didn’t like whatj I see.

I used to have a warm caring heart but the stench, pain, decay, and state of this world tore and ripped it apart.

It used people, places, things and severed my mind.

Making what’s truthful and real so hard to find.

This ice isn’t melting, in fact it gets bigger every day.

I’m starting to think this  ice queen won’t ever melt away.

~NJM~Quotes, keeping it real~

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Worry about nothing, care about most things, leave the rest behind~NJM~Quotes.

~Regret~

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Ideological fanaticism The mirror holds the image so tight~

Unable to move out of ones sight~
Hourglass turns and sands starts to drain no longer can time contain~

Life sustain?
Reflections cracked and connection lost~

Guess no one decided to count the cost~
Detached and subdued, Drained, by the need~

All that they long for festers in greed~
How your heart full of art, Beautifully broken will bleed~

While I write these words, You read~in your mind It is I that plants the seeds~
Defining sounds consume all space~The shadows grow larger in this place~Yet disappearing without a trace ~
Grips that shackle the freedom once given~the strength of youth lost to time~Now live on your life walk the fine line~
We swallow their lies~Yet long for truth~
But all is lost, Especially our youth~
By the time you think you arrived~Your life event you barely survived~Often you wish that you just died~
All gone to another not each other~Surely push away forget together~
One day you look back and all that you see were words written …….Scribbles that rhyme but that’s ok fool yourself all is just fine~
Fine you say dear oh Darlin ~Lend me your ear~
When I speak these words, I invoke fear~
So run to your shadows~Hide away fast~
No matter what, I always last~
Rise as I watch you wither away, Longing to late now~How you wish I would stay~
Live now with your choice~Till your dying day~
Regret , remorse spinning the web~
Tears flow down your face onto your pillow then onto your bed~
When your alone you think of me~How we could have been, Let’s others see~
Yet you let me go again, You set me free~
Still you will come again and again~Just wait you’ll see~

~My Son~Every Parent Should Read~For Nick

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My Son life is gift and You are a gift to life~

My Son take care of yourself love yourself respect yourself and others will respect you

My Son you will grow up and become a man never lose your inner child~

My Son you will win some and lose some don’t let the loss make you bitter but instead let it make you stronger~

My Son there is a God, we come from something bigger than us, give thanks and know God and angels watch over you~

My Son there will come a day that someone will let you down don’t lose your faith~

My Son there will be those who will lie about you, always do your best to tell the truth~

My Son you will fall in love one day remember love takes time to grow don’t jump in head first learn to understand each other to grow together~

My Son people say there is one great love in everyone’s life but remember that true love is immeasurable and to love alone is great~

My Son you will have many acquaintances and meet many people however you likely will have one true friend care for that friend and be there for them as I pray they will be there for you~

My Son you will meet many who are in need throughout your life do your best to be charitable learn to give~

My Son you will see many things in life that are unfair but do your best to not judge and know life eventually evens the score~

My Son you will come across others who are miserable and rude learn to be kind don’t take it personal be and example~

My Son don’t let other’s influence your thoughts learn to think for yourself~

My Son there will come a day where you will be afraid be brave and overcome~

My Son there will be those who will tell you are not good enough, know your value never sell yourself short~

My Son you will face the impossible in life don’t let it stop you , every dream can become a reality strive and press on and always do your best make your dreams come true I have faith in you~

My Son be different don’t conform stand out from the rest, stand tall, stand proud~

My Son there will be times in life to be humble, learn from this, understand this, grow from this~

My Son you can not save the world but you can make your area of the world a better place, care for mother earth the beautiful animals and those who have less than you, respect what you have been given take care of what is given you and greater things will come your way~

My Son not everyone is afforded the opportunity to understand and be educated learn to have patience learn to teach~

My Son you will grow older and people will die, we all die, still live life to the fullest~

My Son when I die and you need me after I’m gone know that a part of me is always there in your heart and in your mind that energy never dies it only changes form and I will see you again one day~

My Son you’re the greatest gift in my life I’m sorry for the times I’ve fallen short know I did the best I knew how that I love you always you are my heart, you are my reason, You are my Son~

Not for Reproduction~NJM~

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~We All Lie~So Get Real~NJM~Anyone Like Truth? Hmm…

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“How are you Doing today?”It’s what we all say to each other everyday.
Social situations facial navigation fake smile social niceties.
“Fine, and you, how are you?”
Oh fine.
We share our fake smiles

Waiting in lines

Talking small talk

Ready to move forward now

Ready to walk
Everyday you lie, I lie….Because each day that phrase is a greeting/statement/question all rolled up in one

For the most part

It’s “oui bien sur”

Or a more American way to say it instead of French is

“Yes of course”,Sure I’m fine, oh you are too? great! Have a good day!
Another proclamation of sending each person off with a ” have a good day”
I Personally like to say “have a blessed day and I make eye contact to let them know I see them, I mean what I just said.
“Have a blessed day..”
Being sincere about our feelings publicly is just not normal. We may disturb another human being with the truth such as saying” hey it’s not a good day thus far”.
Be real when you feel that way; say it, and pray it will get better.
Don’t socially lie, it’s what makes us feel as though other little lies aren’t such a bad thing. So we use more.
Perhaps you Don’t want to go somewhere you promised someone that you would go to such as an event or visit. The Majority of us would make up either an “illness”or a “family emergency”.
These are the things we as a society have accepted,which in turn; and in my opinion has diluted every human to some point.
The point of this message is sorry to burst your bubble baby, we are all liars. Now I’m

Gonna try to get through this Holiday and the rest of my life stating my truth. Perhaps if we all did, well then things for damn sure would get real.
Know what, real is what we need for positive change. In my opinion we are far to fake, not enough real.
Resolution of life going forward and note to self ” be real” pray another companion comes into my life with that goal as well. Shouldn’t we all be so fortunate?
Have a Happy Holiday’s everyone , truly much

Love and thanks for stopping by and reading my truth.

PS. My photo is my part of being real makeup free being me. At least half… 😜

~The Truth About Mental Illness~How can you tell if you have it~

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I recently wrote about truth and forgiveness, upon waking after a decent sleep I awoke inspired to write a few more bipolar thoughts. So after a bit of prayer, and thanksgiving I felt the need to expound upon other issues considered taboo, subjects of a certain nature, issues we skirt around that are easily ignored by some of the very people who are afflicted with this virus of the mind we call mental illness.

See often time’s conflict or malice, jealousy; hate can be just like mental illness… Grudges held, harbored with indifference, tormenting the mind, much like the virus we call mental illness.

Think of a computer being the mind, and often times our computers have a virus, which eats away at the data, causing the computer to run slowly maybe even shut down, in any case a virus sucks. No amount of defragmentation will remove the corrupt virus. Instead it needs a full diagnostic repair, a definitive diagnosis to best find the course of treatment.

However unlike our computers that we can easily replace the mind unfortunately cannot.

A virus whether it is of the physical, mental, or emotional kind, can often occur simultaneously. You know the kind where your sitting on a toilet diarrhea coming out one end, vomit out the other.

In my recent exchange on topics uncomfortable to discuss the subject of mental illness came up. I’ve had the opportunity since becoming a member of Quora/Wordpress community to be a spokesperson of sorts. You know the one, or in my case the go to Gal if a question you may want information on with regard to mental illness needs answering in a more discrete way, because like I stated above its a skirt around issue laden with stigma, shame and even remorse. I understand, its cool, you’re not ready to go to public or speak out yet about this virus of the mind. In fact I feel honored that others feel I am approachable with such sensitive issues of the mind.

I’ve exchanged some great and touching views, ideas, personal feelings on the topic of mental illness both in the question forums, and mostly via private messages.

I’ve strived to bring light to what I call “the forgotten subject” or plainly stated the ignored area of existence that each and every one of us encounter whether it be your personal illness, a spouse, relative or a friend or an undiagnosed one of your own.

Before I learned to fully embrace the diagnosis I received, I was among the majority of “those people” Who prefer to ignore, belittle, or just firmly state the phrase “it’s all in your head, snap out of it” and truly it is “all in our head, your head, my head’……..

Now hold on a minute, in no way am I saying you’re mentally ill necessarily.

No, I’m merely offering up dialogue to paint the picture in your mind of the message, my plight about a subject near and dear to me, one that has affected me personally due to both parents and their parents having some form of mental illness and my present diagnosis.

It’

Not For Reproduction~

 

 

~The Art of Being Sorry in 4 Simple Steps~

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The art of sorry in 4 easy steps…….

For the majority of us being sorry is something we often feel when we do something wrong. We often forget is that when we truly are sorry and we apologize to the other person with whom we done wrong too we open ourselves up for hurt.

Feeling regret or remorse or sorry is an emotion that humans feel after doing something against their lack of better judgment or against their values or morals…..basically in any circumstances that they should’ve acted differently in.

Previously I stated you open yourself up for hurt when you truly are sorry, you then proceed to tell the person with whom you have wronged that hey “I’m sorry truly sorry”

What happens when you are sorry 1. You say it and 2. Mean it and 3. Leave yourself open to the persons response there are no “but’s” or “Could’s” or “Should’s” or Would’s” 4. There is but one single statement” I am sorry” that is all that should come out of your mouth. Next you should prepare yourself to receive whatever the other person Has to say in response to your contriteness silently listening without excuses.

Lately it appears or so it seems that the majority of relationships that I engage in are all one sided. This makes for a lonely existence. Unfortunately however alone it may feel I am learning that it is necessary to limit those around you who continuously make excuses or are master manipulators at trying to always turn everything into their “reasons for” never truly being sorry , only wanting to explain why they did what they did… see that is not sorry, Or at least where I come from that’s not what I was taught.

So to recap…..don’t ever say that you were sorry unless it is the only three words that you were going to say to the person you wronged,there is no excuse for whatever you’re sorry for that’s why it’s called being sorry….So there it is 4 simple steps to the Art of truly being sorry.

Don’t play on my playground~

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Don’t play on my playground

The rusty parts might cut you

The hinges may come off

The railing is weak
Don’t play on my playground

They’ll think you a freak

You want to be here on this grey dingy playground no it can’t be

You’ll be on this playground that’s owned by me

It’s so easy to get hurt don’t you see

My playground although dented and corroded is made just for me

I’ve cared for it poorly

It’s not to late

To play safe on the merry go round

I’ll sit and watch and wait

No I’d rather the thrill of the rollar  coaster you know

There is fear in my eyes but it won’t show

No no

I’ve played on my play ground for so long the fear I had now has made me strong

It’s been far to long get off my playground off my merry go round as well

I have a few choice words I’ll keep to myself oh what the hell

There is no more us not now no story to tell

Get off my playground

It’s being renovated

So shiney and new

My playgrounds reserved only for few

That means my playground is not for you

Politics of Mental Illness~

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Let’s establish a platform for what I’m about to address. Politics is a good place. Below is a general description of what politics mean.

Politics=

Activities associated with the governance of a country or other area, especially the debate or conflict among individuals or parties having or hoping to achieve power.

I work with others, I stand with others, I promote with others, I believe with others, I fight with others, I dream with other of a day where I no longer must address issue’s such as what I am about to do in this post. Notice all I do with others, notice that I’m part of the collective of “others” like myself.

I try very diligently to educate and facilitate the changes needed to break mental health stigma. You know…. let’s move outside a little more, let’s be inclusive and break all stigma right? Wrong.

Perhaps I’m a bit more skeptical these days. Perhaps it’s cause I’ve invested my time effort that has compelled me to write this.

A question if I may, to provoke a thought process. Can you tell who suffers mental illness by looking at them? In some cases you can, but in 85% you can not.

The 15% are those hospitalized. Or have apparent visual aspects of said mental illness publicly.

I’m gonna ask another question. Why do we suffer, and further why do we suffer alone? Why do we have to go into full explanation of a disability at all? Seen or not seen?

Because it’s the politics of this subject, the debate, the fact that most anyone who is seemingly normal outside yet will act upon psychopathic behavior, killing, raping….these people fall under mentally ill, obviously they are missing a piece of something, and in most cases it’s the mind.

It’s because crimes that are related in violence and killings also relates to mental illness. There, there is the elephant it’s out the closet.

So now what do we do? There is only one thing to do, fight for the right of individuality of each other and our illness. Educate inform. But DO NOT let others generalize you in the umbrella of fear, fear and ignorance.

Further I want expound that bipolar and Schizophrenia are feared most by the public than other illness.

Depression is something that connects us all at one point in our lives, in fact, it’s the only mental illness I know that can cancel out. Meaning, when tragedy strikes we withdraw and get depressed however it may leave and never manifest again until another event that invokes depression. I say cancels out, because EVERYONE has been depressed or BLUE.

Not everyone has bipolar…… I think. Sometimes I question that. We are all dual. Double edged. ANYONE can be pushed to limits they may have never imagined, and incur a break from reality.

So the next time you look at someone next to you and you feel all comfy and normal as do they because what they perceive around them visually seems well, remember nothing is truly ever as it seems.

And to expound further, it’s never the ones you would have guessed.

However if only fear and ignorance was replaced by understanding and a willingness to help end stigma end, the politics of the subject at hand would cease.

Further I have witnessed that the ones you fear, are usually the ones who help in the end, and the one you think helps is still feeling superior in their mind, that there normal. Ha.

Can you define normal? Is it the majority? Sorry you will never understand the entire magnitude of normal. It’s just not normal to politically do so, and that my dear reader is the politics of mental illness.

“Overcoming the Overwhelming “ Can it be done?

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Can you overcome being overwhelmed. furthermore…. can it be achieved for extended periods of time?perhaps always attainable? In my experience often times the only way to overcome the feeling of being overwhelmed has been to medicate. Right now instead I’m choosing to sit on the dock by the lake listening to the tide.But what is it that helps us feel more relaxed feel less stress have a sense of purpose that everything is OK? Where is the first place that you look? And when you look what is it that you find? And exactly where is it that you’re looking? Is it to God? Is it in a book? Can you find it in another person? Or is it always gonna have to be that pill?

See not only the mentally ill get overwhelmed sadly enough most of society is medicated……As it is most of society is definitely overwhelmed. Can we truly ever live in a state of peace honestly? And if we achieve it how long does it last? Suppose that’s the question that begs the answer. Can one overcome feeling overwhelmed? If you find the answer please contact me I’m dying to find out……literally