~Rules of the Internet~Keeping it Real~Personal Quotes~

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There are none~NJM~

~Bipolar Thoughts & Stuff~Quotes by ~NJM~

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~It all made sense when all sense was lost, I’ve been better ever since~
~Always watching without action makes things you find fascinating fade away~NJM~

Question Asked Via My Quora Blog About Bipolar Disorder~

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Nicole MoncadaNicole Moncada, Bachelor’s in Psychology I am Bipolar… 
You are 13 yrs old. So so many times I see many young teens believe they are afflicted with the genetic predisposition of their fathers mothers, brothers, uncles… So forth.
Here is the thing. You’re at an age of change, great change. Your body, hormones, and formidable yrs are around you. Your moods are going to be like night and day. Your moving from adolescence to a teen into adulthood.

I wish more psychologist and medical professions would keep all this in mind when trying to give a definitive diagnosis.

See I’m bipolar 1. If I were to compare it to cancer I would have “terminal incurable worst of them all” cancer.

But was I always bipolar? Hmmm Somewhere there was a trait, both of my parents suffered mental illness. It ran in the family. But the bigger question is”do all family members become affected because the others did?” The answer is No.

Yes your cards have not been kindly dealt to you. However I lived a pretty exciting and successful life after some heavy drug use in my teens, not to mention getting married at age 14. Yes married, no children, not during that marriage.

Here is the deal. Give yourself time to grow up and feel this things out a bit. Granted I’m not a full on psychologist. I do hold a bachelor’s degree in psychology. I also suffer bipolar 1.

My life has been full of ups and downs. You know what? The most impoartnant thing is I land on my feet. I’ve lost it all a few times, gained it back and lost again.

I won’t give up. Never! I advocate for the education of mental health awareness, for the stigma to be broken, and acceptence and compassion to be imparted instead of ignorance most in the society we live in.

Albeit I am not in a position to diagnose. A psychiatrist who would asses you, and properly administer needed medications. Again a psychiatrist, not a psychologist.

A psychologist will work with those who are diagnosed… More of a therapist. A complete psychological exam can also be used and administered by a Dr of Psychologist. These take hours and cost between 400$ to 1200$ dollars here in Florida where I live.

A psychiatrist can make a determination in a 45 minute exam as opposed to a 4 to 6 hour psychological evaluation.

Here is the simple answer. Wait a bit. I went until age 40 before I was diagnosed. I was diagnosed with clinical depression at 29.

The illness changes forms. But once you get the stage I’m in,it’s perminant. Basically all mental illness is permanent. Just remember the degree by which you are affected by it varies from time to time.

In society today we are too quicke to give labels to everything. I think we have to many classifications of illness bipolar being one. It has bipolar 1,2,3 and now a 4 with what supposed to be cyclothymia!

I call bullshit on all of them except 1 and 2.

The others were created for professionals to not feel so bad or afflicted by simply being damn well bipolar! Again this is why I speak out and am not afraid of my illness. I use it to educate. In fact I see it as a blessing more than a curse.

You are going through to much at the age of 13 developmentally. If you really really just feel like you want to kill yourself, or simply just can’t get out of bed at all…. Then head to the doctors.

Otherwise my opinion is you’re just growing up at an age of great change, influence, ideas…. Becoming the adult you want to be and are meant to be. If I were you I’d wait and see…. You may be someone like I was living awhile without full blown symptoms. Having some pretty awesome success and fun times.

Or you could be bipolar. Only way to know, go see you’re doctor and have them refer you to a specialist who is either a psychiatrist or a PHd psychologist.

Only a psychiatrist can prescribe medications for the condition.

I’m gonna leave you with words my psychiatrist recently left me with at my last visit… He said “Nicole, I want you on the least amount of meds possible”… I’ve had 3 full blown manic episodes. Most psychiatrist would insist I take an antipsychotic drug with my mood stabilizer. However I do not. Why? Many reasons. 1 there are huge amounts of side affects in regard to all antipsychotic meds. I’ve gained 35 pounds that I can’t lose and I’ve tried.

I’ve delevoloped metabolic X due to serquel and other antipsychotics. My eyesight is not good either.

It took awhile to find the right doctor/psychiatrist but I did… He is the best!

I only take Lamictal it’s a mood stabilizer.

You’re just too young!
But I can only offer you my experience and advice.

Private message me if you need further answers.

Good luck, God bless, Stay well!
NJM~

 

~Living With Bipolar 1~NJM~ The Maze~

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I am the lab rat. I am in a maze. There is no way to ever solve the maze as of yet.I can move from front to back, left to right, but the outcome is always gonna be the same redundant cycle.

I’ll never exit the maze. There are beautiful parts in the maze, scary parts, agitated parts, renovated parts, crazy parts, serine parts, but all those areas have no exit out.
Every person experiences the illness a bit different.

Treatment of the disorder is a must in order to live productively
It’s been bittersweet. I have been through many stages of the illness and 4 manic attack each triggered by extreme stress.
I also picked myself up and learned to live through my divorce and custody struggle.
I don’t trust many people but I do not isolate myself as I once did as I used to.
I have a part time job that deals with the public.
It’s like a roller coaster ride. Or surfing. You roll with the tides, and learn each time.
It’s pride I actually feel now, but must stay humble. I advocate for the stigma of bipolar to diminishes and begin to accept and love what has been mistunderstood for far to long. We have tackled openly everything except mental illness. Many people have some type of mental illness.
I’ll tell you this, through prayer and creativity, God, and my beautiful Son, I like me.

I’m ok with me.
Bottom line it’s not bad at this point of my life.
Thank God~

~It’s Been 1 Year~

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What can I say, It’s been 1 year that I developed this blog. I developed it for several reasons. To educate and bring insight to mental illness and bipolar disorder which I suffer from. Let me rephrase that, that I have been blessed with, yes I said blessed with.

Sure there are times that I suffer, don’t we all suffer at times? Most times we actually bring the suffering upon ourselves….most of the time that is. There are circumstances that occur that we have no control over, and these circumstances can cause distress and pain.

Bipolar however can be used for the beauty and creativity that makes it the “Genius” disorder. Don’t get me wrong, all of us have a inner genius we can tap into, but truth be told some of the greatest people in our eternal history were afflicted with bipolar disorder, great prolific writers, artist, philosophers, inventors to name a few titles that bipolar disorder will forever be attached to.

Bipolar disorder invokes strong passionate feelings about so much. It’s why we have the super highs and the plummeting lows. But when you can find your niche and the right treatment for the illness you can do amazing things. Don’t get me wrong I have my “Silver Lining’s Playbook” moments….the Bradley Cooper Character parts, the ones that you know where you put something and will tear the house down looking for it all the while raging and possibly fits of crying….I also have the insight he had. If you have never seen the movie I highly recommend it. Two people Bradley Cooper plays “Pat” and Jennifer Lawrence plays “Tiffany” both of them suffer mental illness.

 

Their lives lead the into a cross road that intertwines and brings the two together. It brings two talented crazy ass, beautiful people together. Know what? They fall in love. I have been blessed with a very similar situation in my life. It intertwined with someone that I first saw two years ago at an AA meeting.

What I can say is this, the right person can be amazing and be the balance you may be missing. Am I saying go run out and find someone? Hell No! It’s a natural unexpected occurrence. You never know when are how, but when the timing is right they walk into your life and the puzzle begins to fit and come together.

Am I saying that another person is the answer? Again NO! your answer is to balance,and this can be many other things. But that’s the key. Balance and low to no stress levels. See I was in abusive relationship for several years. Events due to my illness and circumstances beyond my control propelled me forward, and low and behold her I am. Standing up, good people around me. Part time job, with a great boss. A wonderful partner. All I have to finish is this custody battle and the finality to the divorce which will be soon.

Look just like you I am feeling my way around this unexpected and mysterious life, illness….but one thing I will say is “Thank God” for my life has not been a random series of events, oh no..see I have watched things unfold in my lowest moments, and trust I have hit bottom on a few occasions. Each time I watch God maneuver and work all the kinks out. Believe how you chose, but I know what I lived.

 

Life without belief and faith is a random occurrence of events that have so many variables that there is no cohesive qualities. But a life of faith one rooted in God is a life of destiny and each occurrence brings you one step closer to the true reason you were placed here on this planet. One step closer to Kismet.

I plan to do more writing in this next year, I am still working on a Novel, but until some finalities in my life play out I have put it on the back burner.

I also Plan to continue to advocate and educate for the awareness of mental illness and taking the stigma away, to show others that we are human and we hurt and feel and love just  as they do, just sometime more intensely more passionately. I plan to be a voice in the wilderness of the void, a voice that has no true voice, just random  people here and there willing to admit to or casually speak about their personal struggles. I want to change the concept and understanding of mental illness and especially bipolar disorder.

To those who stop by and read my blog, thank you. To those who follow my blog thanks for your support!

Till my next post, be blessed, stay safe, be well.

Much Love~

NJM~

~I logged into her account~

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he said twice on the stand…”I logged into her account” I’m sorry Mr.Raley did you just say you logged into her account and that anyone anywhere can jump IP addresses? ” well I logged into her account and…… …. I meant I went to her account stumbles on words…. Dialogue from court yesterday.

Oh yeah because I had an affair back in 1999 with Larry. I made him become an alcoholic. That’s right folks I’m the all powerful able to override your accountability. Wow I caused you, because you have no mind of your own is that it? Ok.

Seriously you were an alcoholic bulimic psycho thief since 1993. See you at the next hearing😀
Thank you God!!!!!

To all naysayers and those who kicked me under the bus… God’s got my back, who’s got yours?

                

~Thank You~

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~Thank you to those who comment so quickly on my post, Glad to know you’re watching so closely, hope your experience is everything you hoped it would be upon visiting my blog. Thanks for your support.~

~My son and his biological Father~

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Striking resemblance, genetics win again.

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~Truth About Hacking Part 2~

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I was in thought this morning after prayer and it occurred to me that back in April of this year that my Ex-husband hacked my twitter account. He was looking through my direct messages between myself and Luke Cole a friend I had met via Quora as well as another friend. He did this twice. I had to post this because it shows you how vulnerable twitter accounts are, and how easy it is to get into another person account. Further more you don’t need to be Tech Savvy or a hacker of sorts to do so. His knowledge of such is minimal.

So remember that twitter is indeed a very vulnerable and easily available. This is true even for secured/locked accounts.

 

To further add insult to injury the very same person then created an account to follow the two males I was in communication with. After the most recent incident he then tweeted about the whole thing to these very people stating in the tweet that I had threatened to kill both him and my son as well as being baker acted(involuntary mental assessment).

 

It would also appear that my Quora account had been tampered with as well, hence the reason I am only posting here. Although I have not completely deactivated that account. I am considering doing so, but realize that much of my work on that blog is indeed helpful to those individuals that suffer mental illness.

 

This person tried to commit suicide back on May 17th of this year when I expressed my need to end this abusive relationship. I have since obtained the baker act of my ex-husband in regard to this situation as well as other incriminating health issues including but not limited to bulimia, anger issues, and severe alcohol dependency. I intend ti submit these to the courts.

 

I have court tomorrow and pray I find favor with this situation.

 

Thank you to those who are keeping me and my son and this situation in their prayers.

~Personal Quotes~Situations~NJM~

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~In life situations which are life lessons will continue to present it self over and over again until you master the lesson and then move on~Stay courageous~