~Stigma~ 

Smeared dullness

Catatonic stare

That’s what they think

Washed out color

Long halls painted grey

Not a door insight

Ideas out of focus

Stifling, confusing

Lack luster,  incredulous

emotions …….Clawing away the life fingers scraping their nails jagged and bloody, threads unravelling.. like the sound of a chalk board being scratched.

That’s what stigma, bias does isolates you.

Yet I exist Wrapped inside this cocoon~

Generic and uncategorized yet longing to be labeled and in a category ~ oh wait, I am… I fall under stigma mental illness under my skin, unseen yet relentless in my mind there are millions of my kind.

One size fits all as long as that size is extra large as to swallow my frame,as well as yours.

Swallowing my existence whole~

Preferably invisible~

Left unseen~

To myself~

Designated ~

As is~NJM

~No Reprieve~

There is no reprieve
No procrastination

No forgiveness

Not here
You pay

Everyday

No reprieve

No holding back

No return
There is no reprieve

No understanding

Ignorance

Lack of tolerance

Pain is the fuel

In devils delight

No reprieve

No sabitacal

No leave

What does one think

Drinking the poison

In the mind

So many like this

So many my kind

Keep in step

Forget the time

Remember…..
You pay

Every day

And beauty

And death

Have their way

~I Will Be the One~NJM~

I will be the one in the corner

Trying to not be seen

I will be the one speaking

Yet not being heard

I will be the one smiling

Yet hiding my true feelings.

I will be the one loving

Yet without understanding

I will be the one keeping my distance

Yet fearful of disconnection

I will be the one searching

Yet never to be found

I will be the one understanding

Yet never understood

I will be forever dreaming, forever hoping, praying

Yet judging it all

I will be the one fighting my cause

Yet struggling to maintain

I will be the one to determine

Yet what I will be~

NJM~

~Breath Suffocate Untimely Death~great read~

I write many poetic pieces some beautiful… But I’m truly a cynical poet

I hope you can read this and gain its truth and remember that death can happen in youth. Enjoy.

~Breath Suffocate Untimely Death~

Part 1.

Suffocating upon needs that are often forgotten losing importance~

Open that window let the outside in~

The world we’ve been born into our earned sin~

Sent to reside foolish rules often broken we hide despise ….hypocrites …are we? living within, believing without seeing thoughts clouded over with doubt~

Knowing mask shields unspoken thoughts of fear rejection, desire for perfection~

Casual communication God help please, oh please can you repeat that sentence again, go on say that again, and again. It’s repetitive resound stealing time never gaining it back, stolen suffocating spit it out quickly speech just runs on, is there ever an end into this needles repetition yet again and again~

Suffocating, choking refusing to see hide between tasks between lies wearing masks, craving the spotlight that place, face in lights flashing brightly above others, laughing fake, fifteen minutes of fame forgetting the game is debilitating yet feeling the importance the sickening strain~

Feeling like winning first place in a fifth grade science fair feeling proud having others stare at your perfect work your well thought masterpiece

Still searching for that aching relief~

Sit right there suffocating, breathe just breathe, breathe that breath suck it in trying secretly all the while unsure where to begin~

Pass time with confidence those we propagate later to only negate, even family often we hate yet smile into that camera dance that dance, talk that talk, walk that walk robbing yourself, suffocate go on hold that breath the way all this is going all these dreams unfulfilled goals diminished work so unfinished and breathing it in won’t bring back the breath in the end all that’s left that elusive breath searching for air often life is completely unfair~

Crave always craving cunning tongue spews forth truth that are truly lies, the soul bleeds and cries loudly inside, keep that smile, smile really big take that picture hold that moment elegant style, ah yes elegant style that picture so perfect that fake ass smile~

That image that picture of holding our breath suffocating, breathe, don’t breathe instead we leave pieces, scattered in space knowing all the while about that untimely place it suffocates negates~

Gasp try to breathe Instead hold that breath because in this life the one thing that is certain none will escape the beautiful yet pitiful untimely death. Death, we all die can’t you see this with your mortal eye? Is there such thing as a timely death? No. Either way breathe your last breath. So suffocate hold your breath that breath sucking in and hold tight but you can never win the fight~

Part 2

Suffocating in the shadow of hate together a dance eternal as two souls mate~

Still evermore mediate, complicate, hate is exactly that which often suffocates you, me all that we see death awaits in each corner, ending breath so breathe breath, suck it in but you will not win born to die blind eyes see the heaven clatters and hell shakes, no way to determine the in or out pray unto God your soul is tried true otherwise the devil waits upon you~

A fashion and mold so uniquely you so breathe go on and breathe all the while suffocating forgetting the origin of divinity of which we were born~

Sent straight from heaven down to this earth, the Creator God that gave breath allowed our birth, still suffocate feel that nothing left suffocated by the shackles of this existence the very creation that was executed flawlessly or so thought but was it in blood that we were bought?~

A pawn in a game of chess you see, the stadium of gods watch and wait to reach for their pawn to take, and before we go to the creator that made you, me, will you breathe your last breath or suffocate~

The question remains did you live your life in love or live life in vain? Very simply one can hate scratching cursing as they suffocate. Truly can you breathe?~

Wind enticing leaves blowing the flowers slightly bending but to feel that breeze, its unseen force blowing touching the skin and caressing our hair ah yes the wind so wild and free ever reminding of the unseen breath that nature does take yet not enough do we stop for a brake to enjoy the mysterious breeze created by the forces of nature still suffocate, clearly not seen that we’re not breathing we suffocate did you receive that moment as the wind whisked by, or did you gasp choke allowing breath a foreboding goodbye? Flooded ever breaking crashing suffocating slowly stealing each breath it was bought never ours to begin, it was borrowed from God and elements unknown yet meet the supreme being who sits on the throne so breathe as you suffocate letting go, your last breath as you finalize your inevitable untimely death~

Suffocating breath~

Not For Reproduction~

/home/wpcom/public_html/wp-content/blogs.dir/86b/69134071/files/2014/12/img_0084.jpg

~I’m Here~Reach Out~

Here I am

Beside your shoulder breathing you in
Unseen
I am shapeless in your existence~
Here I am
In your thoughts
Invading them you can’t reach out to me although I am right here, why?
Here I am
In your heart
Undying; living in each cell running in your blood pumping through your veins~
Here I am
What have you done? Clever are you, yet still I am here~
Here I am
You think you see me
But I’m a ghost only to you
Alive to others~
Here I am
Timeless, unshackled and wild~
Here I am
Next to you caressing your
Guilt, your wrongs, your deeds~
But you don’t feel me as you wish too
You tucked me away~
Here I am
Looking directly at you
Yet you cannot see me, blind are your eyes, those deep ocean filled eyes~
Here I am
I was there, as was you
But did either know? Was it ever truly true?
By the way is there a real you?~
Here I am dancing all around you
I am that wind, that chill that went right through you leaving you shaken and breathless, hands trembling~
Here I am
I seeped into your dream, it was beautiful~
You awoke
But I was gone~
NJM~
Not for Reproduction

~Out of Stock~

Images do not play out as you expected in your mind

You search and no longer find

Me there……….

Here

Look at the photo stare

But you’re a coward

You wouldn’t dare

Take the chance

Trying to steal another glance

Into what do you look each day?

Do you ever pray?

Your alter’s sacrifice needs another offering

Perhaps next time think twice

Before you roll the dice

Stealing away thoughts

Just images is all that is left of me

I am a still shot in your mind

You look through your window

Two windows you see

But you can no longer see me

Only a thought

No longer sold

Can not be bought

Thought~

Not For Reproduction~