~Stigma~ 

Smeared dullness

Catatonic stare

That’s what they think

Washed out color

Long halls painted grey

Not a door insight

Ideas out of focus

Stifling, confusing

Lack luster,  incredulous

emotions …….Clawing away the life fingers scraping their nails jagged and bloody, threads unravelling.. like the sound of a chalk board being scratched.

That’s what stigma, bias does isolates you.

Yet I exist Wrapped inside this cocoon~

Generic and uncategorized yet longing to be labeled and in a category ~ oh wait, I am… I fall under stigma mental illness under my skin, unseen yet relentless in my mind there are millions of my kind.

One size fits all as long as that size is extra large as to swallow my frame,as well as yours.

Swallowing my existence whole~

Preferably invisible~

Left unseen~

To myself~

Designated ~

As is~NJM

Loneliness~

Loneliness

A feeling so singular

A despair that numbs

No one around you

No where for them to come

Much less would you run if they did

Who can you trust

In this life you have to have one

At least they say it’s a must

Don’t believe them

There is……

A home that is lost

Friends walk away

Seems in this life

Nothing will stay

Alone

In silence

Able to just think

To sink

Downward

Into the pits of ominous clouds

Thoughts of a past screams out loud

People who loved you

Lied

None kept

All I can feel

Is completely inept

A fear that grips

A suffering so real

That all you have left

Is no way to feel

But alone~

~Fat Tuesday~

Fat Tuesday is here

my Darlin Dear

Preemptive plight

Planned party

Late night

Mardi Gras is here

It’s that time of year

skies hued

yellow, purple, green aglow

The sounds clamoring

Fighting to outdo

each musical note

There we were dancing

Swaying to the beat of the

Floats the heat

Jazz music fills the streets

Down Canal street turning round to
cross over to Bourbon~

Take in each shot

Preemptively planned

Glass in hand

Other hand in yours

Flying high

beads round our neck making music

of their own

Debris in the streets

Faces smeared

Drunken flow

Dancing in flight

Cheap trinkets flying

Dashing, fighting, grinding

Preemptively planned party

Your eyes two lights flaming bright

watching your sexy arm

Light your Marlboro

Smiles and giggles

Two jokes only we are in on

Blowing your smoke out

Between your sexy lips

I get close and kiss your lips

Playfully biting the lower one

Endless fun

Pass that joint don’t bogard

It’s high time for all

It’s this night we aim to please

Preemptively planned plight

Gonna party all damn night

Then some more

On each street corner

Stands a whore

Sodom and Gomorrah

What a life Darlin what sight

Pulling you closer

Let this night never be over never be done~

The entire world is watching

All the court jesters

All the clowns

All the kings and queens on floats wearing their crown~

Hey that’s a decent poison

Crown Royal over rocks

Splash of water barkeep please

Don’t be stingy now pour long don’t tease~

Walking don’t dare run

And then it fades

Leaving, lingering

Till next year we preemptively plan again for this night~

Fat Tuesday Darlin Dear

I hear you whisper in my ear

As we float high above the rest

Preemptive plight party all night

Fat Tuesday

Madri Gras

We will do it again and again

Mardi Gras never ends~

Not for reproduction

~NJM

Timeless Love~Kismet’s Dance~

I linger in this place far too often,
Entertaining my deep desire.
To share this existence as one being,
Igniting passionate fire.
But years are stacked like a large pile of books waiting to be read, instead forgotten.
We transcend time only to face, the ever reminding calendar,
This overwhelming space…. This gap..
….Tallied up in years,
Unrequited love….
….Captivating fears…..
Age holds no rank in timeless love,
But for some there is regard.
Many won’t understand this love, Sowing strife to make it hard.
Hold fast the image I’ve etched into your mind.
Cross reference your every thought.
Search beyond all reason,
Delving deep within your heart.
The truth be double edged you see,
your need yet unfulfilled.
I linger in this place.
Closing my eyes I see your face,
I linger… As do you.
We linger awaiting yet a chance,
To close our eyes to this life,
To awake in the next life to dance.
My love to dance!
Waltz with me eternally,
Rhythmically Swaying to our song.
Cosmically meeting in each life,
Never to determine just how long.
Awakening in each life meeting by more than just a chance…..
Kismet …. in the next life yet again to dance…. Kismet’s dance.
My love to dance!
Dance my love …….To Dance.

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~Regret~

Ideological fanaticism The mirror holds the image so tight~

Unable to move out of ones sight~
Hourglass turns and sands starts to drain no longer can time contain~

Life sustain?
Reflections cracked and connection lost~

Guess no one decided to count the cost~
Detached and subdued, Drained, by the need~

All that they long for festers in greed~
How your heart full of art, Beautifully broken will bleed~

While I write these words, You read~in your mind It is I that plants the seeds~
Defining sounds consume all space~The shadows grow larger in this place~Yet disappearing without a trace ~
Grips that shackle the freedom once given~the strength of youth lost to time~Now live on your life walk the fine line~
We swallow their lies~Yet long for truth~
But all is lost, Especially our youth~
By the time you think you arrived~Your life event you barely survived~Often you wish that you just died~
All gone to another not each other~Surely push away forget together~
One day you look back and all that you see were words written …….Scribbles that rhyme but that’s ok fool yourself all is just fine~
Fine you say dear oh Darlin ~Lend me your ear~
When I speak these words, I invoke fear~
So run to your shadows~Hide away fast~
No matter what, I always last~
Rise as I watch you wither away, Longing to late now~How you wish I would stay~
Live now with your choice~Till your dying day~
Regret , remorse spinning the web~
Tears flow down your face onto your pillow then onto your bed~
When your alone you think of me~How we could have been, Let’s others see~
Yet you let me go again, You set me free~
Still you will come again and again~Just wait you’ll see~

~Inspiration~

My inspiration my muse

You are the rain tapping

On the tin roof

As thunder rolls above

The sheer silence

Your soft whisper

The sun glistening upon leaves

Peaking through clouds

The way he looked at me

The way he touches

His smell

Those eyes

The way the child smiled at me

The book I have read

Thoughts left unsaid

Books still on a shelf

The passion once felt

The love I have

The pain I endured

The doves cooing

The birds chirping

The wind that blew by

The beautiful blue sky

The perfect storm

Lightening strikes

The lyrics to a song

Played in my mind all life long

Life how it sometimes goes wrong

The crush I may have

Conversations that have ended awkwardly

Trees and their amazing strength

Their roots

The touch of a friend who taps your shoulder

The fact that we are all getting older

The smell of rain

The touch of my pets fur

The painting at the museum

The words beautiful explanations

Brought to life

The questions

The oceans

The rivers & Lakes

All Gods creatures

Including the snake

Inspiration is all around

Even your feet on the ground

Sand between my toes

The skip in my jump

Fire & ice

How to entice

Elements and beauty all around

That’s where my inspiration is found~

~The Art of Being Sorry in 4 Simple Steps~

The art of sorry in 4 easy steps…….

For the majority of us being sorry is something we often feel when we do something wrong. We often forget is that when we truly are sorry and we apologize to the other person with whom we done wrong too we open ourselves up for hurt.

Feeling regret or remorse or sorry is an emotion that humans feel after doing something against their lack of better judgment or against their values or morals…..basically in any circumstances that they should’ve acted differently in.

Previously I stated you open yourself up for hurt when you truly are sorry, you then proceed to tell the person with whom you have wronged that hey “I’m sorry truly sorry”

What happens when you are sorry 1. You say it and 2. Mean it and 3. Leave yourself open to the persons response there are no “but’s” or “Could’s” or “Should’s” or Would’s” 4. There is but one single statement” I am sorry” that is all that should come out of your mouth. Next you should prepare yourself to receive whatever the other person Has to say in response to your contriteness silently listening without excuses.

Lately it appears or so it seems that the majority of relationships that I engage in are all one sided. This makes for a lonely existence. Unfortunately however alone it may feel I am learning that it is necessary to limit those around you who continuously make excuses or are master manipulators at trying to always turn everything into their “reasons for” never truly being sorry , only wanting to explain why they did what they did… see that is not sorry, Or at least where I come from that’s not what I was taught.

So to recap…..don’t ever say that you were sorry unless it is the only three words that you were going to say to the person you wronged,there is no excuse for whatever you’re sorry for that’s why it’s called being sorry….So there it is 4 simple steps to the Art of truly being sorry.

~Truth Behind Secrets~

In my experience It would seem everyone that I’ve come across has some type of secret, someone tells another something in confidence and therefore it becomes a pact or deal of some type between the two and they call that a secret or at least my own personal definition, however we also have our own secrets the ones we never tell anyone about…..the ones we keep hidden dark and deep and inside of us. There is a purpose why some of us keep secrets to ourselves but why….. why do we keep some things hidden from everyone?

The purpose secrets serve is it provides a type of refuge maybe protection and self preservation. Oh screw it let’s google some info. Here is what the definition of a secret is = Definition of secret::something kept hidden or unexplained : mystery. b : something kept from the knowledge of others or shared only confidentially with a few. c : a method, formula, or process used in an art or operation and divulged only to those of one’s own company or craft : trade secret.

Hey I like that definition it’s pretty broad when looked at that way. The secret I’m talking about is the one you’ve told no one else about. What is it your dirty hidden pleasures or your sad wounded childhood? Did a neighbor,aunt, uncle or older cousin or any other person sexually abuse you? it made you feel ashamed dirty in fact perhaps…. I know, I’ve been there….and there are many ways to be violated and I understand why you sometimes never tell no one. You keep little bits and pieces. What are the things we hold secret only to ourselves? Is it the scenarios mentioned above? Is it like your stealing telling no one else, having an affair on your partner? Who doesn’t know? Do you stalk someone who fascinates you? How far will you go to keep your secrets secret? That also begs an answer.

first protection of some sort is needed to keep secrets secrets, the lengths one will go to too keep things quiet, well let’s just say some are extreme…..the question I ask next is what are the methods used to keep said secrets? Even as I write this I can’t even tell you the reader of the few secrets hidden I have and usually I’m an open book. One thing is for sure it’s my secrets and I don’t ever tell secrets it’s why they are secrets . The funny thing…. I don’t give it second thought keeping things to myself. It’s very easy….. used to be so hard when I was younger. Somethings are best left hidden and unspoken. But how do you decide which you confide in and those you keep to yourself….yes this is a decision and also a choice what do you know, how bout that you get both…. to either continue in secrecy or confide in another person your best friend if you have one… that is loyal and trust worthy and would do for you as you would for them. Perhaps. But deep inside my gut as I write this the chance that you have hidden information about yourself that no one else knows is staggering because truthfully we all have at least one thing we want to hide and that is the secret about secrets….oh and secrets aren’t good for your health either, but hey we all must die of something, so now ssshhh don’t tell anyone what we now know or may have already known. It’s our Secret.

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