~Life’s Amazing Victories ~Great Read~Inspirational~

Posted on January 22, 2017 by nicolemoncada

It’s hard when I don’t have the beauty around me, even more so to have such, yet unappreciated~

This soul is half wilted like flowers sent two weeks ago, in a vase of greenish moldy water… Against my soul I thrive and only make life harder~

There is a fight within that is slowly fading…. The light is dim, glib, hallow
This life is a bitter pill and often insipid and hard to swallow~

These expressions, these words, I write… outside, inside and deep within.. I’m trying to win, but seemingly losing this fight~

But a subtle grace around me waits … Like angels whisper deep embrace to remind that life is not a race… And often times these troubles face……..with weakness…. Will slowly build my strength…and not to fight a dirty fight, not go to any length to win~

But allow this circumstance to yield the beauty still yet but revealed..
Whispers loudly grow a voice, to always remember there is a choice~

Gallantly stand straight and tall, that in this life you’re gonna fall, but that’s not all… That fall……no you see, ahead there awaits a victory.

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Bipolar~The Maze~

Posted on October 20, 2016 by nicolemoncada

Below is a question posed by a user via Quora.com The Question is “How to explain Bipolar Disorder to someone else?” I did paraphrase by the way, Hope my answer helps,

First What is your angle? Why do you feel the need?

Are you an advocate for the understanding and compassion for those who suffer mental illness?

I ask because you may not want to explain it at all.

What is the purpose? Everyone in one way or another has some form of mental health issue in my opinion.

You feel you need to be understood? We all want to be understood.

Here is how you can explain perhaps how you may feel……. I say this because I feel this way and it’s a great analogy.

Continue reading →

~Living With Bipolar 1~NJM~ The Maze~

Posted on January 18, 2016 by nicolemoncada

I am the lab rat. I am in a maze. There is no way to ever solve the maze as of yet.I can move from front to back, left to right, but the outcome is always gonna be the same redundant cycle.

I’ll never exit the maze. There are beautiful parts in the maze, scary parts, agitated parts, renovated parts, crazy parts, serine parts, but all those areas have no exit out.
Every person experiences the illness a bit different.

Treatment of the disorder is a must in order to live productively
It’s been bittersweet. I have been through many stages of the illness and 4 manic attack each triggered by extreme stress.
I also picked myself up and learned to live through my divorce and custody struggle.
I don’t trust many people but I do not isolate myself as I once did as I used to.
I have a part time job that deals with the public.
It’s like a roller coaster ride. Or surfing. You roll with the tides, and learn each time.
It’s pride I actually feel now, but must stay humble. I advocate for the stigma of bipolar to diminishes and begin to accept and love what has been mistunderstood for far to long. We have tackled openly everything except mental illness. Many people have some type of mental illness.
I’ll tell you this, through prayer and creativity, God, and my beautiful Son, I like me.

I’m ok with me.
Bottom line it’s not bad at this point of my life.
Thank God~

~It’s Been 1 Year~

Posted on May 31, 2015 by nicolemoncada

What can I say, It’s been 1 year that I developed this blog. I developed it for several reasons. To educate and bring insight to mental illness and bipolar disorder which I suffer from. Let me rephrase that, that I have been blessed with, yes I said blessed with.

Sure there are times that I suffer, don’t we all suffer at times? Most times we actually bring the suffering upon ourselves….most of the time that is. There are circumstances that occur that we have no control over, and these circumstances can cause distress and pain.

Bipolar however can be used for the beauty and creativity that makes it the “Genius” disorder. Don’t get me wrong, all of us have a inner genius we can tap into, but truth be told some of the greatest people in our eternal history were afflicted with bipolar disorder, great prolific writers, artist, philosophers, inventors to name a few titles that bipolar disorder will forever be attached to.

Bipolar disorder invokes strong passionate feelings about so much. It’s why we have the super highs and the plummeting lows. But when you can find your niche and the right treatment for the illness you can do amazing things. Don’t get me wrong I have my “Silver Lining’s Playbook” moments….the Bradley Cooper Character parts, the ones that you know where you put something and will tear the house down looking for it all the while raging and possibly fits of crying….I also have the insight he had. If you have never seen the movie I highly recommend it. Two people Bradley Cooper plays “Pat” and Jennifer Lawrence plays “Tiffany” both of them suffer mental illness.

Their lives lead the into a cross road that intertwines and brings the two together. It brings two talented crazy ass, beautiful people together. Know what? They fall in love. I have been blessed with a very similar situation in my life. It intertwined with someone that I first saw two years ago at an AA meeting.

What I can say is this, the right person can be amazing and be the balance you may be missing. Am I saying go run out and find someone? Hell No! It’s a natural unexpected occurrence. You never know when are how, but when the timing is right they walk into your life and the puzzle begins to fit and come together.

Am I saying that another person is the answer? Again NO! your answer is to balance,and this can be many other things. But that’s the key. Balance and low to no stress levels. See I was in abusive relationship for several years. Events due to my illness and circumstances beyond my control propelled me forward, and low and behold her I am. Standing up, good people around me. Part time job, with a great boss. A wonderful partner. All I have to finish is this custody battle and the finality to the divorce which will be soon.

Look just like you I am feeling my way around this unexpected and mysterious life, illness….but one thing I will say is “Thank God” for my life has not been a random series of events, oh no..see I have watched things unfold in my lowest moments, and trust I have hit bottom on a few occasions. Each time I watch God maneuver and work all the kinks out. Believe how you chose, but I know what I lived.

Life without belief and faith is a random occurrence of events that have so many variables that there is no cohesive qualities. But a life of faith one rooted in God is a life of destiny and each occurrence brings you one step closer to the true reason you were placed here on this planet. One step closer to Kismet.

I plan to do more writing in this next year, I am still working on a Novel, but until some finalities in my life play out I have put it on the back burner.

I also Plan to continue to advocate and educate for the awareness of mental illness and taking the stigma away, to show others that we are human and we hurt and feel and love just as they do, just sometime more intensely more passionately. I plan to be a voice in the wilderness of the void, a voice that has no true voice, just random people here and there willing to admit to or casually speak about their personal struggles. I want to change the concept and understanding of mental illness and especially bipolar disorder.

To those who stop by and read my blog, thank you. To those who follow my blog thanks for your support!

Till my next post, be blessed, stay safe, be well.

Much Love~

NJM~

~Forgivness~Christianity~Divorce!

Posted on October 31, 2014 by nicolemoncada

It is one thing to forgive, another to forget. Even more to forgive and forget and see actions of change needed yet never fulfilled. The important thing is not allowing it to happen again. Allowing the same actions to take place in ones life is complete stupidity and utter foolishness

Furthermore Beware of Charlatans and modern day glamour Christians who preach the gospel. Jesus’s didn’t need millions in his bank account and the finest of clothes, cars, and acquaintance. No, He dined with the homeless and was friends of those with less. In modern times a true Jesus would be in the ghetto not a multimillion dollar church. Beware even the bible speaks of those who shall rise and claim Christianity. False prophets who barely speak of tribulations and only of prosperity.

Divorce is as marriage two people unified or grown far apart. one goes this way the other that way, either way it took two.
1 and 1 make 2, there is no better half.

~Truth About Hacking Part 2~

Posted on August 28, 2014 by nicolemoncada

I was in thought this morning after prayer and it occurred to me that back in April of this year that my Ex-husband hacked my twitter account. He was looking through my direct messages between myself and Luke Cole a friend I had met via Quora as well as another friend. He did this twice. I had to post this because it shows you how vulnerable twitter accounts are, and how easy it is to get into another person account. Further more you don’t need to be Tech Savvy or a hacker of sorts to do so. His knowledge of such is minimal.

So remember that twitter is indeed a very vulnerable and easily available. This is true even for secured/locked accounts.

To further add insult to injury the very same person then created an account to follow the two males I was in communication with. After the most recent incident he then tweeted about the whole thing to these very people stating in the tweet that I had threatened to kill both him and my son as well as being baker acted(involuntary mental assessment).

It would also appear that my Quora account had been tampered with as well, hence the reason I am only posting here. Although I have not completely deactivated that account. I am considering doing so, but realize that much of my work on that blog is indeed helpful to those individuals that suffer mental illness.

This person tried to commit suicide back on May 17th of this year when I expressed my need to end this abusive relationship. I have since obtained the baker act of my ex-husband in regard to this situation as well as other incriminating health issues including but not limited to bulimia, anger issues, and severe alcohol dependency. I intend ti submit these to the courts.

I have court tomorrow and pray I find favor with this situation.

Thank you to those who are keeping me and my son and this situation in their prayers.

~Personal Quotes~Situations~NJM~

Posted on August 27, 2014 by nicolemoncada

~In life situations which are life lessons will continue to present it self over and over again until you master the lesson and then move on~Stay courageous~