~I Will Be the One~NJM~

I will be the one in the corner

Trying to not be seen

I will be the one speaking

Yet not being heard

I will be the one smiling

Yet hiding my true feelings.

I will be the one loving

Yet without understanding

I will be the one keeping my distance

Yet fearful of disconnection

I will be the one searching

Yet never to be found

I will be the one understanding

Yet never understood

I will be forever dreaming, forever hoping, praying

Yet judging it all

I will be the one fighting my cause

Yet struggling to maintain

I will be the one to determine

Yet what I will be~

NJM~

~Fat Tuesday~

Fat Tuesday is here

my Darlin Dear

Preemptive plight

Planned party

Late night

Mardi Gras is here

It’s that time of year

skies hued

yellow, purple, green aglow

The sounds clamoring

Fighting to outdo

each musical note

There we were dancing

Swaying to the beat of the

Floats the heat

Jazz music fills the streets

Down Canal street turning round to
cross over to Bourbon~

Take in each shot

Preemptively planned

Glass in hand

Other hand in yours

Flying high

beads round our neck making music

of their own

Debris in the streets

Faces smeared

Drunken flow

Dancing in flight

Cheap trinkets flying

Dashing, fighting, grinding

Preemptively planned party

Your eyes two lights flaming bright

watching your sexy arm

Light your Marlboro

Smiles and giggles

Two jokes only we are in on

Blowing your smoke out

Between your sexy lips

I get close and kiss your lips

Playfully biting the lower one

Endless fun

Pass that joint don’t bogard

It’s high time for all

It’s this night we aim to please

Preemptively planned plight

Gonna party all damn night

Then some more

On each street corner

Stands a whore

Sodom and Gomorrah

What a life Darlin what sight

Pulling you closer

Let this night never be over never be done~

The entire world is watching

All the court jesters

All the clowns

All the kings and queens on floats wearing their crown~

Hey that’s a decent poison

Crown Royal over rocks

Splash of water barkeep please

Don’t be stingy now pour long don’t tease~

Walking don’t dare run

And then it fades

Leaving, lingering

Till next year we preemptively plan again for this night~

Fat Tuesday Darlin Dear

I hear you whisper in my ear

As we float high above the rest

Preemptive plight party all night

Fat Tuesday

Madri Gras

We will do it again and again

Mardi Gras never ends~

Not for reproduction

~NJM

Timeless Love~Kismet’s Dance~

I linger in this place far too often,
Entertaining my deep desire.
To share this existence as one being,
Igniting passionate fire.
But years are stacked like a large pile of books waiting to be read, instead forgotten.
We transcend time only to face, the ever reminding calendar,
This overwhelming space…. This gap..
….Tallied up in years,
Unrequited love….
….Captivating fears…..
Age holds no rank in timeless love,
But for some there is regard.
Many won’t understand this love, Sowing strife to make it hard.
Hold fast the image I’ve etched into your mind.
Cross reference your every thought.
Search beyond all reason,
Delving deep within your heart.
The truth be double edged you see,
your need yet unfulfilled.
I linger in this place.
Closing my eyes I see your face,
I linger… As do you.
We linger awaiting yet a chance,
To close our eyes to this life,
To awake in the next life to dance.
My love to dance!
Waltz with me eternally,
Rhythmically Swaying to our song.
Cosmically meeting in each life,
Never to determine just how long.
Awakening in each life meeting by more than just a chance…..
Kismet …. in the next life yet again to dance…. Kismet’s dance.
My love to dance!
Dance my love …….To Dance.

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~Regret~

Ideological fanaticism The mirror holds the image so tight~

Unable to move out of ones sight~
Hourglass turns and sands starts to drain no longer can time contain~

Life sustain?
Reflections cracked and connection lost~

Guess no one decided to count the cost~
Detached and subdued, Drained, by the need~

All that they long for festers in greed~
How your heart full of art, Beautifully broken will bleed~

While I write these words, You read~in your mind It is I that plants the seeds~
Defining sounds consume all space~The shadows grow larger in this place~Yet disappearing without a trace ~
Grips that shackle the freedom once given~the strength of youth lost to time~Now live on your life walk the fine line~
We swallow their lies~Yet long for truth~
But all is lost, Especially our youth~
By the time you think you arrived~Your life event you barely survived~Often you wish that you just died~
All gone to another not each other~Surely push away forget together~
One day you look back and all that you see were words written …….Scribbles that rhyme but that’s ok fool yourself all is just fine~
Fine you say dear oh Darlin ~Lend me your ear~
When I speak these words, I invoke fear~
So run to your shadows~Hide away fast~
No matter what, I always last~
Rise as I watch you wither away, Longing to late now~How you wish I would stay~
Live now with your choice~Till your dying day~
Regret , remorse spinning the web~
Tears flow down your face onto your pillow then onto your bed~
When your alone you think of me~How we could have been, Let’s others see~
Yet you let me go again, You set me free~
Still you will come again and again~Just wait you’ll see~

  ~Walking Away~With My Weirdness intact~

I’m weird

I’m not of this world  🌎

The ether

I’m ethereal

I have lost

To much

The touch

The energy

The love

The essence

The Friends ……as I walked away

I lost it all

Had bills to pay

I lost my son, he is not the boy he was

And now it would seem I must accept I have lost a love I’ll never understand ……. boy to man~

So remember me and I’ll remember you….. yes I know I bit off more than I can chew

I lost the will to continue on

So I’m walking away it’s time to move on

You and I both know

You broke me

Still yet I am here

I’m gonna walk away now gotta learn somehow

You know I know you are with him

Hard headed always was

I’ll see you again in this I’m sure

Remember from this point my intentions pure

But I’m waving goodbye to you
I’m walking away now in this I know

I have to go

Walking away

Catch you on another day, time, place, or another life

These wounds cut like a knife

Looking back once more

Wish you would talk to me once Again, before I close the exit door

As…………………….. I’m

……….walking away~

~Rocks in my Mailbox~

And if I planned my exit, like long ago, would you leave rocks in my mailbox after midnight, While I take refuge in the safety of my room?

And would you weep? Would tears fall? Upon that grand exit.. Upon the great fall. Rocks in the mailbox after midnight is all….

I held your hand .. You extended it back. I wept at my stupidity you watched with curiosity. “What should I do?” That’s what I asked you.

Tapping your finger against your chin… “Hmmm”…was your response… “Lets see” and you looked down from my bed and stared blankly at me.

In the distance we heard the door close.. Our eyes they did meet, as we listened to heavy footsteps of the monster with whom I did sleep.

As accusation were spewed out the mouth of this man. And in my mind i can hear my heart cry….I don’t think I can take no more, I don’t think that I can. Not here, not with this man.

But he wouldn’t shut up, bulging eyes did he have… Looking like someone stark raving mad. But you kindly got up and followed him out…. Down those stairs to the floor down below, to fill your head with thoughts yet to know.

I stayed there in silence on the floor of my room. For he would not let me rest, no rest.. Antagonizing me.. Curses. Several hours later you left.
Sadly You left.

But come night…yes at midnight you see you gathered a rock maybe two maybe three. Must have been midnight. I could sense you. Yes I could feel you….

And I wonder as I sit here, sit here year after year.. If I found that exit I so often seek, I’ll leave no one here for my voice to speak. Will you find out? And when you do, will you weep ? Will my face haunt you in your sleep? And will rocks be left in the mailbox after midnight for the memory you will keep…even my door step….lay by my feet…or would you beg instead because my words ring in your head all those things you never ever said…..

……And would you weep? Would tears fall? Upon that grand exit.. Upon the great fall. Rocks in the mailbox after midnight is all….

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~Breath Suffocate Untimely Death~great read~

I write many poetic pieces some beautiful… But I’m truly a cynical poet

I hope you can read this and gain its truth and remember that death can happen in youth. Enjoy.

~Breath Suffocate Untimely Death~

Part 1.

Suffocating upon needs that are often forgotten losing importance~

Open that window let the outside in~

The world we’ve been born into our earned sin~

Sent to reside foolish rules often broken we hide despise ….hypocrites …are we? living within, believing without seeing thoughts clouded over with doubt~

Knowing mask shields unspoken thoughts of fear rejection, desire for perfection~

Casual communication God help please, oh please can you repeat that sentence again, go on say that again, and again. It’s repetitive resound stealing time never gaining it back, stolen suffocating spit it out quickly speech just runs on, is there ever an end into this needles repetition yet again and again~

Suffocating, choking refusing to see hide between tasks between lies wearing masks, craving the spotlight that place, face in lights flashing brightly above others, laughing fake, fifteen minutes of fame forgetting the game is debilitating yet feeling the importance the sickening strain~

Feeling like winning first place in a fifth grade science fair feeling proud having others stare at your perfect work your well thought masterpiece

Still searching for that aching relief~

Sit right there suffocating, breathe just breathe, breathe that breath suck it in trying secretly all the while unsure where to begin~

Pass time with confidence those we propagate later to only negate, even family often we hate yet smile into that camera dance that dance, talk that talk, walk that walk robbing yourself, suffocate go on hold that breath the way all this is going all these dreams unfulfilled goals diminished work so unfinished and breathing it in won’t bring back the breath in the end all that’s left that elusive breath searching for air often life is completely unfair~

Crave always craving cunning tongue spews forth truth that are truly lies, the soul bleeds and cries loudly inside, keep that smile, smile really big take that picture hold that moment elegant style, ah yes elegant style that picture so perfect that fake ass smile~

That image that picture of holding our breath suffocating, breathe, don’t breathe instead we leave pieces, scattered in space knowing all the while about that untimely place it suffocates negates~

Gasp try to breathe Instead hold that breath because in this life the one thing that is certain none will escape the beautiful yet pitiful untimely death. Death, we all die can’t you see this with your mortal eye? Is there such thing as a timely death? No. Either way breathe your last breath. So suffocate hold your breath that breath sucking in and hold tight but you can never win the fight~

Part 2

Suffocating in the shadow of hate together a dance eternal as two souls mate~

Still evermore mediate, complicate, hate is exactly that which often suffocates you, me all that we see death awaits in each corner, ending breath so breathe breath, suck it in but you will not win born to die blind eyes see the heaven clatters and hell shakes, no way to determine the in or out pray unto God your soul is tried true otherwise the devil waits upon you~

A fashion and mold so uniquely you so breathe go on and breathe all the while suffocating forgetting the origin of divinity of which we were born~

Sent straight from heaven down to this earth, the Creator God that gave breath allowed our birth, still suffocate feel that nothing left suffocated by the shackles of this existence the very creation that was executed flawlessly or so thought but was it in blood that we were bought?~

A pawn in a game of chess you see, the stadium of gods watch and wait to reach for their pawn to take, and before we go to the creator that made you, me, will you breathe your last breath or suffocate~

The question remains did you live your life in love or live life in vain? Very simply one can hate scratching cursing as they suffocate. Truly can you breathe?~

Wind enticing leaves blowing the flowers slightly bending but to feel that breeze, its unseen force blowing touching the skin and caressing our hair ah yes the wind so wild and free ever reminding of the unseen breath that nature does take yet not enough do we stop for a brake to enjoy the mysterious breeze created by the forces of nature still suffocate, clearly not seen that we’re not breathing we suffocate did you receive that moment as the wind whisked by, or did you gasp choke allowing breath a foreboding goodbye? Flooded ever breaking crashing suffocating slowly stealing each breath it was bought never ours to begin, it was borrowed from God and elements unknown yet meet the supreme being who sits on the throne so breathe as you suffocate letting go, your last breath as you finalize your inevitable untimely death~

Suffocating breath~

Not For Reproduction~

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~Beautiful Are We~CWL~

Beautiful are we

Exhilarating no words needed for communicating

It’s just in our eyes no limits are set

Moments desires never forget~

Beautiful are we

As we lay intertwined

Sweat shimmering over our skin

Repeating the motions

Again and again

We climax reaching the apex

Strengthening this union sealing this

Bond~

Beautiful are we

Love affair written in stars~

We vigorously crave each

Other night after night~

Beautiful are we

Searched for years

Pushing all limits past all the fear… All those tears….. Gone~

Beautiful are we

Our hearts exchanged

Brings about change our minds rearranged

Some would say we’re deranged

Illness of ghosts that lives in our head

Often both romancing suicide wanting to be dead~

Beautiful are we

Hearts beat as one

This love affair has just begun~

Beautiful are we

Vulnerable yet strong as we walk the world together

No longer alone~

Beautiful are we

Bound by this enchantment released from our hell

Not having to convince

For we have nothing to sell~

Beautiful are we

Showing all our flaws standing face to face

Yet still allowing space this acceptance this grace~

Beautiful are we

Walking hand and hand not breaking our ties

To tell our truth not to speak lies~

Beautiful are we

Fragile we are in moments of truth

Allowing our Filth and doubt

To be exposed not giving a damn what others think

From a different well is where we drink our personal fountain never ending Enduring and deep~

Beautiful are we

As we gaze into our eyes

Seeing eternity beyond the heavens, stars…..the sky’s~

Beautiful are we

Magnificent not being conformed

Loving our difference magnetic charm~

Beautiful are we

Wouldn’t you agree?

To behold two souls finally set free~

Beautiful are we

Both crazy as can be

Illness of our mind

Finally finding each other one of our kind~

Beautiful are we

Lunatics in many ways

Mere mortals secretly covet

To live just one of ours days~

Beautiful are we

Daring tempting fate

Praying to my God the heavens to never separate~

Beautiful are you my love for not stealing my beauty

Beautiful are we

So beautiful~

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~I’m Here~Reach Out~

Here I am

Beside your shoulder breathing you in
Unseen
I am shapeless in your existence~
Here I am
In your thoughts
Invading them you can’t reach out to me although I am right here, why?
Here I am
In your heart
Undying; living in each cell running in your blood pumping through your veins~
Here I am
What have you done? Clever are you, yet still I am here~
Here I am
You think you see me
But I’m a ghost only to you
Alive to others~
Here I am
Timeless, unshackled and wild~
Here I am
Next to you caressing your
Guilt, your wrongs, your deeds~
But you don’t feel me as you wish too
You tucked me away~
Here I am
Looking directly at you
Yet you cannot see me, blind are your eyes, those deep ocean filled eyes~
Here I am
I was there, as was you
But did either know? Was it ever truly true?
By the way is there a real you?~
Here I am dancing all around you
I am that wind, that chill that went right through you leaving you shaken and breathless, hands trembling~
Here I am
I seeped into your dream, it was beautiful~
You awoke
But I was gone~
NJM~
Not for Reproduction