~It’s the nuggets of wisdom that fall from my mind, it’s the words that escape you I somehow find~
Go to bed? Nah I was just going to dance naked under the moon light to gods of old to come and save my wretched soul.
My mouth of madness doth angel speak the mortal ties grow deathly weak.
The glare of moons glow sweeps over my skin
I’ll dance this dance like I’ll never dance again~
I will be the one in the corner
Trying to not be seen
I will be the one speaking
Yet not being heard
I will be the one smiling
Yet hiding my true feelings.
I will be the one loving
Yet without understanding
I will be the one keeping my distance
Yet fearful of disconnection
I will be the one searching
Yet never to be found
I will be the one understanding
Yet never understood
I will be forever dreaming, forever hoping, praying
Yet judging it all
I will be the one fighting my cause
Yet struggling to maintain
I will be the one to determine
Yet what I will be~
A feeling so singular
A despair that numbs
No one around you
No where for them to come
Much less would you run if they did
Who can you trust
In this life you have to have one
At least they say it’s a must
Don’t believe them
A home that is lost
Friends walk away
Seems in this life
Nothing will stay
Able to just think
Into the pits of ominous clouds
Thoughts of a past screams out loud
People who loved you
All I can feel
Is completely inept
A fear that grips
A suffering so real
That all you have left
Is no way to feel
~Taking the higher road often means walking in the valley~Stay Strong~
That’s what they think
Washed out color
Long halls painted grey
Not a door insight
Ideas out of focus
Lack luster, incredulous
emotions …….Clawing away the life fingers scraping their nails jagged and bloody, threads unravelling.. like the sound of a chalk board being scratched.
That’s what stigma, bias does isolates you.
Yet I exist Wrapped inside this cocoon~
Generic and uncategorized yet longing to be labeled and in a category ~ oh wait, I am… I fall under stigma mental illness under my skin, unseen yet relentless in my mind there are millions of my kind.
One size fits all as long as that size is extra large as to swallow my frame,as well as yours.
Swallowing my existence whole~
Let’s establish a platform for what I’m about to address. Politics is a good place. Below is a general description of what politics mean.
Activities associated with the governance of a country or other area, especially the debate or conflict among individuals or parties having or hoping to achieve power.
I work with others, I stand with others, I promote with others, I believe with others, I fight with others, I dream with other of a day where I no longer must address issue’s such as what I am about to do in this post. Notice all I do with others, notice that I’m part of the collective of “others” like myself.
I try very diligently to educate and facilitate the changes needed to break mental health stigma. You know…. let’s move outside a little more, let’s be inclusive and break all stigma right? Wrong.
Perhaps I’m a bit more skeptical these days. Perhaps it’s cause I’ve invested my time effort that has compelled me to write this.
A question if I may, to provoke a thought process. Can you tell who suffers mental illness by looking at them? In some cases you can, but in 85% you can not.
The 15% are those hospitalized. Or have apparent visual aspects of said mental illness publicly.
I’m gonna ask another question. Why do we suffer, and further why do we suffer alone? Why do we have to go into full explanation of a disability at all? Seen or not seen?
Because it’s the politics of this subject, the debate, the fact that most anyone who is seemingly normal outside yet will act upon psychopathic behavior, killing, raping….these people fall under mentally ill, obviously they are missing a piece of something, and in most cases it’s the mind.
It’s because crimes that are related in violence and killings also relates to mental illness. There, there is the elephant it’s out the closet.
So now what do we do? There is only one thing to do, fight for the right of individuality of each other and our illness. Educate inform. But DO NOT let others generalize you in the umbrella of fear, fear and ignorance.
Further I want expound that bipolar and Schizophrenia are feared most by the public than other illness.
Depression is something that connects us all at one point in our lives, in fact, it’s the only mental illness I know that can cancel out. Meaning, when tragedy strikes we withdraw and get depressed however it may leave and never manifest again until another event that invokes depression. I say cancels out, because EVERYONE has been depressed or BLUE.
Not everyone has bipolar…… I think. Sometimes I question that. We are all dual. Double edged. ANYONE can be pushed to limits they may have never imagined, and incur a break from reality.
So the next time you look at someone next to you and you feel all comfy and normal as do they because what they perceive around them visually seems well, remember nothing is truly ever as it seems.
And to expound further, it’s never the ones you would have guessed.
However if only fear and ignorance was replaced by understanding and a willingness to help end stigma end, the politics of the subject at hand would cease.
Further I have witnessed that the ones you fear, are usually the ones who help in the end, and the one you think helps is still feeling superior in their mind, that there normal. Ha.
Can you define normal? Is it the majority? Sorry you will never understand the entire magnitude of normal. It’s just not normal to politically do so, and that my dear reader is the politics of mental illness.