~My Son~

Posted on by

My Son life is gift and You are a gift to life~
My Son take care of yourself love yourself respect yourself and others will respect you~
My Son you will grow up and become a man never lose your inner child~
My Son you will win some and lose some don’t let the loss make you bitter but instead let it make you stronger~
My Son there is a God, we come from something bigger than us, give thanks and know God and angels watch over you~
My Son there will come a day that someone will let you down don’t lose your faith~
My Son there will be those who will lie about you, always do your best to tell the truth~
My Son you will fall in love one day remember love takes time to grow don’t jump in head first learn to understand each other to grow together~
My Son people say there is one great love in everyone’s life but remember that true love is immeasurable and to love alone is great~
My Son you will have many acquaintances and meet many people however you likely will have one true friend care for that friend and be there for them as I pray they will be there for you~
My Son you will meet many who are in need throughout your life do your best to be charitable learn to give~
My Son you will see many things in life that are unfair but do your best to not judge and know life eventually evens the score~
My Son you will come across others who are miserable and rude learn to be kind don’t take it personal be and example~
My Son don’t let other’s influence your thoughts learn to think for yourself~
My Son there will come a day where you will be afraid be brave and overcome~
My Son there will be those who will tell you are not good enough, know your value never sell yourself short~
My Son you will face the impossible in life don’t let it stop you , every dream can become a reality strive and press on and always do your best make your dreams come true I have faith in you~
My Son be different don’t conform stand out from the rest, stand tall, stand proud~
My Son there will be times in life to be humble, learn from this, understand this, grow from this~
My Son you can not save the world but you can make your area of the world a better place, care for mother earth the beautiful animals and those who have less than you, respect what you have been given take care of what is given you and greater things will come your way~
My Son not everyone is afforded the opportunity to understand and be educated learn to have patience learn to teach~
My Son you will grow older and people will die, we all die, still live life to the fullest~
My Son when I die and you need me after I’m gone know that a part of me is always there in your heart and in your mind that energy never dies it only changes form and I will see you again one day~
My Son you’re the greatest gift in my life I’m sorry for the times I’ve fallen short know I did the best I knew how that I love you always you are my heart, you are my reason, You are my Son~
Not for Reproduction~NJM~

~Poetic Thoughts~NJM~

Posted on by

Calendars  are reminders we live our lives through digits, ever reminding us of our immortality yet the memories still live on~

~Life’s Amazing Victories ~Great Read~Inspirational~

Posted on by

It’s hard when I don’t have the beauty around me, even more so to have such, yet unappreciated~

This soul is half wilted like flowers sent two weeks ago, in a vase of greenish moldy water… Against my soul I thrive and only make life harder~

There is a fight within that is slowly fading…. The light is dim, glib, hallow
This life is a bitter pill and often insipid and hard to swallow~

These expressions, these words, I write… outside, inside and deep within.. I’m trying to win, but seemingly losing this fight~

But a subtle grace around me waits … Like angels whisper deep embrace to remind that life is not a race… And often times these troubles face……..with weakness…. Will slowly build my strength…and not to fight a dirty fight, not go to any length to win~

But allow this circumstance to yield the beauty still yet but revealed..
Whispers loudly grow a voice, to always remember there is a choice~

Gallantly stand straight and tall, that in this life you’re gonna fall, but that’s not all… That fall……no you see, ahead there awaits a victory.

Posted using Tinydesk blog editor

Bipolar~The Maze~

Posted on by
Below is a question posed by a user via Quora.com The Question is “How to explain Bipolar Disorder to someone else?” I did paraphrase by the way, Hope my answer helps,

First What is your angle? Why do you feel the need?

Are you an advocate for the understanding and compassion for those who suffer mental illness?

 

 

I ask because you may not want to explain it at all.
What is the purpose? Everyone in one way or another has some form of mental health issue in my opinion.
You feel you need to be understood? We all want to be understood.
Here is how you can explain perhaps how you may feel……. I say this because I feel this way and it’s a great analogy.

Continue reading →

~Bipolar Thoughts & Stuff~Quotes by ~NJM~

Posted on by

~It all made sense when all sense was lost, I’ve been better ever since~
~Always watching without action makes things you find fascinating fade away~NJM~

Question Asked Via My Quora Blog About Bipolar Disorder~

Posted on by
Nicole MoncadaNicole Moncada, Bachelor’s in Psychology I am Bipolar… 
You are 13 yrs old. So so many times I see many young teens believe they are afflicted with the genetic predisposition of their fathers mothers, brothers, uncles… So forth.
Here is the thing. You’re at an age of change, great change. Your body, hormones, and formidable yrs are around you. Your moods are going to be like night and day. Your moving from adolescence to a teen into adulthood.

I wish more psychologist and medical professions would keep all this in mind when trying to give a definitive diagnosis.

See I’m bipolar 1. If I were to compare it to cancer I would have “terminal incurable worst of them all” cancer.

But was I always bipolar? Hmmm Somewhere there was a trait, both of my parents suffered mental illness. It ran in the family. But the bigger question is”do all family members become affected because the others did?” The answer is No.

Yes your cards have not been kindly dealt to you. However I lived a pretty exciting and successful life after some heavy drug use in my teens, not to mention getting married at age 14. Yes married, no children, not during that marriage.

Here is the deal. Give yourself time to grow up and feel this things out a bit. Granted I’m not a full on psychologist. I do hold a bachelor’s degree in psychology. I also suffer bipolar 1.

My life has been full of ups and downs. You know what? The most impoartnant thing is I land on my feet. I’ve lost it all a few times, gained it back and lost again.

I won’t give up. Never! I advocate for the education of mental health awareness, for the stigma to be broken, and acceptence and compassion to be imparted instead of ignorance most in the society we live in.

Albeit I am not in a position to diagnose. A psychiatrist who would asses you, and properly administer needed medications. Again a psychiatrist, not a psychologist.

A psychologist will work with those who are diagnosed… More of a therapist. A complete psychological exam can also be used and administered by a Dr of Psychologist. These take hours and cost between 400$ to 1200$ dollars here in Florida where I live.

A psychiatrist can make a determination in a 45 minute exam as opposed to a 4 to 6 hour psychological evaluation.

Here is the simple answer. Wait a bit. I went until age 40 before I was diagnosed. I was diagnosed with clinical depression at 29.

The illness changes forms. But once you get the stage I’m in,it’s perminant. Basically all mental illness is permanent. Just remember the degree by which you are affected by it varies from time to time.

In society today we are too quicke to give labels to everything. I think we have to many classifications of illness bipolar being one. It has bipolar 1,2,3 and now a 4 with what supposed to be cyclothymia!

I call bullshit on all of them except 1 and 2.

The others were created for professionals to not feel so bad or afflicted by simply being damn well bipolar! Again this is why I speak out and am not afraid of my illness. I use it to educate. In fact I see it as a blessing more than a curse.

You are going through to much at the age of 13 developmentally. If you really really just feel like you want to kill yourself, or simply just can’t get out of bed at all…. Then head to the doctors.

Otherwise my opinion is you’re just growing up at an age of great change, influence, ideas…. Becoming the adult you want to be and are meant to be. If I were you I’d wait and see…. You may be someone like I was living awhile without full blown symptoms. Having some pretty awesome success and fun times.

Or you could be bipolar. Only way to know, go see you’re doctor and have them refer you to a specialist who is either a psychiatrist or a PHd psychologist.

Only a psychiatrist can prescribe medications for the condition.

I’m gonna leave you with words my psychiatrist recently left me with at my last visit… He said “Nicole, I want you on the least amount of meds possible”… I’ve had 3 full blown manic episodes. Most psychiatrist would insist I take an antipsychotic drug with my mood stabilizer. However I do not. Why? Many reasons. 1 there are huge amounts of side affects in regard to all antipsychotic meds. I’ve gained 35 pounds that I can’t lose and I’ve tried.

I’ve delevoloped metabolic X due to serquel and other antipsychotics. My eyesight is not good either.

It took awhile to find the right doctor/psychiatrist but I did… He is the best!

I only take Lamictal it’s a mood stabilizer.

You’re just too young!
But I can only offer you my experience and advice.

Private message me if you need further answers.

Good luck, God bless, Stay well!
NJM~

 

~Living With Bipolar 1~NJM~ The Maze~

Posted on by

I am the lab rat. I am in a maze. There is no way to ever solve the maze as of yet.I can move from front to back, left to right, but the outcome is always gonna be the same redundant cycle.

I’ll never exit the maze. There are beautiful parts in the maze, scary parts, agitated parts, renovated parts, crazy parts, serine parts, but all those areas have no exit out.
Every person experiences the illness a bit different.

Treatment of the disorder is a must in order to live productively
It’s been bittersweet. I have been through many stages of the illness and 4 manic attack each triggered by extreme stress.
I also picked myself up and learned to live through my divorce and custody struggle.
I don’t trust many people but I do not isolate myself as I once did as I used to.
I have a part time job that deals with the public.
It’s like a roller coaster ride. Or surfing. You roll with the tides, and learn each time.
It’s pride I actually feel now, but must stay humble. I advocate for the stigma of bipolar to diminishes and begin to accept and love what has been mistunderstood for far to long. We have tackled openly everything except mental illness. Many people have some type of mental illness.
I’ll tell you this, through prayer and creativity, God, and my beautiful Son, I like me.

I’m ok with me.
Bottom line it’s not bad at this point of my life.
Thank God~

~The difference between Bipolar & Schizophrenia~

Posted on by

By symptoms alone is there any relation. One is a mood disorder = Bilolar Disorder.Schizophrenia is a psychotic disorder.

People who have bipolar tend to seem schizophrenic when manic.

Mania only mimics schizophrenia.

The two are still very different.

Schizophrenia does not come in cycles and it also has issues with constant voices sometimes hallucinations, and a skewed touch of what is reality.

Both illness can be treated and those with the illness can lead a good life with a strong support system and meds.

~It’s Been 1 Year~

Posted on by

What can I say, It’s been 1 year that I developed this blog. I developed it for several reasons. To educate and bring insight to mental illness and bipolar disorder which I suffer from. Let me rephrase that, that I have been blessed with, yes I said blessed with.

Sure there are times that I suffer, don’t we all suffer at times? Most times we actually bring the suffering upon ourselves….most of the time that is. There are circumstances that occur that we have no control over, and these circumstances can cause distress and pain.

Bipolar however can be used for the beauty and creativity that makes it the “Genius” disorder. Don’t get me wrong, all of us have a inner genius we can tap into, but truth be told some of the greatest people in our eternal history were afflicted with bipolar disorder, great prolific writers, artist, philosophers, inventors to name a few titles that bipolar disorder will forever be attached to.

Bipolar disorder invokes strong passionate feelings about so much. It’s why we have the super highs and the plummeting lows. But when you can find your niche and the right treatment for the illness you can do amazing things. Don’t get me wrong I have my “Silver Lining’s Playbook” moments….the Bradley Cooper Character parts, the ones that you know where you put something and will tear the house down looking for it all the while raging and possibly fits of crying….I also have the insight he had. If you have never seen the movie I highly recommend it. Two people Bradley Cooper plays “Pat” and Jennifer Lawrence plays “Tiffany” both of them suffer mental illness.

 

Their lives lead the into a cross road that intertwines and brings the two together. It brings two talented crazy ass, beautiful people together. Know what? They fall in love. I have been blessed with a very similar situation in my life. It intertwined with someone that I first saw two years ago at an AA meeting.

What I can say is this, the right person can be amazing and be the balance you may be missing. Am I saying go run out and find someone? Hell No! It’s a natural unexpected occurrence. You never know when are how, but when the timing is right they walk into your life and the puzzle begins to fit and come together.

Am I saying that another person is the answer? Again NO! your answer is to balance,and this can be many other things. But that’s the key. Balance and low to no stress levels. See I was in abusive relationship for several years. Events due to my illness and circumstances beyond my control propelled me forward, and low and behold her I am. Standing up, good people around me. Part time job, with a great boss. A wonderful partner. All I have to finish is this custody battle and the finality to the divorce which will be soon.

Look just like you I am feeling my way around this unexpected and mysterious life, illness….but one thing I will say is “Thank God” for my life has not been a random series of events, oh no..see I have watched things unfold in my lowest moments, and trust I have hit bottom on a few occasions. Each time I watch God maneuver and work all the kinks out. Believe how you chose, but I know what I lived.

 

Life without belief and faith is a random occurrence of events that have so many variables that there is no cohesive qualities. But a life of faith one rooted in God is a life of destiny and each occurrence brings you one step closer to the true reason you were placed here on this planet. One step closer to Kismet.

I plan to do more writing in this next year, I am still working on a Novel, but until some finalities in my life play out I have put it on the back burner.

I also Plan to continue to advocate and educate for the awareness of mental illness and taking the stigma away, to show others that we are human and we hurt and feel and love just  as they do, just sometime more intensely more passionately. I plan to be a voice in the wilderness of the void, a voice that has no true voice, just random  people here and there willing to admit to or casually speak about their personal struggles. I want to change the concept and understanding of mental illness and especially bipolar disorder.

To those who stop by and read my blog, thank you. To those who follow my blog thanks for your support!

Till my next post, be blessed, stay safe, be well.

Much Love~

NJM~